"I've found the radio," Octavia says triumphantly, managing to keep her voice low, though she looks like she finds it hard.
"Excellent," Lexa says, also in a whisper. "How?"
"Oh, the youngest guard will tell you anything if you smile at him and lean over a bit too far," Octavia tells her casually. Raven rolls her eyes, but smiles anyway. They've both seen Octavia with the guard, acting saccharine but letting out occasional barbs of vicious sarcasm that seem to go over the man's head.
They're sitting in Lexa's room. It's the middle of the night, but it's their best chance to talk. John's father has a shift standing guard over the missile, and John's gone to 'keep him company' – actually to provide a warning system if his father should return. Having to spend more time with his father has made John even sourer than normal.
Of course, the past few days have not been fun for any of them. Well, except perhaps Raven – she's getting to spend her time working on something that interests her, with people who respect her, all of the rooms are warm (apart from the shed containing the missile) and there is plenty of food. If it weren't for Anya and Clarke's absence and the exploitation of the villagers Raven could probably settle happily into this place. Meanwhile, John is steadily picking up bruises from his father's brief but extreme flares of temper, Octavia appears to be gradually going insane trying to pretend she's a sweet, harmless teenager, and Lexa... well, Lexa...
Lexa is bored. It's an embarrassing thing to admit, and does not feel like it should compare with the others' problems. But besides Raven, none of them have duties, everything is taken care of by the Azgeda villagers. The rest of Prison Station seem to be here purely to become soldiers one day when they get their hands on more guns. Lexa is used to being served – but normally that is because she is far too busy to do those things herself. She has never before had a day where she had to do nothing and go nowhere. She cannot even train because her skills would be suspicious. She cannot talk to the Azgeda gona because she needs to be as invisible to them as possible. The Skaikru guards avoid her, and when she listens in on their conversations she hears nothing of use.
Raven tells her to relax and enjoy it as a holiday, but Lexa has realised she finds having nothing to do far, far more stressful than having too much to do. When she had too much to do she organised and prioritised and ordered and acted and fixed the world piece by piece, and there was a fierce sense of accomplishment and, yes, pleasure in that. She never considered before how much she depended on having a purpose, having something to work towards every day – being without one, even briefly, has left her feeling empty. So much of herself is bound up in her duties, she does not know what to do without them.
"The radio's in that house on the east side, the one with the tallest roof," Octavia says. "So now at least we know where both our targets are. That's something."
"We haven't gotten very far with the missile yet," Raven reveals. She'd been pulled to working on it immediately. "The others are being very cautious, instead of going with the tried-and-true 'poking things' method. Our orders are also to make sure that Nia's guys have no idea what we're doing. Because apparently if they see us playing around with wires they'll realise that nuclear science is so easy, and then they won't need us anymore." She rolls her eyes again, this time more emphatically.
"Can you disable it, do you think? Now that they have opened it more?" Lexa asks.
Raven hesitates. "It doesn't really work like that. I can make it blow up on purpose, or I can make it harder for them to blow up at all, but I can't magically make it not a nuke. There's nuclear material inside. The only thing which makes that less dangerous is time. And I'm talking thousands of years of time, here. I still think our only choice is for me to sabotage it as much as I can and then load it in the truck and take it as far away as possible."
"The truck has fuel – the clock-like device you told me to look at was at halfway," Lexa remembers. "I was able to get close enough to check, perhaps since they believed I knew nothing of vehicles."
Octavia gives a wolfish grin. "So now all we need is wreck the radio, take out two dozen or so elite gona and ten guards with guns, and load the missile into the truck. Easy."
"Anya has my bombs," Raven says, a little regretfully. Lexa had to order her to leave them behind in the village, a decision she stands by. Having a pack full of weaponry would not have gotten them a warm welcome – or perhaps it would have, but they would not have been able to keep hold of the weapons in that case. "Of course, even when she brings them here, we're gonna have to be really careful. If we hurt the missile it could start leaking radiation."
"Uh, yeah, I vote 'no' to radiation," Octavia says. "Maybe we can find some way to draw everyone away from it and then blow them up."
"How?" Raven asks sceptically. "We just go up to them and say, 'hey, everyone! Come this way if you want free pudding, I promise, it's right over here'? Is that your suggestion?"
"Not with free pudding!" Octavia objects. "With... something else. I don't know what. Something valuable."
"Oh, right. We'll tell them we've discovered the magical money-tree."
Lexa clears her throat, cutting off their bickering as politely as possible. "We do not need to take down all of the gona or guards," she points out. "Normally, only five gona and two guards are with the missile at night-time. We know they had Maunon weapons, perhaps they still have a gas grenade we could use."
Octavia's eyes brighten. "I'll ask my guy."
Raven raises an eyebrow. "Your guy? Should I be warning Lincoln -"
"Oh, shof op, Raven," Octavia says. "Flirting just for information is allowed, Lincoln would understand. Anyway, my guard was on the mission to get Clarke, he'll know if they have any leftover gas grenades. He might even show me one, if I tell him that looking at non-lethal weaponry gets me hot or something."
Raven makes a face. "Too much information, thanks O. But yeah, if you can find a gas grenade, that could probably take down everyone around the missile."
"Then all we would need to do is slit their throats, quickly get the missile into the truck with the help of Iryala's people, and drive away," Lexa says with a nod. "If we can set up a few bombs to go off once we have left that should also slow down any response, giving us time to get far away."
"And it's basically the same as what they did, but in reverse," Raven says, a smile creeping onto her face again. "I like it. Yeah, I can easily hide some explosives around the place if we get Anya to bring my bag of bombs. Then we can trigger them as we're driving away."
"We will also need to damage the radio," Lexa says thoughtfully.
"It normally has only two people with it, two Skaikru guards," Octavia says immediately. "If we do this on a night when the guard I flirt with is on duty, he could definitely be persuaded to let us inside to keep them company." She looks at Lexa and gives a flinty smile. "The two of us could easily take them out before they can make a noise." If she's bothered by the idea of killing the man she's manipulating, she doesn't show it. Perhaps she, like Lexa, is picturing him throwing Clarke's unconscious body in the truck and taking her away.
"Awesome," Raven says, grinning and also looking at Lexa. "Then after we've gone a little way, John will drop us off and we'll come back and find somewhere to lay low here."
There's a momentary pause. "Wait, what?" Octavia says. "We're coming back here?"
"I must follow the trail to Clarke," Lexa reminds her.
"What about the rest of us?" Octavia asks.
"John will go south, he will be needed to drive the truck," Lexa says. "I think Anya will have to go with him – she has some authority over the Trikru gona between here and Arkadia, and if they are not ordered to stand down and protect it they would attack the truck on sight instead. After all, as far as they are aware, our enemies have the vehicle."
"I call dibs on not being the one to tell Anya she doesn't get to go with us," Raven says, wincing at the thought. Lexa knows she doesn't like the thought of Anya not coming with them, and the truth is Lexa does not like it either, but it cannot be helped.
"If Nia does have more Maunon technology, Raven may be necessary to disable it, so she must come north," Lexa continues. "Zion knows these lands and people, so he will as well. Linkon -" she hesitates.
Octavia looks at her thoughtfully, concern in her eyes. "You want him to go north too. 'Cause he's a scout, and knows how to track?"
"Because he is a fisa, and knows how to heal," Lexa says very softly. "Zion and I both know how to track quite well. But we cannot heal. And we do not know what state Clarke will be in when we find her. Nia enjoys... hurting people. Especially those who matter to me." Lexa starts in surprise when she feels Raven place a hand gently on her shoulder, but then gives the other girl a look of gratitude for the attempt at comfort. She continues, "He may be needed."
Octavia swallows hard. She reaches a hand up automatically to touch the scars on her face, then pulls it down when she realises what she's doing and twines both hands together into a knot on her lap. "Right," she says, a little shakily. It is the first time Lexa has seen her show anything but bravado when it comes to her torture at the hands of the Maunon, and it tells her that however proud Octavia may be of her actions, Mount Weather left scars on more than her body. "Right. Then he definitely has to go north. What about me?" she meets Lexa's eyes.
"Go with Anya and John as far as the border. Then, I wish you to take news of Prison Station and the missile to Polis," Lexa says. "Indra and Aden both need to know what has happened so they can adjust their strategies. You are Indra's Seken, they will let you through to speak to her at once. Radios are no longer safe to use, so there is a great deal of detail that cannot be shared over them. Indra and Aden must know of the villages that have agreed to go against Nia, of the location of Prison Station, that the missile is being returned to Arkadia, and that the rest of us continue north. It is vital."
After a long moment, Octavia nods. "Sha, Heda," she says softly. "If Lincoln and I are gonna be more useful apart for a while, then we'll be apart. It's not the first time. Besides, Indra's probably lost without me." She manages a watery smile.
There's a noise and John appears at the door. "He'll be back here in five," John says impassively, though Lexa can see his cheek is swelling up and darkening.
"Your dad's a dick," Raven says, frowning at him. "What happened this time?"
"Usual," John says. "Mentioned my Mom." There's a slight hint of satisfaction in his voice, though, and Octavia picks up on it, scowling at him.
"If you get your eyes swollen shut you're not gonna be able to drive us anywhere," she points out. "Why do you keep deliberately pissing him off? Just act nicer."
"It doesn't work like that," Raven and John say in unison, and then glance at each other in surprise. Raven clears her throat and continues. "If they want to pick on you, they're gonna come up with an excuse whatever, O. Trying to be perfect doesn't help, you just panic about everything you do 'cause any screw-up could be the excuse." She shrugs, in a deliberately casual, uncaring way, but her posture is stiffer then it was.
"Yeah," John says. "Same results either way. But this way, at least I get the enjoyment of pissing him off." He manages a grim sort of smile that fades into his usual scowl almost immediately.
"I can't believe you had to live with that guy," Octavia says, the anger in her face becoming more pronounced. "I mean, I know that we're sort of living with him now, but he doesn't seem to do anything when we're with you at least. How did you live with him alone?"
"I didn't," John says stonily. "I got arrested, remember? I got put in the Skybox when I was thirteen, pretty much straight after my mother died."
"You got along before that?" Octavia asks curiously.
"When she was alive he wasn't so bad – to me, anyway. He hates me because I know it was his fault Mom killed herself." John spits out the words, almost, his usual control over his emotions disappearing. Only now can Lexa really see how difficult he is finding this, having to spend time with his father and pretend that their relationship is salvageable.
Raven sucks in a breath. "Shit -"
John's mask has slipped entirely by this point, face twisted into pain and rage as he finally releases the words he's been holding back. They spill out of his mouth unchecked, wild with anger and agony. "And back then I told him that, so he hit me, and I hit him back harder, but guess whose story the Ark believed? Guards are so trustworthy, right? And he's so friendly, nice, charming, no one could believe he'd hit his wife and kid. But moody, troubled teenagers... they lie, right? So I got blamed and I got arrested and I'm pretty damn sure I would've gotten floated too. The bastard won. He always does."
"John, that sucks -" Octavia says, expression melting into sympathy.
John physically jerks away from Octavia's pity as if it stings him. "Get what you wanted, Blake? Does this mean you'll finally stop interrogating me?" he snarls.
"Does this mean you'll finally stop being an ass?" Octavia snaps, quick temper sparking. "I was just trying to empathise with you, jerk. It's not my fault your life is crappy."
"Yeah, it's crappy. But at least I didn't grow up under a floorboard, right?" John snaps in return, his face hard.
Octavia takes a step back, as if John had hit her. "Right," she says, anger turning back to a deep sadness. "I guess so."
John clears his throat. "He'll be here soon," he says, voice gruff, as close to an apology as he can manage. "We should go." They all fall silent and start to disperse. Lexa watches them leave her room, thinking about them, these children the Ark failed . Young but scarred.
Lexa was taken from her family too young to recall their faces. The other Nightbloods became her siblings, Titus her uncle, and they were her new family. Even these relationships were somewhat tainted by the immense pressure they were all under, though, so that the Nightbloods were her rivals more than her friends, and the former Commander and Titus more like strict taskmasters than guardians. She was lucky to have Anya, Gustus and Costia to give the true, steady affection the others could not.
Then the Commander died and the Conclave was called. She won – and lost, at the same time. She was taken from her first family, and she caused the deaths of most of her second. Now she has her third, made up of the tattered remnants of her last family, a few injured and abandoned Skaikru, and the girl she loves.
She will not lose them too.