Christmas had never been anything special for me. I had spent my last two Christmas' before this working an all-day shift at work, wiping vomit off tables and getting yelled at by unhappy customers taking their anger and frustrations on me. Afterward, C and I would spend the morning drinking on a rooftop and dancing to Fuck Christmas by Eric Idle. It was not exactly like I was the grinch or that I forbade the holiday spirit, there really was just nothing to celebrate or be happy for. After spending most of my childhood holidays hoping I would escape some beating or screaming from the matron on duty at the foster care that day who would rather be drinking her guts out on her day off, it was not exactly my favorite time of the year, so I said a big fuck you to it every year.
This year though, it was a whole different story. Like I had stepped into this perfect, in your dreams life belonging to someone else. And for the first time in my life, the reality was the more preferable option. This was my life, my family, my home.
I had realized after being married to Lucas for almost two months, that home did not always have to mean just a place where you felt comfortable and happy to live, home could be that one person who truly go you even without words. And I had both, I had a home and I had my home.
My husband.
As if on cue, I felt the heat of Lucas' body as he pressed himself against me from behind. I giggled, letting him wrap the thick fur of his full-length coat around me. It was a special oversized coat that still fit even with Lucas' large frame and my rather small form inside it.
"I have a coat on," I said through laughter, even though I did not nearly mind being this close to him. It was his favorite thing to do since we arrived, and I was not about to fight him on that.
My favorite thing was still the same after returning to this house after months. Look into the fields from the comfort of our bedroom balcony. And even though most of the green that was evident when we had first come here for vacation was now covered in frosty snow, it was still a lovely sight to behold.
"It's chilly out here," he pressed a kiss on top of my head, before resting his chin on the spot, "It won't make for a great Christmas Eve if you catch a cold."
I tilted my head, brushing my nose against his, "You'll take care of me if I do,"
His low chuckle was a vibration on my back, "You know I will." And then he kissed me. A soft, yet smoldering kiss that restored the heat back in my blood.
"We should go downstairs," Lucas finally said when he pulled back, "Mom will come up here to get you herself if we don't get there in time."
Martha had insisted that we spend our first Christmas as a couple here in Milan and while everyone knew it was mostly because she felt like she had missed out on something when we came without her earlier, Lucas agreed that it would make a lovely holiday especially at this time of the year. He was not wrong.
I chuckled, painfully tearing myself away from his warmth, "Lead the way."
The tree came into my line of sight first. It was large and very real—a contrast to the plastic ones I had had all through my childhood— and had a little more than a hundred ornaments all around it. Robin, Lucas, and the kids had been working on making it the best tree ever since we arrived here and I did not need to look twice to know they had made good on that thought.
Around it, Elmo, Zoey, and the twins gathered, planting more and more festive ornaments, while Lucas and Robin decided they would finish the last two steps sometime before morning. Zoey, who had started to say her words more clearly, knocked over various presents wrapped under the tree as she made a protest, trying to place her own orb on the tree too.
I had never seen the need for the large ornate fireplace when we had come earlier, but now it made perfect sense as everyone gathered in the living room. There was no way a house this large would require anything less. I had never really cared about Christmas traditions before, but I was pretty excited with the ones in Lucas' family. Like how everyone had to be present for the present opening on Christmas Eve and not on the usual Christmas Day.
Seeing as I had spent nearly eight months making my first real gift to Lucas and the twins, I was both nervous and excited to get started. Mia and Lilian joined us holding trays of hot chocolate and everyone reached for a glass before taking their seats. Calvin and Martha, with Zoey on the plush armchair, Mia and Robin on a velvet chair across the room, Lilian and I on an identical chair, the twins on a big green pillow next to the tree, with Lucas and Robin standing next to the tree.
My eyes searched the space briefly, the happiness on everyone's faces, not fake smiles or one person looking to take advantage of the other, just pure love seeping through everyone present here, even Mason who was not yet fully part of the family. If I'd been told a year ago that I would be part of such a wonderful family—with the most wonderful husband I could have ever asked for and two adorable kids who now saw me as a mother figure in their lives making me a small part of their big world—I would have shared a long fucked up laugh with Celine.
Now all I wanted to share with her was this precious moment and the thought that she was not here for it almost made me sad. But she was probably also having the time of her life away with the man she loved. I made a mental note to call her tomorrow.
Thankfully, I only had to sit back and watch as the twins do the job of handing out each present and stating who they're from. It was no small feat thinking of what to get for a family with practically everything, but the upside to that was that it allowed me to get more thoughtful gifts for everyone.
Since Martha and sometimes Calvin still gave us shit about not coming with us the first time we had all come here, I thought it would be nice to share some memories with them. So that's how I spent 36 hours following a YouTube tutorial on how to make a color-changing mug. The mugs display a picture we had all taken months ago here in Milan, but the fun part about it was it only came up when you had warm liquid in it.
Martha and Calvin exchanged a look, clearly grateful, but still confused. I nodded towards the still steaming hot chocolate in front of them. Martha gave me a funny look as she took it and began transferring the hot liquid. A surprised, "Oh My God," filled the room as the black transformed into a mixture of colors.
Before I could protest, Martha was on her feet, pulling me in for a long hug. "It's beautiful, I love it."
"I'm glad you do," I smiled, holding on to her. I had never really had a mother, even before I watched mine overdose to death, but it felt like I had just earned myself one. From the look on everyone else's face as they unwrapped their presents from me too, I knew I had also earned brothers and sisters too.
The kids were too excited to show off their matching knit sweaters each in their favorite colors and eventually, Robin and Lucas had to take over the jobs of handing out presents.
For a moment, I want to look over my shoulder, make sure the guards were in their right places and that no one would come barging in and ruining our perfect Christmas. But then I remember there are no guards because we no longer need any. Everyone who ever hurt us before, Lucas had made sure every single one of them paid for it. It was the best gift, I could have received this year, and I really could not ask for anything else.
That's why I was surprised when Lucas handed the last box under the tree, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he gave a sheepish smile. I had a present for him too, but without clarity, on it, I had to make everyone believe that I didn't have any for him this year. And being Lucas, the man I knew and loved, he said, "I think your presence in my life already covered for any present you could give me."
Being the last present, everyone's attention remained on me as I shook the box trying to decipher its content. "You can open it here." Lucas smiled at me, taking a seat next to me.
Very carefully, I unwrapped it, hoping he would at least give me a clue what was in the box. The excruciating silence was not helping either, but I knew they were all just as curious and excited to know what I had received.
Tearing open the last bit of wrap, I found a jewelry box nestled inside. I flipped the lid open rather hurriedly this time and gasped when the charming necklace caught my sight.
Tiny diamonds etched into silver down to the glittering locket with the words "For Always." I opened it, expecting to see a picture of Lucas and me, but instead, our initials occupied the spaces inside. A cursive C&L boldly imprinted inside. Somehow it felt more intimate than a picture. Like a secret only we both shared and understood.
"Now I feel like shit for not giving you a present," I whispered, willing the tears to reel back. I would never hear the end of it if I burst out crying now.
"Who says you didn't give me a present?" his eyes fell to the ring on my finger for emphasis.
"Help me put it on?" I asked, and he was already pushing my hair to the side to do so.
After helping me, he walked me to the sliding glass at the end of the parlor and I gasped at the sight of Lucas present around my neck, right where it belonged and this time no amount of will could hold back the tears. "It's perfect."
He leaned lower, dropping his chin on my shoulder with his arms still wrapped around me. "Only after you wore it, you're perfect Muffin."
Someone cleared their throat and I was called back to the audience behind us, most of whom I was sure were unashamedly staring at us and waiting to see how the necklace looked on me.
I allowed them to coo and aww at it for the next few minutes, with Lucas receiving praises from his family before we moved on to one of the many other Christmas Eve traditions Lucas' family had for the evening. I found the one about writing to Santa particularly interesting. Instead of the usual wishlist kids made for Christmas, they had to write all they were thankful for through the year.
The grown-ups though sat on the armchairs, telling Christmas jokes because apparently, they knew Calvin was going to be Santa and well they were grown-ups. After sitting through another joke from Calvin, I moved to the floor, crawling closer to the kids so I could see how they were doing. In his letter, Aiden was thankful for all the presents he had gotten this year, and for moving on to the next grade at school and just below a list of things he still hadn't received yet. They included a pair of glasses like 'Aunt Celine's Friend', a hamster, a video game, a new bike and most importantly, no more homework in his new class.
With an amused shake of my head. She raised her head, staring at me with those big blue eyes and a smile wide enough to crack my heart open, and said when I looked on her paper, I saw the one thing that would make this Christmas my favorite for years to come.
"Thank you for making Chris our mommy."
I gasped softly, unable to muster words as I grabbed her small frame in a tight embrace. No, I will not cry. It was a chant I repeated in my head even as I could feel the tears already rolling down my cheeks. The last time we had talked about this was at the wedding and even after that, I had only heard Abby and Aiden call me that once, I knew the twins needed some time to get used to it, and honestly, it was all up to them if they wanted to call me mom or just Chris. But to hear that I had fulfilled this adorable child's dream, a whole Christmas wish was too much for my fragile heart to bear. "I love you so much, Princess."
She must have sensed the emotion in my voice because her head snapped up quickly and she frowned at the sight of tears on my cheeks, "Are you crying happy tears again Mom?"
I nodded, joy squeezing my heart so much, speaking was physically impossible. And then she wiped my cheeks, placing a small kiss on my forehead, of course, that only made me cry more. "If I tell you I love you a liiiittle more than daddy will you stop crying?" she whispered loud enough for Lucas, who was approaching to hear.
"You do?" he asked, clutching his chest and feigning a heartbreak, his amusement gave him away too quickly though.
"Only a teeny tiny little bit," she emphasized with her fingers.
"And here I thought I was the favorite parent," he chuckled, frowning a little too when he saw my face.
"I'm happy," I mouthed to him as he reached for Abby. With a small nod, he picked her up, spinning her around, then threw her in the air, pretending to drop her only to catch her mid-air. Excited screams rang through the room and soon enough, Aiden and Zoey were clawing at his knee for their turn.
We had one more Christmas tradition before it was time for the kids to go to bed. It was already past midnight when I called it in for the night. After a quick freshen-up, I settled on the bed as I waited for Lucas. I got to speak to C who was also enjoying her time with her boyfriend and his family. She thought Lucas's gift was exquisite, and I made a point about how her grammar was becoming posher with more time she spent around Alexander.
I felt like a teen obsessed with a new gift from her boyfriend as I took a mirror, admiring the necklace and grazing my finger through it with all the love and adoration in my heart.
"It's beautiful on you," A voice spoke from the doorway and I raised my head to meet Lucas' gaze, deep and attentive and glazing with so much heat I wondered how I did not feel it before he spoke.
I got to my feet, meeting him halfway across the room, and turned to let him help me take the necklace off. But he didn't. Instead, I felt his fingers running down my neck, my shoulder, my back, his touch leaving a flurry of shivers and goosebumps in its wake. "Merry Christmas, Christine,"
The thudding in my heart is now nearly violent and I'm unable to take any breath in. When I do, it comes as a soft gasp, "Merry Christmas Lucas. And thank you for sharing this with me."
"Oh Muffin," he smiled, cupping my cheeks and pressing his forehead on mine, "I want to share everything, every moment, every day with you." And then he kissed me.
That night I went to bed with a heart full of joy and gratitude and Love.