On Friday after picking the kids from school, we stopped by the market for fresh fruits on the other side of town as we made our way home. The kids had been going on all week about how much they would like to visit a natural market that was not limited to what they saw at the mall. It took some time but we finally located one on the far end of town, just a few miles from where I lived before moving in with the Maxwell's.
Just like everything else I had done in the last three days, this was a perfect, most needed distraction, especially since he had had to work home more often since he recovered. Our conversations after I walked out of the elevatpor almost crying had been limited to the hi's and hello.
Any distraction I got, I took it happily, because I would much rather be distracted than cry my eyes out all day which was basically all I wanted to do every time I remembered how our conversation ended in the lift days ago.
After I had asked Lucas the one question that stood between us, I got my answer in a hesitant silence. He had not spoken a word, yet he had proved to me that he was never letting go of her.
His silence was all I needed to know that I had lost, lost to Sarah.
The first time I let myself fall in love for real and boom look who got her heart toyed with.
So instead of whiling my time away licking the same wounds, Lucas kept adding salt over and over again, I distracted myself first by helping Mia prepare for her engagement which was now only a week away.
Like every human who was about to make a big step, especially in the right direction, she had become more conscious and almost paranoid with worry and anxiety. She was more skeptical about what would otherwise be considered trivial, even something as simple as picking out a flower made her cry. I was glad to be her third eye, with Lillian and Zoey sharing the spot of her second eye. I spent more than half of Wednesday making the final choices for her engagement, after which I went through my regular routine after getting the kids from school.
Thursday was spent with my best friend, talking and engaging in what Celine would usually call harmless gossip and of course juicy deets. Sadly I did not have any deets to share, but I could share in her joy at having found the one. At least one of us was happy with the man they chose to love. speaking of which, I was thrilled to hear that she found her happily ever after again. Whatever problems she and Alex shared, they were well on their way to solving them. I was happy because she was happy. I still did not like that Alexander guy though, but I could not be selfish. My best friend was genuinely happy, I had to be happy with her too.
The kids kept me just as busy the rest of the time I spent at home so I did not have a reason to run into Lucas ever once since I raced out of the elevator. They were in the final weeks of school after which they would be taking their school breaks for a few weeks. Those weeks I intended to speed bonding over lost time with my best friend. I would use that time to flush every painful memory of whatever I shared with Lucas completely out of my system until his name on my lips no longer meant anything until his touch would no longer send fire dancing through my veins.
Lucas had tried to talk a few times since our fall out in the elevator which was not exactly a fallout but a renewed splinter for my heart that was already shredded into a million pieces. After his reply of silence back in the elevator though I felt there was nothing else to go through or talk about.
"Will you burn down and destroy everything and memory that has to do with Sarah in that room?"
He had neither said yes nor no bit his silence was all I needed. He was contemplating the option. If he had to think twice about choosing me and Sarah, Lucas did not deserve me or my love and trust. I had to let him go and letting him go was what I had decided to do.
Every time the thought came to me, my blood boiled with rage.
She left him, abandoned him and their 1-month-old twins, she never loved them enough to stay for them, never cared enough to check once on them all these years. Yet he was going to choose her.
The asshole was fucking going to choose her.
It was more pain than my heart could handle, more pain than I wanted to go through more pain than I deserved to receive for simply loving him.
"Look at that one! Look at that one!"Aiden's excited scream cut through my thoughts. I watched as he and Abby raced and struggled to get to the biggest pumpkin in the patch.
"I got it first," Abby screamed, holding on to it as firmly as her small hands could carry.
"I saw it first." Aiden gave her a matching struggle. Each of them tried to lift the pumpkin that probably worked more than half of what they each weighed and I watched silently as they went through minutes of bantering before running over to me.
"Chris," Abby started, being the one that reached me first, "Aiden won't let me carry the pumpkin."
"But I saw it first."Aiden retorted, giving his sister a grim look.
"Okay why don't we try carrying it together, can you carry it by yourself, Abby?" I asked, watching as she eyed the pumpkin that sat on the farm bed and eyed her small hands. She shook her head shyly finally. "And I'm sure you would not be able to lift it yourself too Aiden would you?" he gave the same answer as his sister.
"So why don't we put in a little teamwork and try to get it to the car together?" the kids seemed to like that idea better and I spent the next few minutes showing the kids how to load each item we bought carefully into the trunk. "See, everything is better when we work together," I lifted my hands for a hi-five and they each complied, matching these small hands against mine.
"So what do you want us to get next?" I asked, just as my phone vibrated in my purse.
"I like mangoes," Aiden said quickly.
"No, you don't." Abby countered, "they are bumpy and they are yellow on the inside. I don't like yellow."
"Abby, it feels like it's you who doesn't like mangoes," I chuckled as we made our way to the next stall.
"I don't," she did a dramatic shrug, "Aiden is my baby brother, so he has to follow my lead."
My phone chimed again and I took it out, focusing my attention on quickly correcting the notion going on in Abby's mind. "Abby that's not how it works, just because you're older does not mean Aiden does not get to have his choice and preferences."
"What are preferences?" she made a face.
"It's when you really like something especially." I smiled, taking her hand, "so Aiden is allowed to have a preference that is different from yours, that way there are many options to choose from."
"So can we get my preference too?"
"Of course Princess, you say the word and we'll get it for you."
After buying almost every possible fruit we could get at the market, the kids and I made our way back to the car. My phone chimed again, reminding me of the other message I had relieved back at the pumpkin farm.
Lucas had reduced the security to a large extent after his aide told him Sarah had left the country, so we no longer had to go around Mr grumpy face as the kids like to call the driver that was assigned to us.
After tucking the kids in the car properly, I took my phone to check who had sent me those messages.
The first one was from Celine asking when I was free during the week, and the second was anonymous. I did not need to look through the message to know who it was.
I thought she was supposed to be out of my hair now thaat I no longer had the one thing she wanted.
You would make a good mom, sadly their real mom would make an even better mom. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at the message. Of course like the shadow she had become she was watching me today too. For some reason though the thought no longer scared me.
Live gave you a chance to turn your words into actions, sadly you blew it.
You must be feeling really smart and powerful, relax Christine, you are just their nanny, a simple help. I gave birth to them.
And remind you where you are now? Hiding like the shadow you are.
I smiled, looking around and hoping for once to see the look on her face, now that I was no longer afraid of her.
If anyone is a shadow in my family, it's you.
I do not know what family you are talking about. I do hope it not the family I would be making dinner for, having dinner with, and of course, putting to bed and reading bedtime stories for, some of which I might just be reading orgasmic stories for or even better receiving orgasmic pleasures from.
I swallowed hard, knowing how much that last part was a lie. It hit my target anyway.
You disgusting bitch. I could almost hear her seething.
"Chris," Abby called from inside the car, dragging on the 's' it was a new habit of hers "let's go home please, I'm so very tired," she added a long sigh for emphasis.
Chuckling at Abby's over-dramatic nature, I thought of sending one last blow I knew would hurt Sarah just like her presence in our lives had hurt me. But instead, I locked my phone realizing she was neither worth my time nor words. I slid into the car, sending C a message telling her when I was free before taking the long drive back home.
"How does the french get toast?" Abby asked after I finished with the last sets of the french toast.
"They pop," Aiden said with a long laugh, almost rolling from where he sat on the counter next to Abby.
They were in their chef outfits as they always were whenever they wanted to help in the kitchen. After the long drive back home, the kids and I agreed to settle for something simple for dinner, deciding to make a salad with the fruit we had gotten when Lucas was home too to join us. I was not the biggest supporter of that choice, but it would be cruel to take the chance to spend the time with each other away from them for my own selfish reasons.
"Tada. And dinner is served," I did a funny bow after placing the last of the blueberries on the flat plate, making the kids giggle. "We should send a picture to aunt Mia," I suggested, taking out my phone. Abby and Aiden each held their meals.
"Do you need me to help you?" Emma who was taking out the washed dishes offered.
"You are an angel." I passed her the phone and she took a ton of pictures while the kids and I made different faces and poses until Aiden cried that he was starving.
"Okay okay, let's go and eat."
"And daddy?" Abby asked.
"I don't think daddy would be home soon, but I'm sure he would love to join us for breakfast tomorrow." Feeling satisfied with my answer, the kids let me shed off their aprons and washed their hands before joining met the table.
Feeling happy after spending so much time out with the kids, I decided to give them a small treat of having an extra hour after bedtime to watch their new favorite cartoon PJ Masks. Their favorite changed so often I had a hard time keeping up, but I could remember this one cause of its amusing catchphrase in its theme.
Emma made us some popcorn last minute the twins had brought up the idea of watching from a pillow-made tent. Snuggling up with the kids, I spent the next few entertaining minutes singing and trying to memorize the lines of their cartoon too. Any other day I would have found it embarrassing to know a kid's show theme song by heart, but today it was fun and I felt my heart swell with more love for the two adorable children that had completely covered any holes left in my heart by their dad.
"I love you both so much," I brushed their hair from their faces and kissed each of their foreheads.
"We love you too Chris," they kissed either side of my cheeks from where they sat next to me.
Somewhere between the show watching and singing I must have fallen asleep, because, in my sleepy state, the strong, spicy scent of Lucas's perfume filled my senses, followed by two familiar pairs of strong arms, trying to lift me.
My eyes fluttered open the moment we started moving. "What are you doing?"
His gaze met mine and he gave a small apologetic smile. "Sorry, I was taking you to your room. I thought you were seeping."
"I was," I pushed off him, well aware of how much I was supposed to be mad at him even when I was sleepy. "where are Abby and Aiden?"
He raised a brow towards the stairs. "I took them up."
"Shit, I slept through that?" I rubbed my eyes slowly, stiffing a yawn.
"You must have been really tired. Plus I was careful not to wake you." he explained, "you look too peaceful when you sleep."
"That's not working to make me any less upset with you," I said flatly, picking the pillows up.
"You were watching cartoons with the kids," he said, almost amused.
"I was. Turns out I'm the latest Cat boy fan." despite myself, I smiled sheepishly.
He opened his mouth to speak, but instead paused and gave me one of these long thoughtful looks through his deep glacial blue eyes. It was enough to make me squirm in the spot where I stood.
"I know it's embarrassing, but I'd like to see you resist the urge when they have you cornered," I said breaking the silence.
"It's not embarrassing." he stepped closer and as you might imagine, I stood rooted to the spot, almost leaning into him as he roamed his palm over my neck, down to my collar bone.
So much for resisting him.
"It makes my heart swell with joy to know that you love them enough to spend much time with them even when you're under no obligation to."
He inched closer, so close that his forehead dropped against mine as he continued his soft caresses. "It's one of the many reasons why I truly love you, Chris."