TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
~Marley~
The sun was bright.
Shining beside her as the infinite light kissed her skin.
She was warm.
Effortless and completely warm as she leaned her head back, basking in the feeling of freedom for the first time in years.
She smiled widely, throwing her arms in the air as she laughed loudly.
She had no clue where she was, but somehow... she felt free. Like she could do anything and everything she had always wanted to do. For the first time in her life, she wasn't thinking about anyone but herself.
The wind blew gently, the breeze flowing her hair back behind her shoulders as she finally opened her eyes. She looked around and realized that she had been at the lookout point, her body feeling relief as she felt safe in the arms of the open air.
Her back was facing the cliff, her eyes narrowing in on a car parked on the road in front of her. She couldn't hear much, but the radio humming in the running car echoed softly through the wind and into her ears.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
Tears flooded her eyes as the song became clearer, but then the wind stood still and the silence in the air became louder than before as the memory of what had happened came crashing back to her.
Crashing, crashing, crashing.
She didn't see much, just flashes of light. Then Harry. Then the sun.
There was no one around, she was alone in a place that she had always found a presence in.
Suddenly the light surrounding her didn't bring her comfort, she began to become fearful. She didn't know how long she had been there or when she was ever going to leave. All she knew was that she needed to get back, she needed her brother, Louis... she needed Harry.
She quickly turned around, her eyes scanning her surroundings before she noticed someone standing at the edge of the cliff.
He was tall, his back facing her as his baggy jeans hit the grass below him. His white tee shirt was hugging his arms and the brown belt he had been wearing was one she had seen before. His hair was short, his fingers running through the top of his head before he turned around to look at her.
The silhouette of the man in front of her was bright, the sun's bright glow was making it hard for her to see the face of the person before her... so she slowly started to walk forward.
Silence was still the only thing to be heard in the air, the song starting over as the volume slowly became audible.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
Her movements came to a halt when the face of the man became visible to her.
His bright blue eyes bored into her own, lighting up completely when the two pairs met. His brown hair had small grey pieces, peeking through the thick brunette head she remembered seeing. He had his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows furrowed together as he tilted his head in a look of confusion.
"Dad?"
His smile made her heart stop. The look of confusion he had on his face was wiped away completely and simply overwhelmed with a look of pure happiness as the wind blew rapidly around her. He placed his hands out of his pockets and held his arms up, creating the wind in the air to consume her in a way it never had before. She closed her eyes, smiling widely as she let the wind hit her face.
She opened them back up to see she was standing closer to him, a small gasp leaving her lips as she looked at her father for the first time in years. He was real, standing in front of her instead of being held in the palm of her hand inside of a photo. She could almost reach him. But something inside of her couldn't bring herself to get any closer.
His smile was still wide on his face, the wrinkle beside his eyes still present the way she had always remembered when he smiled. It was like time had stood still because he looked exactly the same since the last time she saw him.
"Dad," she whispered once more, the words leaving her lips ever so slightly as he looked at his daughter.
She had a million things that she wanted to say to him. For years she had dreamed of this moment; the one where he was standing before her, holding her tight as he told her how much he regretted leaving her.
"You're not supposed to be here yet, my love."
A small sob escaped her lips at the sound of his voice. He sounded the same, the exact same as he had all those years ago. She thought for sure she would never hear his voice again, that it was now just a distant memory.
She had always remembered the random things about him. The way he would take his tea in the morning or the way he would hug her first when he would walk in the door at night. She remembered the way he would tuck her in at night or the stories he would read before she shut her eyes and drifted off into a world far away from her own.
But over the years, she started to forget the big things, the most important things. She found herself starting to forget the way he smelled, the way his laugh sounded when she would tell him something he found amusing. But worst of all... she started to forget what his voice sounded like.
She would forget only for a second, but each day that passed took her longer and longer to remember.
It killed her everyday that she remebered the stupid things... or maybe what killed her the most was what she couldn't seem to forget.
But now here he was, standing in front of her and everything came flooding back. The sound of his laughter echoing through the house, his voice softly whispering in her ear how much he loved her.
"Could you hear me," she asked, her voice shaky as she tried to steady her hands. "When I would come out here, could you hear the things I would say to you?"
"Every single damn thing," he promised, turning back to cliffs before he looked at her from over his shoulder and nodded his head to the empty spot beside him.
She slowly took a step beside him, the overwhelming scent of peppermint and cigarettes flooded her senses. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply as she tried to convince herself that this was all a dream - because she knew in her heart it would hurt less when she woke up than believing it was real.
She couldn't find the words, her mind running laps through her head as her brain tried to form a sentence. But she couldn't, after all this time, all of the unanswered questions... she couldn't even think.
"I'm sorry," her father said softly, staring off at the water in front of the two. "I'm so sorry, Marley Jeen."
She blinked slowly, a small tear running down her face as she turned to look at him, "Do you regret it?"
He stayed silent for a moment, "I regret a lot of things, bug. But the one thing I regret most in the world is not getting a chance to tell you goodbye."
"How," she whispered softly, not finding it within herself to face him. "How could you leave me?"
"It was the hardest thing I ever had to do," he said, taking a deep breath as tears pooled at the bottom of his eyes. "But I never left you, just like I promised."
"But you did," she cried, shaking her head as tears poured down her cheeks. "You left me all alone, all I ever wanted was for you to come back."
"I know," he whispered softly. "And it killed me watching you go through it all."
"Then how could you?" She asked, the sound of her voice slowly rising with each word she spoke.
All of the anger, the hurt, the sadness - it all came pouring out of her body like a river after the fall of a dam. She was so hurt by her father leaving her the way he had. All of the unanswered questions eating away at her day after day wondering if there was anything she could have done to stop it. Replaying every single interaction in her head trying to see if she missed it, if he had somehow asked her for help and she never even realized.
"I'm so sorry," he repeated, looking down at the ground he spoke. "I wish I had a better answer for you, but I don't."
Suddenly all of the anger was gone, she wasn't sure what was happening but all she knew was that she was finally getting the chance to tell her father the one thing she had been saying for years. Only now she knew with everything inside of her that he would hear.
"I miss you," she whispered. "So much."
His shoulders dropped, his hand reaching up to his face to wipe the tears away as he said, "Not nearly as much as I miss you - my sweet, darling Marley."
He turned to look at her, his eyes holding so much love it almost broke her completely in two.
God... she really fucking missed him.
"Cole asks about you all the time," she said, smiling softly as his eyes lit up. "We were never going to let him forget how much you loved him, even if you couldn't be there to tell him yourself."
"I can feel you guys all around me," he promised. "Anytime I'm near one of you three, all of the love in my body ignites in me. There is no better feeling in the world than when I'm right next to you."
"Can I ask you something," she asked gently, waiting for him to nod his head as he continued. "Are you happy here, happier than you were with us?"
"Marley," he whispered softly when he saw the tears forming back into her eyes. "I'm not happier here, but I'm better. There isn't any pain, any suffering. I just wish I would have known I could be all of things and more if I was still there with you."
"Is it always this warm here?"
He chuckled softly, reaching out to tuck a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ears. Chills ran down her body when the tips of his fingers ghosted over her cheek. She tilted her head slightly, trying to savor the feeling of his soft, tender touch before it was gone quicker than it had came.
"That only happens when the people that you love are around," he said quietly, smiling softly as she looked up at him. "There are a lot of people who love you, baby. Can't you feel it, my love?"
"I think so," she muttered softly as her father laughed.
"Trust me, you'll know," he said before he quietly spoke once more.
"I'm so proud of you."
She had always wondered what it would sound like to hear her father say those five little words. But nothing could ever prepare her for the feeling inside of her chest when she finally heard him say it.
"You are stronger than you think you are, Marley." He said softly, taking a step closer to her as he spoke, "Promise me you'll never forget that. Not even for a second because I could not be more proud of the woman standing in front of me right now."
She nodded her head softly, a smile on her face before he said, "I have to go soon."
She shook her head quickly, her biggest hope turning into her biggest fear as her father wiped a tear from her face.
"No, no, no," she begged, crying softly as he simply placed his hand back onto her cheek. "Please don't leave me again."
"I have to, baby," he whispered softly, tears building in his own eyes as she leaned into the touch. "But I'll see you again, I promise."
"Let me go with you," she said quickly, placing her hand over his own in hopes that will make him stay for just a bit longer.
"That's not up to me," he said, shaking his head as he spoke. "You're not supposed to be here yet."
He repeated the same words he had spoken when he first saw her, before they were filled with confusion but now they were filled with sadness. She knew he was right, but she didn't want to go back. She wanted to be here with her father, the one person she always believed truly knew her.
"They need you," he said softly.
The tears were blurring her vision as she shook her head, "I need you."
"You're not supposed to be here, Marley." He said once more, "You have so many things ahead of you, my sweet girl. And I will be there every single step of the way. Just like I always have been, just like I always will be."
"In the wind," she recited, saying the same words to her father that she had held close to her heart.
"In the wind," he repeated.
"I love you," she cried softly, feeling her father's touch slowly start to fade away.
The wind picked up faster than the speed of light, the soft echo of her father's voice calling out to her as he spoke, "I love you, Marley Jeen."
Then he was gone.
Just like that. In the blink of an eye the moment she had prayed about since that fateful night had left her just as quickly as it came. She couldn't stop the tears from flooding in her eyes and streaming down her face. She wished she could have said more. Told him more about the amazing things Luke has done.
The way he has been the best brother she could have ever asked for, that he was the best man she will never meet in her life. How she wished he could be there for him in ways that she never could.
She wished she could tell him more about Cole. The way he was like him in every single aspect of his life. The looks he would give his sister when she was doing something he didn't like, the way he would walk around the house in the morning like a Zombie as he walked aimlessly to the fridge for something to drink.
She just wished she could tell him everything, maybe then he would still be here right now. Listening to every word leaving her lips as he made the little comments he used to make anytime anyone was telling a story.
And just like that, she missed him just as much as she had before... maybe even more.
She wiped away the rest of her tears, taking a seat towards the edge of the cliff and stared out into the water crashing into the rocks below her. She knew that this was it, she had no clue how long she had been there. For her it only felt like minutes but something inside of her told her it was more than that.
Time seemed to be nonexistent wherever she was. Life, death, somewhere in between but she knew she couldn't stay much longer. She needed to be with her brothers. She needed to be there for them, standing there next to them as they did the great and amazing things she knew with her whole heart they were put onto Earth to do.
She inhaled deeply, trying to figure out what came next for her. Would she simply close her eyes and be taken to a place far away from this one? Would she ever see her brothers again? Would she ever see Louis again?
But god, did she hope to see Harry again.
She suddenly became overwhelmed when the memories of her life with Harry came flooding through her mind. From the moment they met to the time of the accident. Every single encounter she had with the boy played in her mind like a constant loop.
From the hateful glaces to the awful remarks they threw their way. From hate, to friendship, to love. The way she would look at him and the world seemingly stopped spinning on its axis, like nothing made sense in the world until she looked into his green eyes.
It was as if the world was brighter and the laughs were louder, all because of the green in his eyes.
All she could think about was what she would give to see that green.
In the matter of seconds her body felt as though it had been ignited with a spark. Her right side of her body becoming so warm, she never thought a heat like that could feel so calming.
The top of her arm almost appeared to be glowing, her eyes closing as a small gasp escaped her lips when the heat slowly started to move down her arm and on top of her hand, before suddenly feeling as though her fingers were intertwined with another hand.
But then she realized... Harry.
"Hey baby," he said softly, sounding miles away all while being close to her ear as his voice carried through the wind. "I don't know if you can hear me or not..."
She laid back, her head hitting the grass below her as she focused all of her strength to move her hand with his. His voice was dancing through her ears as she smiled widely, wanting nothing more than to be there with him.
His voice was slow, deep and clear. Like he had been rehearsing what he was going to say for days now. She could hear all that he was telling her. Finally feeling whole again as the sound of his voice slowly started to grow louder.
The wind picked up rapidly, the sound of his voice being muffled by the wind's echo as her body grew so warm she had thought as though she was on fire... but in the best way possible.
"It's okay if you don't come back, we'll be okay," he whispered softly. "But that doesn't mean I don't want you to stay..."
She couldn't open her eyes, her body started to become heavy as her movements came to a stand still. The brightness of the sun became blindingly bright even through her closed eyelids, the wind becoming so fierce she felt as though she should be scared.
But somehow, she was calm. That wherever she was going was the place she needed to be. Whether that was here or there.
"Please come back to me," he whispered, feeling a kiss being placed on her forehead as she tried to open her eyes. "I love you."
And then suddenly, all she could see was the green she had desperately missed.
~
AHHHH
I love you all so fucking much it hurts.
Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, thank you for everything.
Only a few more chapters left for Strawberries and Cigarettes. The story of Harry and Marley is almost finished.
And I cannot thank you enough for being on this journey with me.
I'll see you guys soon!
Thoughts on the story so far??
~Lizzy <3