a/n: me reading the comments about wanting akaashi as a love interest now: * evil light yagami laugh*
Thanks for waiting for the update xxx
there was something about how Akashi keiji spoke, all righteous and all knowing.
it made you want to prove him wrong.
"—be sure to be respectful and cooperative at all times. she's no stranger to the seconds years and third years but im sure you juniors will get along just well with her. ya have no choice either way" the coach chortled and the team greeted you causing you to shudder.
can't believe this still ended up happening
when it finally settled down and they began their practices you sat down by the window outside and let out a long breath, glancing at some folders of jottings the past managers had left behind.
idly you began to take note of the different font styles the managers had and how each varied with how detail oriented their notes were.
it was like going back in time and for some reason you found yourself zoning out to your earlier years on the volleyball court the more you read.
at some point you had to close the folder, take a deep breath and rest your head on your knees.
this is useless.
it makes no sense.
the only reason i went to the coach in the first place was because akaashi got under my skin.
though it took some time. a few days after your encounter with akaashi you found the coach in the staff room to tell him you were interested in being the manager.
he seemed more ecstatic that you could prepare for.
you kept dreaming of akaashi telling you that you weren't capable of doing anything and each day it made your blood boil to prove him wrong.
'...but now that I'm here...' you thought feeling goosebumps on your skin as you remembered your final interaction with your teammates in middle school.
'...I'm getting all scared again.'
how can I prove anyone wrong when I can't even fool myself?
"manager " you heard a voice from the window behind you and you turned to narrow your eyes at the boy at the window.
"you came after all" the dark haired setter said and you glanced away, once again trying to open the book and analyze the notes.
"It's as you said... i needed the extracurriculars" you mumbled and he exhaled a laugh as he leaned through the window.
"and here i thought you were doing me a favor. Aren't we friends now?" he said sarcastically, leaning into his palm.
you said nothing since he and you already knew that you were both barely tolerable to each other so the silence was an answer in itself.
still, it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on edge when he stayed at the window watching you flip through the journal.
vaguely you remembered a warm memory of speaking with the former captain by a window but it only made your heart clench.
enough of that.
"are you finished practicing already? don't you have to go back?" you said glancing at the expressionless look on akaashi's face.
dead hooded eyes peering at you, slightly frowning lips. like a royal trying to figure out the thoughts of a low commoner.
it felt like he was judging you though you weren't sure for what.
does he have a superiority complex or something?
"isn't it too soon to be scolding me? we took a break. i was just checking if you chickened out" he said casually and you pressed your lips together to hide a grimace.
"well I didn't and I don't plan to. my presence is proof in itself so you don't need to check anymore" you furrowed your brows at him and lied because you already knew that seconds before he came to the window you were thinking of excuses to tell the coach.
and he could tell. he had came to the window just in time to hear your uneasy breathing as you buried your face in your knees.
even now he could see the frantic look in your eyes like a wild animal that had been caged.
"is it that you want me to leave after begging me to come here?" you found yourself saying and his already hooded eyes narrowed slightly showing clear signs of annoyance that almost made you shiver.
"beg?" he questioned your choice of words with a snort then rested a bottle of water on the window sill and tapped the ledge, "don't flatter yourself. I'm just the messenger. the first years would like to meet you" he changed the topic as he walked away and you let out a shaky breath.
it's just for extracurriculars. If I just participate for this semester that's all I'll need to get it on my file.
you convinced yourself it would be easy work but akaashi keiji would have no parts of you half-assing your position.
during practices, if you zoned out the ball would 'accidentally' breeze by your face at an alarming rate. When you made suggestions based on what the previous managers did he made sure to call you out for having no foundation for said suggestions and that you basically plagiarized them.
forget your painful history with volleyball. the dark haired captain and bully derailed you at every possible moment in the present.
"Yo. don't you think you're being too hard on the manager, captain" a first year asked and akaashi stared at him as he drank from his water bottle then glanced to you, who had been watching the others practice with a clearly annoyed expression.
one that came about due to his previous nitpicking.
"hey manager can you pass that ball?"
"ah yea. Sure"
rolling his eyes, he glanced away and began to walk to the other side with the bottle turned to his head "If this is too much for her she should just quit-" he mumbled nonchalantly.
Mid sentence, akaashi was interrupted abruptly by a ball hitting the back of his head and the water splashed his face.
at first there was silence until the court erupted with sputters of laughter from how his face dripped with water.
"my bad captain" your familiar voice called out with an elated smile and his eyes twitched as he continued his walk to the bathroom.
one thing everyone was certain of.
That was definitely on purpose.
———
it was now the day before the preliminaries. you had been operating as the manager for the volleyball team for just about a week now.
yet... there was barely much progress.
if anything , you were take steps backwards.
"Coach. Can we sub akaashi?"
"Huh?" Akaashi faced you and the coach mid practice with a scowl.
"you want to bench the captain y/n...but why?"
"exactly. That's nonsense" akaashi joined and you ignored him as you gave your reasoning.
"he's playing too cocky" you said seriously at the same time everyone else thought 'they're still not getting along at all'.
"I'm amazed-"
"Plus it would be good if we gave our other setters more gameplay since akaashi already knows what to do" you added and the coach nervously chuckled.
"see that is a great suggestion y/n... but keiji's playing tomorrow. for games like this it would be better to keep keiji in our main rotation. It's too sudden"
he's right. you couldn't help to think in annoyance but feel your patience being tried again when you glanced to akaashi who wore a confident smirk on his face.
"if you can't realize a simple fact like this then you might as well quit at this point. Coach must clearly regret his decision now. Did you watch all those games last year for nothing. Or were you just watching him" he said to you when the coach wasn't paying attention.
somehow out of all his insults, the ones that brought up the former captain always seemed to hurt you the most.
always.
" though it seems you watched him for nothing too. wasting your time-"
"Im leaving" you said walking by him and he looked around in confusion
"what? Practice isn't done"
"I reckon it's just about finished" you said sternly before you curtly hit the coach farewell then left. Akaashi gaped in disbelief only to have the coach knock him upside the head and have him a look to follow you.
"You can't quit right before the match. you'll get demerited" akaashi followed you out the gym.
"hey!" he called again holding unto your arm and you violently flashed him off.
"Why do you think I'd stay here and be bullied by you? One minute you want to be friends and the other you're belittling me in front of everyone. One minute you tell me I'll be able to handle the job then you basically tell me I'm incompetent. You've been looking down on me since we just met. I have been nothing but respectful to you. I don't get what I've done to deserve any of this" you flipped at him from your adrenaline rush.
you could barely care less that the others were watching through the window.
if any teacher saw right now you could easily be suspended for going off on a student council member like this but you could care less.
"akaashi-san, I get that what I did was wrong. Trust me. if I could've flipped a switch to not like him then I would've. it was more painful than you can imagine".
it pained you whenever bokuto was brought up and it was evident in your voice.
his expression seemed to change at your words as you stepped towards him and jabbed him in his chest "you can't understand yet you jab at me and judge me every chance you get, when it's none of your business. Why belittle those memories as wasting my time? Why search for the strongest words to hurt me? It concerned you in no way! When you were to be concerned about him sulking from his neglectful girlfriend you turned a blind eye. But it's me that Akaashi-San hates religiously."
"Me, for actually being present. It's me who you hate" you pointed to your chest.
"And? that was never your job to begin with. Are you blaming me for your voluntary participation? Was I a part of your application to be a-"
"-Bokuto-san thought of you as his best-friend. what you should be more concerned with is your own two-faced behavior and your ridiculous god complex. You act like such a sociable person but you're a pretentious, miserable and pathetic fraud. I bet the reason you act like this is because you've never experienced love. I pray the day you do, it shreds your heart until you can't fit the pieces."
you felt breathless and also felt like you had gotten off years off stress by finally breaking free from your usually passive curse. You felt accomplished for telling him your mind but you felt pained for every memory that had been sighed up during the argument.
"...wow. you sure are mouthy." was all the captain could say as he watched you battle out all your emotions with a condescending gaze.
as if your words meant nothing at all nor your struggle to communicate, he denied you your victory and suddenly you felt embarrassed. Embarrassed because you don't know what you expected from that asshole either way.
yet you tried.
"akaashi-san...go to hell"
"no we're having a conversation. I think you should let me speak. You walked into him knowingly. You saw the storm and you willingly stepped in it. So put aside all that if I knew I wouldn't bullshit. Not as if I hadn't warned you right? Now you're walking around like a innocent damsel in distress-"
"It's not-"
"-when you never even pushed koutarou off when he kissed you." Keiji stepped closer to you, freezing you with his menacing blue eyes.
"You never once told him to stop when he flirted. You never told him no when he asked you out. And you sure as hell weren't complaining when he almost screwed you in the car. You did it all willingly and gladly" as his words reminded you of each memory you tried to erase with the ace, the cloak of guilt started to crawl onto your body.
"Save me the woo and gloom but I legitimately almost felt pity you.... then I heard he wasn't even the first one"
"w- what?" Your heart fell out with a splat on the walkway and your body froze over with the instant death that came with his words.
"Oh. You don't know? Well I know. I try to be logical with you and you're aggressive, yet when your heartbroken teammates found out in junior high they trampled all over you and you stayed quiet and allowed it."
there was the guilt.
guilt was like a coat made from thawing meat . prickling and cold with a putrid scent that made you want to hurl.
what
how would keiji know-
the raven-haired setter walked closer to you until he stood right beside you, lips by your ear.
"and yet you throw tantrums for people that were never yours to begin with and blame everyone except yourself. when the only constant in these situations... is you. Pathetic, my dear, is a title that belongs to you. And you alone." he stepped back to look at you, making sure to punctuate his statement with his pitiful gaze.
" if you can't even see it, love will be something that only exists at arms length for you.. I was willing to help, but it seems I've lost interest"