I love my sister. I love her so much it hurts my soul. It hurts my heart. When you have this unconditional love for someone, you'd think you would do anything for them. You'd think you would sacrifice yourself for them. Which is what I did, or was going to do.
When Keira told me she wanted me to cut things off with Leah, I understood. I was pissed, but I understood. I understood that it put her in a place no person would want to be in. I understood that she never wanted to have to choose between Leah or me. I think, deep down, I knew she would react this way, because, to be fair, I probably would have too. So, as I left my childhood home in a fury, I drove back to London to do what Keira said. I was going to cut it all off with Leah.
It was a long drive to London, and it was also dark. At one point, I felt my eyes begin to close, so I pulled over. As I sat in the car, with the engine off, I felt anger beating around my chest. Why does Keira get to decide if I am happy? Why does she get to decide who I love? It didn't seem right. It didn't seem fair. I was about to break something that had finally made me happy. That had finally filled me with joy, and love. As tears rolled down my face, I knew what I had to do. I had to let it out. I screamed as loud as I could.
"WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?! WHY?! I HATE THIS, SO MUCH! WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING JUST WORK OUT!?" I screamed, as loud as I could, tears spillings from my eyes.
Once I had calmed down, and had my main character moment, I knew I couldn't do what Keira wanted. I knew I didn't want to ruin the one thing that made me happy. I was going to lie, to Keira. I wasn't going to break things off with Leah.
I got to London at around midnight, and as I walked into my apartment, Leah was in bed, asleep. I got into the bed, next to her, trying not to wake her.
"Why are you home so early?" Leah mumbled, her eyes closed.
"Long story," I replied, wrapping my arm around her.
"Short enough to quickly tell now?" She asked.
"No, it's okay though. I'll tell you later." As she drifted back to sleep, so did I.
When we woke up the next day, I only explained to her that I came back because I missed her, my team and London, and I had already been there too long. She was suspicious but didn't question it. As she went off to training, I rescheduled some of my doctor appointments so I could get some done that day.
When I went to my appointments, they told me news I didn't want to hear. The specialists said I would be out for longer. For a lot longer.
"Your heart isn't where it needs to be for high intensity exercising," the specialist said to me, "it'll be at least until March."
"March?!" I retorted.
"I'm sorry, Juliette, but we don't want to take any chances. If we do, there is a chance you could have a heart attack and cause serious damage. It's for the best." I knew he was right, but I didn't want him to be. All I wanted was to play football, and the one thing that brought me complete happiness was being taken away from me.
Keira and I were both silent with each other for the next few weeks. She didn't text me, and I didn't text her. It was mutual, but I hated it. I had never gone this long without contact with my sister. It felt wrong.
When the FA Cup semi finals rolled around, Chelsea were set to play City in Manchester. Although I couldn't play, I still went to support my girls. As I sat on the bus with Millie, Erin and Sam, they chatted away while I looked out the window, seemingly worried.
"You alright?" Millie asked me, slightly nudging my leg under the table.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"Liar!" Erin squeaked, "Tell us now!"
"You've been acting funny for a while," Sam said, "Don't think we don't notice." I laughed slightly.
"I'm out longer than expected," I said to them.
"How long?" Millie asked.
"Until March."
"March?!" Erin and Sam both said, in unison.
"Yeah, it sucks so much, I hate it. And, on top of that, I got into a massive fight with Keira."
"Ooo, what about?" Erin asked, curiously.
"Erin, don't be nosy!" Millie said.
"No, tell us!" Sam said, smiling.
"Well, I told her something and she didn't like it."
"Told her about your heart?"
"No, not about that. Just something else, and she was annoyed. We haven't spoken in weeks. And now, when I get off the bus, I will have to see her and I don't want to. I don't want to talk to her. I'm just so angry."
"It's fine, we can protect you," Sam said, hugging me. I laughed, grateful for the gesture.
"I just don't want to talk to her," I said, "and I've never felt like this before."
"Do you want me to talk to her?" Millie asked me.
"It's okay, I don't want to put you in that position."
"No, it's okay, I can do it if you want."
"Would you?"
"Yeah of course," Millie said, reaching over and grabbing my hand, "I'd do anything for you, Ettles."
"Thanks Mills."
"What would you want me to say?" She asked.
"Just say 'Ettie got bad news about her heart, and isn't doing well,' or something like that," I started to say, "Oh, and add in, 'she said something about breaking someone's heart.'" This was my lightbulb moment. If Millie said something about breaking someone's heart or calling something off with someone, Keira would assume that I broke it off with Leah. She would think that I did what she wanted me to. It would work. It was perfect.
"Have you broken someone's heart?" Sam asked, curiously.
"No," I lied, "but it adds a little spice, you know?" Millie, Erin and Sam all laughed, and as we got off the bus in Manchester, I saw Keira waiting for me. Sam grabbed my hand and we walked by. When I turned around, I saw Millie walk over to Keira. It was a short conversation, but when Millie walked away and came back to Erin, Sam and me, she relayed the conversation. It was brilliant. It worked.
We won the game, fairly convingly. I sat in the stands, watching the girls play. I was jealous. I was jealous they got to do the thing they loved while I couldn't.
After the match, Keira tried coming up to me. I knew that if I talked to her properly, I wouldn't be able to keep the secret. I knew that if she asked me directly, I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face.
"Ettie, please," Keira said to me, tapping my shoulder.
"No, Keira," I said, firmly, "no." I walked away, and met Millie, who grabbed my hand tightly and walked me inside. I had lost my twin, but we needed this. We had grown too comfortable. We needed to mature to find who we were together, as, if we didn't, things would fall even more out of place.