The moment Izaan covered the distance between them and embraced her, he felt the puzzle piece had fitted into its rightful place. He closed his eyes and just let this moment turn into an eternity, which wasn't long but eternities shouldn't have to. It's the moment and not the time which seals the forever.
Safwa held him from his shoulders. This wasn't how she was hoping her Friday night would end up but here she was, in the arms of the man she loved and who loved her back but neither he was her man nor was she his woman.
She hid her face in his neck, trying to refresh the familiar scent of his in the dormant crevices of her subconscious. Years came flooding back to her memory. Every glance, every fleeting touch, every said and unsaid word.
Realizations and holding on.
Knowing and letting go.
Safwa opened her eyes.
When was the last time he hugged her like this?
Years back. When they were happily finding pieces of love together, stacking them to make a home. And that home shattered.
And he didn't try saving it.
Safwa slowly raised her head and the moment caused Izaan to look at her. She wasn't looking at him, not directly but something in her stance gave Izaan the hint and taking a step back he ensured the distance between them.
Safwa's eyes were downcast, she was staring at the place which had just formed between them. The empty space. Then she looked up at him.
Izaan's gaze was vulnerable. Saying so much yet guarded. He was certain but Safwa could see the dark clouds looming at the periphery.
"Safwa..."
Izaan whispered and she waited. Waited for him to tell her what this meant. For him to be sure of what he was thinking for once.
But the conflict she saw there had her face crumbled.
She retracted her steps. So far that she was against the railing.
Away from Izaan
And he understood.
He wanted to say so much but words eluded him. Safwa wanted to listen so much but Izaan was as always weighing his options while everything else was weighing him down.
There was no point for this.
She folded her arms on her chest. Didn't look at him. Couldn't look at him.
"You should go."
And he was no fool to not realize what it entailed. He opened his mouth to say something but Safwa turned the other way and Izaan let the silence of unsaid prevail between them.
Words had always been his Achilles heels.
She never needed those.
But sometimes it's not about the need, it's about the necessary.
Izaan slowly turned away to the same path he had just covered in his search for her. The same path he had walked on many times before. Every Time he had her by his side at the end but it wasn't true this time.
Safwa craned her neck and saw him walking away.
And she was suddenly reminiscing the day he left her in that conference hall crying.
After actually leaving her behind as well.
Her eyes were moist and her heart was crying.
But this was necessary.
For her.
And maybe for him as well.
____
In all his years living in a foreign country, the one thing Sarim had lost and missed immensely was nicely made tea. He switched to coffee for convenience but he could never say no to a soothing cup of tea. Small luxuries of a running life.
He took a sip of his evening tea with the very thought in mind and pressed some keys on his laptop to send the final draft for the next meeting. The falling evening of February was soothing in its own way. Sarim glanced outside where he could see Zimal playing with Dodo and for the first time the dog looked energetic. Sarim chuckled. That was a first but Dodo was selective with his enthusiasm and it was mostly resorted for just Zimal.
His attention turned to Nauman who looked like he was about to ask him something.
Another thing which felt impossible all those years back but now was a reality.
Sarim and Nauman had worked on their relationship, something both of them never tried when they were living under the same roof but maybe it was the lack of communication the realization of which hit Sarim straight in the face when Nauman disclosed he never favoured any other guy over his own son, or the distance between them where they couldn't see each other daily.
There were attempts from both sides and it led to Nauman and Sarim becoming a normal father and son duo. As normal as they could be.
"Sarim?"
"Yes, Baba?"
He typed something again and glanced at Nauman.
"Seems like you are settled here for the long run. Am I right?"
Sarim regarded his question. He wasn't wrong in confirming this because Sarim had always tried running away from staying for long and this was the first time it had been more than a month and he was so comfortable as if he'd never leave again.
And he wasn't. That was the plan for now. He couldn't say about the future but right now, he liked where he was.
"Yes, you're. I'm not moving. Not anytime soon."
Relief and a contentment washed over Nauman's features. Sarim could tell he was expecting this reaction and now after getting it, he seemed happy. It made Sarim happy as well.
"Mr. Zohaib called a few days back. He was inquiring about the plans for the purchase you made last year. Now that you're here, I think it's time to get to it."
A thoughtful expression settled on Sarim's face. Nauman was talking about the place he had bought the last time he visited. It was something he always knew he had to do but at the beginning of his career he wasn't financially sound to run with it and he didn't feel like it was the time. But over the years, as he kept on flourishing in his career he also started taking this matter seriously and just last year he had finally done the deed with Nauman's guidance and Mr. Zohaib's kind insight as a dealer.
He didn't start with giving the place his distinct feel because he had no plans of shifting there anytime soon. But now that he was here and he wasn't going back anytime soon, maybe this was the time to start with this as well. The thought excited him for some reason.
"I still feel bad about you not accepting when I proposed the idea of buying the place for you."
Sarim chuckled. He wasn't used to Nauman complaining but it wasn't anything bad. In fact it was something Sarim cherished.
"Baba, your retirement package is your and Ammi's life long insurance. If I weren't capable then it would've been different but you know I'm."
Nauman understood this but as father and especially as a neglecting father for a big chunk of Sarim's life, he felt obligated to make the amends but Sarim was satisfied and happy with the progress they had made, where nothing financial was involved, just the emotional bonding they worked on.
"It's both proud and infuriating that both of my kids don't plan on using my money while I'm always pushing them to do so."
Irma was no less than Sarim when it came to being independent. She planned on living with Farwa and Nauman but her expenses were handled by herself. She never refused whatever help Sarim or Nuaman tried giving her but for the most part she was the boss and they loved the way it had boosted her confidence in her own abilities. She was happy and she was thriving, something her parents and brother were forever going to be ecstatic about.
Sarim laughed, making Nauman smile as well. He would find a way to spoil them but this household and its patterns were changing for the better. Nauman wasn't having his way but he was proud of it and this was wholesome.
They were finally the family they were always supposed to be.
____
The silence was uncharacteristic for a meet up of the three but it was understandable because the often chaos monger was right now leaning against the bed with his face contorted in deep concentration.
Sarim played with his phone sitting at some distance but in reality he was waiting for the conversation to actually start. He gave an impatient look towards Izaan who glared at him and gestured to be quiet. Hesham would talk when he wanted to talk.
Sarim rolled his eyes.
As if.
"So, lemme get this straight."
Izaan looked heavenwards. It was pointless with these two.
Hesham glanced in Sarim's way without saying anything.
"You wanted to think and since the atmosphere in your house is anything but calm these days, your first idea was driving here and be an uninvited guest. Understandable. Especially with you but can you please do us a favour and start talking? We aren't telepaths if you haven't noticed."
Hesham narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, I have noticed."
Izaan leaned forward. It was good that Hesham wasn't silent anymore because now was the right time to ask him what his deal was anyway.
"You said you talked it out with Zonish."
Hesham pursed his lips. Sarim raised an eyebrow and Izaan looked on expectantly.
It was just a week back when Safwa called them all telling them about this new development in Hesham's life. Sarim and Izaan weren't as surprised though, they'd be if the things hadn't progressed this way. It was a long time coming.
"I did and we agreed to think about it. It wasn't something both of us felt was impossible. But that's the hard part. The thinking part."
Sarim snorted.
"Again, Understandable."
Izaan threw the cushion at Sarim who ducked but sobered immediately.
They waited for Hesham to continue and he did.
"I'm just...it's pretty overwhelming. Considering the fact that you're about to share your life with someone, your routine and there will be adjustments to make. I don't want any of us to compromise, you know. I know Zoni. I know she will straight out tell this on my face if she doesn't like anything but it doesn't change the fact that all this is very new and at times very confusing. And I'm feeling like this being a guy, imagine how it would be for Zoni."
"Well, knowing her, I can say she must be handling it better than you."
Sarim was right. Hesham knew she must be. She was always good at it. They hadn't talked much after that meeting. Both of them were coming to terms with what agreeing to this would entail.
Hesham was usually the sort of person who wouldn't think much and just follow his instinct. It had always worked in his favour but this time around he didn't want to approach it that way. He wanted to think everything through because it wasn't just about him, Zonish was also going to get the hit if things went haywire and that was something he didn't want to happen. At all. So, he was going out of his way and focusing on every detail, something that was both surprising and endearing.
"It was always going to be this way, Hesham. Ideal situation might have been you and Zonish sorting things and feelings out and then letting your family know. Here it is happening in reverse but the bottom line is, it is happening."
Izaan's perceptive two cents made sense. As always.
"Go with the flow. Stick to your usual strategy. It always works in your favour."
Sarim's assurance was another thing which made him visibly relaxed. They were right. He needed to just let things shape the way they were planned. It had happened so far and it wasn't something disappointing.
He looked between both of his best friends and smirked.
"I agree with you being able to help me with just a little part. Seeing relationship advice isn't your area of expertise. You know the history and stuff."
Smug bastard.
"Get lost."
Sarim said with an air of nonchalance. Hesham didn't even take him seriously.
"Make me."
Izaan left an exasperated sigh. Trust them to get back to normal in no time.
Normal.
His thoughts were ready to wander but he couldn't afford it. Not now. The guys knew about his changed home situation and were happy for him but he hadn't told them about what happened between him and Safwa after that. He himself wasn't sure what it was. He just knew that things weren't right and it was only him who could right them.
They were going to continue their bickering when the door of the room creaked open and Zimal peeked inside. She eyed the three of them curiously and then opening the door wider got inside with Dodo in tow.
Without any further ado she settled herself next to Izaan and kept on chewing the crisps in her hand.
"Are you okay?"
She asked Hesham. He raised an eyebrow.
"Why? Are you asking this because you finally changed your mind about this one,"
He pointed towards Izaan.
"Being your favourite Mamu?"
Zimal shook her head and scooted over so that she was closer to Izaan.
"Fat chance."
Hesham was offended. Zimal had made it clear long back that her superior Mamu was obviously Sarim but in the remaining category, Izaan was the one she liked the most.
"But are you okay?"
"Why are you asking? He looks fine. See."
Sarim said, looking at Hesham as he patted Dodo who had made himself comfortable on the floor beside him.
"He didn't ask me for snacks when he came. And he always asks me for snacks."
There. The reason why Hesham wasn't her favourite Mamu.
"In my defense, I don't like gummy bears."
Another reason.
"Everyone likes gummy bears!"
"Who's everyone?"
"Mama, Mamu, Nano, Izaan Mamu, Safwa Khala and Elaf!"
Hesham narrowed his eyes at her lack of calling Elaf with any honorific. Sarim immediately looked away. Hesham was one easy talker. He would get it out of Zimal but before she could elaborate on it, Irma was at the door huffing and puffing.
"Baby, give mama heads up next time that you're in your Mamu's room. I was looking everywhere for you."
"Why wouldn't you think of checking Sarim's room as soon as you didn't find her around?"
Hesham asked and Irma raised an eyebrow.
"She's eating her favourite crisps."
"And?"
"And you're around."
"Oh."
Zimal nodded her head and Izaan couldn't help chuckling at her 'I told you so' expression.
"Okay, Zimal. Let's go. Your cookies are ready and then we have to study for a bit too."
Zimal got up from the couch but before doing so she gave Izaan her best toothy grin and running towards Hesham handed him her packet of crisps.
"Take it, Mamu. I'm going to have cookies anyway."
Hesham was both amused and offended but he started munching on the crisps right away. It was his favourite.
Irma lingered on talking to Izaan. Zimal reached her side when Irma looked at Hesham. A teasing smile appeared on her face.
"So, should we all start getting our joras ready?"
Hesham raised an eyebrow.
"Not likely. Hesham is and I quote 'thinking things through'"
Sarim added and Irma found it hard to believe.
"Ahan. Then make it quick, Dulhay. It's been so long we all attended a wedding together."
"Noted, Ma'am."
Hesham's response made Irma laugh while Zimal was looking at them with wide eyes. As they left, the boys heard Zimal shouting in disbelief.
"You mean to say Hesham Mamu is going to be a broom? Like we saw on TV that day?"
Needless to say, they couldn't stop laughing for a while.
There in Alvi House things were in a stark contrast. The family was giving Zonish enough time to consider everything, the reason why she was right now alone in her room, sitting in the window and
Smiling.
Her glasses were set low on her nose and she was wearing an oversized shirt. Casual and comfy.
But for the first time the ease wasn't just around her but inside her too.
This wasn't a bad idea at all.
Far from it.
____
Elaf rested her face on her knees and looked at the lost form of her best friend. She was here at Kirmani house to talk about the new development in Hesham's life but got a shock seeing how lost Safwa was. She didn't have to prod her much. Just a little bit of persuasion and Safwa told her about what happened the other night.
Elaf was silent after that. She didn't want to say anything which would make Safwa more hurt and lost. Instead she waited for Safwa to say something. Her hand was holding Safwa's in a comforting grip.
Safwa looked at the sky outside of the window and sighed.
"You think I made a mistake but asking him to leave?"
Elaf shook her head.
"It's been six years, Elaf. Any other person in my place would've moved on by now. But I didn't. I couldn't. Every time I even considered moving on, the fact that I won't be loving someone as I loved him and he won't be loving someone else as he loved me crossed my mind and I stopped. I stopped because there was always this hope that we weren't over. There was something between us. Torn, shattered, barely breathing. But it was."
She shook her head as tears gathered on her cheeks.
"I hate young love. It consumes you. It ruins you for anyone else. What were we? Two kids? Who had no idea of the vast world outside. We weren't supposed to fall this hard. We weren't supposed to get stuck on each other so much that there wouldn't be any opening for anyone else."
"Shhh! Don't say it like this. I did see you both. You were so beautiful together. As persons. As lovers. As everything. Don't downplay what you had just because he didn't work out."
Safwa sniffed. Elaf was probably right but Safwa was tired of always looking in the past to conjure a memory of them. Their love deserved more.
"When he came and hugged me. For a minute everything felt like it fell into place. Every wrong was right once again. I was lost. It had been so long since he embraced me like that. I wanted to cherish it you know but then..."
She stopped.
"Then I remembered. And then I looked at his face."
She glanced at Elaf.
"He still wasn't sure, Elaf. He still was second guessing his actions."
Oh, Izaan. Elaf wanted to hug her best friend but more than that she wanted to hold Izaan and tell him how precious he was and how he was losing something even more precious. This love he and Safwa shared.
"I might not be his priority but I'm not a liability either. If I let him in now, someday in the future something will go wrong again and what will he do? He will leave. He will listen to his protective self deprecating instincts and leave me behind once again and I will lose my every path, every trail which once led me to him. I will be lost."
She took a deep breath.
"I can't be lost. Not again. So this is why I asked him to leave. I love him. I never stopped loving him. My heart and my arms are always open for him but only if he's completely utterly sure that he's ready and only if he promises that he won't sacrifice our love and leave me again if things went south. He will not make decisions for the both of us. Otherwise I don't know what will happen. But we can't get back together this way. We can't."
She hugged Elaf who patted her back soothingly trying to comfort her. Safwa's doubts and apprehensions were right at their place. Izaan wasn't entirely at fault six years back, for the most part he was compelled to come to the decision he came with. But now, it was high time. He had to make a decision. For how long both of them were going to oscillate between nothing and everything? This would soon become toxic if they didn't do anything about it. Both of them could work this out. For the better or the worse. They just needed to make just each other the priority. For Safwa it was always Izaan. In an optimistic way. For Izaan it was always Safwa, in a pessimistic way.
Now was the time just to think straight. Without being interrupted by broken families and disappointed elders.
___
Sarim parked his car outside on the porch and got out of it in a hurry. He was supposed to take Elaf somewhere and he himself was almost half an hour late. Sucks to be the boss.
Elaf had told him she was going straight to his place because Irma had called her to spend some time together. The arrangement was workable for him. But he never knew he would get stuck in a meeting which was scheduled in a hurry just to discuss an immediate matter.
He covered the hallway and the living area all the while loosening his tie with one hand. He was at the base of the TV lounge when his eyes fell on Zimal and Elaf sitting there.
Zimal's story book was opened in front of her and Elaf, very enthusiastically, was narrating a fairy tale to her.
It wasn't the story that was mesmerizing, it would be the storyteller. Elaf was donning every character and with such vibrant expressions that Sarim couldn't stop looking. Zimal was excitedly responding to her every word clapping her hands to show how much she was loving it.
A fond smile appeared on Sarim's lips. Trust Elaf Daud to make children's stories appealing as well.
Zimal was the first one to spot him. She ran to get him to show the little adventure of her and Elaf but Elaf had straightened her posture and was looking anywhere but him. Sarim narrowed his eyes. She actually was pretending that nothing was happening here? Cute.
"She's so fun! I love when she visits! I hope she stays longer though!"
Zimal whispered-shouted in his ear when Irma came inside and Elaf told her that she was leaving with Sarim as he had to show her somewhere.
His heart protested vehemently to do something about the kid's wish. But he stifled it. It would happen but for now one thing at a time.
"You have your own place?"
Elaf inquired excitedly as Sarim drove in the direction of the area. He smiled lightly.
"This is so cool!"
She was very pumped to see what he had going on there and he found it very cute and personal. Her showing enthusiasm over his achievements was always something he loved and cherished.
"It was Baba's idea actually. He knew I was into buying a nice place here in Karachi and since he's friends with a dealer, he kept his eye around and when he found a place he thought I would like, he informed me. So, this is how all this came to be."
Elaf was listening to him intently and when he finished she threw him a searching look. There was nothing suspicious about it. She had a pleasant smile plastered on her face and it stayed there the whole car ride.
The house was what Elaf would call a cocoon. It wasn't too showy. Too modest. Just the right amount of homely and modern. She loved the layout and architecture.
As she and Sarim moved around and inside the place, Elaf couldn't stop being in awe of the taste that must've gotten into making this place such an aesthetic and the fact that it wasn't fully furnished yet still it was quite an eye-catching ambiance made her more in favour of the setting.
"So, what would you say?"
Sarim asked as he sat down with Elaf on the raised steps leading to the sliding doors. She peeked through the tinted window at the silent street outside and grinned.
"This is so homely."
"I know. It was the main reason why I chose it. It had a very distinct vibe."
"Just the final furnishing touches and interior and then it will be good to use. Are you planning on moving here though?"
Sarim shook his head.
"No, not yet. I will sometime in the future but don't have any plans for it for now. It stays closed mostly. Once in a while Ammi comes here and gets things sorted."
Elaf nodded understandably and pushed her weight on her palms which were resting behind her. She glanced at Sarim's silent profile. The evening glow was giving him a vibrant halo. Elaf couldn't look away.
"Your relationship with your father has gotten so much better. It's honestly refreshing to see."
Sarim just smiled. Almost all of his close friends had once or twice commented on it and congratulated him. It was a huge change in his life. His fall out with Nauman was the reason he was so independent so early in life. It wasn't an easy feat but looking back, Sarim had very few regrets and many triumphs.
"We just had a lot of miscommunication. He wasn't good at explaining and I wasn't good at understanding. But once we both decided to let it not come between what we could share as a father and son, things only got better with time. It was all a matter of starting over and letting it do its wonder."
"Starting over."
Elaf mumbled, almost tasting how the profound word felt on her lips.
"Starting over isn't bad. At least my situation with my father proved that to me."
Elaf was silent now. Sarim was eyeing the way she was playing with her fingers once again. She was thinking of the same thing he had on his mind. This was his opening to actually bring the topic up.
"So when are you starting over?"
She gave him a confused yet knowing look.
"What?"
"Theater."
Elaf immediately looked away. It told Sarim she was expecting this only.
"That's absurd. Don't be ridiculous."
Sarim narrowed his eyes.
"What's so absurd about it?"
"Everything?"
"Elaborate, Elaf. I'm not getting your point."
She sighed tiredly.
"My point is, it's in the past. A part of it. It's not for me now and I want to keep it this way only."
She stood up as if announcing that the conversation was over but the person in front of her was Sarim Haider and he wasn't done yet. He followed her and before she could turn away held her hand.
"I beg to differ. It's the only thing for you, Elaf."
"Doesn't matter."
"Really? Why?"
He was actually looking in the mood for a debate. Elaf gave him an incredulous look.
"No, stop looking at me and start with it. Give me a good reason why you shouldn't start over with theater. In fact, give me all the reasons you have."
Elaf sighed exasperatedly but then her eyes hardened.
"I don't owe you any explanation."
Sarim diminished the distance between them. Elaf stood her ground looking right in his eyes when he raised his hand and cupped her face with a tenderness that was both soothing and compelling. The effect was immediate. Elaf melted with his touch like she was made of ice and he was the first ray of sunshine.
"But I owe myself and you this. I know what the artist in you is capable of, Elaf. You are the only one when you go up there at the stage. It's your playing field and you own it. You own every person sitting in the audience. That is your power when you are performing. Don't deny yourself this."
The eyes that were looking into Sarim's were a mixture of vulnerability and fear. She wasn't in fight mode anymore. In fact she leaned into his hand as if his touch was the only thing anchoring her. Sarim came closer and Elaf could see the rich brown of his eyes, his irises a constellation of stars he wanted her to reach. Stars he thought she was one.
"You were my inspiration to reach my goals. I used to get my determination of going forward by seeing you performing over there. I was no fool. And even a fool could tell that this girl who's weaving magic with her expressions and body language out there was an ace of her field. Don't snatch that from yourself, Elaf."
She shuddered.
"Theater never brought any good to my life. In fact every bad thing started from that damned stage."
She whispered so low that if Sarim weren't so close to her, he wouldn't be able to listen to what she was saying.
"Then let's change the scheme. The pattern. Let's make it the beginning of every good from here on. I'm here and so is everyone else. For you. Let's start over."
Elaf shook her head and clutched his shirt in her hands. She wasn't exerting any force. Just a small pull to look at anywhere but in his eyes. They unnerved her.
"It's not that easy. Not this simple."
"It is. You just have to try."
She bent her head and then after what felt like eons, she looked up. He was still there, his eyes still the same, soft and inviting. Elaf felt a tear rolling down her cheek and Sarim pulled her even closer.
She fitted right into his arms like always. Her head rested on his chest while he kissed the top of her head trying his best to hide her away from everything that scarred her to deny herself the chance of being who she truly was.
_____
Elaf was quiet when Sarim dropped her home. She was even quieter when she sat down to have dinner with her parents. Yusra noticed it. Daud too. But they didn't say anything to make her even more upset. Yusra caressed her hair when she was collecting the dishes. Elaf gave her mother a weak smile and after getting done with kitchen chores, she came to her room and locked the door behind.
She leaned against the headboard. Her fleece blanket was at her feet but she didn't attempt to tug herself in. She wasn't going to sleep anyway.
Sarim Haider. Just how many things this man was going to bring back to her life things she had written off for herself. Things which she knew didn't end well and wouldn't as well.
But what if he was right. What if now was the right time to start over and see how this goes?
She could make it work. The stakes weren't as high as before. It wasn't the theater's fault that everything backfired. It was her way of approaching it. She was hiding it as some kind of a dirty secret when she should've worn it like a jewel because it was her passion. Something she was good at.
What were the chances that now this wouldn't fall flat.
That herself and her passion would have a happy ever after?
This was too complicated or maybe she had made it so, in her fear that only bad was going to happen if she ever looked back in the direction.
Elaf was so conflicted. She wanted to curse Sarim Haider for bringing chaos to her otherwise mundane and monotonous life but he was trying everything he could to tell her nothing about her was mundane.
She chuckled but her face was contorted into an expression of helplessness. This was so bizarre. Suddenly her life problems had taken one eighty.
The ringing of her phone brought her back to the very life and she scrambled to get it. It was thrown somewhere in the sheets.
Elaf looked at the caller ID and scrunched her brows in confusion. It was an unknown international number.
She picked up with a shrug.
"Hello?"
She asked confusedly.
"Elaf?"
A very familiar voice. Eaf couldn't place it but she knew she had heard it before.
"It's Reeja here."
Reeja.
Reeja Inayat.
"Reeja!"
Reeja laughed lightly at Elaf's shocked voice.
"Yes, the same. God it's been so long! How are you?"
Elaf had gotten over her initial surprise to some extent.
"I'm good. What about you? "
"I'm the same. It's just that I'm not as jobless as I was before."
Elaf smiled. Modest.
"And what about life?"
Elaf asked, playing with a loose thread on her shirt.
"Life...well many changes occur over the time. Remember the exchange program which was my escape route too. Well, I never got back to Pakistan. I found my passion there. Always had a flair for photography. I talked to my father and after enrolling myself to a new institute I switched my major. I'm a successful photographer now or that's what I like to call myself. My siblings also followed in my footsteps and right now almost all of us are scattered in different parts of the world, but one thing is for sure, we are striving for our dreams."
Elaf was so happy to know that. It was almost fascinating how Reeja had used an unfortunate situation as her driving force and made a whole new world for herself.
"You tell me now. How's life at your end?"
Reeja inquired and Elaf's hand stopped. What should she tell her? That she went through hell and then lost herself in the process of building everything from scratch.
"I'm living. I wouldn't be so sure about thriving. It's a 9-5 job for me."
"Don't kid me!"
Reeja's voice was filled with disbelief and Elaf was taken aback. Reeja couldn't believe she was a part of the regular drill. Just how many of her classmates were out there who were in the same impression that Elaf Daud, of all the people that theater prodigy was living her best life and thriving in her passion.
"It's the truth. But enough about me. How did you find me? I'm actually surprised you remember me."
Reeja chuckled.
"As if. I'm not in contact with anyone from the class though. But I always wanted to reach out to you. Once bumped into Sarim on the NYC subway and after talking for a while I asked him for your number since I couldn't get to you through your previous one. He just shook his head with a sheepish smile telling me he didn't have it."
Oh, Sarim. Elaf closed her eyes while the phone was still glued to her ear.
"But he forwarded it to me just a few hours back and I decided I had to call you. So, here I'm."
"Good thing you did that. It's so nice catching up with you."
Elaf was honest. She never quite forgot Reeja. The whole ordeal which changed so much for her and to some extent for Elaf as well but it wasn't Elaf's story so she never let her think that way.
"It is. I also wanted to reach out to actually thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything, I guess. But mostly for standing up for me. I know I thanked you that time too but I didn't know that one act of yours would stay with me for so long."
Elaf was quiet.
"You changed my perspective about life. And maybe you were the reason I never backed down from standing up for someone after that. I followed my dream of photography because somewhere I had you in my mind. How you did glorious things while living your passion. It was always so inspiring but I got to feel it in full force after I left it all and started anew. Thank you, Elaf. Your one step of standing up for me and raising your voice for the right cause gave me life lessons I still use whenever the need arises."
"Reeja, that was ..."
"I know you'd say that it was expected of you. Trust me on this. So much is expected of each one of us but very rarely people realize it and act for it. You did. When you didn't have to. And for that you will always have my respect."
Elaf was tongue tied. She had no words to say to Reeja. She was just listening to her when after a while Reeja ended the call, Elaf silently placed the phone on the bedside table. She covered her face with her palms and then taking a deep sigh, got up.
Her feet took her to the drawer on the side. She opened it using all her force as the hinges were stuck again.
Her journal smiled back at her as if welcoming her home.
She picked it up with trembling fingers and caressed the cover.
A tear got lost in the battered binding. But this tear was the first sign of life this journal was again going to see.
____
Yusra was surprised to see her daughter was not ready for office. Day offs had no place in Elaf's life so it was surely an out of the blue thing.
"You're not going to the office today?"
Yusra asked and Elaf nodded while taking small bites of her breakfast. She wiped her face and looked straight at Daud.
"Baba, I want to talk to you and Mama about something."
Daud was confused and curious. Elaf hadn't been the same outspoken girl of his she once was. When she wanted to talk it was always about something serious and right now the determination on her face was telling him the same.
"Jee beta?"
He asked and Elaf pushed her chair a bit closer to him. She held his hand.
"I'm planning on starting over something and I want to do it right this time around. No secrets and no hiding."
Yusra's face lit up. She could tell where this was going to go.
"I'm thinking of giving another chance to the theater."
Yusra squealed with happiness while Daud was silent. He was looking at Elaf and then he shook his head.
"You really think I deserve to know this after whatever I made you go through?"
"Baba!"
He looked away as moisture started getting there in his eyes.
"I was living with a baggage all these years that I pushed my own child away from everything she used to love. That was something which was making me wake up from my sleep and freeze when I was in the middle of doing a chore. This guilt was eating me from within, Elaf. I owe you so much."
"Baba, please don't say this. You paid so much for the mistake. We all did. Let's not blame this on ourselves. Please."
"I'm glad you don't hate me when I did everything to make sure my own family ends up cursing the very bond we share."
The fleeting gaze in Yusra's direction wasn't hidden from Elaf. He hadn't just let down his daughter but wife as well. He was repenting for years. He even asked forgiveness from Yusra but with Elaf he always felt no words would be able to justify when he was feeling. He was seeing his own child losing herself. That is never easy for any parent.
"You didn't have to ask us anything. You just go out there and live your dream. We are here rooting for you. I'm done coming between you and your dreams. I'm now starting over at this being a father thing all over again. And I promise I'll be good."
"You will be the best!"
She hugged him and held Yusra's hand.
She was going to do this and she couldn't be happier her family was right there with her.
It was a sign.
It was right after an hour that Elaf stood in front of the art council. She was here to get the mentor's information and then to meet him.
She was finally doing it.
_____
Hesham Baig might be going through some life changing contemplations on the personal front but it didn't affect his professional life at all. Another twisted case. Another tale of injustice. Another culprit running away into hiding. Hesham had his hands full.
The particular case was also twisted because the culprit had ties in political lobbies and their involvement is never a good sign.
So, here he was, with two of his fellows, outside of the lodging of Sardar Hayat where the low life Chugtai was hiding. The dera was the stereotypical eerie site. Armed guards were stationed outside on every entrance. Hayat's men were also patrolling around and not without their weapons. Good. Glorious shit show. The location wasn't in any capacity harmless. Their plan was to create a diversion and then look for Chugtai.
Hesham was in his full work mode. Focused eyes and the adrenaline rushing through his veins. They needed Chugtai to tell them the whole story which was being twisted just because he was out of the picture.
"They know we are here."
One of the men on his team, Sharjeel whispered, making Hesham's scowl deepen. This wasn't good.
"I see commotion on the sides. We aren't alone."
Hesham added his bit and it was true. He had spotted two people who were as outsiders to the setting as they were. Their being in the shadows was what gave them away to him. He was good at noticing details, which made him best at his job.
His eyes focused on the one particular silhouette. Something was telling him that this wasn't right. It was intuition or maybe more but he wasn't getting good vibes.
On stealthy steps, he hid behind the trees and kept on walking without making any fuss. The person was right in his view.
She turned some more into the wall and Hesham felt his temper rising. Fantastic.
He reached behind the wall and before she could even say something pushed her to the corner so she wouldn't be visible to anyone with a gun.
"What the hell is your problem!"
Zonish whispered angrily and held onto her camera.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
She looked taken aback by his harsh tone.
"I'm documenting this. As a proof."
"I didn't ask you to."
Ass.
"Listen, this is how we always do things. You get shit done and I gather the evidence. What is the problem now?"
Hesham pointed in the direction of armed men and gave Zonish a duh look.
"You are spotted and you'd be shot before you can even scowl at him."
As she was saying, Ass.
"I'm doing my job just like you."
"I was the one who told you about this case."
"Got my expert opinion you mean."
Hesham had no time for this banter in the middle of them standing in the lion's den. They could be seen and then shit would hit the fan.
"Zonish, go home."
"Shut up."
"You aren't cooperating."
"I'm not supposed to do your bidding."
"For suck's sake stop being a pest and just for once listen to me."
Zonish's eyes narrowed. A pest. Wow.
Just before they could keep this argument going, loud gunshots boomed in the area and both of them stilled. Hesham cursed because this was it. They'd have to run for their life now. Chugtai was going to be safe tonight but he would make sure this doesn't happen again.
As he held Zonish's arm to lead them towards the escape route she jerked his hand away but kept on walking with him.
Hesham wanted to shout out loud.
Why him!
_____
Izaan placed the mug of coffee back on the table and agitatedly stood up. Kumail was eyeing his reaction with a neutral face. He didn't expect him to go into shock like Roshna but he didn't expect him to be casual about it either. Izaan was just giving the exact reaction Kumail had expected.
After all, knowing your good friend has a brain tumor isn't as easy of a thing to digest.
It was still unclear what kind of the tumor it was, what would be the treatment course and how much time would take to heal. Dr. Imran was slowly coming up with all the possibilities and options.
It was an unexpected blow but Kumail had gotten over the initial shock. Yes, there was so much at stake but this is life and this is how it strikes you like a python's attack. Uncalled for and sometimes lethal.
Izaan was not reading Kumail's file. Kumail had done that already. Being a doctor had made him practical about this aspect of life but still it wasn't easy realizing that the reports you are looking at don't belong to a patient but you.
"Just to give you some consolation, It isn't that bad."
Izaan scowled at his casual approach. But he knew what Kumail was trying to do. Playing it cool so the people around him wouldn't lose hope.
"How's your family and how's Roshna?"
Izaan asked, to which Kumail sighed.
"They are still processing it. Ammi is in a bad phase and Baba is silent. Roshna took it better than everyone but still she has been distraught as well."
Izaan could imagine. This was not doing good to his own heart as well. Kumail? This joker friend of his who had been with him throughout med school and his professional life.
"Your coffee is getting cold."
Kumail pointed out as he saw Izaan looking lost. Izaan opened his mouth to say something when Roshna entered inside the on-call room and straight went to Kumail.
"Your mother just called my Mama."
Kumail looked on confusedly.
"She was talking about calling off the engagement!"
She sat next to Kumail and held her head in her palms.
"I can't believe this!"
"Roshna..."
"Don't Roshna me! This isn't how things work."
She huffed and got up. She wanted to shout and scream but everything was against her today. Kumail was already not well and she didn't want to stress him any further. She walked out of there with bloodshed eyes and quivering lips.
Izaan followed her outside where she was standing close to the empty desk. She saw him approaching and wiped her eyes. The action was so vulnerable. Izaan was torn.
"You know he won't let this happen, do you?"
"He better not. If he pulls a you then I will personally see him. I'm not as cooperating as Safwa was."
She sniffled and then finally a sob broke through her lips. Izaan held her trying to give the support she needed.
"This is just so unfair. We are all already going through so much and on top his mother is hinting at these things. I'm not leaving him. If we weren't engaged still my decision would be the same."
Izaan didn't even know what to say. Roshna looked up at him.
"I love him, Izaan. And when I decided to be with him I didn't sign a contract that he won't get sick. Neither did he sign one that if he ended up being sick I would be free to leave him. All I'm trying to say is that life is unpredictable. It never goes according to our plans. So, in all this uncertainty, having each other close is sometimes the only solace we have. The only thing worth fighting for. I'm staying and this is my decision. No one can take away this choice from me. Not him. Not his parents. I won't let any of them. No matter what life has stored for us, we face it together."
There was a determination to her stance. She shifted in her place and saw Kumail standing at the door of the on-call room. She reached his side and he held her hand.
"Together."
"Yes, together."
They smiled. Strained smiles but smiles nonetheless.
Izaan stood there watching them with a smile.
But at that moment it hit him.
Did he ever give Safwa the choice to stay or leave?
The answer was a no.
____
Hesham had visited Alvi House countless times in the past few years but never he was this nervous. The reason wasn't the latest development in his and Zonish's relationship. It was mainly the incident of yesterday where he messed up.
He was generally not a temperamental person but last night everything was dangerous and he felt protectiveness for the one particular bespectacled sassy woman.
He crossed a line when she was being stubborn but he was now here to apologize.
If only Zonish let him even stand close to her which was looking like a rarity.
He saw her descending the stairs as she was leaving for work. She spotted Hesham and her scowl deepened.
Royally ignored.
Hesham followed her though. He was a man on a mission.
"Zoni!"
She ignored him again when he stood between her and her car on the porch of Alvi House.
"Move aside."
"Come on. I'm just here to talk."
"I'm not interested."
"Zoni."
He whined like a kid and Zonish gave him an unbelievable look. Who could say this was the same guy who was going all macho on her last night.
She narrowed her eyes.
"I really thought you weren't like that."
Hesham was taken aback.
"Like what?"
"Like those who think women can't protect themselves."
"What the hell?"
He was genuinely confused.
"Is this not the reason why you wanted to send me away?"
Hesham was now annoyed. Zonish's hard expressions had now morphed into hurt. Oh, this sentimental sassy bespectacled woman!
"Are you hearing yourself right now? Zoni, we were surrounded by assholes who were ready to kill anyone they saw. It was a dangerous location and we wanted to be as stealthy as possible. We were sure we wouldn't even get our hands on Chugtai. For the most part we were there to just try our luck but if things got messed up we were to run and save our asses."
"I was also there for my work if you must know."
"There was nothing to document. You were just endangering yourself. Have I ever stopped you from coming to any place before? Last night I just didn't want you to become collateral damage. It was far too dangerous and even we were leaving soon."
He took a step forward towards her.
"I know you can take care of yourself but I just couldn't let you be in danger that too over nothing. I understand the nature of our jobs but if I knew you were in for a bullet I would always tell you to run because I don't think those fuckers would even care if anything happened to you but it will change my world forever. And not for the better. Not in slightest. "
Zonish was tongue tied. Hesham wasn't looking at her. He scratched his neck and shrugged his shoulders.
Zonish opened her car door and hurriedly pushed her things aside, tossing them on the front seat.
"A simple wedding and no extra fuss."
She said to him raising a finger in his direction and Hesham felt he was having hearing problems.
"What?"
But she had already started her car.
"You heard me, Baig."
She shouted as she drove away and Hesham was grinning like an idiot standing on the porch of his in-laws.
____
Deepak closed the file in front of him and waited for the next contestant. The auditions were his favourite part of his professional life. He got to see so much talent and he loved when the art of theatrics was ever growing.
But today his eyes were there on a particular contestant sitting in the waiting line.
He was told about her by Faryal years back and when he saw her performance, he was mesmerized and impressed. He himself was a theater prodigy and impressing him was no easy feat but this woman had that in her.
So, now, years after when he was seeing her in the audition line he was curious. Was her talent still as potent as it was that day or it had flourished some more? Or it had rusting edges which needed to be sharpened?
Elaf clamped her sweaty palms even though it was the middle of February. She inhaled deeply. Just two more people and then it'd be her turn.
She was ready.
But no! She was oh not ready.
She looked at the script in her hand once again. It was a difficult scene where she had to showcase her expression and voice control as much as she could.
This audition was her first step towards living her dream. She didn't want to mess it up.
In about fifteen minutes her name was called and she stood up on wobbly legs. Her eyes darted around. Not one familiar face.
She stood in front of the panel when they gestured to her to start.
She closed her eyes and opening them after a second, discarded the script on a nearby bench.
This was it.
She held her head high and let the show began.
It was going smoothly. She was living what she had read and learned on the script. She hadn't once stopped. Her body and face in a constant battle to outdone each other.
But then something shifted.
She had hated the way the character in the script ended up even though she had lots of potential.
It spoke to her.
This was the fate she was here to change.
So she started it by changing the script mid performance.
She could hear gasps around. Everyone was provided the same script so their performances could be graded without any fuss.
She moved. She laughed. She cried. She got angry.
But she didn't give up.
And ended the performance with her head held high.
There was unbreakable silence around.
Only one person was clapping for her.
Front row, third seat.
As always.
Elaf smiled in his direction but then following Sarim the head mentor got up and soon she was surrounded with applause.
It was Elaf Daud's glorious comeback to the stage.
Her arena.
___