Mrs. Durrani placed her tea cup on the table and leaned against the bed. She had a habit of having evening tea in her room. But today she wasn't alone. She looked at her oldest son and they had a conversation without even saying anything. Maybe living together all your lives forms this kind of understanding. But it was sure that both of them were conspiring something and the target was the person sitting in front of them.
Daud's eyes were downcast. He hadn't uttered a word since he came into his mother's room when he was called by her.
"I have been warning you against this only, and for how long? You never took me seriously."
His head bent some more. He was ashamed and he didn't have to voice it out for the people around him to know. Good. It would be easier to convince him this way. Mrs. Durrani put her concentration back on the matter in hand.
"Did you know?"
She knew he didn't. But she had to build the premise to kill two birds with one stone. He just shook his head. This was one of the many things he was hurt and angry about. He was kept in the dark about something he didn't even approve of.
"What about Yusra?"
Daud thought for a while. Then shook his head.
"She also had no idea."
"I find it hard to believe. She didn't look shocked enough when we found the cover story in the newspaper. But anyways, that's not our place to judge."
She folded her hands as if what we were going to say, she was building up the whole conversation towards this point only.
"Look, Daud. No matter what happened today or has been happening for so long, I've never seen Elaf differently from my other grandchildren. She is as dear to me as Ruman, Sabeera, Sumreen, Areeba and Aun are. But this is also a fact that your daughter has never seen us as her family, as her people. Is it the doing of her own fabricated notions about us or your wife's upbringing, I can't be sure. Also, have you seen her attitude? This is not the way of the women of our family, especially our daughters. She's doing each and everything that no one from this clan ever thought of doing. But we still love her and still think of her as one of our own."
"Ammi Jaan, I ask for your forgiveness on her behalf. She's just a child. She doesn't understand what she is doing."
"She's almost twenty two, Daud. An age mature enough to be sane and not making rash choices."
Daud pursed his lips. He honestly had nothing to say to justify what had happened today. He himself was coming to terms with it.
"Going there and performing in front of hundreds of people, that is not at all acceptable. I'm regretting letting you ever cross the threshold of this house to go and make your own world. What it has done to your child! She didn't even think of her sick father."
She sighed.
"It's necessary for her to stay with the family to know her boundaries. Moreover it is important for her to have a strong footing so that she can rely on someone and that will bring a positive change in her. Your brother.."
She pointed towards Aleem who nodded, giving his agreement on whatever she was about to say.
"Thinks the same and we have come to the conclusion that Elaf's engagement with Ruman will make things better."
Daud looked confused and somewhat unconvinced for the first time. It wasn't hidden from his mother but she hadn't come here to lose.
"You know, Ruman, Daud. Isn't he a good young man?"
"He is, Ammi Jaan but Elaf is...she's so young. A responsibility like this.."
"Oh, the whole responsibility will be on Ruman. Seeing your daughter and her tendency for causing trouble. This is just our way of ensuring that she never breaks apart from her family and to give you some peace as well. Wouldn't you want someone to look after her now that you are physically feeble to do so? So that she wouldn't make poor choices like she did about this theater thing? God knows what we are going to say to our relatives and acquaintances once they see the cover story and Elaf's picture. That's something we have to think about but for now this is our suggestion."
He still had a scowl on his face. Mrs. Bilqees Durrani knew that she would have to work a bit more to get him on board. He was a proud father and the fact that his pride had been wounded by his daughter was going to act like a catalyst here. She could see him agreeing with just a bit more persuasion.
It was high time Elaf Daud was caged. She had had enough free reign. She had done enough damage.
___
Safwa stood in front of her floor length mirror and gave herself a critical look searching for any signs of another restless night she had. Her makeup had come in handy and almost all the blemishes were hidden beneath a fine coat.
She had come back to her normal life only the day after her and Izaan...
Well they had ended things. Or he had ended things. It was all the same because they weren't together anymore anyway.
The first few days were hell, living and breathing hell. She was amazed how someone can miss someone else so much who was still alive. Isn't this kind of longing for the people you've lost in the inevitability of death? But it was death. Of what was between them. Of what they shared.
She didn't want to mope. No. She didn't want to shed tears as well. She had done that in front of Sarim and Elaf. She had done it in front of Hesham as well who used to come to see her almost everyday in the evening. They would talk about everything but bringing in Izaan was forbidden and Hesham respected that.
With their breakup, it seemed like a wedge had also come between their friend circle as well. They hadn't hung out in weeks because no one wanted to make Izaan and Safwa uncomfortable by making them spend time in each other's presence. Also, it was impossible for Elaf to make excuses and leave her family home for long periods. His Dado and Tayi both were nosy and she didn't want to give them any reasons to be more of a nuisance than they already were. That's what she had told Safwa the last time they sat together in the university, which was last week. Safwa hadn't heard from her since then. Sarim and Hesham used to check up on her whenever they got the time. She was thankful to all friends. It was their support that she hadn't broken down into pieces and was slowly pulling herself together. Her nights would still be spent in mourning over something she was just getting used to having and was snatched from her but in the day she was at least some semblance of herself.
She sometimes used to wonder if it was hurting Izaan the same way it was hurting her? Or was he so engrossed in his confidence that he had done them a favour to even miss her. He should miss her. It was only fitting because she missed him too.
She missed him even when she was already thinking of him. He was always on her mind but she missed him.
She missed them.
But what could she do about it? Talk? They had talked. Beg? What's the love that lets you fall to that low. They could do much to mend things but what was even the point when all this would crumble once again and this time around the pieces would pierce in their fingers, the fingers would bleed and then all will be blood and roses and ashes and embers.
Safwa came out of her car. She was graduating in about three weeks. The university life was coming to an end and now her focus was the company. She wasn't a novice anymore but she wasn't an expert either and she wanted to change that. Channel everything she had to be better at what she always knew she would become, a businesswoman.
She made her way towards her cabin, small and very cosy but as classy as it should have been. She loved that little space. It was a new day and she was ready to face whatever it had stored it in for her.
As she entered inside her cabin, she had very conveniently ignored Bisma who was waiting for her evening greeting from Safwa.
Yeah, Safwa was changing. From the worst. For the better.
_____
The rotation for today was the pediatrics ward. Dr. Nadira was leading their group. She was one of those teachers who would never raise her voice but almost always had the class under control. Izaan had always liked it when she was explaining to them the conditions and progress of the patients because there was no unnecessary clutter, no students talking amongst themselves and certainly no pulling and pushing. Just work and facts.
He was noting things down, his hands were running over the notes as fast as the Doctor was speaking. He didn't stop for once. Nodding along to any important point she was raising and mumbling a busy response, correct almost all the time when she'd ask a question.
At the end of the rotation as usual, she patted his arm with a smiley 'keep it up'. He nodded and joined Kumail and Roshna. The three of them sat in the stairs leading to the cafeteria and open grassy space. Kumail and Roshna wanted something to eat but he refused. They had left him and walked towards the cafeteria.
Izaan watched their figures getting small as they entered through the opened doors. Kumail was saying something, apparently not wise and Roshna was shaking her head but her laugh could be felt from there itself. Izaan couldn't hear it but he could feel it reaching him.
Happiness.
The rare and right now pretty unknown feeling to him. The void in the center of his heart was turning into a gaping hole. He had himself pushed away something akin to this. There were Kumail and Roshna, once upon a time there were Izaan and Safwa as well. The noise of the sea, which turned into a melodious symphony, the shore which was beaming in a euphoria of finding its beloved.
How does the shore do that? Even after knowing that the union is fleeting, short lives, barely there still it stays and waits. Waiting is never beautiful. Keeping some waiting is even worse. Then how the shore musters up the courage to stay and never leave.
Maybe because it's easy to symbolize something in mere objects and marvels of nature but in reality, between humans, love isn't like this. It's twisted and it has turns, those where you often get lost and when you come out of it, you and your beloved both are on separate parts, away, stranded and cold.
In a sudden moment this day had lost its normalcy. He had vowed to not think on these lines but here he was. Thinking about what was once his but now just a mere echo, that too a receding one.
It was all his own doing still he couldn't be blamed.
"Here!"
Roshna extended the porcelain cup towards him. He looked mildly confused and then took it from her hand.
"It's black, without sugar."
He nodded. It was good that they had such a good coffee facility available in the campus. The campus and the hospital were adjacent so they never had to worry about the refreshments.
The taste burned through his taste buds but it didn't have the usual sweet barely there hint to it. Izaan shook his head and smiled.
Some things leave such a profound mark that they are inscribed on your subconscious. You weren't even used to those but you yearn for them.
_____
Sumreen crossed the hallway and entered her parents room. The door was opened and she could see her mother setting her wardrobe. A smile was plastered on her lips. Sumreen's scowled deepened.
"Ammi."
Shabnum looked up from her task.
"Are you guys really thinking about Elaf and Ruman's engagement?"
Shabnum continued checking her clothes and nodded.
"What? As far as I know you couldn't stand Elaf. Then what happened that you're ready to make her your daughter in law?"
"Well, things change."
Sumreen could see the smug look on her mother's face. Things change? Not likely.
"You are really doing this because you had some kitchen feud with Yusra Chachi?"
Shabnum's calm demeanor instantly became defensive.
"It's not my decision. Ruman wants it and your Dado is on board with the idea."
"Elaf will never agree."
"That's not important. She and her parents aren't in a state to refuse. We are right now literally taking care of their food and shelter."
It's their ancestral home too. Sumreen wanted to say but kept quiet. She didn't like when her mother wouldn't stop scolding her just because she had a loud mouth.
"And don't even suggest that whatever we have going on between Yusra and I is because of me. The humiliation I faced on her hands. The constant jabs that she was more educated than me. She made it no better. Always bragging about her family, how her brothers and sisters were all highly educated and career oriented. She was the one who couldn't bear the pressure of a joint family system. Don't even get fooled by her innocent face and calm personality. She fed it to Daud and sent him to the forefront watching from the sidelines. "
Sumreen was taken aback by the outburst. Shabnum always talked about Yusra in a condescending way but never had Sumreen seen her spewing such venom. Opportunities really take out the real even in the people you think you know inside out. Ruman and Elaf's potential alliance was an opportunity for Shabnum, or at least that's how she was viewing it. An opportunity to take her revenge, or make Yusra's daughter go through humiliation night and day.
"Elaf had no say in it. The stunt she pulled has made her own father angry with her. And she should be thankful that Ruman has agreed to marry her at some point. With this temper and tongue, who will accept her? No one from our circle will do it. And then she will be on her parent's doorstep all her life if her parents manage to find a doorstep of their own in this lifetime."
Sumreen could never attribute her mother as cruel. Angry and keeping grudges? Sure but never cruel. But right in that moment, she felt her mother was the cruelest person she'd ever met.
The silence in the room was broken by the footsteps and the baby voice announcing Sabeera's arrival.
"Look who's here!"
Shabnum exclaimed and got busy with her daughter and grandson. Sumreen stood there watching them silently. Sabeera came to her once Shabnum had left to ask the househelp to have a few more dishes added to the dinner now that Sabeera was here.
"Did you hear? They are planning Ruman and Elaf's engagement."
The excitement on Sabeera's face put Sumreen off. She was still no fan of Elaf but she didn't like how this family was making it that Elaf was a side character when this directly involved her.
"Why do you look so excited?"
"Because I really like Elaf and if she becomes my Bhabhi that's even better."
Sumreen made a face like she had tasted something bitter. She almost snatched her nephew from Sabeera's arms.
"It's no news, Aapi, why your mother in law was able to make a fool of you in the initial months of your marriage."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!"
But Sumreen had already got busy with her favourite baby boy in the world.
_____
"At least have some cookies with tea."
Yusra tried persuading her daughter but Elaf shook her head. She was no longer a crying mess but still the visible evidence of how much she was hurting was there. Daud still hadn't talked to her and that was a first for all of them. He was generally not someone who'd be able to keep angry with his darling daughter, never for this long.
But this time around he was taking his time coming around and Elaf, being a pampered child, wasn't able to cope with it.
So, when Daud entered her room, Elaf had immediately straightened up. Yusra took a deep sigh. Finally, now the cold war would end and they both would go back to normal.
"Baba."
Elaf's eyes had welled up. She wasn't a crybaby. Not by any means. But for her father she was always a little baby and that's what she had accepted as well. So, him being angry with her was something that had shaken her.
"I'm sorry, Baba. I know I lied and I broke your trust but believe me my intentions weren't wrong. I'm not lying, Baba. I just wanted to help. I had left the theater long back. Just wanted to do something to play my part in our hard times."
Daud was listening to her explanation with concentration. He was deep in thoughts and that hurt Yusra. She was telling him the truth then why he was reluctant to accept her apology and get things back to normal.
"Baba, at least say something."
He gave her a tight smile and Elaf felt her heart breaking once again. Was he so hurt over her pursuing theater that even her apology wasn't enough?
"Let's move past this. This isn't something I was here for anyway."
Elaf looked confused, so did Yusra.
"Your Dado and I had a talk and we came up with something which I'm very happy about. Happy and satisfied."
The alarm bells in Yusra's head had started ringing while Elaf was still clueless.
"Your Taya Jee and Dado talked to me about your and Ruman's possible alliance and I was more than happy to accept it. They want you and Ruman to get engaged soon and I want the same. I was here to know what you think."
It took Elaf a while to understand what he actually was implying. She was confused. This was something she was always warned against by her friends and even her mother but her answer was always the same, My Baba won't do anything without my permission. But it seemed like he did. Think? What do you think? Not what you want.
Before she could say anything, any coherent assortment of words to show any reaction, Yusra had got up and came in front of Daud.
"Are you here to ask for her answer or to announce to her that you've indeed fixed her engagement with your nephew?"
Daud regarded Yusra with masked anger. He was already fueled by this very fact his mother had hinted at that Yusra already knew Elaf was doing theater all this while and hiding it from him.
"I'm doing what I must."
"Destroying her life, you mean?"
"What do you mean by this? Ruman is my nephew and this is my mother's house. There is no other place as safe for her as this."
"You've already decided everything, Daud. Why are you even telling her? Just go on with the engagement preparations already. And I'm her mother. Why wasn't I informed about this? Why didn't your mother deem it right, as always to include me in this as well."
"Because of this. Look how you are reacting to it. You knew about Elaf doing theater without telling me, Yusra."
"So, why is that even a big deal? She wasn't ever going to pursue it as a career line, Daud. It was just her passion, the one she gave up on because she wanted to make you proud by excelling in her studies! She rejoined just to help us in our financial crisis!"
"By doing Theater? Do you have any idea how many hopes I have from her? Her academic progress is something I was so looking forward to but she was out there trying something that can never be accepted. Theater? I can't even believe this."
"Daud, for god's sake Why are you suddenly speaking your mother's language?!"
Yusra was pleading now. How easy it was for Mrs. Durrani to turn her whole family dynamics upside down. Her husband had just announced something she could never let happen and the person she'd have to fight was her husband only.
"Don't say anything against, Ammi Jaan. She is still hopeful about everything and has suggested this alliance. She isn't your or Elaf's enemy, Yusra. "
"Then why did you come here to tell us what you all have decided instead of asking Elaf?"
"Ammi Jaan was warning me against this only. That you will not take this news lightly."
"Why should I? I won't send my daughter to the same hell I escaped!"
Yusra's temper was rising with each passing second.
"Enough, Yusra. Don't forget you couldn't fit in here. Don't put all the blame on the people of this house."
"I should praise your mother. How she changed the whole family bonding we had built over the years to this! Are you hearing yourself right now,Daud? Are you looking at yourself? All your life you gave your daughter this image of yours, this educated, woke and supporting father but look at you now. The image is in shambles. What do they say? You can take a man out of a toxic household but can't take the toxic household from the man."
"I'm sorry but I will always belong to this toxic household. My roots are here, Yusra. My mother and siblings are here. I can't leave them again because of you."
The argument which started from Elaf had gone somewhere else. Maybe it was the baggage of 24 years. But that moment, standing in the shadows, Elaf saw her parents having the worst argument of their and her life. She felt her legs giving up. Daud had gone from the room and Yusra was now sitting at the edge of the bed with tears rolling down her cheeks.
What had just happened?
_____
There was a cold war between Duad and Yusra after that and the whole Durrani clan was aware of it. Yusra was adamant on not agreeing for Ruman and Elaf's engagement while Daud was hell bent upon going on with it. He had his whole family by his side and Yusra and Elaf were staying with those people only. Yusra had regretted so much. She should've made amends with her own siblings back in time so that in these circumstances at least they could help her. Both of her sisters could give her moral support over the phone but were unable to help her in any way. Yusra didn't know for how long she could fight these people. Last time she had Daud's support but now, he was maybe her biggest opponent. The idea of Elaf staying close to her kin made him lose sense. It wasn't Elaf's fault that he had stayed away from his clan for years then why he was letting her become a way to make his mother and other family happy. Yusra was so disappointed in Daud. She knew he had always tried his best to stay connected to his people even after they moved out, but his longing was to this extent? Yusra never knew. She had now realized, even though they had a successful married life so far, still there was so much that should've been discussed between them as a couple. Now Elaf was on the receiving end of that baggage.
Like every woman in a South asian household, she was going to lose one day or the other when the person she was competing against was her husband and his family. When she was living among them. This was the nightmare she had escaped 24 years back and now this was again at her door knocking like bad weather.
For the first time in her life, Elaf was completely silent regarding something that was happening to her. She was numb and maybe hurt. Yes, hurt.
The fight of her parents she had encountered by her own eyes had broken something within her. She never sat down quiet when it was about injustice to other people but for herself, she was quiet.
Because she didn't want to fight her father.
And she certainly didn't want to see her parents fighting.
When all your life, you've seen your parents being nothing but respectful and loving towards each other, you can never accept the flaws that are suddenly shown to you in an ugly argument. Your first instinct always is to deny it and do anything you deem will right every wrong. Because when it comes to parents, all of us are just children. All our rationality reduces to this mere fact that we don't want to see our parents distressed. Elaf was in denial right now and how she'd right the wrongs, that was yet to come.
She had always seen her father as a hero and she was not at all ready to make him a villain. And he wasn't one. He was just a human who was flawed and capable of making mistakes. She'd always idolized him and now coming to terms that her father was just like her, work in progress, on some days the best version of himself and on the others the worst, was something which was right in front of her but she was still denying to see it.
"Your Baba isn't feeling well."
She was alone in the kitchen when she heard the familiar voice of Mrs. Durrani. It wasn't usual for her to drop by the kitchen. Something she thought was below her.
Elaf was aware of that. In fact, she and Yusra had been around Daud the whole day. He was silent but hadn't stopped them from tending to him but the hurt in his eyes and his stance wasn't invisible to both Yusra and Elaf.
"Your mother is doing what she's always done. Thinking of us as enemies. But at least you shouldn't do that, Elaf. Your generation is much more accepting and willing to understand than mine or your parents'. We are your people. Why can't you trust us? Ruman is dear to me, so are you. Why so much reluctance over trusting your own people? Your own kin? Think about your father. He's frail and is often sick. In the form of Ruman, he's saying a secure life for you. Is he wrong in wishing for it? Then why are you and your mother so against the idea? Okay not us, but don't you two trust Daud. He won't even think anything bad for you, right? Give it a thought. Your small family is broken by this stubbornness."
The last sentence hit Elaf where Mrs. Durrani had intended it to. She left the kitchen leaving Elaf in deep thoughts.
______
The window in Irma's room wasn't Sarim's favourite spot but he was getting used to it. Irma was almost in her eighth month of pregnancy and coming to his room, climbing the stairs wasn't possible for her now. So, Sarim's most day after his internship and other last semester obligations was spent here with Irma.
"You're uncharacteristically quiet today."
Irma pointed out sitting on her bed. Sarim turned his head towards her and shrugged.
"Zaryab called me."
"Ahan? He's your friend who's in Lahore for his job right?"
"Yeah, the very one. He's kind of pushing me to accept the package his company is offering."
"Is it good?"
"Yes. The first two years will be a lot of struggle but it can be a dream job."
"Then go for it. What are you waiting for?"
He paused.
"I'll have to move abroad for I don't know how many years, Irma."
Irma looked surprised at first. She knew Sarim had a job offer and was considering it, but she had no idea it entailed this.
"Career paths are always like this, Sarim. Loss and gain both in a single twist. If the package is good I'd say you should think about it."
"I'm thinking about it and my mind is fifty percent made."
"Then what's stopping you?"
She asked confusedly.
"If you're worried about Ammi and Baba then don't I'm here with them. In a month the baby will join us as well and we will be so happy together then that we won't even miss you."
He raised an eyebrow making Irma laugh.
"But in all honesty, Sarim. Don't step back because of us. I have a full plan of pursuing a career myself after the baby's here. We all have aspirations to achieve. Go for yours."
"That's not exactly what I was worried about."
"Then?"
He looked uncomfortable, a bit shy and awkward as well. Irma was now very interested in the conversation.
"A few days back I had a realization."
"And?"
He sighed.
"Damn, I'm in love with Elaf."
If Irma's body allowed, she could squeal jumping in the air right now.
"Oh, goodness! Finally!"
Sarim chuckled.
"Yeah, finally."
"How much more time were you going to take to realize this?"
"I guess it was always at the back of my mind but I kept on delaying it. Ignoring it. Now's not the time. Now's not the moment. I have so much to do yet. I have to build myself and everything in between. But that night. She was crying through the phone and Irma, I felt so helpless and so devastated to hear her sobbing. It made me feel so much at once and I knew that I can't run away from it anymore."
"I'm so happy you realized. We all were waiting for at least one of you to have their awakening moment. It sucks that it's you because now Elaf's the oblivious one but at least now I can sleep peacefully."
She was being dramatic but Sarim didn't mind it. He himself was grinning.
"Did you tell her?"
"No, not yet. There's so much going on in her life right now. I don't even see her for days. These days she's particularly inactive from everywhere. I went to her institute as well and they said she hasn't been coming for her internship as well."
"Everything's okay?"
He shook his head lightly.
"Her father is angry with her. The reason why she was crying the other day on the phone."
"He got to know about her theater?"
"Yup."
"Argh. Sucks. In this age and century how can people still be so narrow minded. Let your kid be what they want to be. "
He didn't say anything about that. He had suddenly gone too quiet and Irma felt it.
"What are you thinking?"
"I want to take her along."
"To where?"
"To the USA. Where I will be going if I accept this job offer."
"Sarim.."
"I know it sounds cheesy, romantic and something a teenager would say. But I don't think any other way will help us out. She's gonna waste away someday living among those people. Even her own father isn't as accepting of her choices still she loves him to bits. I'm not saying it's bad but you have to understand the flaws of the people you love. No one's an angel among us. She loves and trusts her father too much and one day that will make her regret things in life. I just want her to be able to spread her wings freely. She's so much more than what that family has reduced her to. She's born to shine, Irma. I've seen and lived the glow she radiates when she's out there on the stage. They are going to snatch this from her and that will break her. I want to take her away from all this."
"If you wanna do that you'll have to..."
"Marry her. I'm aware. How else can I take her away from that family? If she lets me then I'm up for anything."
"Are you that sure about your feelings?"
"Yes, I love her. That's it I guess. What else is there to be sure of? I'm going to tell her before the graduation and then we can talk about this as well."
Irma was both amazed and terrified of how deep Sarim had fallen.
"What if she's not on the same page?"
Sarim smiled.
"Then I travel alone."
"And about love."
"That's a done deal. I'm a man of commitment. I've loved. For once and all. Love won't happen again. But I'm not thinking about that right now. "
Irma prayed at that moment. For him to get this love he was so sure about and for his heart to stay intact and warm.
All of that would happen.
But delay is always going to be the key word of their story.
________
Elaf was sitting with her head right on Daud's shoulder. She was literally plastered to his side and he was smiling so wide. Mrs. Durrani was beaming and Shabnum's smug smile was back.
Elaf had said yes.
The moment she sat down with everyone in the TV lounge and told Daud that it was a yes from her side, they all erupted into excited murmuring and loud whispers. She didn't pay much attention to what anyone was saying. She just saw Yusra standing at the far end of the lounge and then slowly slipping away.
Elaf closed her eyes. Her mother had tried her best to fight but it was a lost cause since the very beginning.
Her eyes were stinking and face with smiling eyes was flashing on the curtain of blankness.
_____
Stopping his bike in front of his house, Izaan got off it and stood outside of the door for a while. He had had a tough day already with his preoccupied mind but running into Ibsam wasn't something he was hoping the note this day would end on.
There wasn't much to say about the brief meeting. Ibsam gave him a displeased look and upon Izaan approaching him he had said just one sentence.
"Tell Amma to not worry. I'm very much happy wherever I'm."
And then he was gone. If Izaan wasn't aware of Kumail and Roshna and them throwing angry glares in Ibsam's way, he would've thought that was mere figment of his imagination.
At least someone was happy.
He took out the key from his pocket and opened the door. The evening was turning into the night and the street was a bit empty. Izaan had just entered inside and was walking through the lounge when his eyes fell on Memoona.
And the person standing next to her.
Safwa looked like she was ready to go already. He had walked on them having a heart to heart. It was good. Memoona looked like she could use some company. Izaan himself had no strength in him to even look his parents in the eye. He was that ashamed of whatever had happened in this house and he had a part to play.
"Okay, auntie. I'm off now. Please, take care of yourself."
Safwa hugged Memoona. She eyed Izaan from sideways. He was still standing there.
"It's almost night. You parked your car away from the lane today. Should I walk you to it?"
Memoona asked but Izaan could sense why she was even saying it. He sighed.
"I'll do it."
Safwa shook her head.
"No, that's okay. I can go on my own."
"I insist."
She shrugged as if she really didn't care if he accompanied her or not. Izaan followed her out of the door once she had stopped by Abba's room bidding him a bye as well. It was strange. Her bond with every person in this house was the same but with him, well they are almost two known strangers now.
They were quiet as they left through the main door. Safwa matched her steps with him but then she stopped trying. She was now at her own pace.
"Your mother told me about your brother."
"Yeah, the shame story."
"I hope...you aren't blaming yourself for it. You couldn't do much for him. Not to be rude but he was a lost cause. He used to give me angry stares as well and I was just a guest visiting so yeah."
Oh you never know. Izaan wanted to say but he was too much engrossed in this familiar yet unknown feeling. They had walked this path countless times but this time around it felt like they were walking it as two new people who were someone in each others' pasts but nothing in the present. It was their first proper meeting after the breakup.
"Auntie told me that you are ignoring her and uncle."
They had stopped now. Izaan was facing her but he was quiet.
"Look, I don't know if it's myplace to say but you should talk to them. You are just hurting them and yourself by doing this."
"I will. I'm just mustering up the courage."
Safwa was quiet now. If things were like they were before, she would've scolded him that he was being unreasonable but now wasn't her place and maybe she shouldn't even have told him to talk to his parents. There were visible boundaries now. Maybe not around their hearts but around them, surely.
"Also, It's the last time I'm visiting your house. I won't come again. I will ask auntie and Abba to meet me in my house or anywhere else. Just that I've built a very beautiful bond with them. Even though whatever we had is no longer here, Abba and Auntie are still very dear to me. So, I can't stop meeting them. I hope you understand."
"Safwa, you can come here anytime you want to. I'm not..."
"No!"
She didn't let him complete it.
"I can't. I told myself today was the last time. Yes, we are being very civil with each other right now but I haven't forgotten what happened between us just a few days back. That's not getting old for me anytime soon."
Izaan didn't know what to say to her. Or if there was anything to say at all. Safwa shook her head. She was crying. The tears on her face were telling. She left his side and took two steps ahead in haste. But then she suddenly turned around.
"You left me crying, Izaan. And I hate you for that."
She didn't. Izaan knew. She couldn't. Safwa knew.
"You know what? I can't wait to move on from whatever this was. And don't you think there's a way back after. Not after what you put me through."
Wasn't it already pretty evident. There was no way back. Once Safwa and Izaan parted ways, their ways vowed to never cross paths again.
"I will not wait for you. In fact, I will find someone even better, have a full-fledged love story and settle down as well. So, it's only fitting if you don't wait for me either."
Her words were clear but voice was quivering. Maybe she was being petty but that was the only way she could be right now. She saw him nodding with a small smile on his face. There was resignation to it. There was no promise and definitely no fight. He had accepted things as they were. One again. It wasn't a breakup but it was hurting the same way. Maybe this is the reason people don't like to run into their exes.
"Yeah, do that. But I can't say the same."
She felt a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Why?"
He leaned against the wall. Another smile, and she wanted to cry right there. His smile had never had such an air of melancholy about it before.
"Because I'm pretty sure I won't ever find someone like you. Having a love story and settling down is a far cry."
And she realized, by now she was crying in earnest. Cruel. It was so cruel.
Safwa turned around and almost ran towards her car. Izaan stood there watching her. If this was how she was going to be then it was better they run into each other at all. Or only when it was utmost necessary.
Because now she was crying.
And he hated when she cried. Because of him.
_____
It was two days later when a car stopped in front of Durrani House. The person getting out of it was unknown to the guard but he still let her inside because she had introduced herself as Elaf Beti's friend.
Elaf was in the lounge when she saw her entering through the door and her immediate response was to look around to see who was here. Safwa narrowed her eyes. Who was this scaredy cat and what did she do with her badass best friend?
"I need to talk to you."
No greeting. No preliminaries. Safwa was pissed and Elaf knew why.
They knew about the engagement. She had tried her best to keep it a secret from them but Marva and Rabea were covering for her at the institution so Elaf had to tell them why she would be taking a few days off more. It wasn't in Rabea to tell something to other people Elaf had specially asked her not to tell anyone but Marva wasn't that obedient so here Elaf was, facing the wrath of a very pissed Safwa Kirmani.
"Do you have any idea what you are doing with your life?"
Safwa had blasted the moment they entered the room. Elaf locked the door but still stood close to it so that no voice could go outside. This made Safwa angrier.
"And you didn't even tell me or any of us. If Marva hadn't told me and Hesham we would've known after you'd have married the bastard and birthed three children.
"Safi! Behave!"
"Why! You could've told me."
"You just had a bad breakup."
"It was just a breakup, I hadn't died for god's sake!"
Elaf wanted to remind her of the way she was numb after coming back to the office that day but kept it to herself. Safwa was pissed right now and provoking her won't end up good.
"Can you please keep your volume down?"
"Who are you and where is my best friend? She would've never told me to keep it down."
Elaf left the door and sat at the edge of her bed. Hers and Sumreen's but Sumreen was spending much of her time in the Sabeera's room with her nephew.
"Well, people change."
"Not you sounding exactly like Izaan. Please, give me a break."
Safwa took the seat next to her.
"Elaf, you always hated these people."
"But my Baba didn't. He loves them all."
"But that doesn't mean he has to marry you into them as well."
"It's just an engagement."
"Yeah, and you are that naive who doesn't know what comes after engagement."
She was quiet. Safwa could see no fight in her and that was the same approach Izaan had adopted when they last met. She was suddenly so tired and so frustrated. Why all the emotional fools were in her destiny to love, both romantically and platonically.
"You can't be a scapegoat just because your Baba loves his family, Elaf."
"That's not the case, Safwa. These people aren't that bad. After living among them..."
"I don't know about the face but your fucking tone isn't convincing at all. Just a few weeks and you have sent your former self on vacation. Who is this timid person?"
A person who loves her father a lot.
Elaf wanted to say. So much that she could do anything for him and she was doing it.
"Love isn't supposed to make you weak, Elaf. And right now you are just so damn weak to me."
Safwa pursed her lips because Elaf wasn't saying anything.
"You used to call Ruman Asshole."
Elaf chuckled. Yeah, she used to. But that time she didn't know one day she'd have to be the finacee of that asshole. Tough luck.
"Your silence is really pissing me off."
"It's your clue that I don't want to talk about this, Safwa. I'm not happy with this engagement but at least my Baba is and so is my family. I might become happy too one day. I just don't want to cause any scene where I'll repent everything."
Her parents fight and the silent treatment afterwards. Her Dado's words and how happy her father was these days. She had made a sacrifice and she wasn't backing out now. Especially when she was being persuaded by her best friend because she knew Safwa could convince her.
Safwa didn't think it was true.
"As I can't convince you to change your mind, I think I should leave."
She got up with dejection even in her body language.
"You know, you have always been an inspiration to me and Sarim. Your no nonsense attitude and witty comebacks, your never backing down from giving someone your support or giving your voice for the right cause, remember Reeja's case? What has love done to you, Elaf? It's a shame you can't do all that for yourself. Pity. I'd say. I can bet you haven't even fought back."
There was no point. So much was at the stack.
"I'm leaving because I can't make a person see sense who's ready to be drowned. But think of what you're losing and no, not me or Hesham or our friend's group. At least think of him. You'll lose him to, Elaf. Will you be able to live with the fact that you left something before it could even bloom."
Saying that, Safwa was on her heels. Elaf followed her through the hallway and then out of the main door. By now, Dado and Tayi had already gathered in the lounge and their brows had scrunched seeing Safwa hadn't greeted them instead went straight out of the door.
"Your friend seems very rich and very ill mannered. Is the whole lot like her?"
Dado asked in her usual snide tone. Elaf shook her head all the while trying to not cry.
"I don't think I have friends, Dado. Not anymore."
_____
Going to university meant running into people she knew and people she was avoiding. People who could break her resolve and people who could turn the tide.
She didn't want either because that will make everything too complicated and too messed up for her to come out of it alive.
So, avoid and run. That was her plan.
Too bad Sarim Haider had always been a crack in the best laid plans.
He had cornered her when she was coming out of the library after getting her required books. Elaf's plan to avoid and run had gone to the waste because he was just standing there. He hadn't even asked her to stop but she did. She did it anyway and now here they were. In the back alley of the library building, alone, Elaf very much tongue tied and Sarim very much pissed.
"I don't see any signs of it. Enlighten me. Did the engagement really happen?"
"It's on Friday."
She mumbled as if confessing committing a crime.
"So, your choice or your Baba's?"
Elaf flinched and then looked at him.
Her eyes held anger. The most volatile emotion someone had elicited out of her in days and that was Sarim Haider.
It was always Sarim Haider.
"Don't you dare say anything against my Baba!"
"I don't have to. Your anger is telling everything."
His eyes flashed with an emotion Elaf was pretty used to but now that he was both angry and frustrated, it shone more brightly. Hurt? Longing? Both?
"Seriously, Elaf. After everything this is what you do? Act like a doll for your family to play with you."
"What do you even know!"
"Enough to know that you're being forced or emotionally blackmailed for this engagement. "
She had no words to deny what he was saying.
"Doing for your Baba as usual."
"Sarim, stop it!"
"I know everyone loves their parents, but"
"You don't love your Dad."
Sarim chuckled. Humourlessly.
"I know that. And I never try to hide it as well. All of my friends know my relationship with my father. I'm not pretending at least."
"And you think I'm?"
Sarim's face softened.
"No, Elaf. You're not pretending. But the way you love and respect your father to the point of losing yourself, does he even do the one percent of that? Enough to put you before your stupid extended family and your Dado? You couldn't tell him you love theater. You've always wanted to be a theater artist one day. You had to push extra hard in studies because your father wasn't satisfied with your grades. You went to live with your Dado and her family because he wanted to and you joined DreamIt for him to help him in the expanses but he became angry with you and now this. Forcing you into a relationship you don't want. It's time to take a step back and evaluate what you're putting, if the other person is putting even half of it, and that applies to the parents as well. Just empty hugs and words don;t cut it, Elaf."
He had shown her the mirror and she hated it. Hated it so much that she raised her hand to punch him right in the face and he didn't even flinch. Not even once. Elaf put her raised fit back. Her tears were on her cheeks now.
"I don't want to see you ever again. Not after what you've just said about my father."
He took a step back.
"I figured that out. So it's goodbye then. See you on graduation, Day, Elaf Daud."
He turned around immediately. Elaf stood there but then something came over her.
"I wish I never see you again, Sarim Haider!"
She shouted. She was crying. Her voice echoes around colliding with the walls of the narrow alley. Sarim didn't look back. But if someone could see him right now, his red rimmed eyes and him constantly wiping them wouldn't be that hard to miss.
_______
A/N: So with this update there are few points I want to elaborate
Daud is your typical desi man and father. I tried to be as realistic with his character as I could but that's not the end of it.
Many of you might say that Elaf was out of character today, like just in the previous chapter you all were rooting for her and now this. She's always been like this when it came to her father. Throughout the story so far. She idolizes him and that never ends well no matter what. If you want to see a bit of character development here, I'd say just bear with me. With each update things will get clearer.
And here goes another ship. Or not? Who knows.