"Have you talked to Aurora?"
"It's five am," Arthur says, rubbing his short hair as we stand in the exercise yard. Our cells weren't ready. Apparently, we're back a day early. I don't much care; it doesn't make a hell of a lot of difference. I am interested in our future attempt to escape, which will ultimately lead to our violent deaths. That should be diverting. As it is, I lean against the cement wall and stare up at the cool trees and try to figure out if at some point in my mind, I would have cared about anything. I used to wonder if I was always like this. Or if them taking me away made me the shell that I am now. But now I don't care. Because if that memory was at all what it appeared, I murdered my whole family because they were annoying me. So, I'm no better than Angel I guess. But I can strive to be different. It's the striving that gets me. I'll have a lifetime of striving for something tranquil some sort of peace. Only to wind up dead. I wish that wasn't what had to happen. But I've seen the world and it looks like it does.
"Five am hasn't stopped you before come on, tell her we're back," Angel pleads, "Then tell me what she said. God knows they'll have you in observations all day and you won't get the chance."
"Fine, what do you want me to tell her?" Arthur sighs a little.
"That we're going out tonight," Angel says, in his obvious voice.
"We are?" I kind of knew he'd want to do that. I swear to god he's gone through full on withdrawals from not kissing her in months. It's proof that I'm latently evil that I think it's funny.
"We are?" Arthur asks a little nervously.
"They dragged us off in the night to haul us a million miles away, just to hook you up to machines for months on end, yes, we are leaving, that was bull shit and they aren't doing it to you or any of us again," Angel says, annoyed, "We're going. Whether we have to steal a car or not. I'm not risking losing or Aurora or the three of us losing each other."
I shrug when they look at me.
"Guys, we're the only family we have," Angel says, "What if they'd decided to keep Arthur there? Or ship the two of us somewhere else? I lost my first family—I'm not losing this one."
Arthur is frowning.
"What?" if he says he can't find her ---
"I can't find her," Arthur winces.
"What?" Angel asks, the color draining from his face, "What do you mean?"
"Not yet---she's just not at her house---let me look, maybe she and her parents went out of town," Arthur says, quickly, before things start getting set on fire.
"Well, look!" Angel says.
"It took him weeks to find her before and she was in the same house, give him a minute," I say.
"Sorry---well if her dad is here; you can read his mind right?" Angel asks.
"I don't know who her dad is?"
"I'm gonna assume it's the guy who thinks he has a daughter named Aurora," Angel hisses.
"It's like, not that easy, I'll look, maybe she got a job and went in early---it's not a big deal," Arthur stumbles but his face is red. Oh it is a big deal.
I don't think she's in Lyons, but don't tell him that. I need to look more. Also last time I talked to her she at least thought she was pregnant---so that might explain why she's not right here. But I SOOO am not telling Angel that she can when we find her.
Okay good choice. So Aurora's knocked up that will so go over perfectly okay with Angel. Yeah, she can tell him that, not us. That is not information he needs when he's nowhere close to her and a lot of flammable people are in between him and her.
Maybe. She thought she was she might have been just freaking out. And yes there is no reason he needs to know that right now. I need to find her.
"Just try---but don't over do it," Angel says, quickly because Arthur looks upset, "Just try---it doesn't totally matter. We'll leave tonight and go to her house. If she's not there then you can read her parent's minds easy."
"Yeah," Arthur says, frowning a little like he's trying right now. I was pretty sure she and Angel have actually had sex, based off of their behavior on some of our nightly jaunts. But how long does sex take? On TV the people always wake up together. I'm going to assume you don't have to actually fall asleep afterward but—how long does it take? I was preferring to assume they were making out heavily. But if she's knocked up, clearly not.
No yes this is something we know they have had sex yes we're also not talking or thinking about this anymore.
I bite my lower lip to stop from responding or reacting. I'm pleased that Angel probably thinks that's a nervous tick and not me trying not to say something or laugh at Arthur's general commentary. So, okay, they have had sex. I mean, I figured Arthur would know. Would she be having sex with other people though? When people know lots of people that can happen. I've seen TV.
No 2500% Angel's child. IF she is I don't know she was just sort of thinking about it. I don't pry please think about something else?
I continue biting my lip. Okay fine.... thinking about something else. It's not overly fair though he gets to experience and know about lots of things from people's minds. Angel's probably isn't much help though I'm sure he's thinking about Aurora's body a lot. Hell, I know he's thinking about Aurora's body a lot I can see it on his face. I shouldn't make fun of him in my head. He does love her and he only misses her and she seems to love him more than enough. I'd be antsy if I didn't know where Arthur was. On which token, I'd also like to kiss him again if he'd want to be kissed again. I hug him or sit by him or whatever but that's not strictly the same. I'd like to kiss him the dark and pretend the world isn't happening around us. That would be really nice.
"If you two want me to find her then stop thinking," Arthur says, annoyed, his face completely red, as he stalks away.
"Sorry, don't worry about it---we'll get out tonight no matter what," Angel says, the last part of course quietly to me, "Right?"
"Yeah," I say, because I was biting my lip again.
"What? You aren't saying anything," Angel says.
"Nothing, you're right, it's a good a day as any to die," I say, softly.
"We're not gonna die," he says.
"Aren't we?"
"This is my 2,457th escape attempt."
"That was not encouraging. I'm realizing you thought it was."
"And I haven't died once," Angel says.
Other people have, "No, but this time you aren't alone," I point out.
"Exactly," he says, moving as though to clap me on the back in a masculine fashion but then thinking better of it, which is excellent because I abhor human contact. I'm quite certain that the last time in my life I was touched with any form or manner of care or affection was by that sad woman in the brown dress who undoubtedly abandoned me in the dead of night outside a police station. The next time was some ten years later when I was placed here with Arthur and upon meeting me he ran up and hugged me because he's a sweet little guy and he bounced up and down and said he couldn't wait to be best friends. That was it. For ten years human hands held electric guns. And locked doors. And tied on straight jackets. So, yes, it would not be an exaggeration to say I detest human touch in general.
"You're strange; you know that?" Angel asks, clearly seeing me flinch a bit and step away from him.
"You're not so normal yourself," I say, smiling my moron, about to punch you in the face smile, that I practice so infrequently.
"I guess we wouldn't know what normal is," he says, shrugging.
"No. But it's what I pretend to feel on those fleeting occasions I experience what they call happiness," I say.
"Yeah—yeah so do I," he says, smiling like he does when he thinks of Aurora. I know I'm only referring to when I was kissing Arthur. I don't feel that feeling a lot. I don't feel much other than numbness. The absence of pain is far preferable to pain and I'd learned to settle for that. But no more. Someday, soon maybe, I'll hold him in my arms and we'll kiss again until we're out of breath. And I'll feel that magical rush through my brain of actual joy.
Oh MY GOD the pair of you that was clearly to both of us Angel jumps a little.
"Well we realistically can't stop thinking," I call to him, across the yard where he's pacing. I'm pretty sure we were both thinking about things that are distracting him. Like sex. Like we were both definitely thinking about sex. I don't have to read minds to know that.
"You could try," Arthur shouts, annoyed.
"Sorry," Angel says well aware the errand is largely for him.
"You'll see her soon," I say, to be uncharacteristically nice. I don't know if it's true. But if she is having his baby I'd imagine she'll want to see him again. I mean, she's liked him this long. It would be a weird time to realize what an idiot he is.
"Yeah, of course I will," but when he says it there is deep fear in his voice. As though some part of him realizes that none of us may live through this night.