My lips had been quivering the instant I gave Bucky permission to help clean me up, it wasn't him that was making uncomfortable or anything, it was the words I let in when the man had his hands over my mouth, the one I had punched, how could I not remember, what the hell is wrong with me that I wouldn't remember something so big that like.
How dare he put his hands on me, how dare he use me, how dare he... I was interrupted in my thoughts when I heard Bucky talking, my thought quickly subsided as he looked deep into my soul, almost like he was going to pierce it, 'Stop thinking Y/n... just concentrate on what I'm saying', he soothed as I began to look down, my lips quivering again, '...I...', I began to say, but he pulled me against him, and my head involuntarily was tucked into his shoulder, 'I know... I heard what he said, and I killed him for it', he implied and then my eyes shot up, I know how he promised Steve and the team he'd never kill anyone again, but he went back on that promise, for me, so before he said anything, I wrapped my legs around his waist and hug him closer to me, 'You didn't...', my voice broke and when I wanted to finish, he interrupts me, 'I wanted to', he says and squeezes me.
________
After I had showed, put some fresh PG's on and got back into the room, I found it empty and looked around.
Oh, she says, I thought he'd stay.
Me too, I said, because I wanted him to stay with me so I didn't have to be alone tonight and go over every scenario from the events that happened tonight.
When I buried myself in the covers, it was only a moment after that that I heard the door swing open and shut, then the covers being thrown off of me and I was met with Bucky.
'I thought you went to bed', I said and sat up again whilst he shakes his head, 'I told you', he starts and plugs the hair dryer to the wall, 'I'd never leave you again', he finishes and it's then the same thing happens again and something takes flight in my stomach again, 'I'll help you dry your hair', he says and I stare at him, 'Oh uhm, you don't need to do that Bucky', I said as he gentle put both his hands on my waist and steered me to turn, 'I'm not a bike', I tell him and listen to his chuckle.
'Well stop moving so I can clean you up properly', he said as I sat there, my legs crossed whilst I looked down at my hands and he began to comb my hair out, and it's then I noticed how gentle he was being, even with the knots when the comb ran over them.
'Your being too nice', I said, 'are you dying', I ask and it's then he gives my head a small tap with the brush and I look back at him with a frown, 'that's what happens when you say stupid things to me', he says and then laughs at me whilst I roll my eyes, 'If you don't want me to go back to hating you, I suggest you be nice to me', I said and he chuckles again and continues with my hair.
_________
When he combed through it one last time, and set the hairdryer down on the table, he sat beside me and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as I stare at him, even with that small gesture, I'm already swooning over him, and when I'm ready to punch myself in the gut for losing focus, he lifts my chin with his finger and uses it to put some plutonium jelly on it, which actually soothed away the burn I had on there moments ago.
'Much better', he states as I watch him and his eyes meet mine, this time they we're brighter and filled with a smile, that I found it hard to look away.
'I guess we know what some of your powers are', he says and I sigh to myself, good that he mentioned that, because now the moments ruined, 'I don't want it, the sooner it's out, the better', I implied and he watches me again whilst I move my eyes to my hands.
'I took a picture', he states and when I look up, I'm looking at his phone screen with a picture pulled out on it, but I didn't see anything on it, until he began to zoom in and I saw a huge dome, almost shield like, but it was invisible except for the bright white stars captivating it and gold streeks flowed through it, 'It's not something to be ashamed off', he states, 'because it's apart of you and it's beautiful', he adds and then I'm staring at him.
Did he call me beautiful, I ask.
He called us beautiful, don't take him away from me too, she says and I shake my head to her and Bucky, whilst he lifts my chin with his index finger and thumb, 'beautiful isn't it', he asked again as I nodded and he smiled, 'good, don't suppress something that you haven't even used yet', he suggested and when I nod, he stands up, and I watch him walk over to my refrigerator and pulled out a box from it.
'I got you something', he states and then when he comes over again and sits beside me, he lifts the lid and it's then I quickly budge closer and became thrilled, 'I get first, second, third and forth pick', I said whilst the room filled with his laugh and I picked out the doughnuts I wanted.
'Don't take all those ones, some are mine too', he states and I look at the doughnut then him, 'why, there's plenty more', I said.
'Yes, but those are pancake doughnut's, so some are mine', he replies and I stare at him again, I know how much he loves pancakes, but mixing it with doughnut's doesn't sound very nice at all.
'Really', I ask and he nods whilst I stare at the doughnuts between my fingers, 'let me taste and I'll let you know if it's good', I said, I doubt it would be but as soon as I put it in my mouth, it was the most delicious thing ever had and I savoured it.
'Is it good', he asks and I move my eyes back to him, then shake my head, 'I'd give it a two out of ten', I lie, 'I'll eat them all so they don't go to waist', I offer and it's then he looks at me.
'Guess what I realised about you', he says and I shrug my shoulders, 'what', I ask.
'I can always tell when you're lying and you just did', he replies and I pause and watch him chuckle, grab a pancake doughnut and eats it with a hum, 'see, Lier', he says and I giggle.
'Fine, they're delicious', I truthfully say, 'But I get most of them', I said and watch him eat another one, 'catch up before they're all gone', he says and before I could reach for one, he pulled his arm out and laughed when I snapped my eyes back to him, 'Stop that', I said and when I move to take the box again, he moves the position and I'm trying to catch the box from him.
'Bucky, I'll hurt in ways that haven't been invented yet', I warn him and when he chuckles, I realised that I'm on top off him and scramble off of him as I sigh, 'Fine, go away, don't talk to me', I said and sit on my bed whilst I ignore him.
'I'm sorry, I'll give you one', he says.
'Too late I'm already mad', I said and hear his laugh again, 'I'll give you all the pancake doughnuts as a truce', he offered and it's then I whip around to him and happily take it whilst he snickers again.
It's then we hear a knock and we look at each other, 'am I allowed to open it or are you going to put your hand on my mouth again', he teased and I laugh to myself and nudge my shoulders, 'depends on how annoying you are', I said and he chuckles this time whilst the door is already being opened and I look over to see Wanda first, followed by the team, 'you we're taking too long', she says and I laugh to myself and shake my head a little.
'Are you alright Y/n', Nat asks first and I nod, 'I'm okay', I confirm, because I was starting to feel better from the way Bucky took care of me and reassured me and that's all I needed.
'Good, because you look much better now', Wanda says and I nod a little because I do, 'do you want anything to eat', she asks and when I shake my head to decline the offer, she interrupts, '...you can't fill up on doughnut's', she states and I look at her.
'First yes I can, Second, they're pancake doughnuts, so it's very filling', I said and watch them laugh again, which was a good thing because I didn't need anyone to feel sorry or have pity for me.
_______
I was in bed reading when Bucky caught my attention and I watched him get comfortable on the chair, which to his effort, he wasn't doing a good job off because of how big he was and due to his muscles restricting his movements and positions, I could tell how uncomfortable he was getting.
'Bucky', I call out and watch his eyes move to me, 'you can take half the bed, I don't use it', I tell him and he watches me for a moment, 'It's fine', he says, 'I don't want to take a lot of space, so...', he begins but I'm already interrupting, 'you won't, just lie down here, you look uncomfortable there', I state and then I'm watching him slowly get out of the seat, walk over and sit on the bed.
When he's taken his shoes and socks off, he lays down on the other end of the bed whilst I go back to my book and continue to read it.
'What are you reading', Bucky asks and I look down at him and show him the cover, 'Still life with woodpecker', I said, 'It's good, but it's a weird book', I say.
'What's it about', he asks and when I move on the bed and lie back on my pillow, I begin to tell him about the book whilst he listens and asks his own questions which I answer and makes me happy that I'm talking about one of my hobbies, nobody's ever listened or taken an interest in what I've red and when Bucky listened without interrupting me, he felt all the more special.
'Seems like a good adventure', he says and I nod, 'it is', I said and when I go to look at him, I realise how close we are and I stared at him for a moment, until I leaned back into my pillow and created some space between us, I know I was the one who kissed him the first time, but that just felt right for what he said to me, now, I just need some time and I think he understood that.
'Let me know when you've finished it, I'd like to read it too', he breaks the silence and I nod on my pillow, 'I will', I state and then open the book from where I had left off and begin to read it.
*Bucky POV*
I was drifting to sleep when my eyes flew open to a small whimper I heard and when I looked down, I saw Y/n curled up in a ball, sleeping and whimpering like she was in pain, so I reached my arm out to her and traced my fingers down her cheek, 'shh', I soothe and watch her become calm and lean into my touch with another whimper, 'It's okay Doll', I said, 'I'm still here', I reassure her again and move closer to her so she could feel the heat of my body.
When she's calm, she's tucked into my side and I make no move to move away from her, as far as I know, she's comfortable like this and knows I'm watching over her, I won't let anything bad happen to her now or ever, I made her that promise and I intend to keep it.
________
'Morning', I heard Y/n and when I looked over, she was already dressed with a small smile to her face, '...that was the best night of sleep I've ever had', she tells me and sits on the bed whilst I chuckle to myself and watch her put her socks and shoes on.
'Really, when was the last time you had proper rest', I ask and she shrugs her shoulders, 'I don't know, but last night was a good eight hours worth, more then I've slept in a while', she states and I smile to myself, she's had better nights, she just doesn't know it.
'Wanda said breakfast was ready so I'm going down to eat', she says and looks at me, 'if you want to stay in bed for a couple of hours, you can', she suggests and I shake my head, 'No, I'm starving', I said and begin to get up.
'Well in that case, I brought you some fresh clothes from your closet, so you can wear it', she says as I look at her, 'they're in the bathroom', she adds and I smile at her.
That was nice of her, the voice in my head echoed and I nod to myself, it was, I said.
'Thank you', I tell her.
'Your welcome', she replies and I walk into the bathroom to find my clothes sitting on the cabinet, so I strip and begin to get ready myself.
When I returned to the room, I found Y/n placing her book on the cabinet next to her bed with her bed with new sheets and already made.
'I would've helped', I state and she turns to look at me, 'Oh, uhm, it's okay, I don't like anything out of place so, it's fine', she says and I smile and nod, 'Okay', I said, 'should we go down for breakfast or...', I begin to say when she shakes her head, 'let's go, I'm starving', she says and I chuckle to myself and follow her out.
'I was thinking', I said as I close her door, 'maybe I can get a room closer to yours', I add and watch her look at me with a smile, 'really, this one's free', she says, pointing to the door next to hers and I chuckle to the fact that she didn't protest to the idea, 'I'll help you move your stuff', she suggest and I laugh to her enthusiasm again.
*End of POV*
________
'Y/n, me and Wanda made French toast, sit down, and eat with us', Vision said as I looked down at the plate he handed to me whilst we take a seat, 'have you ever had French toast', Wanda asked and I shook my head and looked down at it.
'Try it, you'll love it', she states and when I take a bite, I smile a little, 'It's good', I tell her and she laughs, 'would you like anything else', Vision asked.
'Uhm, a plate of fruit please', I said and then I watch him open the refrigerator, pull out a bowl and put it on the counter infront of me, 'thank you', I said and he smiles this time.
I only had a quatre of what I had on my plate and ate most of the fruit bowl, which was a delicious blend of fruit and I liked it.
'Do you not want anymore of your toast', Bucky mumbles to me and I shake my head, 'No, I like it but it's just too much honey for me', I mutter back then watch him nod and switch our plates, 'I'll finish it for you', he says and I smile to myself and continue to eat my bowl of fruit.
It's then that I look up and see the team looking at us and I tap Bucky's knee with my own, which got his attention and he looked at the team, 'what, I'm starving', he tells them and then they look between us.
'I don't think that's Y/n', Pietro mutters to the rest of the team, but I heard it and become confused, 'yeah, because she would have started World War Three if Bucky touched her plate', Sam says and I'm beginning to understand the commentary.
'Maybe she got kidnapped by aliens and they replaced her with this copy', Thor says next and I only roll my eyes at them all, 'do you all want to die', I warn them.
'And she's back', Sam says whilst they chuckle, 'not really, she hasn't shouted at Bucky for taking her food', Pietro says and they stare at us again, 'He can have it, I don't care', I said and watch them become shocked.
'I think we woke up and stepped into a new reality', Nat says and me and Bucky sigh and shake our heads, 'if this was a new reality, all of you wouldn't be here right now', Bucky states and I nudge him with my knee again.
'Think it, don't say it', I mutter for only his ears and watch him smile, 'I think they're both on drugs', Sam says and we look at him, 'you're right, he is annoying', I said and Bucky laughs with the rest of the team.
'Okay, change of topic, since we don't have any missions lined up, what are we thinking of doing', Wanda asks everyone and gets an array of answers where Thor and Pietro are going to play their new game they brought, Nat, Steve and Sam are doing some training, Wanda and Vision watching movies, which left me and Bucky.
'What are your plans today Y/n', Nat asks me when she's taken a bite out of her toast, 'I'm going down to the academy, so I'll probably be gone the whole day', I said, 'or I might be coming back tomorrow afternoon, I don't know yet, depends on when I get everything finished up there', I add and then eat a chunk of pineapple, 'why, would you like to come', I offer and extend an invite whilst she shares a smile.
'Sure, why not, I've never been to the academy before', she says, 'it'll be fun', she adds and I give her a small nod, it probably will be for her, I thought.
'Count me in too', Wanda says and then one by one they're all changing their plans to join me.
________
'This is only one of the facility Shield has for young agents that join Shield', I tell the team, 'this so happens to be the site where everyone focuses on Operations', I explain when we walk through the entrance.
'How many facilities are there', Sam asks.
'There's a few that I can't remember at the top of my head, but the three main ones were Communications, Operations, and Science and technology', I reply, 'Sci-Tech for short', I add.
'And you were apart of Sci-Tech', Visions asks and I nod again, 'yeah, Sci-Tech was my first division after the academy, there's a lot of agents here with the best minds and they're the best and brightest, which is why Sci-Tech is the hardest to get into, you have to have at least one PHD to get in', I explain.
'And the other two', Pietro asks this time.
'Communication houses agents that focus more on data analysis, it's the biggest facility, but they don't do anything other then collecting data', I respond.
'That's boring', Wanda drawls and it earns her a smile from me, 'how do you think I felt when I had to be there, Communications is boring, and not much to do, which is why I studied hard and got out of that place in six months', I reply and they're all smiling at me this time.
'And operations', Bucky asks me this time and I look over at him, even though we're walking side by side, the gap between us was barely even there, 'operations had the most aggressive program. More people washed out of operations then the other academy's', I reply, 'the academy trained specialist and field agents', I add and then look over at something that has caught my attention.
'Come on, I'll show you guys something', I tell them and they're all following me to the wall of names, 'what is this', Thor asks.
'The wall of valour', I reply, 'every Shield facility has one, to commemorate hero's and agents that had lost there life in the line of duty to protect the world', I explain and then move my hand over the names, 'see', I said and then point something out, 'Natasha Romanoff', I point out and she steps forward, 'Pietro and Wanda Maximoff', I said next, 'Tony stark', I say, even though he's not with us, I still mention it, 'Sam Wilson', I said, 'Thor and Loki Odinson', I said when I already see Thors finger on their name, 'Vision, Steve Rogers and..', I trail off and stop my hand, when I find the name, 'Bucky Barnes', I said and his hand is on top of mine, brushing his fingers on top of his name.
'But we're not dead to be on this wall', Wanda says and I move my eyes away from our hands and look over at her, 'no, but you're all hero's and you've sacrificed enough to have your names put up here', I explain, and watch them all look at their names.
________
'It is way too quiet', I tell all the team and involuntarily move my hand to my gun that was strapped to my thigh, even though I hardly used the thing and my choice of weapon were daggers, I still carried one to be on the safe side.
'You are right', Wanda begins to say when I'm suddenly knocked to the ground by a heavy body that knocks the air out of my lungs for a brief moment, 'oh my god', the agents stumbles, 'I am so sorry agent Y/n', he says and gets off me when Bucky hauls him up with no effort and shoved him to the side whilst I catch my breath and Bucky's on top of me in a matter of seconds and helps me sit up, 'are you okay', he asks and I nod whilst talking nice slow breaths, 'I'm okay', I confirm and he moves a bottle of water to me, 'here, drink this', he tells me and before I could decline, he moves the bottle to my lips and tips it where the water is running into my mouth and I wrap my hand around his wrist and squeeze it to let him know I was done, 'thanks', I said when I'd swallowed it and watch his small smile.
________
'I am really sorry Agent Y/L/n', the agents tells me again and I look over at the man that barrelled into me, 'I didn't see you and', he begins to stumble and I sigh, 'it's fine, I'm fine', I tell him and it quiets him down, 'where is everyone', I ask the question that's on the tip of my tongue and he looks at me like he has something to hide and I narrow my eyes at him.
'What...', I begin to say but stop when there's a loud bang on the other end of the hallway and is followed by a dozen yelling which I follow, 'uhm Agent Y/L/n', the same agent calls out to me but I don't stop, 'I have to tell you something', he begins to say when I walk through the doors of the hall and see all the agents accounting for, only they're all cheering against the loud music playing and there's an huge spinning obstacle tower in the middle of the hall where agents are trying to get to the top.
I walked across with the team and before I could take another step, a female agents landed right at my feet on her back as she winced and held her arm, 'you bastard', she yells to someone and opens her eyes to meet my own.
'Agent Y/L/n', she stutters whilst her face turns white first and when she gets to her feet, the music stops and the obstacle course stops spinning, 'come on, we we're almost winning', someone yelled from the crowd, 'so this is what happens when I'm not here', I say calmly and watch them all turn their eyes to me.
A few of them wince, a selection of them try to hide away the beer they'd been drinking, 'Agent Y/L/n, we didn't know you were coming by', an agent said in a hurry that her words fell over each other, then goes back to hiding in the crowd when I look around.
'I'd like to say your all going to be reprimanded for this', I said, breaking the silence in the room, '...how dare you guys play obstacle tower and not invite me', I add and then they're all looking at me in shock this time, 'so, are we doing teams', I ask.
'Is this a trick', someone muttered in the crowd and I smile to myself, 'I would not be playing tricks about obstacle tower, it's the best game I've ever invented', I said and they're all looking at the tower and then me, 'how long did it take you guys to find it', I ask.
'Three months, didn't know if the files were telling the truth or not', a familiar voice says and Flint is stepping out of the crowd, 'thought it was a lie first, but it wasn't, and we've played ever since', he adds and then stops across me, 'you found it in the archive', I said and he nods, 'yep', he gives me a single word answer and looks at the tower then me and the team.
'You guys versus us', he says and folds his arms over, 'we'll go easy on you guys', he adds and I scoff and narrow my eyes at him, 'oh, that's a lot of talk with only three months on this thing, I bet you haven't even made it to the top', I said.
'Doesn't matter if we haven't or not, are you in or not', he asks.
'Oh we are', I said, 'what are the stakes', I ask this time.
'Let's say free pizza for a months and new games for the gaming room, and for you guys', he stops and thinks about what he could offer, but I didn't care what it was, I was definitely going to be playing, with deals or not.
Then the team is talking over each other about what they want which makes me looks at them and smile whilst Flint agrees to all of it and I take my jacket off.
'We're getting serious', Flint says and I look at him again, 'I play to win, not lose', I said and it's then the music starts and we're at the starting position.
________
I gasp and close my eyes when I hear a heavy thud and open them again to see Bucky on the ground and walk over to him, 'are you okay', I ask and he looks at me, 'no one said how brutal this was going to be', he groans and begins to sit up whilst I smile, 'very brutal', I said, 'come on old man, let's take a break, you could break something important', I said and he gives me a grumpy growl that makes me laugh and I look up when there's a loud cheer and I see an agent passed the threshold that me and the team got to until it gave way and Nat plummets onto the tar mat.
'Catch up Y/n, looks like we've bested you, it's only a matter of minutes before we beat you', Flint says and my smile falls and I stand to my feet, 'I was just going easy on you guys, now I'm done playing nice', I said and it aggravates me when he laughs and walks away.
'Come on, let's ice that for you and we finish this, I am not about to lose', I tell Bucky and watch him laugh then go back to the bleachers and until he's sat down I head over to the cooler, then take out a handful of ice and envelop them in a towel.
'Here', I said when I return to Bucky side and see him prod the bruise that had developed on his lower stomach, 'don't do that, it'll hurt more then', I said and lightly press the towel on his bruise, 'you can't be a baby and an old man, it doesn't make sense', I said when he hisses from the cold and he stares at me, 'I thought nurses are meant to be nice', he says and I laugh, 'there's a nurse in here that's being mean', I state, 'where', I ask and look around the room to amuse him, 'let me know if you see her again, I'll give her a talking too, it's very unethical to treat you like that', I said and then look at him again when he laughs and then down when I feel his hand rest on top of mine and I'm surprise by how comfortable he is.
'My turn', I heard and look at Nat when she takes a seat, 'I have bruises too', she says and I smile and stand up to tend to her too.
________
'Okay, jokes over, let's finish this', I said and Thor joins me at the line, 'you take left, I take right', he instructs and I nod and when the alarm blares around us, we're starting the climbing.
Thor was very good which is why he was a good advisory and great partner to work with, because I knew even even if I went down, he'd still be able to reach the top and get the winning ribbon for us.
'M'Lady', Thor calls down to me when the panel I was holding gave way and I fall until I've taken a grip of a pole and steady myself, 'keep going', I yell to him when I've seen he'd stopped and when he keeps going, I lock eyes on Flint in the small cube that faces us, 'after this let me know what it feels like to be a sore loser', he states and there's a low growl I give him until I see only his legs, so I pull the bar out that I was holding, making him lose his balance and fall onto the mat below, 'you tell me yourself', I shout when I've got a view of him and then climb.
It was tricky, it's been years I've been on this thing and yet I still can't remember the hidden compartments I put in this thing to make it more of a challenge to workout harder.
'Climb, Climb, climb', I chime when I see Thors already two feet away from winning this for us and when his hand lands on the upper deck and he's lifting himself up, it's then I remember, 'Thor, move left, now', I instruct and yell to him but it was already to late, the whole thing from the bottom gave in and he falls and there's a loud thud next and I pause and look down, 'keep going, I'm fine', he says and when I've been given that reassurance, I climb and manoeuvre myself through all the obstacles that I faced, each as complexed as the other and as I reach the top, I stand on my full length and see Flint pushing himself up, so without a moment thought, I pull out the ribbon and it's then the whole thing stops spinning and a rainbow of confetti is blasted from the cannons that fall around me and everyone else until they've settled onto the floor and I cheer.
'Yeah, we did it', I yell and all the team laugh and cheer along until my eyes fall onto Bucky who had been grinning the whole time.
'Good game', I heard and turn to Flint who had his hand out to me and I shake it, 'likewise', I said and our hands fall apart.
'You can still have your games, I may be tough but I'm not that tough', I said and he's beaming until my attention moves to the small box that was embossed with gold foil and the lid falls apart.
I'm then circling around Flint and walk to it to see a usb drive, 'what is that', Flint asks when I take it out and exam it, 'I have no idea', I respond.
'You know what's on it', he asks and I shake my head, 'not a clue', I said and turn it between my fingers.
________
'What's on it', I ask Friday when I place the drive on the table for her to scan, 'it seems that there's a recording on it', she replies after a moment, 'it'll take me a few minutes to process it and bypass the security', she tells me and I nod and take a seat.
'Hey, what you up to', I heard and look up at Sam who looked brand new from the shower he took earlier, 'I found a USB, thought I might see what's on it', I tell him when he takes a seat, 'it might be nothing', he said and I shrug my shoulders up, 'I'd still like to check', I say and smell a wave of strawberry shampoo and look over to see Wanda with Vision tracing in behind her, 'that was the best shower ever, could not have got that gunk off of me for ages', she says and I laugh to myself.
'Ninety five percent processed', Friday tells me when I see Nat, Bucky and Steve walk in, 'are we doing movie night in here now', Nat asks and I shake my head and before I could explain the whole USB drive, Thor and Pietro come waltzing in, 'did someone say movie night, count us in', Pietro says and I shake my head again.
'Not that, just found a USB at the academy and wanted to know what was on it', I explain to them and they each nod, until they've settled into there seats.
'Hello', I heard and look up at the screen in front of us where it's playing a recording of myself and I stare at it, when did I do this, the notion ran across across my mind.
'I don't know if you'll ever see this or if you'll go back to the academy to take on the Tower and win just so you can play this', I said in the video and lean into my seat.
'If you do, please know that I didn't mean for any of this to end like this', I said, 'I saw the game laid out and I needed to play to win', I say then move my eyes to the lens, 'I didn't want it to end like this, but I have to make my move to ensure you and everyone else will be safe, I won't live with myself if something happens to you guys and I'm sorry I have to do this on a recording that I'm forty five percent sure you'll find and play, and even then I doubt you'd want to watch this', I say and sit up in my own seat, I don't know who I'm talking too but they seemed important for me to leave this to them.
'Please don't be angry with me, I made a sacrifice to see the future possibilities, does it make me an idiot for choosing to give myself up, that's up to you to decide, does it make me selfish, not in any way shapes or forms, I'll do anything to protect what's mine, you and everyone else are on that list so please don't put me in the bad light for protecting who I choose to love'.
I loved someone, who, I question to myself and run all the possibilities.
'This is not a goodbye video, it never will be', I said and then look back at the camera, 'this is only a see you later, I don't know when and how, but I'll see you again, so please don't be mad for too long, I'll be back to you Brother and I'll do anything to get into your good graces again', I said and it's then I suck in a breath and process what I just heard, because until this point in my life I always thought I was alone.
'You are and always will be the light to the darkness', I said and focus on the screen whilst I see myself lean forward, and place my elbows on my knees, 'protect them, all of them, they're you're responsibility', I said and furrow my brows, who are, I ask myself, 'and most importantly protect our sister', I said and I'm speechless again, 'protect my daughter, she's my brightest light and my only hope', I say and now my mouth stands agape until I see my own head bow in the video, 'be good Jellybean', I said, 'remember I can always see you', I add and I'm staring back at the video with a small smile, 'I love you Jellybean, always and forever', I said, then turn from the camera with a sigh, 'I came into this existence through bloodshed', I state, 'I am bound by an oath sealed in blood', I say and I watch my eyes follow to the lens again, 'I enter alive, and I leave dead', I finish and I'm staring blankly until the video ends and when I get out of initial shock, I go back to the video, skipping past everything and finding any clues I could get when I slowed specific parts, but I knew I had nothing to go on.
'Scan and process the video Friday, I want answers', I said and there's a long silence, 'Friday', I call out to her again.
'I'm sorry there's nothing to process and I can't go on anything from a USB', she tells me and I sigh to myself, then run all possibilities in my head, 'call Clint Barton for me', I instruct her and in a few seconds I see Clint in front of us, sitting by his desk, working on something, 'Y/n', he says with a smile and drops his glasses on the desk in front of him, 'to what do I owe the video call for', he asks.
'The file you had on me, I need it', I tell him and skip the chitchat and catch up, 'I've got questions, and I need answers', I said and he's staring at me, 'I don't have it', he says.
'Come on Clint, you were going to kill me', I begin but he stops me, 'no, I was assigned to kill you, big difference', he says.
'Fine you were assigned, whatever, but I know you keep copies, and I want to see it', I said, 'now', I add because I need to see and know what exactly Hydra took from me, and I knew he would have it.
'Y/n', he starts but I sigh, 'I know you and Coulson have been lying to me and walking on egg shells', I state and he's surprised, 'I don't care what the reason is or why the fuck you felt the need to lie, but I want answers and I need them now', I explain.
'I'm sorry', he starts, 'I honestly don't have anything, but I'll try to put something together', he adds and I nod, 'did you by chance read it', I ask and after a moment, he nods.
'I did', he begins and taps his fingers on his desk, 'the only thing I red, was your name, who you were', he listed but I'm stopping him, 'I don't care about that', I tell him, 'what about sibling, family', I start with first.
'As far as I know you had a sister', he replies and gets out of his seat and walks behind his desk, 'her name was Evie', he adds and I see a newspaper in his hand when he picks it out of the drawer and then walks over to me whilst I sit up and he hands it to me, so I take it and look down at it, 'she died', I said when I saw the headline and lean back into my seat, 'a few days after your disappearance', he says and I'm looking up at him, 'what about a brother', I ask.
'There was nothing about a brother, I couldn't dig deep enough to get a name and when I did, there were high walls of security around him', he replies and I look at the paper again, 'there was a gas leak', he tells me, 'your sister was in the cafe when it exploded'.
'It was hers', I said when I read a small line in the paper, 'she loved baking', I add and he nods, 'I know and I'm sorry', he tells me and I fold the paper close, 'what about a daughter', I ask this time.
'Grace', he replied and I snap my eyes to him, 'aka', he begins but I'm interrupting, 'Jellybean', I finish for him and he nods and takes a seat again, 'where is she', I question.
'She was highly allergic to bees', he starts again with a sigh, 'she passed after she got stung', he says without looking at me and I drop the paper out of my hands, 'how old was she', I question.
'Four', he responds, 'that's everything I know', he adds whilst I glance over to the paper on the floor again, and sigh to myself, the two things I got hopeful for have been taken away from me, and now I don't know what's left to be alive for.
'I'm sorry', he says again and I look out the window and try not to prevent myself to break and shed tears in front of the team, I was taught to be stronger, so I need to do that.
'I'm leaving', I tell the team when I turn my head to them, 'I'll be back in a couple of hours or days', I said and then stand and walk to the door, 'Y/n', Clint calls out to me first and I stop in my track and take a tight hold on the door handle, 'please don't do anything to hurt yourself', he tells me then I walk out of the room and get lost in my headspace.
________
I was at a park bench, given the time of day it was everything was quiet and the only noice around me were the chirping of birds and the stream of water flowing against the rock with heavy sways and it was blissful, 'is this seat taken', I heard and look over to a familiar man and shake my head, which he then takes with a sigh.
'I like sitting out here with my wife', he starts to tell me when we both look out at the water and watch a family of ducks swim by, 'but sometimes I come here to be by myself and think', he adds with a sad smile, 'it's very nice out here isn't it', he asks.
'It is', I reply, 'quieter places are less stressful then the bustle of being in a city', I reply and he's giving me a genuine smile this time, 'I could not have said it better myself', he responds and I smile a little.
'How have you been Oscar', I ask, 'I'm sorry it's been a while, but I got really busy', I add and he nods and drums his fingers on the wood of his walking stick.
'I've been very well', he replies, 'and it's okay, I know how busy you are', he adds and then we're in a comfortable silence.
'So what bring you here', he asks, breaking the silence, 'I wanted to be alone', I reply and look down at my hands, 'I lost very important people I didn't even know were important to me so I just needed some quiet', I explain to him.
'Oh, I'm sorry', he says and I nod, 'I am too', I reply then look at him, 'so what brings you here', I question this time, 'besides the peace and quiet', I add.
'Same as you', he replies, 'I lost three of the most important people of my life and today marks that anniversary', he tells me and I stare at him, 'oh uhm, I'm sorry for your loss', I said and untangle my legs from each other, 'if you'd like to be alone, I can go', I tell him, because this seems to personal for him now.
'No, no', he stops me, 'I don't mind at all', he adds and taps my knee with his hand, 'maybe we can talk together', he says and I nod and look back at my hands, 'looks like we have a visitor', he tells me and I look up to see Bucky walking over to us, 'uhm, hi', I greet him first and he stops just in front of us, 'what are you doing here', I ask.
'I was worried', he responds, 'I thought I'd give you some space and then check in', he says whilst pulling out a bag to me, 'you forget to eat, so I brought your favourite', he adds and I'm watching him because no one has ever done something so nice for me, 'it's fresh, Grilled cheese and tomato soup', he tells me with a small gorgeous smile, 'if you don't want it, I can get you something else', he says when there's been a moment and I shake my head.
'No, no', I said, 'I'll eat it', I said with a smile of my own and take the bag, 'thank you', I said and he nods, 'if you need anything else, send me a message and I'll bring it over', he tells me and I look up at him from the bag, 'your not staying', I ask.
'You wanted to be alone', he starts but I shake my head, 'it's okay, I don't mind you being here', I said and it earns another smile from him whilst I budge in my seat and offer a space next to me, which he takes.
'I'm sorry about your sister and your daughter', he says when there's a moment of silence between us and he locks eyes with me, 'thanks', I said in barely in a whisper and then without meaning too, I tuck myself into him and he wraps a protective arm around me.
'What we're you guys talking about', he asks and me and Oscar are in sync telling him what we we're discussing.