Our next game was against Japan. We knew that it was going to be tough as Japan is the home side. The game started rough, but we pulled through with a 1-0 victory. Ellen scored in the 74th minute to help us get the win, and we were all relieved to have another three points.
After the match, I went over to Leah and, without thinking, embraced her in a hug.
"Good win?" I asked her, smiling.
"Yes, a very good win." At that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss her. Feel the passion that we haven't felt since leaving England. But I couldn't. Keira was right behind me, and I knew this wasn't the time or place.
I walked with Keira, back to the bus. Since telling her about my heart, she has been less suspicious of why I had been apparently acting strange.
"Are you still pissy with me?" I asked her.
"No," she replied, "of course not. I love you, Ett, always." We grabbed each other's hands, and I leant into her as we walked.
"I love you more," I answered back.
"Just never keep something from me, again. Please?" She asked this with such force and her pleas only made me feel more guilty. I was keeping something from her. Another secret. But this time, it wasn't only my secret to tell. It wasn't only my secret to say.
Our last group match was against Canada. Canada won bronze in Rio and so we knew they were going to be a tough team. It was 0-0 at half time, and when Canada scored in the second half, we knew we had to do more. Thankfully, an own goal in the 85th minute meant we were at least guaranteed a draw and a point. We were through to the quarters, and we had a lot of confidence. We hadn't dropped a game, and so we were going to be versing one of the third placed teams. And as it turned out, it was Australia. Sam. My close friend from Chelsea. Fran, Millie and I all knew that Sam was the strongest player for Australia and she has been for many years now.
But that also meant Hayley. Versing Hayley. Now that Keira knows about my heart, there are two people in the world that know - Hayley and Keira. And they would be on the same pitch, with me, and additionally, so would Leah. Leah and Hayley playing one another.
I messaged Sam, just for fun before our game.
Ettie: guess we have a game on our hands ;)
Sam: that we do! Get excited
Ettie: never excited to verse you!
Sam: come on! You'll do great, but hopefully not too great
We had a lot of meetings leading up to the game, and many of them were trying to determine how to shut Sam down. Our manager asked Millie and me a lot of questions about how Sam plays, as we often defend her during training. We both knew it was nearly impossible to completely take her out of the game. But, we tried to think about strategies to manage it.
The night before the game, I felt something. Something sting in my chest. I didn't want this to be happening, not before one of the biggest games I would have to play in. I quickly found the meds my doctor prescribed to me, and as I took them, I heard a knock at my door.
"Come in!" I groaned. As the door opened, Leah came in. She closed it behind her, and locked it shut.
"You okay?" she asked, questioning my tone in voice when I told her to come in.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." I was trying to ignore the pain creeping in my chest, not wanting her to notice anything.
"I've missed you," she said, walking over to the bed I was perched on. She sat beside me, and put her hand behind my head. She smiled lightly, and in that moment, the pain went and as she kissed me, I felt secure again. The kiss was just how I remembered - strong, stable and calming. We both pulled away, and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, and I leant into her.
"Tomorrow's going to be tough," she said to me, "but we can do it. We've got you." I smiled at the confidence she bestowed in me, but something, I knew, didn't feel right.
We ended up watching movies in my bed, her arm wrapped around me as I leant into her side. I was trying to think of anything else but the strangeness I felt in my chest, but I couldn't. Maybe it's the nerves. A quarter final against Australia will be tough. But as Leah had her arms around me, a feeling of peace settled in my stomach. It would be okay, as long as I had her.
Note:
- sry for not updating yesterday
- 2 things happened 1) I was at the Matilda's game and was just stalking tumblr instead of writing and 2) my sister threw a massive party n I had to manage all the drunk 19 year olds! :|
- also, Sam and Kristie r the cutest things ever!! Like I cannot with them! I love them
- also matildas will bounce back on Tuesday - I feel it
- anyways, hope you enjoy the part