I ran down my apartment stairs, trying to catch up to Leah. I didn't know what I was going to say or do, I just knew I couldn't let her go.
As I got outside my apartment building, I saw her walking away from me. Her blonde hair blowing in the wind. It felt like deja vu.
Seven years earlier
"Ettie!" Leah said, laughing, as we sat down beside each other, after we had just played a game for the U17s. We were both sixteen, living carelessly in a world that seemed conquerable.
"Lee Lee!" I said back to her. My legs were sprawled over her lap, as we sat joking with each other.
"Alright," Keira said, standing up, "you guys are too crazy and loud, I'm going to bed."
"Such a party pooper!" I said to Keira, joking. Keira brushed off the comment and left the room. Leah and I were alone together, in the room, sitting very close to one another.
"You played great today," Leah said to me, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. I blushed slightly, not knowing what that gesture meant.
"Well, it helps when my CB is pretty awesome," I said, referencing her as the center back. She started tracing small circles on my legs, igniting tingles within my heart. I had had a crush on Leah for a few months now, but still unsure about who I was. Leah was so confident in herself, and her identity, whereas I was the opposite.
"You and Keira," Leah started to say, "are opposites and yet so similar. It confuses the heck out of me."
"How so?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"Well, you're both crazy, for starters," she said, laughing, "but you're more reserved crazy and she is outright crazy. You're harder to crack."
"Mysterious, am I?" I asked.
"Yes, very. Keira's an open book, but," Leah said, touching my face slightly, "you, Ettie, are so much more confusing."
As she said this, she leant into me, pressing her lips onto my own. No one was here, no one was in the room. It was just her and me. Leah and Ettie. She had her lips touching mine, as she grabbed my waist, and pulled me onto her lap. We were in sync, and as she pulled her arms around my body, I pressed deeper into the kiss. I had been waiting for this for months, and as it was happening, all I felt was pure and utter bliss.
"Wow," I said, pulling away.
"Yeah, wow," Leah replied, laughing. I sat down beside her, and she linked her hands with my own, smiling. We stayed in that room for hours, until we had to go to bed. I left Leah, but not before giving her a sweet kiss, and went to my room, in which I shared with Keira.
As I walked through the door, Keira was still awake.
"Where have you been?"
"With Leah."
"But for so long?" Keira asked, genuinely confused.
"Yeah, we were watching a movie." I lied, obviously. I couldn't tell Keira that I had just made out with Leah. Not only did Keira not know that I had a massive crush on her best friend, but it would feel like betrayal to her.
"Did Leah tell you about her new crush?" Keira asked me, as we lay in bed. My heart struck a chord.
"Her new crush?" I asked.
"Yeah, one of the girls in her Arsenal team. She's an older player, apparently."
"No, she didn't." I quickly turned off my light, and then turned away, with a pit in my stomach even deeper than before.
Present
"Leah!" I called out, running up behind her. She turned around and saw me. I stood, about a meter from her, not knowing what to do.
"Ett," she said, softly.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. As soon as you walked out, I didn't want you to go. I didn't want you to be gone."
"What do you want?" She asked. I looked at her, straight into her big eyes, knowing what I wanted, and trying to bring up the courage to say it.
"You. I want you."
A smile printed on her face, as she walked the one meter towards me, grabbed my face, and smashed her lips onto mine. It felt like fireworks had exploded between us, and I was gravitating on cloud nine. I wrapped my arms around her neck, as she deepened our kiss. Her arms were around my waist, lifting me slightly off the ground, my body small enough for her to hold. My legs wrapped around her waist, as we kissed in the middle of a West London street.
"Wow," I said.
"Yeah, wow," Leah repeated. It was all coming back to me now.
"We should probably talk about this," I said to her, as we sat on my couch, my head resting on her shoulder.
"Yeah, I know," she replied, entangling her fingers with my own, "but we don't need to now."
I looked at her, her sharp jawline and cutting cheeks, and saw the girl I knew when we were 16. The girl I liked then, is still the girl I like now.
"It all does come full circle," I said to her, smiling.
"Yeah," she replied, smiling. Although, I thought to myself, how many times do we need to go around that circle though?
We spent the rest of the day with each other, ordering food, and sitting beside each other on the couch, laughing and watching Downton Abbey.
"I've always dreamt of this," I said to her, as she was glued to the tv.
"Dreamt of what?"
"You, me, this." I said this, smiling, so in awe of her.
"It's been a long time coming," Leah said back.
"Yeah, long time coming."
Seven years earlier
I woke up the next day, shattered. My heart was broken. As Keira and I went down to breakfast, Leah kept trying to look at me, trying to catch my eye, but I didn't return it. After what Keira had told me, I couldn't even stomach it. She didn't like me. She liked the girl at Arsenal. I didn't even know who the girl was, and it felt like a bullet had torn my heart.
"Ett," Leah said to me, sitting beside me at breakfast. I gave her a quick smile, before turning my body away.
"She woke up in a bad mood," Keira said, as she saw Leah's confused expression.
"No I didn't," I said defensively, "stop it, Kie." As sisters, we normally bicker, what siblings don't?
"Woah, don't want to talk to you today," Keira then said. I stood up, and walked away, frustrated at Keira, and also sad at Leah.
Leah came walking after me, trying to grab my hand.
"Ettie, are you okay?" She asked me. I nodded, not looking at her. "What happened?" We were outside the dining hall, and so she tried to put her hand on my waist, like she did last night, but I didn't let her.
"I'm fine, Keira's just annoying."
"She's your sister."
"She can still be my sister and be annoying."
"Well, she is my best friend too."
"Which makes everything more complicated," I added. "It means she knows things. A lot of things."
"What do you mean?" Leah asked, confused.
"It means," I said to her, "that Keira knows how to make me feel like shit. It's her job."
"What'd she say?" Leah replied, very concerned. I knew she knew where I was going with this.
"She told me about your crush." Leah stood away from me, putting her hands through her hair.
"Ettie."
"Look, it's okay. We were a one off thing, I'm not going to hold you to anything." I looked up at her, and saw her staring off into the distance.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be. We all make mistakes." I patted her on the back, and walked off, leaving her. I knew the conversation would end like this. I had a feeling.
"Ettie?" She called back to me.
"Don't worry about it Lee. I'm fine," I called out as I walked away.
I went back into the dining room, but when I saw Keira, I couldn't go sit beside her. I was so pissed off, so I walked out the hall, and back to my room. I didn't eat that day, or the next, or the next. I couldn't stomach anything. I had started to fall down the rabbit hole. The rabbit hole that consumed me for the next five years.
Note:
- hahah lol jokes I'm posting a chapter. I just pre wrote some chapters sooo dw normal schedule will continue