Seonghwa glanced up from where he was sitting at the table putting a new figurine together. Yeosang and Wooyoung had surprisingly bought one each for him on their way back from getting hot chicken. Hongjoong was out with Eden and the other producers, leaving Seonghwa in charge. He had eventually tired of the bickering and sulking members and had given Yeosang his card to go get takeaways for everyone. He could have ordered it online, but it would be good to get the others outside for awhile. Mingi wanted icecream too, so Seonghwa had given him some cash and sent him with Jongho and forced San to join them. Yunho however hadn't wanted to go anywhere, saying he was in the middle of a very important video game.
But he kept wandering in and out of the dining room where Seonghwa sat, as if he wanted to talk but at the same time, didn't. As he reappeared for what must have been the 26th time, to grab his 8th cup of water, Seonghwa stopped him.
"Yunho, something up?" he called.
Yunho inched over to the table, and rested his hands upon the flat surface. He studied Seonghwa thoughtfully. "Er, no, hyung." He turned to go again, but Seonghwa grabbed his hand.
"Something is obviously bothering you, Yunho. You can tell me about it."
Yunho gave an exasperated sigh. "That is the problem, hyung. I am not sure I can talk about it." He ran his fingers through his hair, before pulling out a chair and sitting down to face his older member. "See, hyung, I saw something that concerns someone else and I sorta promised them something. Like I wouldn't tell anybody. But I was tired and confused at the time, so I didn't really think properly, but now that I thought about it, I decided it was a bad thing to say, and that I should tell someone about it. But I can't, cuz I said I wouldn't. But I should." He paused, breathless and looked up to see Seonghwa shaking his head in amusement.
"I didn't really get anything out of that, Yunho. Maybe go a little slower."
His soft caring voice touched something deep within Yunho. The guilt and concern Yunho felt bubbled over and erupted. To Seonghwa's shock, his puppy-like dongsaeng burst into tears.
"I know something and I can't tell you," he sobbed. "But it is so wrong to keep it a secret. Please help me, hyung."
Seonghwa squeezed Yunho's hand gently. "Yunho, if there is something I need to know, you need to tell me. Is it one of the members?" He sucked in a breath as Yunho nodded miserably. "Will it put them in danger, if you don't say anything?"
"I don't know. I honestly don't know." Yunho was working himself into a panic. "But I think so. I think they were lying about something."
"Then you need to tell me," Seonghwa told him gently. "What affects one member, can affect all of us." He paused, a frown crossing his face. "Is this about San?"
Yunho nodded. He wiped at the tears, but they continued to fall. "I saw bruises on him, hyung. They were old, but they looked really bad. San told me he fought someone. But San never fights, you know that too."
Seonghwa did know that. Sure there was the occasional scuffle, but San was a mediator and very professional about his job. He would never risk a physical fight. But he forced a smile upon his face, as he leaned over to pat Yunho comfortingly on the arm.
"You did well talking to me, Yunho. I am really proud of you. I know it must have been a difficult decision to make."
Yunho felt better, but it still worried him. "What will happen?"
Seonghwa leaned back thoughtfully. "I will need to tell Hongjoong about it. He will know what to do. But don't let this bother you, Yunho. You did it to help him, not to dob him in. There is a big difference there."
Yunho nodded, but he couldn't help but worry San would not see it that way.
* * * * *
It was late when Hongjoong arrived back at the dorm. So, he was very surprised to see Seonghwa still up watching a drama. A feeling of dread and fear washed over him, as Seonghwa turned it off and turned to face him. The oldest member's face was grave and his eyes full of concern. Hongjoong went to sit on his bed across from him.
"Did something happen while I was out?" he asked.
"Sort of," Seonghwa replied. "It is something that has really been going on for a long time. It is about San."
Hongjoong straightened at this. "San? What about San?"
"Yunho came to me all upset today. Apparently San has bruises on him and he told Yunho, he had gotten into a fight." Seonghwa paused before lifting his eyes to meet the leader's. "You don't think the manager beat him for being disrespectful, do you?"
Hongjoong didn't answer. As much as he wished he could deny it, it was quite plausible. For now that he actually thought about it, San had been acting strange ever since that event. "We will talk to him tomorrow. He probably needs all the rest he can get."
Seonghwa sighed. "About that, he is actually just sitting in the living room alone right now. He said he was heading to bed soon, but last time I checked, he was still just sitting there in the dark."
Hongjoong let out a groan and rose to his feet. He had to have passed him on his way up. Leaving the room, Hongjoong walked down to the living room and switched the light on. Sure enough, a sleepy San blinked back at him.
"Why are you out here?" Hongjoong asked softly as he came to sit by his younger member's side.
San shrugged. "I couldn't sleep and didn't want to bother Yunho."
"You'd be bothering him when you crept back in later," Hongjoong pointed out, raising an eyebrow. When San didn't answer, Hongjoong moved closer. "San, if something or someone has hurt you, I need to know about it. Please don't hold it all back. It is hurting you even more."
San glanced at him sharply. "Yunho talked to you, didn't he?"
Hongjoong was taken aback by the ugly scowl that had crossed his dongsaeng's face. "He is worrying himself sick about you. He only wanted to help you, San." He leaned forward and took his hand. "San, did the manager hit you?"
It was San's turn to be taken aback. "Hyung," he whispered softly.
And in that moment, Hongjoong saw the hurt and ashamed child that had been holding on for so long. He reached out and pulled San into arms. The younger boy collapsed against him, his chest heaving as he sobbed with all his heart. "I am so sorry, San," Hongjoong murmured stroking his head. "I should have been a better hyung."
San did not answer. The tears he had held in for so long, the anguish that had been tearing him apart from the inside, it all came pouring out now. He clutched his leader as though he would never let him go, and was comforted by the strong arms about him.
* * * * *
San was feeling even more miserable and ashamed then ever. Hongjoong had talked with Seonghwa after last night's event. He then headed off to the Ceo's office to discuss his displeasure. But by the way he had come back, looking sour-faced and cranky, San knew it had been a hopeless talk. For even it the manager had overdone the punishment, it did not excuse the fact San had disrespected a manager, and that Hongjoong had allowed it to happen.
Feeling bitter and embarrassed that he had cried so much, San glared at his roommate. Yunho was seated on his own bed, playing a game on his phone. He felt the sharp glare and looked up.
"Snitch," San hissed at him.
Yunho's mouth parted wordlessly and a hurt look flashed through his eyes. San felt satisfied at having gotten to him.
"You really had to go running straight off to the leader to tell him all about it, didn't you?"
Yunho straightened himself, swinging his long legs off the bed. "I was trying to help, San."
"Big help you were," San snapped back at him. "You are always coddling up to the hyungs and trying to be the 'good boy'. It's disgusting."
Tears had welled to Yunho's eyes. He quickly got up and left the room, not wanting San to gloat over it. He leaned against the wall in the hallway, the tears trickling down. Even though he was hurt by San's words, he was more pained for what San must be going through. San was scared, and instead, had turned it into anger. Yunho raised his hand and brushed at his eyes.
A hand closed about his, and gently pulled it down. Opening his eyes in fright, Yunho saw through his blurred vision, Hongjoong studying him thoughtfully. Yunho quickly lowered his head, letting his hair fall ever his eyes. But Hongjoong tilted his head up. The leader was much shorter than Yunho, so could still see the tears clearly.
"San?" he asked softly.
Yunho nodded. "He is still mad, Hongjoong-hyung. He hates me."
Hongjoong shook his head. "He doesn't hate you, Yunho. He just wants to put the anger somewhere. I will talk to him again." He turned to enter the bedroom but Yunho grasped his arm.
"Please be easy with him. He's really not himself."
Hongjoong nodded. "I know. But Yunho, go take the others out to the grocery store. Get something nice for dinner and maybe some ice cream again. Heaven knows we all need it."
Yunho shot him a smile. "No need to say it twice, hyung."
Hongjoong handed him his card and watched him go. Then taking a deep steadying breath, he opened the door and entered. San was still lying on his head, now curled up his side. Hongjoong sat on the edge of the bed, and leaning over, slapped the younger boy's thigh. San shot up, looking startled and slightly cross. He relaxed though, when he saw his leader staring back at him.
"Oh, it's you, hyung," he laughed nervously.
Hongjoong eyed him disapprovingly. "Think it was Yunho?"
San lowered his head in shame, realizing Hongjoong must have run into him in the hall. But the feelings were quickly replaced with anger. "What, he's gone running to you again?"
Hongjoong signed. "San, I am deeply sorry for what happened. And I blame myself every moment for ever letting it happen. I would give anything to go back and fix it, even if it meant taking your place that day. It was my fault as both your hyung and leader, that I did not protect you as I should have. But no matter how sorry and how much to blame I am, I won't let you behave like this. Yunho had been really hurt by your actions to him, but still he continues to worry for you. You need to stop it now."
San scowled. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, hyung." He rolled back onto his side, away from Hongjoong. "I mean, if you had really cared you would have all known without Yunho finding out and blabbing about it."
Hongjoong barely heard the bitter mutter, but he heard enough to know what San had just said. "That is enough, San. Yunho did not go 'blabbing' to anyone. He merely voiced his concerns about it. He was even crying what he told Seonghwa."
"Like he's the maknae."
Hongjoong heard the eye roll and dripping sarcasm in San's tone. He clenched his fist, trying to still his own temper that had begun to awaken. "San, I am warning you. You had better drop that tone."
"What? You gonna spank me, hyung?"
For goodness sake's, he sounds like Wooyoung. Hongjoong ran his hand through his hair. "I might," he threw back at the younger member. "The Ceo wants me to be more firm with you all. If not, we will all be in trouble. And I will do what it takes to keep us all together."
San let out a huff. "Yeah, whatever. It's not like the precious leader/producer is going to get in trouble. And even if you did, you have Seonghwa to go coddle up to. Though be careful, he might go tell everyone too."
Hongjoong had had more than enough. He could take the disrespect to himself calmly, but not to Seonghwa hyung who was nothing but a gentle hyung who did everything to care for them all. He reached out and locked San down with one arm, while slapping down on the boy's thigh with the other. San yelped and squirmed, but Hongjoong was stronger than he appeared. He did not relent or release him until his own arm began to burn. He let go and moved back.
San lay still, his face buried in his pillow and his shoulders heaving with the silent sobs.
"I am sorry, hyung. I am really sorry."
Hongjoong said nothing, but his heart tore at San's anguished words. San pushed himself up and turned to face his hyung. His eyes were red and swollen, his pale cheeks stained and wet with tears that still fell.
"I didn't mean any of it, Hyung," he begged.
"I know, San," Hongjoong murmured quietly. Feeling unsure and a little hesitant, he opened his arms. There was a blur of movement as San threw himself at the leader, burying his face into his shirt. Hongjoong rested his cheek upon the soft head and caressed the messy locks tenderly. "I know, San," he repeated.
They both started as the door swung open and Yunho entered.
"Here's your card, hy-" He stopped and went to backtrack, but Hongjoong shook his head.
"It is okay, Yunho. I will go help the boys prepare dinner." He took the card and exited the room, shutting the door as he went.
Yunho glanced at San awkwardly, noting the tears and stiff movement, as he hesitantly sat up. He went closer, forgetting their fight in his brotherly concern. "Did Hongjoong get mad?" he asked softly. "I am sorry, San. I-"
San grabbed his arms and latched his legs about him, pulling him forwards and onto the bed beside him. He cuddled up against his older friend, hugging him like a koala hugs a tree. "I love you, Yunho," he whispered.
And Yunho knew it contained everything. It was an apology for the words he had said. It was a reassurance that he was now okay. It was gratitude for everything Yunho had done. Yunho smiled and wrapped his arms around him in a suffocating embrace.
* * * * *
Seonghwa could tell as soon as he saw Hongjoong that something was wrong.
"Everything all good?" he asked the leader, as he placed the strips of meat on the grill.
Hongjoong came closer and perched himself up on a stool beside him. He looked down at his hands, his face flushed with shame. "I did something horribly wrong, Seonghwa. I hit San."
Seonghwa swung about to face him, his eyes widening and his mouth parted. "You what?" he asked incredulously.
"He kept making disrespectful remarks about me and other members," Hongjoong explained. "I got mad and hit him...more than several times. Oh, I am such an idiot," he berated himself, as he slapped his knees in annoyance. "How could I hit him when this was how the whole problem started? What if I traumatized him? What if I made it worse?"
Seonghwa was silent, as he turned back to the grill to turn over the meat. Deep down he was slightly angry at Hongjoong for using such measures. Perhaps not angry, but at least disappointed. He definitely had no doubt in believing that he agreed with the leader's words. It hadn't been a wise move considering all that had passed recently. But he didn't want to distress the leader.
"San is a good lad, Hongjoong. And he is stronger than he looks. He will be okay. Give him time and he will understand. He won't hate you for it, you know that."
Hongjoong let out a breath of relief. "You think so? Anyway, it won't happen again. I will make sure of that."
"Don't make any vows," Seonghwa warned him. "I feel like we may need to discipline them in the near future. But as long as there is calm and love, we will never be like the manager."