Margaret
Just as I finished my letter for mary, the sun was slowly breaking through the thick blanket of clouds that hung so heavily above Milton just hours ago when we made our little walk outside in the smal park. My mind was occupied with my writing task so I was able to avoid the thought of John Thornton crossing my way today. I was very desperate for distraction when I came home than, but now I couldnt run away from the questions building up in my swirling mind again.
He was so irretating, and confusing. He still wore that brooding facial expression, like he did most of the times we met. But something felt different now. He was more distant than usual, although I must say not in relation to me, becouse that hardly changed, our relationship was the definition of distance. Or at least so I felt, but I stil couldnt make out the meaning of the change of his attitude towards my father. It was again confusing and strange.
He made me so agitated, no more than that when he told us about the mill. Hist words disturbed me, people died because of the unexpected prolonged duration of the strike, and there he was, thinking only about his own business disadvantage. Maybe I was a little unjust in deciding so, but I couldnt help it. My opinion of him is, as you could say, carved into stone, I am sure that a miracle must happen to change that fact.
Eventually I went outside again, this time alone to post the finished letter to Mary Higgins. I had to go alone, as my father was busy with training one of his private pupils and Dixon was already overloaded with her chores and my mothers delicate condition, although she surely would disapprove of me not letting her doing it. I agree that going out on my own wasnt the wisest of my decisions, after what happened earlier, but I was determent to post that letter today. Besides, some fresh air and a little exercion would surely do me good. And I desperately needed a change of scene.
So I went out of the house, letting the door close behind me. The street was full with trading people again, and although it was stil not as full as it was before the strike I had to get used to the turmoil again, after the long weeks of weary silence. The next post office was just some houses away, so that I was sure that I could do it. And everything went well indeed, so after finishing my posting task I went back into the direction from where I came from. A strong wind was houling, so I clasped my shawl stronger to my chest as if that would stop the cold entering me. My headache returned to me and I felt a tingling pain inside my head. Oh no, not again please!
I was relieved to see that I already reached the doorsteps, but when I tried to concer those I felt the same pang of pain as I did in the park. I felt my knees give away at once. Oh why was I so stupid to go outside alone again? Couldnt I listen just for once? I winced in pain, knowing that I would crash onto the cold and hard surface of the ground any second.
But just in the moment when I would collide on the pavement, someone caught me with his strong arms. He linked his one hand behind my waste possesively and pushed me up at my knees in one quick sweep. He was holding me firmly in his grasps, and when I tried to look up and identify my savior, my eyelight abandoned me, leaving me with a question and the fear of being held by a stranger, without having the power to escape anything that would probably follow. I heard him call my name when finally my consciousness left me completely and everything turned black.