I sunk myself on the soft sheets of my bed, feeling like my heart just shut off its light. Maybe it wasn't love after all. I think I am too obsessed with such a concept.
Love. It's very powerful that it could protect you from harm or can either hurt you too. My Mama would always say that to me.
Was it love that truly hurt me? or was it something else?
Love confuses you, blinds you, hurts you. It was something that you couldn't sometimes express through words. Love is literally a fool.
But I feel like I did the wrong thing, throwing my anger at him. Guilt was overtaking my body and I feel like I just hurt him. Why would he be hurt when he had hurt for many times, physically and mentally.
My Mama would tell me that...Love is like a flower. When treated well, it blooms beautifully, standing out from the rest. But if not, it dies. Love dies.
Mama tells me a lot of things about love. But what about how will I feel it? She didn't tell what is the real feeling of love. She only gave me her wisdom about it.
I hugged the pillow tightly into my arms, and let out a sigh as I fell asleep.
☁︎︎ ❀ ☁︎
The next day came.
I put up a smile that could hide any pain that I'm feeling. Play Pretend, that's what they call them. I know I shouldn't be severely hurt like this. We are just nothing, we're just two people forced into marriage.
Luna and I made our way to Charms Class.
I don't know what words to begin for a topic, my mind was still loaded with uncertain thoughts, and my heart, loaded with uncertain feelings.
"You have been quiet this day. I assume that it would be about Draco." Said Luna.
"Draco?" I tried to act normal. "Draco may be my husband, but it doesn't mean I thought about him."
"But are you sure the two of you aren't getting any closure? I mean- You guys have been married for months now."
"Let's just not talk about him. Someone might be listening." I said looking around the empty hallway that we are in.
☁︎︎ ❀ ☁︎
A week or two went by quickly and my everyday routine was still the same ever since that day on the Astronomy Tower.
I would wake up in the morning, dress, eat, class, lunch, class again, supper, and cry in my dark gloomy room. My evening would always have sleepless nights. Everything I did goes on repeat, it didn't bother me that much. It's better than just speaking to him.
He attempted before, speaking to me, but I went to a different way, ignoring him and passing by like he's not there. Not a single word came out of my lips.
True may it be, but I miss the times we've spent even it only lasted for a week. I really thought everything is going to be well but in the end, it all turned upside down.
It's a good thing these kinds of emotions aren't visible in a broad daylight. It was only visible when I'm alone in my darkroom.
In those weeks, I found no answers to my questions. It's bewildering, truly. I was eager and trying to bury it deep in my mind so that I couldn't recall, but it just made it worst. It made me miss his presence more. It made me miss his comfort more.
This is maddening me like I wanted to rip my head apart.
But apart from all of these thoughts, one thought made me think it's a better solution.
The Divorce.
It was my very goal in the beginning.
☁︎︎ ❀ ☁︎
I was alone, under the Willow tree at the Black Lake.
Gladly, it was weekend on this very day. I could manage to have myself to think alone until I heard footsteps coming nearby.
I turned my head to that sound and noticed Michael, approaching me.
"I knew something was wrong behind those smiles." He told, taking a seat next to me.
"You recognized it immediately." A faint smile appeared on my lips as I stared back at the lake. "Do you know what you desire for- Well, you do know who you desire, but what about like something else apart from her?" I asked, turning my head to him.
"Is Ms Auclair having desires now?" He smirked.
"You're not helping. Of course, everyone has desires."
"Tone down that mood, young lady." He chuckled.
"Sorry," I sighed.
"It's alright. I know you are going through something." He smiled. "But may I ask, do you want to know what you desire?"
"Mainly, yes. It might help me with what I'm going through."
"Then, come with me."
He stood up from the log and stretched his arm to me with a smile on his face. Though, I wonder where would he be taking me this time.
I extended my hand and placed it on his, helping me stand up and he lead the way.
☁︎︎ ❀ ☁︎
We reached a large dark oak door at the end of the hallway. The hallways that we are in was lighted only by the light of the sun that was coming through the window. There were no torches even attached to the wall, so I guessed that people couldn't find this place in the evening, only in the morning.
Michael opened the door, revealing an old room that looked like it was left untouched for many years.
The room was dusty, the chairs and tables too, the tables are piled up on the corner, and at the centre was left wide empty except that there's a mirror. A tall mirror, its height almost reaching the ceiling, and the frame was gold. The mirror seems to be old, for its mirror has black stains on its sides.
"Is this?"
"The Mirror of Erised." Michael smiled, walking closer to the mirror. "I found it when I was exploring the whole castle."
"I didn't know this can be found here." I amused.
"Come, walk closer to it and you'll see what you desire."
I walked closer to the mirror, standing in front of it and observed my reflection.
I read about it in the books, back in my first year, that the Mirror of Erised shows you what your heart desires. I have been wanting to try it before, but my mother and father refused to buy one, for they know what the consequences be.
My reflection started to smile and noticed that behind her was a man, walking closer to her. A blond man.
Draco. The man was no other than Draco.
Draco wrapped one arm around my shoulder and rested his cheeks on the top of my reflection's head. He planted a kiss on it too.
I was stunned at my very own reflection, now knowing that I have been desiring for him.
"So, what do you see?" asked Michael, who I knew is smiling behind me.
"I-," I took a deep breath before speaking. "I see myself having a successful career as an Artist."