Home.
I'll not call it a home because it was not the place where one could live peacefully like a family, it was the place I spent my life in like a locked-up criminal.
To the outer world, we were so happy and a perfect family, but people living inside that house had their hearts filled with fear and sorrow.
There was a time when things hurt me like an explosion of pain rushing through my veins. Even to hear that person's voice made my heart go abnormal with uncountable drops of tears to shed.
But now, nothing bothered me anymore. The pain was still there, but I didn't feel it. Instead of crying my heart out, my heart had learned to control these emotions.
Just looking blankly outside the window through the curtains felt good. I was not passing my time, but it was peaceful.
I always had the thought of running away, but I couldn't. The face of my mom and my sister buried that thought deep down somewhere, even I didn't know where.
Wish I had the courage, wish I was not that weak. I trailed my hand down the bruises I had, which once were new and fresh. The pain was no more, but it was alive in those memories.
I felt my heart bumping rapidly inside my chest that I could hear it beating loudly. My shaking leg and my uneven breathing didn't do any justice either.
I never believed in intuitions because I had never felt so, but premonition was one such feeling that crossed my mind and heart-- something was going to happen. Something was not right; never in my life was, but a different feeling was there which gave me goosebumps. Maybe, it was just my fear?
I closed my eyes to blink, but it felt like I never opened them. A black environment took over and the only sound I heard was my heart on speaker.
"Please don't, I beg of you, PLEASE!" I said between my sobs, my voice not wanting to come out. My trembling lips quivered in fear, my watery eyes blurred my vision, my breathing hitched not even letting me sigh in fear. I licked my upper lip and took a deep breath, gulping in fear, I stood there frozen.
I knew what was going to happen again. And I was so not ready for it. Until...
I saw a red door which was never in my house, everyone looked at it, some had tears rolling down their cheeks while some had a smirk plastered on their face.
I looked at the door blankly, and I could figure out the embossment on it. There was a number '2301'. My mind stopped working when I heard the creaking sound of the door opening and there a girl walked in.
Her teeth made a crackling sound, with pure rage and aggression visible in her eyes. Her hands curled into fists, turning her knuckles white. A low growl escaped from her lips.
"Coffee?"
A new voice came from somewhere and the blankness started to fade away.
I shutter opened my eyes and sat immediately panting breathlessly. The cold beads of sweat formed on my forehead, erupting a sense of irritation. I pushed back my damp hair and sighed in frustration.
I took a fistful of my hair in my hands and pulled them aggressively when my anxiety kicked in.
Just the same dream every night, but today was an exception. Rather an addition.
That door? That was never there, I knew what was going to happen, but it stopped because of that door. Should I be worried? Should I be grateful that it didn't happen this time? What was that embossment?
"Here's your coffee, Vian," Casey said and put the mug on the side table. My bare chest heaved up and down, and a cry that only she could understand reached her ears.
"Thanks," I replied.
"Same dream?" She asked, sitting down beside me on the bed.
"Uh--yes," I told her. But I didn't know if to explain the addition to the dream to her or not. Letting it go, for the time being, seemed okay at that time.
"Nothing stays forever, Vian. You have to just give it some more time," Casey said, giving me an assuring look, to which I hummed.
"It's been 3 years, Casey, 3 damn years!" I looked at her, tears brimming in my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. Instead, I took a photo of my family which included my mom and my sister, and me.
"I know," she patted on my shoulder to calm me down.
"Uh, so, did you talk to her?" She asked to change the topic.
"To whom?"
"We both know, right?" She said, arching up her eyebrows with a smirk on her face.
"Josephine, hmm, y-yes."
"Aww!! Look who is blushing!! I knew it was her number--" She said and burst out into a fit of laughter-- spilling the coffee which was in her hand to all over her clothes.
"That's what you get for stealing someone's number!" I exclaimed.
"I didn't steal it! I took it from Xavier; he's in my class and her best friend, so--" she chirped proudly.
"What did you guys talk about?" She asked with curiosity and at the same time wiping off the excess coffee with a tissue.
"Actually I left her on read... I talked to her in the library, but then I ran away like a coward I am. I don't know, but the more I try to stay away, she always gets a way," I remarked, looking down.
"Woah!! You did not-- never mind. Like I said, give it some more time," she said and stood up to walk out of the room.
"Thank you, Casey, thank you for always being by my side. And most importantly for saving me," I said to which she gasped dramatically.
"Woah! Thank you for opening up; I didn't know you could talk that much," she said, smirking.
"Just go away."
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"I am leaving then, please take care of yourself."
"Yeah! You too!"
With that, I left for the university. Walking towards the university just let me have some more time for myself. I still didn't understand what I was doing? Why I was still there? I was tired of pretending like everything was okay, when in fact nothing was. It was this pain, this fear, that was still alive.
After all these years, the pain hadn't gone, it just felt numb with never-ending guilt.
"Hey!! Vian!!" I heard someone calling for my name, but I just wanted to stay alone. Alone with my thoughts that I couldn't care less.
Just a pretty walk to the boring lectures seemed bearing when the beauty of the city could touch me with its vibes.
I was walking towards the university when I saw an ice-cream parlor round the corner. My feet changed my direction of walking automatically in this cold, windy weather, but the morning taste of coffee stood like a wretch.
"See you on my way back!" I exclaimed, looking at the parlor.
The planning you do for having ice cream and the planning you do for your life. Wow!!
So, consider it on my to-do list. What's your problem?
You.
Shut up!
After marching for a while, I saw a similar personality walking ahead of me. Yup, he was definitely Vian.
"Hey!! Vian!!" I called for his name, but he changed his direction and moved away quickly. I was pretty sure he heard me calling. Well, that's not the way to greet someone Vian, I thought to myself.
Do you think he is ignoring you?
Seems like it.
You embarrassed me again!
No, I didn't.
I entered the classroom and there he was sitting on his usual spot. I paved my way towards my seat and waited for the professor to begin with the lecture.
"Hello everyone!" The professor chimed and the chatter in the room got silent.
"I have an announcement to make. I know you guys don't sound excited about the novella writing, but as I am your professor, I have planned something out of it. We are going on a trip-" she said, but the cheer in the classroom interrupted her in between.
Well, I guess that's what the professor wanted.
"But this is just not for fun. You will be paired according to your pair in the project and you guys have to decide on the plot and give a short report on it to me. Will it be okay?" She asked to which everyone nodded and started discussing random things for the trip.
"Where are we going, professor?" A student asked.
"All the details will be conveyed to you soon," she said, and left the room because of the noisy cheer.
"I don't know if I was excited enough or not, as Xav and others will not be there. That means no fun for me," I whispered to myself.
I got up from my seat and was ready to leave when someone called for my name. I looked back to find him. Why should I listen to him? Huh?
"Hey, are you going?" He asked with a blank face.
"I don't think so-" I said, thinking about it, as I didn't know what else to say.
"Yeah, same," he said.
Don't ask it! You are not a kid!
"Um, were you busy earlier? I called for your name and you just kind of ignored me...as I was just behind you," I asked as I couldn't stop myself.
"Oh, I don't remember," he simply said.
But-
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A/N
Hey 🦋,
So, how was the chapter?
What do you guys think of Vian now? Let me know in the comments.
I'll meet you guys in the next chapter.
Until then,
Take care❤