It's too late for me to be here, but I need to finish everything before Monday which has already started. I haven't seen Stephanie yet and I don't plan to until I've finished everything I need to finish, but halfway up the library stairs, I realize I don't have anything with me.
I rush toward my dorm and slowly sneak in, it's four am and I don't want to wake Stephanie up. I'm glad to know that my roommate is actually in her dorm and not sneaking away with the boy I love.
I grab my laptop off my desk, it's wrapped in a light grey protective soft layer and when my fingers touch it, I slip out of the room instantly, locking the door behind me. I'm still wearing Jace's shirt but as I sit down and look out of the library window, it feels good.
So comforting. As if I'm at the airport about to leave everything behind with the snow outside falling and unfamiliar surroundings but something around me is keeping m in touch with both worlds.
I take a breath and attempt to look down at my notebooks. No one is here, not a single soul except for me, not even the small Starbucks by the entry.
I wasn't sure if my expensive library card would be worth it, but it has proven otherwise. I open up my laptop with hurt at the memory of Miles getting it for me.
But still somehow, in a very weird way, it makes me smile, he didn't get a laptop like his, he got me a bigger one; a better one and not one that's as dark; a silver instead of the black he has.
He knew me before I knew me. I have two hours until the class begins which is nerve-wracking, seeing Miles is the last thing I need. I stand up and try to look for the book I need to read in order to complete the assignments. I rummage through the library, the large shelves, so much taller than me filled with creativity and passion for love stories that I won't see outside of books.
"Hey!" I hear and I turn around, wide-eyed, and panicked.
"Stephanie." I let out a heavy breath, with my hand n my chest.
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't see you sneak out of our dorm and not help you out." She tells me and I smile at her kindly.
"Where are you sitting?" She asks and I walk with her toward the table I chose; the one I always choose is the one next to the window in the middle of the table rows.
"I'm sorry I woke you," I tell her and she shakes her head with her brows furrowed together.
"No, Madison, I want to be here for you, I want to make sure you're okay," Stephanie says, her brows raised.
"Are you . . . okay?" she asks and I nod.
"I'll be better," I tell her and she nods.
"So what are we studying?" Stephanie smiles and I gesture to my laptop, turning it around for her to see too.
"Oh, I did that assignment already, I can totally help you." She smiles and before I can protest, she grabs the computer slowly away from my hands and types away. I want to say something but I don't. Stephanie sees the look on my face and stops typing.
"Don't worry, Madison. You've been through so much . . . the last thing you need to worry about is me doing the assignment for you, besides, copying homework is a part of the college experience." She smiles kindly and I nod. She's right.
"I saw Miles yesterday." She says and her eyes glance at me before finally looking back at the laptop.
"How are you two?" She asks as she types and I attempt to memorize some flashcards written down on my notepad.
"We're not together anymore, and I don't know if we ever will be," I tell her, and she gives me a long sympathetic look.
"Not even after he . . . you know . . . showed up?" I shake my head. It wasn't a nice gesture, it was Miles being selfish and caring about no one or nothing but himself.
"Are you sure?" She asks, pushing the laptop away and looking at me.
"Yes, Stephanie, I'm fine, okay?" I say a little too aggressively.
"I'm sorry." I say instantly, "But you seem o be on his side and it reminds me of Chrissy." I tell her and she looks down.
"I just saw how happy you always were with him."
"I wasn't, I was miserable." I say harshly and then let more of my emotions through, "And I'm miserable without him." I tell her.
"He said he was never attracted to me." I sigh and Stephanie grabs my hands in hers.
"Miles was lying, Madison . . . he gets like that when he's angry."
"Sometimes I think you know more about him than I do," I say a little jealous which makes me feel guilty. She smiles and lets her hands fall on the table, drawing them toward her.
"I know the past him, and of course what he told me during our car ride there."
"What did he say?" I ask calmly, trying to hide my excitement.
"He's in love with you, Madison, and . . . he always will be. I've never seen him like this and i only happens when you're around. It's up to you what you do, but I know him and so do you, and he does things he regrets, but he's so selfish but so in love that it all mixes up together for him."
"Look . . . I really don't care for Miles, but seeing him with you, I think that not only he but also you have finally found something important and you're allowed to give him a thousand chances if that's what gets you o understand if he's the one or if he's not." Stephanie tells me and I give her a warm smile.
"Here, you're assignment is done. All of it, all you have to do is figure out your love lif and remember some flashcard for tomorrow." Stephanie smiles and pushes the laptop back to me. I glance at the assignment, she wrote it as if I had, every answer is unique and in my voice.
"Thank you." I smile at her and she shakes her head.
"No problem." She mouths before leaving. I look at the laptop to see that there are only three hours to class.
Miles's POV
"Fuck." I run my hand through my hair angrily and then tuck at the ends.
"Is everything okay?" I hear Hayley's voice swim in under the bathroom door. I kneel my hea dunder the running shower and take off my shirt and pants. Why the hell is she outside the bathroom anyway? Why is she here? Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Yeah," I shout back and in one sharp and quick motion, I turn the showers off and wrap a towel around myself, trying to hide the black underwear under the new white towels I added for Madison. I open the door o her large eyes. I raise a brow her and she blushes.
"You smell really good." She says and shivers run through me. I deserve this.
"I'm going to take a shower." She smiles then eyes my abs, arms, and tattoos. She bites her lip and then blushes, looking down again. I don't know if I can do this.
"I bought some mac and cheese, maybe you can go make it and maybe . . . we can watch a movie after?" She blushes shyly and then before I can even open my mouth, she has slipped into the shower. God damnit.
I roll my eyes and walk into my room, ripping away the towel and letting it fall onto my bed. I take a deep breath and let it out almost instantly. My stomach grumbles so I quickly grab black skinny jeans and a new t-shirt I bought, which is a specific grey, almost light but a little darker than light.
I have random white small letters on the sides along with something black I can't care enough to make out. Class starts in three hours and I want to be there on time; hoping I'll see Madison, and hoping she'll see I'm still trying so hard to change for her.
I grab my cologne and spray some on my neck and chest area before slipping into the shirt. Fuck. Why am I putting on fucking cologne? I close my eyes and let the memories of my past run through me. there's still something in me that automatically prepares for lady company.
I run downstairs after still hearing the shower running, the thought of someone who isn't Madison being in my shower, makes me feel disgusted. I burhs the through away and hurry downstairs seeing the two very conveniently placed mac and cheese boxes on the counter in my clean kitchen.
I don't want to be doing this, but I am hungry and it's the easiest thing to have right now.
The last thing I would have needed was to prepare something and have Hayley join me mid-way or think it was a romantic gesture or some shit. Noodles with cheese sound better than her taking the wrong idea. Pour the mac into the boiling water and stir the thing.
I hear the shower stop but she doesn't come out yet and I'm thankful, maybe I'll be able to quickly down my bowl down. I stir the mac and then finally sift it through, placing it back into the same pot and adding butter and then the powdery cheese from both packets.
I mix it well so that it's even and then place some in a bowl for me, but just as I grab a fork, she appears.