The officers dissolve, walking out of the conference room doors after Leia had dismissed them the think about your words.
A familiar circle of faces remain at the table, waiting for more information.
After the last of the lower ranking officers disappear through the doors, all eyes turn back towards you.
"Well," You say calmly.
"Is there anything else?" Leia presses.
"I mean, I was able to establish a strong connection with Kylo Ren throughout my time with the First Order, I think that this proposition is genuine," You tell them.
"Y/N, are you sure?" Poe asks delicately.
You furrow your eyebrows toward him, understanding his insinuation.
"If you are trying to suggest that my previous affiliations with Ben Solo could be corrupting my perspective on this situation, Dameron, you are sorely mistaken. I approached the mission knowing full aware what I was getting myself into."
He averts his eyes towards the table, ignoring you.
"Ben Solo is dead, he has been for a long time. I am fully aware of the details of my involvement with Kylo Ren, and I entered the situation with such knowledge," You tell the group seriously.
You inhale sharply, reminding yourself that you are no longer in front of First Order officers, these are your friends, people you grew up with.
Their warm presences have long been replaced by hollow faces.
You shouldn't be addressing them like this, and yet, you have no desire to stop.
Han is the first to break the silence, with a full-hearted chuckle.
The room turns to look at him.
"You talk like them," He breaks the silence. "Like the First Order."
You roll your eyes and smirk at him casually, "Sorry, I guess I picked up some of their jargon and tones. I might be adjusting for a bit."
"Why didn't Kylo come to us himself?" Leia asks seriously.
Your gut wrenches with anger hearing this statement.
You look at her with a tense gaze, "Why do you think?"
She matches your tension and furrows her eyebrows.
"You didn't disclose our base location?" Finn asks curiously, saving the room.
You shake your head and grin.
"How'd you manage that?" Poe chimes daringly.
You roll your eyes, "I feel underestimated."
The group all give small laughs, becoming more comfortable.
"Okay, so what have I missed here?" You change the subject.
A chorus of sighs begin.
"Well, I was training on Ahch-To for a while, I only got back a week ago," Rey explains.
"Oh right! Where's Luke?" You question animatedly.
She looks sadly at the table, avoiding eye contact.
"He's fine, he just didn't want to come back," She continues. "He said that he needs to save his strength."
You look around the room in confusion.
"Save his strength for what?" You ask with concern.
"He said the name, and I didn't make sense of it until you told me about Kylo's accomplice," Rey says cautiously. "He said he needed to confront Palpatine for the final time."
You've really done it this time, Y/N.
Bile rises in your throat, urging you to expel your innards across the table.
You raise your eyebrows and remain silent, sinking further into your seat.
"Y/N, you said that you never had contact with this person?" Leia presses, leaning forward onto the table.
You shake your head adamantly, feigning equal confusion.
"I just heard whispers, Snoke was trying to build up his numbers until it backfired. I was on the Finalizer when he was assassinated," You explain.
She watches you contemplatively, desperately trying to sense your feelings.
"And you only trained with Kylo, not even the Knights of Ren?" Finn clarifies.
You shake your head again, "I only saw them once, and it wasn't a very pleasant experience. I just trained with Kylo and went back to my room. I was occasionally allowed to get food on my own, opposed to it being delivered to me," You develop.
"How come they didn't prosecute you for killing all of those officers?" Han quips curiously, placing his feet on the table.
"They tried, Snoke told them that they couldn't do anything to me," You explain.
"Damn, the Supreme Leader of the First Order granted you amnesty despite your various crimes? He must have known something," Poe thinks aloud. "And you didn't find anything out about your family?"
You gulp anxiously.
"No, Coruscant was a dead end. I figured the First Order was my best bet, since I haven't had much luck with honesty here," You snide.
Everyone looks at you with wide and saddened eyes.
"Y/N, please," Leia mumbles.
In all of your years with the Resistance, this is the first time you've seen her genuinely flustered, guilty.
"What's done is done, I can't say that I've moved past it, nor will I any time soon, but we can work through it," You admit. "I'm not going to abandon my family."
After you finish this phrase, you clench your jaw.
What kind of a family would let their son continue to go into darkness? Who would lie to their best chance to bring him back for eight years?
She nods appreciatively, "You've matured, Y/N."
Becoming the Supreme Leader of the First Order will do that to you.
"I've learned a lot," You tell them earnestly. "I want you all to consider a treaty with the First Order, just consider it. From what I've seen, I think this could be really promising."
The air grows tense with your suggestion.
"What have you seen?" Rey asks.
"I mean, they discontinued the storm trooper program," You state.
Finn leans forward and watches you intensely, "What?"
"Yeah, they're now taking new storm troopers in on a recruitment basis, no more kidnapping kids I guess," You continue, lacing your voice with ignorance.
His eyes widen and he begins to smile hopefully.
"They let me go, didn't they? Isn't that evidence enough?" You turn. "Just think about it, I don't have any documents or anything, there's nothing set in stone, but I do think it's worth our attention."
With this, you stand up from your chair and stretch your muscles lightly.
"So, who wants some grub?" You ask with a grin.
——————-
Your hands shake obnoxiously as the grey door slides closed behind you, sealing you into your temporary tomb.
What do you do?
Luke needs to confront Palpatine, and seeing that your grandfather is dead, this leaves you.
Does he know that it's you?
Your stomach has turned into a boiling mess of anxiety and anger, feelings you wish were less impactful.
Shaky breaths escape you as you pace around your room wildly, trying to tame the electric sizzle hissing from your fingertips.
Your former master, turned enemy.
Is this where you were headed all along?
Rey only said that he needed to confront Palpatine, that doesn't necessarily mean fight Palpatine... Right?
Your entire body itches in discomfort as you wear down the treads of your shoes, coming up with different scenarios.
"Food not settling right?" A voice chimes from the doorway.
You gasp and turn quickly, making eye contact with Rey, who stands in the entryway with crossed arms.
You immediately sigh and muster a weak smile.
"Right," You lie plainly.
She steps into the room and the door closes swiftly behind her, leaving the two of you alone.
"What's going on?" She asks you kindly.
Your entire being aches to explode onto her, to tell her all of the details about the last two months.
It's as if a hammer crashes against your ribcage when you remember that she never asked for any of this. The burden of your being is one you cannot unload onto one person, it is one that you must carry alone.
It will be in her own interest if she doesn't know what happened to you.
The wind is practically knocked out of your lungs with this thought, you're turning into Leia.
The difference is that you are so riddled with the guilt of not telling her, you have to delve into the darker side of your being to mask these emotions.
Instead of disclosing your story, you place a tight lid on the cracking jar within your sternum, sealing your fate.
"I haven't been sleeping," You admit.
This much is true, at least.
She nods understandingly before sitting on the bed and uncrossing her arms.
"Y/N, I can't read your energy anymore. It's like the darkness has completely shrouded you," She tells you with a worried tone.
You sit beside her and sigh deeply.
"I mean, I was with the First Order, training to utilize the dark side for a while, Rey," You remind her.
She nods and watches you silently.
You mimmic her, remaining mute and eyes the floor.
"I know there's stuff you don't want to tell me, and that's okay, you don't have to," She begins softly. "But you don't have to be alone in this, Y/N."
Pain sears through you with her words.
How could you ever trust these people after what they hid from you? How can you subject Rey to your life, how could you pass the weight of the universe onto her thin shoulders?
She places a hand on your shoulder before exiting, leaving you alone to dwell in your angst.
Time seems to drag out as you remain sitting, thoughts flowing through your mind.
Eventually, you lay down on the bed with your eyes glued to the ceiling.
The door to your parents room slides open and you waddle through, anxious to find your father.
You stand on the tips of your toes, peering around the large space and finding it empty.
A slight breeze brushes the wisps of hair, tickling your nose as you turn your attention toward the open balcony door.
You can see your father's silhouette brooding against the bright light shining across the mountain tops.
He holds a silver item in his palm, looking at it as if it was burning his hand. His eyebrows are furrowed together painfully and you can swear you see tears in his eyes as he watches the cylindrical object.
"Dad! Look what I can do!" You exclaim upon spotting him, rushing toward the balcony.
He quickly places the item beside him and turns to you, his face instantly brightening at the sight of you.
Your father crouches down to meet your small frame and places his hands on your arms.
Giggles consume you as you reach out your hand, revealing a small daisy you had picked from the garden below.
"What have you got?" He questions excitedly.
You focus all of your attention on the flower.
Eventually, it begins to float a few inches above your palm.
You dart your eyes up to watch your father's reaction but are met with horror instead of pride.
His eyes meet yours and his expression changes again, into joy and happiness.
"That is amazing sweetheart!" He changes his demeanor entirely before scooping you up in his arms and hugging you tightly.
His hands are shaking.
Later, you're walking down the staircase.
Your parents are in your father's office, with the doors propped open. You can hear their hushed conversation.
"We have to send her to the temple, there's no other choice!" Your father whispers adamantly.
"Tristan, I know that this scares you, but we can get through this just as we always have," Your mother pleads desperately.
"No, this is different. They probably already have a location on her, we need to move quickly, she doesn't have much time," Your father drawls with stress.
"Will she be safe?"
"I know no place better."
Your feet echo loudly against the final stair and your parents immediately silence themselves, hearing your arrival.
"Songbird, let's pack up a nice picnic and visit the meadow," Your father suggests with a smile as he waltzes out of the office seemingly without a care in the world.
You grasp his extended hand and grin widely.
In a matter of moments, you're in the meadow, but your parents are no longer with you.
Wind rustles through the vast ocean of flowers and grass, creating a wavy texture.
The fresh air sears your lungs, cleansing any stress or anxiety.
Your eyes narrow on a particular bunch of wildflowers, practically begging to be plucked from the terrain and handed directly into the hands of your mother.
"Y/N," A familiar yet off-putting voice chimes ominously.
"Anakin?" You question, turning to face the brooding man.
"We're running out of time," He explains cryptically. "You're going too far."
You take a surprised step back, mouth agape with his words.
"And what gives you the right to tell me what is and isn't too far?" You return poignantly.
Who is this man to judge, he practically destroyed the galaxy.
He watches you with equal shock before softening his features once more.
"You can choose your path, you don't have to prove anything to anyone," He tells you calmly.
"Except myself."