I bite my lips as hard as I can without completely biting through them, the words I said into the air ended up being to Miles and I can't forgive myself, I have nowhere to go.
I can't go to him because I've hurt him too much, going on for a walk seems pointless, my dorm is empty and lonely and I have no mother to go back home to. I feel so helpless and yet, there's nothing I can do to feel better.
I've never had Miles be the one mad at me and it feels odd, something I don't like, as if I've lost myself somehow and become him, I don't say these things, I don' hurt the people around me like this; not the way he always does but right now, Miles wants nothing to do with me.
I can't leave tonight like this, I can't get back into my dorm. I look around me, but he's gone, disappeared into the dark night, the starry night that despite its beauty is torturing me.
I feel tears streaming down my eyes and the ice of the night grabs them, freezing them on my cheek and making the wind only blow colder air on the wetness.
I take a deep breath, I don' want to be here right now. I feel myself running into the wind, I quickly approach a location I'm not familiar with.
I'm surrounded by trees and I can't comprehend how long I've been running. The stars have seemed to absorb me, the stars have now consumed me.
Despite the icy cold, I find that my feet can't take me any further and I feel them collapse under me, I feel me collapse under them, and before I know it, I'm lying on the ground, on the green grass.
Miles's POV
I watch the road before me as it travels under me, consumed by me and disappearing under me.
I should have known ha our end was near, that nothing could have come out of this. I can't help but watch back at all of the memories we have together, everything I've said, everything I've done, it feels like a load, and yet, it feels like nothing, it feels as though it didn't need to spiral like this; not like this . . . not with her.
I would have taken this crap with anyone else, anyone else. I would have let them go, cut this cap loose, and found another girl to stay in bed with the morning after, but I can't, not with Madison. It's as if all of my desires for anyone else have completely disappeared; as if every desire I've ever had for anyone else was never there, as if I can't taste what it would feel like to want someone else.
It was supposed to be the other way around, she was supposed to be hurt and that was it, I was supposed to win, it was supposed to be the end, but even though I won, I lost.
I feel the speed increasing and I decide to turn off the road with a smash of the breaks, pebbles, and whatever the fuck not shoot away from the car and onto t main road.
I can't let her go that easy.
I qucikly turn the wheel around and slam the gas as the Porsche turns around and drives me to the opposite side of the road.
Before I know it, I'm right where we started, right where I saw her last, when she told me how she really feels. I follow her footsteps but when I approach closer and closer to where she went, I realize that I can't follow her. She said all of those things because she meant them, that's how she feels and II can't change those feelings, no matter how hard I try.
"Goodbye, Madison." I gulp down the difficult words, get back into my car, and drive home. I bite my lips as hard as I can without completely biting through them, the words I said into the air ended up being to Miles and I can't forgive myself, I have nowhere to go. I can't go to him because I've hurt him too much, going on for a walk seems pointless, my dorm is empty and lonely and I have no mother to go back home to. I feel so helpless and yet, there's nothing I can do to feel better.