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𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫
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Your heart thumped against your chest, your throat felt like it was getting squeezed shut and your hands started to shake. You looked at the man with wide, big eyes, raised eyebrows and a slightly opened mouth. ''W-What...?'' you did your best to squeeze the word out of your throat. You didn't know what to feel. You didn't know what to do. You weren't sure what was the proper way to react.
''They signed a divorce about a month or two ago. As far as I know, Kurapika hasn't seen her ever since.''
''No...'' you said quietly, switching from Leorio's eyes to the ground, your eyes getting watered up with your tears. The crystal clear liquid was now starting to block your view. ''What am I supposed to do now?'' you whined, sobbing in your hands again, heartache shooting through your body. Your feelings were all over the place. You had already given up on him, sealed your heart shut and never expected to see or feel anything for him again. You had tried so hard to give up on him, and when you finally came to terms with everything that happened— you just had to hear this. Of course, this had to happen. Luck never seemed to be on your side.
''You don't have to do anything, Y/N.''
''But... I can finally go to him without-''
''Are you sure?'' he interrupted you and you looked up at him through tear blurred eyes, ''there's a guy, a guy who's fighting for his life and is very in love with you. Are you sure you want to go through the same drama all over again? We both know how that ended last time. Why don't you give something new a try. Something- someone you maybe have longed for, for a long time.''
''Who?''
''We both know who.''
Azami.
''But he doesn't have a crush on me anymore... does he?'' you asked and Leorio simply shrugged, arms crossed in front of his chest. He didn't know, he just simply assumed it. It was obvious from the way he acted and talked about you. In the past year Azami had visited Leorio's place often to hang out with Killua and Gon, they always played games together and sometimes when the two younger boys weren't around, Leorio started a conversation with Azami.
And whenever he mentioned you he'd always act differently. Happier. Like he was more interested in talking about you than about other things. His cheeks would flash a bright shade of pink and he'd chuckle while trying to act as cool and calm as possible. It was obvious he loved you, but you were too oblivious to see it. Too naïve maybe.
''Do with this whatever you want,'' Leorio winked at you before standing up, pulling on the hem of his jacket in an attempt to neaten it up a little, ''just don't make any rational decisions. I'm not telling you to be with him, but are you sure there are no feelings for him in your heart? Are you sure this love you feel is for Kurapika, and not for someone else?'' You weren't quite sure what he meant by that, but when you were about to ask, he had already walked away. Leaving you confused. You doodled some figures on the white table you were sitting at, tiredness taking over your mind and you looked around to see if you saw a couch you could sleep on, but there weren't any.
You leaned back in your chair, closing your eyes and leaning your head to the side, trying your best to be as comfortable as possible in the hard plastic chair. Your hands were clasped together and relaxed onto your lap.
Did Azami really have a crush on you? The words of Leorio couldn't leave your mind and you couldn't help but feel slightly... excited maybe. ''Why am I getting excited over this?'' you thought to yourself, ''I don't even like him like that. He's just my best friend. that's all. That's all he'll ever be to me. You know you only have these feelings for one person and that person is Kurapika.'' You tried your best to reassure yourself. Though, you started to wonder if those words were even true.
Was Kurapika the one for you? Or was it Azami? What makes you think you even have a 'choice'?
Kurapika was free. He wasn't under the eye of Rin anymore. He can do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants to. You wanted to see him so badly, but was it the right thing to do? What if Rin finds out and the same shit happens all over again. You had done so much to try and get over Kurapika, knowing there would always be feelings for him in the end. But you were at peace with that, right? You had come to terms with the fact that he ended up with someone else. It hurt you, but you weren't going to try anything out with him anymore. You weren't going to try and fight it. Why would you want to try something again that has hurt you so much in the past? What makes you think this time will be different?
'He is a married man' is what you had continued to tell yourself for a year.
But not anymore.
Your mind drifted away, hundreds of questions and scenarios coming up into your mind. A hundred things of what to do and what not to do. And with all those thoughts, those tiring and anxious thoughts, you fell asleep. You fell asleep in the middle of the café that belonged to the hospital, where your best friend was fighting for his life. You got the sleep you desperately needed, the thoughts and the thing that happened to Azami had made you feel so tired you barely felt like you could walk without passing out.
°•. ✿ .•°
''Miss... Miss...?'' a voice called your name, shaking your sleepy body gently while whispering your last name a few times. You fluttered your eyes open slowly, your vision becoming more clear by the second and you shot up in your chair. ''H-hi?'' you stuttered sleepily, feeling a little embarrassed you had fallen asleep in the middle of a public space. The café still wasn't too crowded, thankfully, and you looked at the clock that was hung up above a door. It was 9:12 AM and you yawned, stretching your arms up into the air. ''Miss, we wanted to inform you about Azami Izanagi. Doctor Paladiknight said you're allowed to come to visit him. He's awake, and he's just a little drowsy and feeling slightly ill. The doctor will come and see you in about thirty minutes to discuss some important matters with you.''
You swallowed thickly and cleared your throat before standing up, patting your clothes to neaten them and followed the nurse who led you back to Azami's room. She opened the door for you and waited for you to walk in. You took a deep breath and stepped inside the white room. Azami laid on his bed, running his hand through hishair and nodding while he talked to Leorio. He looked handsome, despite the circumstances, he looked absolutely beautiful. His beautiful wavy hair fell just past his shoulders, the dimples that formed when he smiled and his pretty dark blue eyes completely focused on the doctor next to his bed.
You had never looked at him like that and heat swiftly spread across your cheeks.
You cleared your throat, catching both men's attention. ''Oi!'' Azami said happily, eyes closing while a sweet smile instantly spread across his face, ''this gives you déjà vu doesn't it?'' he joked, a boyish smirk took over when he opened his eyes. Your heart clenched and you bit your bottom lip, ''yeah, it sure does.'' You answered him and he nodded, pushing himself up with both hands.
''Y/N, we ran some tests. I have good and bad news, which would you like to hear first?'' Leorio said to you while he read something off the notebook he held in his hands. Azami let out a single cough, catching your attention and he simply shrugged as he pointed at the end of his bed, signalling you could sit down and you did so.
''Bad news first?'' you asked hesitantly. You looked at Azami who avoided eye contact with you, nibbling on his bottom lip while he pat his lap three times with his fingers. Leorio nodded and looked at Azami before looking back at you, ''I've already talked this through with Azami. He's going to need a higher- and stronger dose of medicine. We had underestimated the capability of his lungs. It's worse than we thought.'' You clenched your jaw, swallowing and blinking your tears away and fixed your posture as you crossed your arms in front of your chest, leaning on your left leg.
''Okay,'' you managed to breathe out.
''The good news, however, he's allowed to leave this Friday. He doesn't have to stay any longer and we don't have to run any other tests. He's alright, or he will be.''
''For now,'' Azami adds and you shoot a death glare at him. He looks at you innocently before cocking his head to the side like a puppy, the corners of his lips slightly tugged upwards into a smug smile while he slightly closed his eyes. Your heart fluttered and you quickly broke the eye contact, leaving Azami with a frown on his face, confused why you were acting so weirdly to him. ''I'm joking,'' he coughed, covering his mouth with the crook of his elbow.
''You need to stop joking about that,'' you hiss to him, sudden annoyance washing over you. You knew this was his way of coping with his illness, but you couldn't get his screams and cries out of your mind. You couldn't help but continuously get reminded of the fear that was so prominent in his voice. It wouldn't stop hurting you and the fear of it happening again was like an anxious voice in the back of your head.
''I'll leave the two of you alone now. Make sure nobody walks into you two cuddling again,'' Leorio laughed loudly before leaving the room, leaving you and Azami completely alone. Your face shot beet red, it wasn't like that at all! You felt ashamed, not wanting to face Azami, but his laugh immediately caught your attention— he wasn't able to conceal his joy.
He laughed loudly, beautifully, full of joy and you couldn't help but smile at him. He was just so happy- happy to be alive. He looked cute, covering his face with his hands while he continued chuckling. ''Cuddling? Did we cuddle? Did you cuddle me, Y/N?'' he asked, a big, cocky smirk was painted on his face and you rolled your eyes at him. He was enjoying this. He was teasing you and he enjoyed your embarrassed, flushed face a little too much.
''It was a simple hug,'' you muttered under your breath.
''Mhm,'' Azami hummed, biting his bottom lip, ''whatever you say.'' He was bold, the high dose of pain killers probably affecting his mood and boldness. You liked it, he was straightforward. ''A-Anyway,'' you stuttered with a frown on your face, ''should I call your job to explain the situation? I doubt you remember what even happened to you last night.''
''No.'' he firmly said, his goofiness leaving his face and his lips were in a straight, thin line. ''I'll do it myself.'' You looked at him through narrowed eyes, not understanding why he acted like this was such a big deal. It wasn't, but he knew he had to call Kurapika, and he still couldn't let you know that he worked for him. He didn't know what might happen if you did find out. ''Alright, make sure you call them quick. You are supposed to be going to work today, you know.''
He hummed again as he stared into your eyes and you gulped. His dark blue eyes pierced yours and you couldn't stop the heat on your cheeks from creeping up again, and this time he noticed. He subtly quirked one brow and bit the inside of his mouth to contain the grin that was trying to appear on his face. Your eyes went all over his face, from his eyebrows to his lips and back to his eyes. You had never noticed or taken in his handsome features, all of them complimenting each other perfectly. His plump lips, thick eyelashes and pigmented brows all looked perfect together.
''You're checking me out again,'' he suddenly said with a husky voice, which caught you off guard. His eyes had darkened and you shook your head quickly, waving your hands in front of you, feeling embarrassed.
''I'm not!''
''You always seem to check me out when I'm in the hospital. Do I look more handsome in these lights? Ha? Haven't I asked you that before?'' he looked up at the dim light that was shining and lighting up the room he had to be in for the next few days. He swallowed thickly, suddenly remembering his friend, Kurapika.
The person he respected so much he just couldn't go for you.
He simply couldn't. Still couldn't.
He wasn't sure if Kurapika still had feelings for you, but he knew you still had feelings for him, so he simply had to put his feelings away again. He had to lock them up again, forget they even existed in the first place. He didn't want to be in the way of the two of you.
But what if he did go for you?
What if he just tried? He never had. He had never tried to get closer to you on a romantic level, even though he desperately wanted to. He never did out of respect for Kurapika. He wanted to love you as no other person could ever love you. He wanted to treat you the way you deserved to be treated. He wanted to make you his, even though he knew you would never love him as much as you love Kurapika. He still wanted to give you all the love you deserve.
He sometimes imagined what it would be like if the two of you were dating. He'd imagine you sitting on his lap while he plays video games. He'd imagine the two of you baking together, cook dinner together or he'd take you out to a restaurant. He'd surprise you with flowers, your favourite food and gifts you were planning to buy for yourself. He'd imagine the nights outside, star gazing together while you rested your head on his chest and he'd sweetly run his fingers along the smooth surface of your skin. And after those nights of stargazing, he'd imagine you two sharing the sheets. But he rather avoided those thoughts, feeling as if it was weird he sometimes fantasized about you. He felt like it would make you feel uncomfortable, so, he avoided it— but sometimes he'd fail.
Anyway, Kurapika is a married man, you couldn't be with him. So, who would he be in the way of?
Did he have to ask for Kurapika's permission?
''Hey, Azami?'' you said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
''Yeah?'' he answered and saw you nervously play with the hem of your sweater. He licked his bottom lip, getting curious about what you were going to ask him- or say to him. He ran his hands through his hair again before coughing.
''Kurapika and Rin got a divorce,'' you confessed, clutching onto the fabric of your sweater, closing your eyes tightly. He noticed all of it. The smile on his face faded away, the slight happy feeling in his chest immediately disappearing. The hope he felt, the hope of maybe getting to be with you vanished within the blink of an eye. He clenched his jaw and looked to the side with sad eyes, avoiding eye contact at all costs. He didn't want you to see him be disappointed about it.
It was good for Kurapika- great even. He was free, free of manipulation and lies. He could finally do what he wanted without getting lied to, without getting threatened. He was free to stand where he wanted to stand, talk who he wanted to talk to. He was going to heal. His mind was going to heal and he would finally be able to think for himself again. He'd finally be able to tell lies from the truth again.
Most importantly, he was finally able to fight again. Fight for the one he loves.
''Oh, is that so.''