Paeng
After Aiesa left, her being haunts me. Habang tumatagal, lalong hindi naalis ang maganda nyang mukha sa isip ko. Habang pinipilit kong alisin sya lalo akong hinahabol ng mga ala-alang hindi pamilyar.
"Babe?"
"Ah, Del, gusto mong kumain?"
"May problema ba?"
"Wala."
"Trabaho ba?"
I smiled. Trabaho? Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako nagtatrabaho sa BPO. Samantalang doctor na daw ako. Doctor ako, may lisensya pero hindi ko magamit kasi hindi ko naman alam kung paano ko yun nakuha. Kung hindi pa nga ako tinulungan ni Adam, baka hindi talaga ako nagkaroon ng trabaho.
"Kumain ka na, kailangan mong uminom ng gamot."
Glydel sighed.
"Paeng, bakit lagi kang malungkot? Inissip mo ba si Aiesa?"
"Del, tigilan mo yan. Masama sa iyo ang mag-isip ng kung ano-ano Del, sige na."
Glydel gave me an envelope.
"She sent this to you."
"Sige, mamaya na ito. Kailangan mong uminom ng gamot sa tamang oras."
"Divorce papers yan."
Hindi ko pinansin si Glydel at patuloy kong nilagyan ng pagkain ang plato nya habang parang sinasaksak ang puso ko.
"Babe?"
"Del, malalate ka na sa pupuntahan mo. Kumain ka na at uminom ng gamot. Malapit na din ang shift ko, sige na.."
Thankfully Glydel finished her breakfast. She went out to go to her office. While I, I take time to read the documents inside.
Hindi ang divorce paper ang nakapukaw ng pansin ko kundi ang maliit na note na kasama nito.
Hi Paeng,
Sorry, it took some weeks to be finalized.
Mama had a hard time accepting our decision.
Anyway, please sign and send it back to me.
I already arranged this, you just need to drop this again at the same courier. No payment is needed. I'll send you the decision copy right away.
Thank You and Please Stay Healthy Always.
Aiesa Seigfreid
Wala namang nakakadisturb sa sulat nya pero lumuluha ang mga mata ko. Nahihirapan akong talaga. Parang may gustong kumawala sa utak ko. Para akong nalulunod!
Hindi ako mapakali so I decided to ask help from Adam's wife. Hindi ko sya natatandaan pero sa social media kasi ni Adam walang ibang picture kundi ang asawa at mga anak nya. Nabanggit ni Adam na Seigfreid din ang asawa nya, na pinsan sya ni Aiesa.
"Ninong!!!!"
Nagulat ako nung biglang yumakap sa akin yung anak ni Adam. Pinatawad naman na ako ni Adam pero binilin nya na wag akong lalapit sa pamilya nya. Pero kasi, kailangan ko sila ngayon.
"Ma! Ma! Ninong is here, Ninong saan na si Ninang Ayie? Miss ko na po sya."
"Evan anak, look out for your brother okay? Ninong and I need to talk."
"Okay, Mama. Bye Ninong! Tell Ninang Ayie I miss her so much."
The little boy ran.
"Anong masamang hangin ang nagdala sa'yo dito?"
"Hindi ko alam, hindi ko talaga alam."
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko talaga alam kung anong ginagawa ko dito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako andito. Gusto ko lang ay mawala na ang lahat ng nasa utak ko. Napakabigat, napakasakit.
"So what now?"
I handed the envelope to her. Adam's wife opened the envelope.
"Oh, divorce papers. This is long overdue."
I am just looking at her. Sabi ng madami, mabait daw ang asawa ni Adam, pero bakit parang hindi naman?
"Wala ka bang sasabihin? Pirmahan mo na at ako na ang bahalang magpadala nito kay Ayie."
"I. I can't."
"Pirma lang hindi mo pa magawa? Anong gusto mo? Ipabaril na lang kita kay Daddy?"
"Baka mas mabuti pa nga dahil hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang pwede kong gawain."
Adam's wife sighed.
"I am sorry but I really can't talk to you. Maybe Adam can because you make my blood boil. Hindi deserve ni Ayie ang umiyak dahil sayo."
Adam's wife turned her back on me kaya nagpunta nga ako kay Adam.
"Bakit mo pinuntahan si Myelle???!!!"
I just stand there and get some free punches again from my best friend. When he's done with me, I just lay down in the middle of his office.
"Anong problema mo ngayon?"
"Hindi ko na talaga alam Adam."
Adam sighed.
"Ano bang nangyari?"
"Dumating na yung divorce papers namin."
"Oh yun naman pala, pirmahan mo na. Ako na ang magpapadala at nang matapos na tayo sa lintek na gulong ito."
"Hindi ko kaya."
"Ano?"
"Hindi ko alam pero hindi ko kaya Adam, hindi ko kayang pirmahan. Parang pagpinirmahan ko yun, death certificate ko ang nakikita ko."
"Gusto mo na bang may maalala ha?"
"Possible pa ba yun?"
"Possible kapag ginusto mo."
"Pero tatlong taon na naming sinubukan. Sumasakit lang ang ulo ko."
"Hindi mo pa nagagawa ang lahat."
"Paanong hindi pa nagagawa ang lahat?"
"Hindi ka pa nagpapatingin sa ibang doctor."
"Matutulungan mo ba ako?"
Adam pulled me up from the floor then brought me to the car and drive somewhere southbound.
"Psychiatric Clinic?"
"They are really good. Trust me."
"Hindi ako baliw."
"Oo, pero gumagamot sila ng gago."
"Adam."
"Pumasok ka na doon, maganda at bata pa yang doctor na yan pero may college student na anak na."
"Adam!"
"Sinasabi ko lang. Pumasok ka na at sabihin mo ang gusto mong mangyari sa buhay mo."
I entered the doctor's clinic and saw a beautiful doctor.
"Hi! I am Dra. Yen Santiago, what can I do for you?"
"Doc, I want my memories to come back."
"We need to assess you first."
To help with the assessment, kinwento ko lahat kay Dra.
"Hmmn. I don't think this is ordinary amnesia we see on TV. This one is the result of PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is actually rare because most of the time this only happens in dramas and novels. But anyway, I'd be very happy to help you. Do you take any medicine?"
"Yes, eto po yung gamot na iniinom ko kapag masakit ang ulo ko."
"Hmmmn. Do you know what is this called?"
"No. My partner usually gives me that pill when I encounter some unusual memories with a severe headache."
"So you have some memory glitches from the past"
I nodded.
"And you drink this every time?"
I nodded again.
Si Glydel kasi ang lagi kong kasama pag nagpapacheck-up. Sya rin ang nagiintindi ng mga gamot ko.
"Okay, I'll let someone take a look at the composition of this pill. But please do not take this habang hindi pa natin alam ang composition nito."
"Doc, is there any other way I could have for me to regain my memories faster?"
"Can I check first the pill you have just given? To be honest, memory loss or amnesia brought by PTSD shouldn't be this long, unless, you are given a drug to suppress the memories. One click, one flashback can bring back your memory. It's pretty hard to assess why with all small flashbacks, hindi pa rin bumabalik ang memory mo."
"Doc, I really need my memories back. I really need it the soonest. It's killing me."
"Okay, Uhmmm. I have a colleague who specialized in hypnosis. Maybe she can help you regain the memories. But! The problem with hypnosis for this kind is you will be so exhausted, you will get so dizzy and you will need to be hospitalized for some days to regain strength. And more than that, you will be prone to some memory distortion."
"What's the success rate Doc."
"Pretty high. About 89-94% turns to be successful, but it would really feel hell. Para kang trinangkaso ng sobrang lala."
"I'd take that Doc while you're checking the pill."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Doc."
Doc Yen introduced me to another Doctor.
"Hi! I'm Doc Tet, a licensed Psychiatric Hypnotherapist. So you are Mr. Raphael Javier, right?"
"Yes, Doc."
"I believe Doc Yen already mentioned to you what this session would make you. You will be weak after the session and I advise that you get admitted at least overnight to regain strength."
I nodded.
"This doesn't happen all the time but because we are reversing a trauma, it will be more likely to have adverse effects."
I nodded again.
"You must know that hypnosis is a natural albeit altered state of mind, a state of calm focus. Again, calm focus. So that's what we will be doing. We need to focus while staying calm. When you lose either of the two, the sessions end."
"Yes Doc."
"I will be asking 3 questions before we proceed, first why are we doing this?"
"I really want to regain my lost memory."
"Do you give permission to record this hypnotherapy session today?"
"Yes."
"Will you be trusting me and following all my instructions?"
"Yes."
"Okay, you lay down, close your eyes, calm down, forget all your worries, your desires, your state. Remember that hypnosis does not mind control. Everything occurs in your own mind and is a tool you use to create positive change for yourself."
I followed the doctor's instructions and fell into a deep sleep.
Love! Pagod na ako, uupo muna ako.
Paeng naman eh!
Kuya! Picture mo kami dali!
Love! Gulay sabi!
Love, will you still love me even I am this busy for the rest of my life?
I love you Love, more than the stars in the sky.
I woke up crying.
"Do you remember now?"
I am still crying. My last memory is when I am drowning! I was thinking of my wife! I was thinking of Ayie! Ayie is my wife!
I badly wanted to run fast to her but I fail because my whole body aches.