I avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I don't know if I want to see the person that's there. The girl I once knew is now broken and hurt by the guy she so desperately fell in love with after he used her and is now hurting her whenever he can.
I feel boiling ho tear run across my cheek and then stop at my jaw bone, disappearing as if never there even though the wetness behind them still remains.
I hear rattling at the main door to the bathroom and I can only hope nobody is trying to enter the zone that I've now made mine.
"Madison." I hear Stephanie's voice and I'm instantly calmed, I spot our table from the mall crack of the opened door and notice the way Hayley is taring at Miles when he's looking down at the menu in front of him. Cody is staying silent and barely looking at the menu. Stephanie finally closes the door and walks inside.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I had no idea Elijah would—"
"It's okay." I stop her before there is any more humiliation I have to go through. Elijah made a mistake and it doesn't matter, I don't want myself to feel bad and I don't want him to feel bad.
"No, ugh, gosh, Madison, this is such a mess," Stephanie says sighting but hen all of a sudden she giggles and I start to giggle too.
"Maybe this is all I needed," I tell her and truly feel the way my best friend always makes me smile.
"I'll make sure Elijah knows from now on that you two have a complex relationship." She says and I nod with a small smile. She pulls something out of her purse and I see that she has two q-tips in her hands. She reaches up to my face and lightly taps away from all the damage my tears have caused my makeup.
I smile at her and she smiles at me and then before I know it, I push the door to the outside world again and this time someone else is at our table; Jace. I don't know how much more I can take.
"Jace," I speak as I approach closer and he turns around and so does everyone except Miles.
"I was hoping to talk to you." He says softly and I nod
He looks me in the eyes for a steady moment and I'm not sure if he is going to say the words here or if he wants to be somewhere more private but when I look around me, there is nowhere privately except for here.
"I don't know why I keep interfering with your life," Jace says, his hands in his pockets as he tries his hardest to keep his eyes steady on mine. He grabs my hand and leads me toward the loud bar. Everyone at our table has started eating and I haven't even ordered anything yet.
I turn my head back to Jace and we just look at each other for what feels like five minutes, I know he wants to say something important but I don't know If I want to hear it, he's hurting Rosie, she doesn't deserve whatever he's going through.
"You have your own things going on—I and I know that . . . but you'll always be my first and only love and I won't ever forget it," Jace says.
"Jace . . . I—" I don't know how to respond, hearing these words always triggers something in me, something that tells me I know I should be with him but then something completely different rises to the surface.
"So go ahead." Miles's voice rings in an almost growl behind me and I almost jump. I feel as he shifts from being behind me to being right next to me.
My pulse quickens and I can't help from breathing unevenly, feeling so unsteady with his presence so close to me.
"Miles—" I try but his anger is fuming and he sees red, not reality. I can't believe I said his name out loud, I can't believe I even acknowledged him after hurting me the way he did.
"Then go ahead, do it, do whatever the hell you want to do, go fuck Jace." He barks and by the time his words have hit me, everyone seems to have left the table, Cody is standing beside Jace and me while Hayley approaches Miles, and Stephanie and Elijah are staring at the whole situation, ready to stop it if this escalates any further.
"No, because I don't hurt the people I love," I simply say, my voice shaky even though it doesn't come out like that. Surprisingly, it comes out confident and strong even though it's barely a whisper.
"You sure?." Miles leans in so aggressively that I feel scared of him. My mind travels back to the pool when Jacob ran out of the party and Miles told me I was the only one who wasn't scared of him but what he didn't know is that I was scared, I am scared of him but I can't let him go, no matter how scared I am, I will never stop approaching him even like this.
"I'm sure," I say steadily this time and I receive a smile from him. My heart beats faster and faster and I can't help but wonder if he hears it beat as fast as it does.
"Can I offer you a drink?" Cody all of a sudden speaks, his eyes just as harsh as Miles's. Cody gives him a side smile.
"I'm good, but your girlfriend might need one," Miles replies, his voice raspy and thick as if he doesn't care about me or who I'm with but I know that deep down he has to.