The things remained quiet and unspoken between jisoo and Namjoon for next few days and non of them spoke that much to each other. Neither she tried to talk nor he attempted to talk. The reason of his silence was his mistake while the reason of her silence was something else. Something she might not have ever thought of but did expect in such marriage where love is farther. Not even respect was there between both of them or rather there wasn't respect for her from him. She never thought she'll see such day so soon. But the only thing was she can't even fight for it.
Three days ago. That is the day after she came home from his office. She were putting the clothes for laundry after. While putting the clothes she felt something different. Before putting Namjoon's shirt he wore last night she suspected something different. She slowly took the shirt to smell the perfume. He sniffed the smell and she knew it wasn't his. Having been staying with him in the same room she knew his perfume and it wasn't his. It was a woman's perfume.
She held the shirt up and see the shirt properly if it was actually Namjoon's or Taehyung's. Because it might be of Taehyung's. But what she saw was it was Namjoon's and she found a long hair stand hanging on it. She pulled the strand on it and saw its was comparatively shorter than her's but long enough to say it was a woman's hair. She gulped trying not to think what was repeatedly coming to her mind but then realised they're marriage is just an unspoken contract
She look at wall clock and sighed seeing it's already 5pm in the evening. But then she heard her phon ringing. She saw caller ID it was non other than Namjoon's assistant, the only person in his office who knew about marriage.
Jis: Hello
PA: mam, has sir goin to home? We can't find him anywhere what?
Jis: What do you mean by he can't be found.
PA: Sir went with Ms. Byun for lunch meeting but then he was about to return by afternoon but he isn't back yet and his phone is out of network coverage area now. He had a very important meeting.
(For some reason her heart skipped a bit on hearing that but then as always she took a deep breath assuring yourself that you've nothing to do with that. She thought for a while still being on the line)
Jis: Umm...no he hasn't come home. And i-
PA: Mam can you please go and find him in at a address I'll give you. Because I've to manage the clients who come for the meeting and we can't let anyone in office know that sir isn't at home. Everyone's is gonna freak out because this meeting is very important. We need to keep it quiet.
Jis: Me?
PA: There's nobody i can trust right now. I'm sending you the address right now.
Jis: B-(before she could speak he hung the call and just then a notification popped up)
Taking a deep breath, she got out of the cab and paid the fair. Once the cab left she looked at house infront of her. She had no idea whose house it was but she knew that she can trust Hanbin. She went and clicked on the bell waiting for someone to open. Just then you heard the click sound and the door opened and her eyes slightly widened on seeing who opened it. It was non other than Namjoon. He froze seeing her standing there more like he was dumbstruck.
Nam:jis-
?- Who is it joonie?
(She heard a feminine voice behind him and she just slightly bend to her right and saw a girl around Namjoon's age walking towards the door. She looked like model)
Nam: what are you doing here?
(He asked her in whisper before the girl reaches but you were too lost thinking Namjoon was out of this so called marriage and looking at the girl coming)
?: "who is she joonie"?
She asked putting hand on Namjoon's shoulder because she was almost his height unlike our jisoo who reached his shoulders. Her perfect curves and full finished makeup on her face)
Nam:Oh, she she's my employee.what do you want jisoo?
Jis: Y-you had a meeting, the clints are waiting s-sir.
Nam: Oh crap..i totally forgot!! Nina, i think i have to go now.
Nina: Oh that's completely fine joonie. It's not like you won't come tomorrow (she looked at her when she said it's not like you won't come tomorrow" that means he come there often)
By the time they finish their see offs jisoo turned and left from the door steps trying to walk away as far as she can before Namjoon sees. On the other hand Namjoon see off nina and turnd and saw jisoo already left from the door steps. Be ran outside and saw you walking away on empty streets. He got into his car and drove in her direction just a few feet and stopped his car beside her. Running out of his car, he went to her walking with hurried steps.
Nam:Jisoo get into the car, I'll drop you off at home and g-(he spoke blocking her way)
She tried to pass by but he didn't let her.
Jis: It's ok, i will take a cab. Just go to your meeting.
Nam: It's late evening jisoo don't be crazy i dro-
Jis: i said I'll take a cab.. just go Mr.kim (The more her tried to pass by him he blocked the way)
Nam: i can delay it..just get in the car.
He said pulling her hand but she immediately yanked away his hand startling him by her sudden action
Jis: YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING MR.KIM!! PEOPLE MIGHT SUSPECT!!AND also we are in this same locality. Nina might not like it if she sees. JUST LEAVE!!
( Namjoon was taken aback by her snap at him)
Namjoon frowned on hearing that. While he was analysing her words she passed by him and ran away from that locality as far as she can before Namjoon stop her once gain. On the other hand Namjoon's eyes slightly widened when the reality hit him that, he once said the same. "People might suspect"," i don't want people to know I'm married to someone without a class " he immediately turned and saw she were already far getting into a cab and the can drove off. As much as he didn't want to think his words hurt her dignity but that's the only thing in the end.
And now he realised the reason of her glossy eyes everytime. No tears but the glossy eyes he saw. He hurt her dignity. Not once but multiple times. But agin then he frozen when her rest words come into his consideration. "Nina might not like it" his lips slightly parted when the realisation hit him that what she were thinking it is. Unconsciously for the first time his heart started to race. His hands started to shake thinking about what's going on in her mind. He immediately pulled his phone and called on a number waiting restless for him to pick it up
Nam: HELLO! postpone the meeting!! I've something more important to do!!
Jis: stop here....
(she spoke to the cab driver with she left over energy. She paid him and walked out from the cab. She turned and saw the old park she used to come with her mother when she were small. She still uses to come everytime she felt tried defeted. She nevercried infront of anyone but the person who knew your tears aren't your weakness and that's your mother. You pushed the old rusty gate and walked into the park with a hope of spending some time with her mother and releasing all her worries and stress and tears infront of her)
Namjoon run into the huge living room of their bungalow which was empty. He rushed upstairs to their shared bedroom but found it empty. An unknown fear took over his heart when he searched for you in the whole huge bungalow but couldn't find her. The moment he was about to rush out of the house he saw Taehyung entering holding his helmet.
Nam: Taehyung where is your noona?
Tae: I just come home i don't know?! Isn't she at home?
Nam: No
Tae: have you tried to call her?(Namjoon didn't know what to answer coz she didn't pick up his calls while he tried calling her multiple times)
Nam: my battery is dead.
Tae: Oh! Lemme try. (He pulled his phone and call her and this time she picked)
Tae: Noona where are you??
......
Tae: oh okay... hyung is so worried about you please come fast.
(Namjoon's heart suddenly got messed up when Taehyung suddenly said her about him that he was worrie about her. He felt it weird but then let it be. All he wanted was where were she and how were she and were she fine. As soon as Taehyung hung the call he spoke)
Nam: where is she? Is she fine? Wwh
Tae: Relax hyung relax....chill she's fine. She just went to some park. She on her way.
(Namjoon let a sigh of relief and just then the foot steps entering into the living room made both of them to turn and look at the door and her walking into the living room)
seeing her slightly puffy and red eyes Taehyung frowned and then looked at namjoon who was dying of worry a few moments ago but is awkwardly silent now seeing her.
Taehyung being a 20 yes old grown up guy sensed something is serious and messed between her and Namjoon and he didn't want the atmosphere to be awkward if they both might want to talk he thought of something and then found an approtunity to leave both of them alone.
Tae: Of finally you're here noona. I just come to infrom you that. I'll be going to jimin's house now. We have an assignment to do together but i just wanted to inform you in person. He must be waiting for me. I'll return early tomorrow. Bye good night to both of you.
He immediately ran outside after you just gave him two nods. Once he was out. The entire atmosphere fell into an awful silent.
Namjoon was frozen in his spot not able to take even a step forward but now she. She simply walked past him into the kitchen trying to act normal.
Jis: You came early what do you want for dinner?
Nam: Jisoo
Jis: yes what do you want for dinner?
Nam: What is wrong?
Jis: Huh? Wrong? Nothing is wrong. Just tell what do you want for dinner? I'll make it-
(He scrunched his eyebrows seeing her acting so weird yet casual. He decided to bring up the topic in someway. He wanted to know what was going on in her mind)
Nam: I think we need to talk.
Jis: Sure.
(She respond and continued doing her work)
Nam: What is wrong with you?? I said we need to talk jisoo!!
( she flinched when he suddenly raised his voice)
Jis: what is wrong with you?? Why are you behaving like this? I said "sure" then yo-
(but before she can continue,he held her wrist tightly and pulled her out to upstairs)
Jis: Namjoon what is wrong with you?? Ouch-( she winched in pain because of his grip)
Jis: Namjoon!! Namjoon leave my hand...ahh! You're hurting me Namjoon!!!
Jis:Namjoon i said my hand is hurting!! You're hurting me!!!
Nam: And your silence is hurting ME!! IF I SAID WE NEED TO TALK THAT MEAN'S WE NEED TO TALK!! LET'S MAKE IT CLEAR!
Yanking her inside the room he shut the door with a loud bang and she suddenly flinched. She were looking at him in disbelief how he was acting so violent and loud. He looked so mad then turning towards her he took a deep breath claming himself before speaking.
Nam: I'm sorry for hurting you. Your han-(he was about to hold her wrist but she backed off from him looking at him in confusion because of his weird behaviors. Namjoon looked at her with a blank expression when she didn't let him touch her.)
Nam: Jisoo i...... what happened to you? Why are you acting so weird lately? (He waited for her answer but she kept quiet)
Nam: will you speak sometime? What is going on in your mind jisoo? I'm confused.
(he walked towards her and she stepped back trying to move away from him)
Nam: why are you moving away from me? Jis tell me what wrong?
(She didn't know what should she answer.)
The back of her knees hit the bed edges that made her sit on the bed with a thump. Crouching down infront of her Namjoon looked at her with curiosity in his eyes. Seeing her all quite just looking at him with kind of innocent eyes his heart was racing with the speed of light. He desperately wanted to know what was going on in her mind. What were she thinking what was the reason behind her suddenly change in her behaviour.
Nam: Tell me jisoo... i w-want to know. P-please you seem so changed.
Nam: Look jisoo..i know... i know there's nothing like a husband and wife between us.... but at the end of the day you're my concern. You're my responsibility. If there's something bothering you you can tell me. Has anyone told you anything? Did someone hurt you in any way?
(He asked with concern yet an awkward fear in his eyes but she chose silence as the answer. What were she supposed to even say to him)
He sighed seeing her silence. He never liked dealing with something with so much patience when the opponent is putting zero effects of understanding. Yet he held his outburst within himself just for her. He took a deep breath and formed one more sentence in his mind.
Nam: Jis, if you didn't tell me, how ll i know? Did i hurt you in anyway? Cmon speak up something Jis. Just tell what's in your mind!
(Looking him so desperate she finally took the risk to say what's going on in her mind)
Jis: T-three days ago when i was doing laundry.... i smelt woman's perfume in your shirt and found a strand of lady's hair on your shirt
( for some reason she weren't able to express all these fearlessly cuz she don't even know if she have any rights to do so)
Jis: I-i saw nina texted you asking you to go her house. S-so i...t- today i didn't mean to go to her house... hanbin requested me to go and f-find you s-so
Jis: I'm sorry. For me our relationship almost was on verge of reveala-
(Namjoon's eyes flashed with guilt seeing her apologizing for almost revealing ther marriage with him but something got caught up in his mind. His lips slightly parted to ask her but he was in dilemma. But on the other hand he wanted to know why she said nina won't like it if she sees her with him". His heart filled with fear of being misunderstood by her for first time)
Nam: Y-you didn't think i am out of this marriage did you?
(He asked with curiosity and nervousness clearly visible in his eyes but she remained quiet. How were she supposed to say it to him that, that is exactly what she think.)
Nam: Do you think i-i am out of this marriage? You didn't think so right??
(Fear of being misunderstood by her was clearly visible in his eyes which was slowly turning glossy unknowingly. But next what she said stopped his heart for second)
She scoffed with a sad smile looking at him.
Jis: Were you ever into this marriage? I'm not saying you to leave nina... i don't even have any rights to say that.... its just.... i don't know
(she weren't getting exact words to express)
Namjoon was dumbstruck and frozen in his place on hearing that. He felt like something was getting crushed inside his heart. He was feeling that nervousness for the first time. Her question on this pan and paper marriage left him speechless and out of words.
On the other hand she were still trying to from right words to speak about her decisions.
Jis: L-leave me Namjoon divorce me. I-i know there's nothing in this m-marriage but it h-hurts. I can tolerate anything. All your i-ignorance all your anger all your outbursts and everything but being the oth..other women hurts. Leave me Namjoon.
(you quivering lips hit him how bad he has been hurting her. Her innocent puppy eyes pleading him to free her slapped him for ever thinking that she were like every second girl he met)
Jis: I-i don't even match with your s-standard...while Ni-nina...s-she's just perfect you deserve someone you can be happy with Namjoon. Not with someone for the sake of your family. I permission I'll still treat your family like mine. I'll do everything in e-exchange of what you're doing for my family but being the other w-woman-
( it was visibly hard for her to finish her sentence when completely brokedown making Namjoon immediately pull her to his embrace for the first time.)
Nam: Hey hey!! Relax...jis that's not what you think. Calm down first. Jis relax!
(You kept crying like a little kid who broke her new doll and the sudden change in her behavior and body language confused Namjoon. She never acted so week or been so vulnerable and emotional regarding anything. She were the kind of girl to fight back for her rights and dignity but here she were behaving all weak and fragile. Her hands weren't even moving to hold Namjoon. She just clutched his collar and kept crying.)
Jis:L-leave me...free me. I don't want to ruin anyone's relationship. Im not a-
Nam: you.are.not!!
Jis: People will call me a home wrecker... i don't want to be the other wom-
(she started crying hysterically for the first time burying her face in his chest being scared for some reason)
Nam: you're not babe!! You're my only woman!! There's no one except you babe. Nina is just my friend. She has filled a case against her husband for extra marital affair. I'm just helping her. There's nothing like what you think okay?!!
She were taken aback by his statement but he still kept hugging her close to his chest while she kept sobbing for some reason he didn't know.
She weren't able to suddenly clam yourself thinking about her past which still hunts her every single day. Her sobs grew louder and louder while her body was still trembling horribly which worried Namjoon.
Nam: Oh gosh!! Why didn't you ask me before assuming so many things?? Babe I'm not gonna leave you. Not for A.N.Y reason. What made you even think all these.
Suddenly she felt like getting some flash backs which made her cling into Namjoon more.
Namjoon heard she mumbling something between her sobs, which confused him. Leaning down slowly he tried to listen what were she mumbling.
Jis: Please dad...don't go...don't leave...dad you're my superman..no..da...
Nam: jis? Babe?
(He tried to call her rubbing her back but didn't get any actual reply)
Jis: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME DAD!DAD!!NO...NOO
(she suddenly started to freak out which startled Namjoon. He was confused at her words and sudden change in her state.)
Nam: Babe!! Babe what happened??
(he shook her trying bring her back to her sense)
Jis: Please don't leave me dad!! Dad i need you dad!! Please don't go!! Dad!dad
(As she shoved her hands in the air trying to get away from Namjoon. He tried to control her pulling her toward him and made her sit on his lap huge her more tightly by her waist and then suddenly she lost all her energy as well as consciousness and slowly her body fell in his arms all weak and fragile an he engulfed her weak body still in shock. He was completely confused what just happened and why did she behave like that.)
Nam: Jisoo??jisoo!
(He patted her cheeks attempting to bring her back to senses.)
Nam: Jisoo open your eyes!! Babe can you hear me? Jiso! Babe!! Ohh god! Jisooo?!
He panicked seeing her falling unconscious and then not responding at all. He didn't know what should he do. There was no one at home at all. He made her unconscious body lay on the bed and covered the blanket. Scratching his forehead thinking of a way he immediately called hanbin.
Nam: Hello hanbin call a lady doctor. It's urgent right now!! Call immediately
hanging up the call he picked up the glass of water on the nightstand and sprinkle some drops of water on her face and patted her check but all his tries went waste.
Nam: Jisooo...what happened??
(He became restless and sat beside her rubbing her plam trying to heat her body a little.)
Later he heard the knock on the bedroom door and knew it must be hanbin cuz only he is the outsider with a card key to enter into the house. He immediately went to open the door. The doctor followed hanbin and come into the room.
Doc: What happened to her?
Nam: I don't know she was crying and suddenly she started to mumbled some words and tried to push me away and then fainted. I've no idea what why all this happened.
The doctor nodded try to check her pulse and everything.
Doc: What was she mumbling?
Nam: Something like,"dont leave me dad,please don't go".
Doc:Oh so her dad isn't with her? I mean her dad is no more?
Nam:Yes! Her parents died in accident long ago.
Doc:Well she fainted b'cos of extreme anxiety and stress. And about the things you said all i can say is I'm 85% doubting it's because of PTSD, the only way this can be confirmed is only if she opens up to you or anyone with whom she is comfortable. She definitely got an anxiety attack due to some past members which she isn't able to cope with some sad traumatizing or extremely stressful memories. It's good she lost her consciousness due to stress or else it would have been difficult to take a hold on her. Not most probably but she could have hurt herself too.
Namjoon's eyes went wide on hearing the doctor's words. He was beyond shocked by all those revelation. He never thought it could be something so serious and messed up. From a mere misunderstanding and misconception of him being out of marriage to her getting an anxiety because of her PTSD. He never even in his dreams thought something so serious and such a mess in gonna happen because of his minor actions.
Doc: I gave her medicine to sleep cuz that is what she need the most right now. There aren't many chances of getting an anxiety or nightmare but still please be by her side. She needs some comfort the most at the moment you can call me if something serious happens. I should take my leave now here's my card you can contact me.
Namjoon nodded as the doctor handed him the card and left the room followed by hanbin he simply closed bedroom door and walked back to the bed to her to look after her.
Sitting beside her stared at her face as the guilt if being behind this condition of her. He had no clue which action of his made she recall the so called traumatic past the doctor told abut. What triggered her childhood trauma? What kind of trauma? His mind was now flooding with questions but all he could do at the moment is wait for her to wake up.