Over the next few months, a lot happened. I wasn't able to play as the doctors had me on a strict health plan. I also was stuck doing minimal football. I was allowed only to do a low impact exercise regime, meaning under no circumstances was I allowed to train. I was stuck walking, often by myself, the streets of London.
On one gloomy day in October, I was sitting on the couch, very exhausted. I had been overly fatigued for a while now, and as Leah tried her best to comfort me and be there for me, I could feel it was taking a toll on us. Additionally, we still hadn't confirmed any sort of relationship, to anyone, which was also affecting a lot.
"How are you feeling?" Leah asked me, sitting beside me, bringing tea with her.
"Tired," I replied to her.
"Do you need anything?" She asked. I shook my head.
"No, I'm okay."
"Come on Ett, I want to help," she pleaded.
"There's nothing you can do! I'm a potato!" She laughed at this, and so did I.
"Well, you're a cute potato."
"Why thank you," I answered back. She put her arm around me, and I nuzzled into her side, feeling the warmth of her body radiating into my own.
"I talked with Jordan today," she said to me.
"About?" I asked.
"Her and me." I paused for a second, my breath not giving out.
"And...?"
"And," Leah started to continue, "I told her that I need to move on, officially."
"What does that mean?"
"Means, I'm in it, with you, for the long haul." My breath let out. That's all I wanted to hear. Those are the words I wanted to be said from Leah since those days in U17s.
"Lee..." I started to say, before she interrupted me.
"Ett, it's you and it's always been you." Her London voice filled me with a sense of relief, and utter adoration. "I love you, Ettie." I smiled at this, and she grabbed my face, and placed her lips on my own.
"I'm going to be a handful, you know? With all this shit going on."
"Not going to lie to you babe, but you've been a handful since day one," she replied, sarcastically.
"You're such a shit," I joked back. We lay together, in each other's arms, finally free of the conversation we had been putting off since December.
"Does this mean we can tell Keira?" I asked her. I felt her sigh, slightly.
"We should, we really should, but I'm not sure how she is going to take it."
"Neither, but that is always the first step."
"Yeah, telling the fam."
"Telling the fam," I repeated back.
Over the next few weeks, I tried to work out a way to tell Keira, without it blowing up in my face. I didn't want to have to tell her that I had been keeping another secret from her for nearly a year, but there wasn't any way to truly get around it.
I ended up going up to visit my parents for a few weeks. I wasn't doing anything important in London and I knew I needed to see my family. When Keira found out about my heart, so too did my parents. Unlike Keira, they weren't annoyed that I had kept it a secret, but rather severely worried for me. When I went through all my health issues as a teenager, my parents wrapped me up in a lot of bubble wrap, and I think that that was probably one of the reasons why I didn't tell them this time. I didn't want it to be seen as another crack in an already fragile glass.
"Hey darling," Mum said, as I opened the door to my childhood home.
"Hey, Mum," I said back.
Keira came over for dinner that night, and we had our first family meal in what felt like years. We sat around the table, chatting and talking, and it felt as if I was a teenager again, living in the house with my twin and my parents.
I went into Keira and my room, and sat on the bed, thinking whether it was the right time to tell Keira. I fell back onto the bed, so my eyes were looking up at the ceiling. I saw the words that Keira and I had drawn on the roof when we were kids.
Walsh 24 x Walsh 7
It was our dream to play for City together. It was our dream to play for England together. It was our dream to always be together.
I heard the door open, and Keira came in.
"You alright?" she asked me, coming down and laying beside me.
"Look," I said, pointing up to the ceiling.
"Wow, I don't even remember how we even wrote it up there."
"Oh I do," I started to say, "We brought a chair in from the kitchen and you held it steady on the bed while I wrote it in black sharpie. Mum was pissed."
"That I do remember," Keira replied, laughing.
"How are you feeling?" She asked me.
"I'm okay. I'm getting there, at least."
"I wish I could be in London with you, helping you through it."
"That's not your job, remember," I said, trying to remind her that we were grownups.
"I know, but you're my twin. When you struggle, so do I."
"Kie, there is something I need to tell you," I said, knowing that if I didn't say it now, I was never going to find the words.
"What?" She asked, intrigued.
"I have something that I've been keeping private for a while now. It's not bad, well, at least I don't think it's bad, but I'm not sure how you'll react."
"Okay..." Keira answered.
"I've been seeing someone," I said.
"Oh my god, that's great Ettie. Do I know them?"
"Yeah, you do."
"Well..." she replied, trying to get the name out of me.
"It's Leah." I said it. I actually said it. I guess there is no going back now.
Note:
- currently staying up very late to watch the FA cup final. Really hoping for a Chelsea win but in the end they r both v good teams and I'm proud of every player
- hope you guys r liking the story, let me know if there is anything you really want to see xx