their walk home was quiet. as the two walked past the playground they spent their time at the other day, jaemin stopped in his tracks but she didn't seem to notice.
"eunha," he called softly. she stopped and turned around. her eyes telling him she's been crying throughout the walk.
"let's talk." he said. she thought about it for awhile before entering the park herself.
jaemin followed right behind and found himself smiling as he saw her sitting on the same swing she sat on the other day. he seated himself on the other swing and the pair continued to sit in silence.
"why?" jaemin broke the silence and shifted his full attention on her.
"what?"
"what's wrong? why are we like this?" he asked.
she scoffed, "i'm sorry," and wiped more of her tears, "i know you're busy and you have a lot of worries right now. i don't know why i feel this way too. you don't have to worry about us. it's not your fault."
"you can tell me i don't have to worry about this distance between us as much as you want, but i won't be able to just brush it off." jaemin said, moving from his seat and kneeled on one knee before her.
the moment their eyes met each other's, she looked away and more tears starts to stream down her face.
"why? what's wrong?" he asked again, taking her hands in his with his eyes locked on her.
"why are you doing this?" she said in between her sobs.
he stayed silent, although his eyes starts welling up with tears. his thumb continues to rub the back of her hands.
"you pulled me in and when i want to come to you, you pushed me away. what is it that you want from me, jaemin?" she said and his heart broke right at that moment.
the tears he was holding back for awhile now escaped as he watched the tears of the girl he cared for streaming down her face.
"i really want to run to you when i'm happy and when i'm troubled. i really want to be there for you through your ups and downs. but you keep pushing me away. what am i supposed to do, jaem?"
a tear fell down his cheek, his body looked calm compared to how tangled his mine was.
"i'm sorry," his lips quivering as he mumbled, "i'm really sorry."
his thumb reached out to wipe off the endless streaming of her tears.
"stop," she muttered, "stop doing this if you're going to push me away again."
"no, i won't push you away anymore. i'll keep you close to me. i'm sorry for pushing you away. i never meant to do that." he said, continuing to wipe off her tears.
within a few seconds, he embraced her figure, his hand brushing through her hair as he comforted her. he clasped her ever so tightly that they were nearly one person.
she planted her face on his shoulders, adding on to the list of his clothing that she stained with her tears. but he couldn't care less. with each passing second, his grip around her tightened, unwilling to let go of her.
she didn't feel suffocated but rather comforted and the hug itself felt gentle and warm to her even in the cold dusk air.
but it's undeniable that she was confused, the friendship between the two that started off with 'let me help you to understand yourself' grew into something more than just a friendship. his existence did help her understand more of herself and on top of that, she learned that - being in his arms are one of her favourite places.
"i'm sorry, okay?" jaemin said one last time before pulling away from the hug.
as soon as he did, the girl wiped off the remaining tears on her face with her hands. he smiled, taking her hands and keeping them in his left hand before his thumb takes over the wiping she was doing.
"are we okay now? what can i do to have your trust?" asked jaemin, lowering down so his eyes were on the same level as hers with his hand still gripping tight to hers.
"hold on," she muttered, her hands escaping his grip as she massages the temple of her head.
"are you okay? do you feel sick? let's go-"
"no, they're just-" she said but stopped as a sharp pain strikes her head, making her eyes shut tight.
"it's okay. let them front. maybe they have something to say to me. it's okay, i'll stop them if they plan to do anything to hurt themselves." jaemin said and in a few seconds, she was back to her original posture.
he took a step back as he was aware that it was no longer eunha that was fronting.
"hey?" he greeted, awkward.
"oh hey. jaemin, right?" she asked but it was clear from her tone that it wasn't a female alter fronting.
"ah yes, hello." he replied, bowing multiple times before handing out his hand to shake theirs.
"i don't think eunha has introduced me before, so i'm minhyung. i'm the physical protector for all of us." he said, giving jaemin a handshake as he introduced himself.
"don't worry man, i'm not gonna fight you. i fronted instead of ailee 'cause- yeah have you met her before? she's very... mean and feisty - i would say." minhyung said.
jaemin shook his head as an awkward response.
"hey don't worry, man. i didn't want ailee to front and push you away while disguising as eunha so here i am." he added, "all of us actually likes you. i mean - no homo bro, but yeah we like the idea of you physically taking care of eunha."
"you do? i'm actually scared of stepping up the relationship we have right now. what if i hurt her?" jaemin said with worry powering his voice.
"hey, c'mon man. you've been taking care of her so well up until now. i mean, sure yeah you've made her cry a few times but she's happy with you. you're a great man too, i don't think you'd ever hurt her. but if you do though, you'll see me again then." reassured minhyung, changing his tone to one of a threat jokingly as he reaches the end of his sentence.
"how many times has she cried because of me?" asked jaemin, worried.
"well," started minhyung before continuing his sentence with a whisper, "she kind of cried the whole day yesterday because you pushed her away. but i think she's fine now, she's fangirling about you to rosé right now."
minhyung continued to explain, "but we really like you, man. you're the first person ever to care for us this much. thanks for all of that love and care, man. eunha deserves it."
jaemin felt his blood rush to his cheeks and minhyung - through eunha's physical looks, laughed at his pink cheeks.
"i think i should go now. she's trying hard to front and get back to doing sweet things with you," teased minhyung.
"thanks, minhyung." said jaemin sincerely.
"no worries. but before i leave, can we uhh get out of the playground? i'm worried the littles might front instead. i mean i know you can take care of them well but i don't want them to get used to fronting, especially when it's dark now." said minhyung, thumb pointing in the direction of the gate of the playground.
"yeah sure, i totally understand you." replied jaemin before the two heads for the gate of the playground.
right before they left, eunha stopped in her tracks with her eyes shut. jaemin noticed and waited by her sides. as soon as she opened her eyes, her eyes wandered and landed on the man before her that had a sweet smile on his face.
"why are you smiling like that?" she asked with a serious look on her face.
he cackled, "are you going to act cold to me? minhyung told me that you were just fangirling about me though."
eunha stared at the laughing man with a flustered look plastered on her face, "no i wasn't!"
jaemin curved a sincere smile. he tucked his hands to the pockets of his pants as he started speaking, "eunha. i know how you feel about me and i won't hesitate to say that we feel the same way for each other. i like you too, eunha."
"but?" eunha replied, eyes locked to his.
"i don't want to take a step forward with our relationship right now, but i won't be stepping back either. can you give me some time? until everything is settled, until i'm emotionally stable myself to take care of you and all of your alters. will you wait for me?"
her eyes once again started to glisten under the light of the night sky. but it wasn't an emotion of sadness that her eyes spoke of. she curved a smile just as a tear drops down her cheeks.
"why are you crying?" asked jaemin, pulling her into a tight hug. his hand brushed through her hair while the other rubbed circles on her back.
her arms found their way and wrapped jaemin's body. "i'll wait for you. it feels better now that i know there'll be a happy ending."
jaemin smiled as he rested his chin on the top of her head, pulling her in closer with his grip tightening around her.
"i've never felt this way before, you know. the feeling of wanting to protect someone with all that i have and wanting to give all the good things in the world to them because they deserve it. it's my first time feeling this way and i'm scared it might go wrong. what if i lose you?" said jaemin, still embracing her figure tightly.
she stayed silent, not wanting to imagine the worst thing to happen.
he pulled away from the hug and held her by her shoulders. their eyes locked and he gave a smile before saying, "i'll try my best okay? give me time and i'll give my all to you."
eunha smiled in response and the two held their stares for a few seconds before jaemin took a glance at his wristwatch.
"it's getting late. i need to get back home to mom. let's go." he said, stretching his left hand out.
eunha nodded and interlaced her fingers with jaemin's. the pair walked together side-by-side, occasionally stealing glances at each other and curving the sincerest smiles whenever their eyes meet.
"i was surprised to see you at the match today. did you skip your therapy session?" asked jaemin.
eunha replied, "not really. my therapist and i have been doing our sessions online these days as i've been busy with the competition."
"really? that's great. is everything going well with your sessions?" he asked further.
she hummed before replying, "she helped me get to know my alters more and everything's going fine so far. except that ailee sometimes doesn't cooperate with us. but it's fine, it'll be okay."
"i don't think i've spoken to ailee before, right? i would love to chat with her sometimes." he shared.
"ailee is the persecutor in our system. i'm sure you know how they are like." she replied.
"i know. it'll take time before you make peace with her. as long as you're fine now, then everything will find it's place eventually." said jaemin, his thumb rubbing against eunha's hand.
"oh, right! speaking of your alters, did you know mark-hyung's korean name is minhyung? just like your protector." shared jaemin, finding it amazing that they share the same name.
"really? his korean name is lee minhyung? that's interesting to know." said eunha, staring off into the distance as she realized of how similar the two are.
"come to think of it, they are really similar and i think my minhyung only named himself after i moved to nct. maybe he's based on mark, since mark took care of me well from my first day." explained eunha.
"you got yourself your own mark-hyung! the way he speaks are similar to mark-hyung too. is his style based on hyung too?" asked jaemin.
after a few seconds of thinking, she replied, "no. i don't think mark is the type to wear leather clothing on a daily basis right?"
the pair laughed, "i guess minhyung dresses himself in leather clothes often, huh? does he ride motorcycles? any tattoos?"
"you're right! he mentions his dream of buying a motorcycle quite a lot especially lately. minhyung has one tattoo of ailee on his arm and said he wants more tattoos soon, specifically tattoos of all of us." eunha said.
"ah i see. so minhyung and ailee has a thing?" he questioned.
she hummed, "he's so in love with her. but if you know ailee, she's quite persistent in trusting no one. he's having a hard time but i don't think he'll give up ever."
"i see," he replied. after a few moments of silence, he joked, "i'm sorry. i know i'll be so in love with you someday but i don't think i'll make a tattoo of you on my arm."
eunha slapped his arm in a joking manner before replying, "don't worry. i won't be offended because i won't make a tattoo of you too."
she escaped from his grip and ran away like a little child in front of jaemin. he smiled at her attitude before chasing after her.
as soon as he caught up with her, he sneakily laced his fingers in her hands again and his face brightened with happiness.
"are you busy tomorrow?" asked jaemin as they neared the junction of eunha's house.
she hummed, "kind of. i have a meeting with jeno tomorrow about our project. why?"
"do you want to hangout at my place afterwards? i want to spend time with you but i can't leave my mom alone at home too. i'm fine if you don't want to, though."
"i would love that, jaem." she said with a smile.
"is your father around?" asked jaemin as her house appears in their sight.
"i don't know. i haven't spoken to him since that night. he hasn't been around much either." she replied with a sigh.
"let me know if anything happens, okay? i'll come to you. don't leave the house alone at night before telling me. the world is a scary place." he said while his thumb rubs circles on her hand.
"don't worry. you'll be the first one to know and the first person i'll run to." she said.
"i guess this is where we end our day." said jaemin as the two reached the end of the crossroad, still a distance away from her house but one where they can still see each other clearly.
"thank you for today. have a good rest." thanked eunha.
"sorry for making you cry again today. i'll see you tomorrow." he replied, reluctantly letting go of her hand.
he watched her figure walk towards her house. when she was only few steps away from her front door, he called out her name. she turned around to be greeted by his smile.
"i like you, a lot." he mouthed, slow enough for her to catch his words.
"i like you too, jaem. goodnight."
…
how we feelin with this chapter everyone~
the next chapter will probably be a rollercoaster of emotions as well so uh prepare yourself for next week i guess 😳
til then, stay safe!
- ayraa