So, note at the end of the chapter. Enjoy reading!
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Dressing casually, they tried to look like any other normal person walking about in the city. They didn't want to draw attention to themselves, especially since they were together in the most romantic city in the world.
Joanna wore a beanie hat, which matched her scarf and gloves in color while Max preferred to go out without a cap for once. Making them look different from usual. Although Joanna insisted on wearing her favorite olive green parker, which didn't go that well with the thought of going out incognito because everyone, who suspected her to be herself would instantly recognize her in her favorite jacket.
Leaving the city apartment, Max took a deep breath and inhaled the freezing cold air of the city. It was cold but it was dry and since they were both dressed in warm clothes, both of them were eager to explore. Being nearly next door to the Arc de Triomphe, they decided to start there. But first thing first- the food. Joanna had promised him that he would love it.
Entering the first café they came to, they quickly found a seat in a quiet corner. Hidden away from the majority of the other guests. Joanna watched Max with an affectionate smile as he looked at the menus, his brows furrowed.
The Dutchman knew a little French from school, enough to be able to make an educated guess at what each thing was on the menu. So, he tried his best to help Joanna decided what she would prefer to eat. Listening to Max talk, Joanna couldn't stop herself to smile fondly.
"You know, I'm fluent in French, right?" She asked him smiling after the waiter brought them their food. They both decided on the soup that Max had translated as tomato and bread to go with it.
"Then why did you let me make a fool out of myself?" He questioned, the spoon stopped mid-air, while the Dutchman was staring at his girlfriend, before leaning back to glare at her.
"You looked out for me, I may have thought it charming." Joanna shrugged her shoulders before the Austrian looked down at the soup again, secretly smirking at Max's exclamation.
"You're the worst," Max told her affectionately, reaching out to take her hand before he continued eating his soup.
After lunch was finished, the two looked at Joanna's phone to gain ideas of where to go. They had their starting point- the Arc De Triomphe, and from there it only seemed logical to walk up the Champs- Elysees towards the Louvre museum. With a plan in mind, Max paid the bill and the two of them left the cozy little café.
Joanna like that nobody was paining them any attention, which made her a little bit bolder. She reached out for Max's hand and intertwined her fingers with his. They smiled briefly at each other, before walking down the street in comfortable silence, still holding hands. Everything here was so busy, lots of people shopping and of course thousands of tourists. But because of this, no one looked twice at the two drivers.
It all felt so natural to Max, walking and talking about small things they noticed in the vibrant city, the characters they saw, or the places they wanted to go next. It was comforting to both of them to know they could be themselves and no one was really paying them much attention for once.
After a long walk, mainly because Joanna was such a tourist and needed to stop at every shop to look at all the souvenirs despite having an apartment in Paris and Max eventually buying her a 'Paris' neckless as a joke, the two came to a beautiful grassy part of the city, the Louvre museum just visible beyond.
They decided to find a bench and have a rest, double-checking the direction they wanted to go in once they were at their next checkpoint.
"Do you want me to?" Max asked as he saw Joanna fiddling with the small present she just had revised from Max. Nodding shortly, she gave Max the box, before collecting all strains of her golden hair together and holding it up, so Max had better access to her neck.
"Here. All done." The Dutch smiled, as Joanna let go of her hair, her fingers gently dancing over the silver pendant as she looked at him over her shoulder.
"Thank you." She told him softly, leaning in to rest her head against Max's shoulder, who put his arm on the backrest of the bench. At first, Max wasn't sure about being so close in the public like that, but his doubts were gone, as soon Joanna smiled up at him.
It was so normal. They simply sit on a bench and leaned against them, but at home, they could never do something like that. It was also risky to do it here. The possibility to get recognized was too big for even the littlest gesture of affection between the two of them, Max knew that but he couldn't care any less at this moment. This was the first time since forever that they felt at peace with each other. They were happy again. Max couldn't take that from them.
"We're a little bit reckless here, don't you think?" Gently Max brushed over her lips with his thump and all he wanted to do was kiss her again. Maybe they could afford to be a little less careful. Nobody seemed to actually recognize them, nevertheless. But something stopped him. He simply couldn't ... not yet.
"Yeah. ... Should get going." She answered breathlessly the smile on her lips had lost some of his light, but the moment was over soon. They were back to smiling and laughing.
Max felt so relaxed just being with Joanna. He found himself staring at her as she spoke, watching the way her lips moved when she pronounced things and the way her forehead creased when she frowned. But what he loved most was the sparkle of mischief in her stormy grey eyes when she smiled and laughed, it was dazzling to the Dutch.
He just couldn't. Max pulled Joanna a little bit to the side before he had time to consider things. Sitting down on a low stone wall. Max found Joanna's lips with his own. He kissed the Austrian tenderly, finding that his soft, rhythmic movements were now being replayed to him by Joanna.
Breaking the kiss, Joanna was speechless. She looked at Max with such wonderment and surprise in her smile.
"Haven't you just told me off for being close in public?" Joanna asked, her voice shaking slightly and her cheeks burning under the intense stare of Max.
"Well, what's life without a little risk?" Max kept his eyes on Joanna, placing his hand on the Austrian's knee and beginning to stroke it gently. He could see through Joanna's smile that she was a little bit uneasy. That was their first kiss since Joanna had left him all these months ago. And they both pretended that it wasn't a big deal, but it was. It was a big deal.
"But I guess you're right, we'd maybe be better not taking the chance." And with a swift slap of the Austrian's knee, Max was standing and pulling Joanna up, leading her towards the Louvre.
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After a short while walking about the grounds of the Louvre, they decided they didn't really want to visit the museum, and many photo opportunities later, the two once again checked the map on Joanna's phone to figure out where they wanted to go next. After much discussion and a little disagreement, they finally decided that the river would be their next stop. Once on the banks of the Seine, Joanna and Max were surrounded by many couples wandering along, holding hands and stealing kisses from one another.
Joanna softly took his hand in her own and intertwined their fingers when traveling under a more secluded bridge. The Austrian stopped and faced Max, her eyes sparkling with mischief. She then leaned in close and pressed a kiss on his lips, sighing contently into it. Max welcomed her in a passionate kiss before she smiled gently at him as they parted again.
"So... kissing me under here isn't risky then?" Max quirked, cocking his head to the side and smiling at the beauty in front of him.
"Well, yes of course it's risky. But..." Joanna leaned in again and kissed Max once more, this time the Dutch could feel the intent and want behind the kiss, nothing like the gentleness of earlier.
Pulling back slightly, Joanna continued. "I'm a risktaker."
Max found the ability to smile at Joanna and gently rested his head against her shoulder. "I know. I've seen you drive."
Max could feel Joanna smirk, clearly snorting in disagreement. She however decided to simply pull back and continue kissing Max instead of even disagreeing, that her driving style wasn't that risky.
This suited Max fine.
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After another while walking and a good look at Notre Dame, the two decided after once again consulting Joanna's trusty map, that they wanted to visit Sacre Coeur. It also gave them a chance to try out the metro system, which Joanna was for some reason very excited about. Max watched with a mixture of disbelief and amusement as Joanna got excited about the metro train brushing past them at full speed.
"This is just like Vienna. The trains are even similar sizes. They go just about everywhere you know Max, look." She said before she walked past a few people, almost losing Max.
"How can you be so excited about something like a subway?" Max asked her, holding her back at her upper arm, just to make sure she doesn't get lost.
"I wasn't allowed to use the metro very often while I still lived in Austria. We had a driver and all, so I always kind of enjoyed it, I guess." She shrugged her shoulder, before turning around and grinning at Max.
"Oh, Jesus. How could you bear all those years of denial of true happiness?" He asked her mockingly, causing Joanna to push his shoulder, smirking. Max pulled her against him and into a quiet corner, so they wouldn't be so vulnerable for the media and easy to spot for fans.
"Oh shush you!" Joanna replied, before pressing her lips against his in a small kiss, before she shoved a metro map under Max's nose.
"Have you ever even used a subway? I mean the only thing you guys have are bicycles." She mocked him back, which caused Max to roll his eyes before he kissed her deeply. Silencing her efficiently. Joanna smiled at him, as they parted for air before she stepped away from his embrace and towards the in-coming train.
"Let's go, Mad Max." Joanna teased him again and all the Dutch could do was nod his head and push Joanna into the train quickly before the door shut close so he wouldn't lose her.
"We need to talk about that nickname." He whispered in her ear, as he got hold of one of the handrails, while Joanna leaned against the barrier which was full of adverts.
"You definitely stick with that." She told him a dreamy smile on her lips, her hand resting on his chest. Trailing up and down his olive-green parka a little bit, before getting hold of the zip and playing with that.
Max wasn't really listening anymore. He was busy watching two teenage-looking men quietly talking, all the time their gaze fixed on the two drivers. He was sure he had heard them mention his and Joanna's name, they'd obviously been recognized.
Max took Joanna's hand in his and removed it, which caused Joanna to bite her lip in confusion. "What's going on?" she whispered at Max, who shook his head hardly noticeable.
"Max?" Joanna spoke to an unresponsive Max, his gaze was fixed on the two guys.
The young Dutch had no time to answer however as the two teens made their way over and addressed them. It turned out that the two teens were Belgian, backpacking over Europe and were both big F1 fans and even bigger fans of Max. They spoke to the drivers about technical issues and how the Red Bulls were performing, about Max's friendly rivalry with Daniel and of course, Joanna's move to Mercedes in general. They soon needed to get off at their stop, but not before getting their travel maps signed and a quick photo.
Max was quiet as the teens left the metro. It worried Joanna.
"You're alright?" Joanna asked gently, placing her hand on the Dutchman's shoulder.
"Mhm. Yeah, it's just. ... Never mind." He told her, his mind somewhere far away.
"I couldn't let them see us like this," Max told Joanna honestly after a moment. The Austrian looked at Max with her beautiful stormy blue eyes full of worry.
"I know." She turned away from Max, looking out the window to the city speeding by. The sun was beginning to dip beyond some of the larger buildings now, the golden glow is replaced with a cold blue crispness.
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The two traveled in silence for another few minutes until Joanna signaled this was their stop. It was a short walk from the metro station to the steps of Sacre Coeur. The area was lighter with regards to tourists, most of them walking down the stairs, heading for the lights of the street below.
Max could feel Joanna's pace quicken beside him as they began climbing the stairs, taunting Max to speed up, a gauntlet thrown down for a race. Max increased his speed, Joanna followed. Max increased his again, and of course, Joanna followed until Max got hold of her hips and pulled her back, just to rush past her as soon as she was behind him.
"Hey. That's cheating, Verstappen!" She called out, which caused a few people to turn around looking at the Austrian, which just smiled apologizing, before rushing after the Dutch, who has stopped and watched her laughing at the way the woman with the poodle was glaring at her.
"It's not. No rules apply to me." Max called back, slowing a little bit down, so she could catch up.
"Tell the FIA that. They would love it." Raising an eyebrow Joanna challenged him to say it again, but forgot about it, seeing Max speed away again. The two of them eventually reaching the top, panting hard and laughing, shaking their heads at the lack of maturity between them.
Sacre Coeur was a sight to behold. Because of the impending sunset, the white building almost looked like it was made of pure gold. Turning to look out over the city, Max couldn't believe the sight he was met with. The golden sunset stretched out over the metropolitan city before him. The light touched every corner, illuminating windows and making the Seine shimmer like a river of liquid silver. The Eiffel Tower stood out, the most iconic building in Paris.
As Max leaned over the metal railing to observe the beauty of it all before him, he could feel Joanna beside him. It comforted Max. He wouldn't want to share this awe-inspiring moment with anyone else.
Still, the trip to Paris had only proven that his doubts were justified. He had expected her to be at least content. After all the other members of the FIA council had excepted him as one of them even though not everyone was happy about it.
It was Joanna's decision after all and it had sounded like a good idea as she first had mentioned it. Now he was worried he took the wrong step only to please Joanna. What was he even doing in the FIA council apart from doing whatever the fuck Joanna wanted him to do? Maybe he was just a simply controlled boy like Keke said. Maybe she wanted to use him.
He came with Joanna to learn to trust her again, but the doubts only got worse. He realized that they would never be able to truly be at peace and together. Someone would always recognize them and despite Joanna trying to give him every reason to do trust her, he felt like he made the wrong moves. Maybe he wasn't ready to be close to her again. Maybe kissing her was a mistake.
Suddenly her presence wasn't comforting any longer. The Austrian however had no idea that Max's mood had shifted. She reached over and took Max's hand, entwining their fingers and placing her head down to rest on the Dutchman's shoulder.
"Stop taking a mile when you were given an inch." Max suddenly told her, before he took a step back from Joanna, breaking the body contact fully. The Austrian looked at him surprised.
"What are you on about? I thought..." Joanna started to speak but was swiftly stopped by Max.
"Just because we kissed doesn't mean we're alright again," Max said, his expression seemed to settle into that clenched jaw determination, the face he went into battle with. It was unnerving for Joanna to see it directed at her.
"I know that, okay? You let me feel that every day. I know you're hurt and you have every right to be angry but this is uncalled for," Joanna said as she took one step closer to Max.
"It's frustrating to be kept at armlength all the time, but I live with it because I know I have to earn your trust back, but letting me close only to push me away again is cruel, Max," Joanna added while wiping over the side of her nose and under her eyes.
"And using me so you have more power in the FIA council isn't cruel?" He accused causing Joanna to look at him in disbelieve.
"For fucks sake. I'm not doing that. Max, I have no control over you. Between us, it's you, who is in control. You decide if we kiss, if we spend time together, if we have sex. Our relationship isn't balanced because it's you who is in charge." Joanna told him, causing Max to take a step closer to her.
"I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix us." Max muttered after moments of silence.
They stood looking out over the city until it was pitch dark and all that could be seen was streetlights, the headlights of cars, and the Eiffel Tower glittering in the background, content with simply being with each other.
Then Joanna spoke.
"Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice. Whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad. What we gain is also what we lose. What creates our positive experiences will define our negative ones. Life is suffering, Max. The only real question is if you want to suffer with me or with someone else." She whispered.
"You know, your father came to visit me in Monaco," Max replied. "He wanted to know my intentions, and I told him that I will take care of you. He warned me that it would be rotten work, but it's not. Not for me, because it's you. Believe me, when I say I've already decided with whom I want to suffer. The problem is I don't know how."
Joanna reached out to touch Max's shoulder but stopped. She wasn't making the same mistake twice. The Mercedes driver was too smart for that. Searching in Max's eyes for consent, he touched his shoulder as soon as she was sure he would allow it.
"We will figure it out. Together." She promised him causing Max to smile sadly at her, before pulling her into a tight hug. Resting her head against Max's strong chest, Joanna allowed herself to close her eyes for one brief moment because at this moment everything was alright. In this one moment, her life wasn't a mess, she wasn't an addict, who badly wanted to get high, she wasn't a disappointment to the people she loved. She was just herself. She was Joanna and he was Max and for once, it was enough.
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28. February 2017 - Barcelona winter testing
Leaning back in her seat at the Mercedes facility, Joanna held her cup of tea in front of her lips, while she watched the paddock come to life from over the rim of her cup with a satisfied smirk on her face. It felt so natural to be back. Even though she had wondered during the winter break a few times if she will ever be strong enough to get her life under control again so she would be able to be here.
Joanna was earlier than she would have to be, but she took some time for herself gladly, to just appreciate the things she will be too busy to notice as soon as the season really rolls on.
The smell of petrol and fresh rubber. The reporters and photographer follow the drivers around, while they do their best to look busy drinking from their bottles so nobody asks them for anything. The fans, which cheered so loudly you could hear them from miles away on the way to the track. It felt as if she could finally breathe alright again.
"Are you watching the fresh meat?" Lewis wanted to know an amused grin on his face and Roscoe by his side as he stepped out of the facility to take the seat next to Joanna, who had sat here for quite some while, cuddled into a silver Mercedes blanket.
"It's ironic, isn't it? I don't think I can even remember my first race." Joanna told Lewis, who smiled at her, the same nostalgic expression on his face as Joanna and even Sebastian had so often lately.
"I remember your first race. You ran me off the track and won it, you bitch." Lewis replied, but there was no heat behind his words, only amusement and a little bit of teasing.
"Oh." The Austrian replied, a smirk forming on her lips as she turned around to Lewis and lifted an eyebrow. "I guess I remember now. You were such a rookie back then. Unbelievable that they let you drive such an expensive car."
"Haha. Fuck you." That was all Lewis answered before they both enjoyed the clam silence between the two of them and the busy paddock in front of their eyes. Joanna knew that Lewis's heart beat for this sport as did hers. It was their home, their passion and it had opened doors for them. They grew up here and it will always be the thing that had shaped them into the people they are today.
Until today Joanna couldn't say if it had given her life more positive or more negative. These people around here had raised her. They grew with her, celebrated, and worked. Joanna had given this sport the best years of her life and she had received payment for that. Points, Podiums, Wins, and World Championship titles. But also friends, people she considered her family, and the man she loved.
But there was also the downside of the shining world of Formula One. Lewis of all people knew that better than most. There was also hate, pain and loss. The line between victory and defeat was as narrow as nowhere else. In life there were second chances, but not in a race. One wrong move and it was over.
The pressure was extremely high and not everyone was strong enough to withstand a storm like this. Joanna had suffered from it greatly. The pressure to perform high every time had cost her so much. The babies she had lost, her sanity, her own life. But for now, she was still moving, so there was no question if she should go back racing or not. It was in her blood, pulsing in her veins. The sad truth was, she had no other choice. Not really.
"We might be older now, wiser but we're not done yet. Let's show the next generation that fucking with the masters is a stupid idea, yeah?" Lewis said after a few more moments in silence, his eyes on a young boy with brown hair and a bright smile on his lips. Toro Rosso said his shirt.
Joanna knew right away, who the boy was. Pierre Gasly. She had promised Charles she would have an eye on him because the Frenchman was too precious for this world. His heart was made of gold and Charles was afraid it would shatter in their world.
"Yeah. Let's show them. We're not dead yet." Joanna muttered under her breath, a smile on her lips, while the sun came through the clouds and shown down on the Austrian, so she looked like some kind of angle, but Lewis knew that she wasn't one. But she wasn't a devil either. No, Joanna was something far more dangerous than that. She was a Lauda.
End of Book One
Note: So guys, I promised a note. I've written this chapter and just felt like this would be a very good ending. I can already guess that you're not so happy about this because it's very sudden, but it just felt right.
I'm still writing other projects and I do plan to write a sequel to The Bull Prince, but not right now. My new project is called House of FIA, and maybe you want to check that out after getting over this book ;)
It was a pleasure to write for you guy and if you ever want to get into contact with me or something, don't be afraid just send me a private message. I've found a great friend that way.
Thank you all and hopefully see you soon again!