Sabrina tried to keep her mind focused on the simple tasks of getting ready to face the day, rearranging some of the things she'd unpacked upon her arrival as she forged what she hoped would become a daily routine. During her life on Earth, she'd found it helpful to be able to devote her mind to what lay in wait at the office while her body went about a mindless routine of showering, dressing, and eating breakfast.
She finished brushing her hair, then pulled it back from her face with a pair of silver combs she'd brought from Earth. They'd been a gift from Cynthia, she recalled, and wished desperately that her friend was here to console her. Maybe she could convince Ford to take her back to Earth for a visit. On the other hand, her mind boggled at trying to explain any of the truth, even to her closest friend.
You've got to concentrate, she told her reflection sternly. Go to breakfast and try to convince Ford you're not having a nervous breakdown.
She had to pull herself together. It was one thing to have nightmares; that was understandable. But the rest of the time she needed to function normally, keeping all the horror and anxiety walled off.
Sabrina took a deep breath. I can do this. I really can. It's just breakfast. One thing at a time.
With a smile that didn't quite make it past a grimace, she turned away from the mirror and headed for the door.
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Ford set a steaming plate of Praxatillian sausages in front of her as she sat down at the kitchen table. "I'm not feeling very creative this morning," he explained, sitting down with his own plate and pouring himself a glass of juice from the pitcher in the center of the table.
"That's fine. I'm not really all that hungry," she replied. But the smell of the sausages was catching her stomach's attention, and she began eating.
Ford was about to put his first forkful in his mouth when his comlink went off. He scowled. "Somebody must be serious about finding me. May I use your console?"
"Please feel free," Sabrina replied.
While he was gone, she finished off her sausages and found herself eyeing Ford's rapidly cooling ones. Her better nature prevailed, however, and she got up and found some pastries to top off the meal instead.
Ford returned, looking disgruntled, and pushed his plate away, ignoring his breakfast. "I'm afraid I've got to go down to Bathir today. Some pressing business they can't do without me, evidently."
Sabrina wistfully reflected that she might as well have eaten his sausages. "Well, you are the ruling prince, after all."
"Not by my choice," he grumbled. "I might be there some time. Once they get hold of me, they don't tend to let me leave again until I've waded through all the bureaucracy and done a few appearances for form's sake."
"Oh," Sabrina said, a distinct feeling of dread washing over her. "How...how long, do you think?" Please don't leave me alone here for days and days, she thought desperately.
"Maybe as much as a week. I don't know." He folded his arms and frowned at the wall.
Sabrina put down her pastry, having lost her appetite, and stared at her plate blankly. The thought of staying here by herself, without Ford to stave off her memories and anxieties, was overwhelming. "You'll...call me, if you get a chance?" she ventured, hating how pathetic, how needy she sounded.
Ford glanced at her in surprise, then frowned again. "I can't leave you here like this. I'll be worried about you."
"I'll be okay."
"I've never heard you say anything less convincing, Sabrina." Suddenly his expression brightened. "Come with me."
"To Bathir?"
"Yes, why not? Be my guest for a few days. My sisters can amuse you while I'm tied up in business, and you can amuse me when I'm not." He grinned. "It'll be good for everyone concerned."
"Well..." It was tempting. Bathir didn't hold nearly as many memories as Dansestari, and Ford would look after her, keep her occupied. Tirqwin could reach her at Bathir just as easily as here.
Attracted by the smell of sausages, Tristan chose that moment to leap onto the table, nearly tipping over Sabrina's glass of juice. "Tristan!" she yelped, reaching for him. The cat sprang out of reach, landing beside Ford's plate. He snatched a sausage and dived for the floor, a mere white blur as he vanished from the room. "Tristan! Bad cat!" Sabrina shouted angrily, getting up to go in pursuit.
Ford was laughing despite himself. "You won't catch him now," he pointed out.
"He's being a real brat. He usually has better manners," Sabrina sighed, dropping back into her chair. Then she glanced speculatively at Ford.
"Oh, no, Sabrina!" Ford protested. "You're not bringing that wild animal into my palace!"
"Ford, if I leave him here, he'll shred the place!"
"So? You were going to redecorate anyway."
"Please. I sleep so much better when he's there."
Ford heaved a sigh. "All right. It's true that I can't be spending the night in your room at Bathir. I'm too closely watched."
"Is that why you don't like going there?" Sabrina asked. She grinned and teased, "Can't sneak the pretty girls into your room?"
He shot her a look and deadpanned, "Oh, getting them in is easy enough; it's getting them out that usually gets me into trouble!"
Sabrina laughed in surprise, then glanced over her shoulder as she heard Tristan's collar tag jingle. The cat sat in the doorway, ostentatiously washing his whiskers. "You have some nerve!" she scolded him.
Ford said, "Please keep him shut up during the state dinner. I shudder to think—" He broke off and grinned. "On second thought—"
"No," Sabrina said. "I'm not going to make any waves at Bathir. I'm supposed to be quietly awaiting Mara's return, not going around causing diplomatic incidents. I'll have a tray in my room and keep Tristan company."
Ford's expression darkened. "You'll do no such thing! If you are going to be my guest, you'll have to act like it. I can't afford any rumors that I've done something to offend you, or that there's anything strange about your visit. If it appears I'm trying to keep you under wraps, you've no idea the stories the scandalmongers will concoct!"
"Even if I'm incognito?" Sabrina protested.
"Sabrina, it's not possible for you to be incognito! You're a planetary heroine, just returned after nearly a century's absence! If you are at Bathir, I need you to be at any official functions I'm forced to host."
"Ford, I haven't even been formally presented here at Palace Royal yet! If I go do the official rounds at Bathir it'll be a slight to everyone here, and to Mara! How could I possibly do that?"
Ford rubbed at his face in frustration. "I don't know," he admitted. "But if you're at Bathir and refuse to meet anyone there officially, you'll be slighting them."
Sabrina swallowed. "Then I guess I can't go to Bathir."
"Miah's breath," Ford swore angrily. "I'm not leaving you here. I can't reconcile it with my conscience."
"I could go down to Fibräaé, perhaps," Sabrina said.
"And do what? Brood over your father's grave?"
She winced. "Why not? I'm not up to public appearances, Ford. Better to go down to Fibräaé where it's quiet than to go be put on display to shore up your image at Bathir!"
Ford sprang out of his chair. "That is not why I invited you, and you know it!"
"No, but once the idea occurred to you, you fully intended to use it to your best advantage!"
"Shards, Sabrina!" Ford looked like he wanted to deny it but couldn't.
She smiled ruefully. "It's all right, Ford. You're a political figure. You can't help acting like it."
"I'd never use you like that, Sabrina. Not consciously, anyway," he amended.
"I know," she said softly.
He sighed again. "Would you go to Tythir if Lady Selémahs invited you?"
"Not if I knew you'd bullied her into it."
"It wouldn't require bullying, just suggesting. If not that, then what about some of your other friends? Lady Aliza, perhaps? I don't know if you'd be up to the Loär household."
"I do want to see Aliza, as well as Sehaèri and Miosh, but after so much time I'm not sure I want to intrude into their homes. We're basically strangers now," she explained. "Ford, don't worry about it. I'll be okay. I'll have Tristan, and I'm sure Marie will come see me often, and I'll have lunch with my friends and catch up."
Ford shook his head. "I wish I could think of some other solution. Sabrina, you have to promise me that you'll call me if you're upset or lonely, or if you change your mind. We could manage somehow at Bathir if it gets too bad for you here."
She smiled at his unfounded optimism and the concern behind it. "I promise I'll call you if I change my mind. But really, Ford, I lived by myself on Earth for nine years. I think I can manage a week here."
His gaze was dubious, and she knew he was thinking of Tassan and Scotty. She managed to keep up her smile and add, "And after Mara's back and I get through all the formal rigmarole here, I promise to come down to Bathir with you and blatantly admire you in front of as many people as possible."
That got a reluctant laugh out of him.
____________________
Ford left Dansestari shortly after breakfast, and after his departure Sabrina received a suspiciously steady stream of visitors. Lady Selémahs did indeed invite her to Tythir; Sabrina promised to consider it. She accepted Justek's invitation to lunch that day, and Therenden's for the following one. It wasn't until Rassir came by that Sabrina remembered there might be another reason for the visits than Ford trying to look after her.
The Prime Minister appeared uncomfortable, unused to interacting with her in anything but an official capacity. Sabrina wondered at first why he had come; it didn't seem likely that Ford would have approached him, or that he would have agreed to do the wayward prince a favor. He hesitated a moment, looking around her living room, before he began speaking.
"I thought I would look in on you to see how you are settling in. I know that, in addition to all the stresses this homecoming would always have held for you, you are anxious about your brother and grieving for Tassan Nikolar."
"Yes," Sabrina replied, looking down at her clasped hands.
"I wish I had known, Sabrina."
"It...didn't seem anything I could do anything about, officially."
"I know we did not always agree when you were Lady Regent. But I want you to know that I do consider your wellbeing of great importance, as Prime Minister, as a friend of the Queen's, and as a friend of your father's. And, I hope, of yours. I would like to think that you would feel comfortable coming to me if you needed help, or had a problem. I know Commander Mukryilla feels the same."
"Thank you, sir. That means a lot to me."
Rassir sighed. "Those of us who have grown old in the yoke of service forget how heavily it weighs on young shoulders." He shook his head. "When I met you, I had long been out of touch with our youth. All our young people went into service, mostly military. It was only when the palace began to be filled with children again, and then young adults, that I realized the magnitude of what we demanded of you all those years ago. I have regretted what we must have cost you ever since."
Sabrina shook her head. "Don't. I would do it again."
"We owe you a debt, Sabrina. Allow us to repay it, not add to it. There is no need for you to do anything you prefer not to, this time."
She couldn't help a little smile. "I'll remember that when somebody comes to me with something impossible they need done."
Rassir smiled back. "I hope you will. In the meantime, I will do my best with anything impossible you need done."
Sabrina glanced at him, puzzled. He shook his head gently. "Lady Selémahs tells me that you found it impossible, for political reasons, to accompany Prince Niavar to Bathir, although you wished to."
"I haven't been officially presented, or renewed my oath of fealty, or anything yet. I can't until Mara gets back," Sabrina said. "I don't see what anybody can do about that."
"I can speak to Her Majesty about arranging for something that would enable you to make official appearances in her absence. I thought perhaps an oath-swearing with Prince Baldaran as proxy for the crown. If the ceremony was a public one, it could also serve as your presentation. At least enough for it not to be remarkable for you to appear at Bathir."
Sabrina thought about it. It was tempting; she did want to go to Bathir, to have Ford's grin to lift her spirits a little when she got to brooding. But at last she sighed and shook her head. "Thank you, sir, but no. I... It's important to me to swear the oath to Mara, personally. I don't mean any slight to Baldaran, but—"
"I understand," Rassir said. "I thought you would feel that way. But I wanted to make the suggestion. It is always an option, if you change your mind."
"Thank you. It does make me feel better to know there's an option," Sabrina admitted.
Rassir got to his feet. "Good. And if you have any other concerns or problems, you are to bring them to me at once, understood?"
Sabrina smiled a little. "I certainly hope I don't have any problems that require taking your attention away from those pesky little planetary affairs!"
Rassir returned her smile. "Well, it is part of my job to preserve all planetary treasures in the best condition possible. That includes you."
"A planetary treasure!" Sabrina exclaimed, blushing a little. "Good heavens."
"It is true," Rassir told her, enjoying her reaction. "Help me do my job, Lady Sabrina, by letting me know if there is anything you need."
"Yes, sir," she replied.