It was almost a blessing that the news of Albus Dumbledore’s crimes and escape came out the same day that the news of his and Harry’s relationship did. It meant that their story was relegated to the second page. It didn’t stop the howlers from coming but Lucius knew that far more would have come had it not been for news of Dumbledore’s escape. Lucius could only hope that Harry was not receiving any hate mail, although he was sure the Dark Lord would have wards up preventing that kind of stress to his pregnant son. That thought did make Lucius feel a lot better.
After it was clear that Harry and the baby were going to be alright, Draco and Narcissa had left for Greece. The Manor was going to be very quiet without Draco. Maybe, that was why instead of going home after the emergency Wizengamot session Lucius headed for the Dark Lord’s Manor. But it was more than likely that he just missed Harry as much as he did his son and worried for him more than Harry would like. Harry hated how overprotective Lucius and the Dark Lord were of him but after everything that had befallen Harry in his life it was only natural for those who loved him to worry.
Making his way to Harry’s bedroom Harry was propped up on multiple cushions reading a book poisons and antidotes, but he looked up with a bright smile when Lucius entered and immediately placed the book down. Lucius observed that Harry was looking far healthier and more with it than he had done last night. Enough that Lucius was surprised he was still consenting to be on bed rest.
‘Lucius,’ Harry beamed.
‘How are you feeling?’ asked Lucius.
‘Much better,’ Harry said and then scowled, ‘Father just wants me to take it easy.’
Lucius nodded, ‘he just worries, you scared us.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Harry said softly.
‘It’s not your fault!’ Lucius said sharply.
‘No, it’s Dumbledore’s,’ Harry said bitterly.
‘Well, Veritserum has been used on Diggle and Podmore, which has got a warrant for Dumbledore’s arrest for conspiracy to commit murder,’ Lucius said. ‘And tomorrow the Weasleys will be interviewed under Veritserum which will surely add to the list of crimes he is charged with.’
Harry nodded, ‘when they find him. Come here.’
Harry moved over so that there was room on the bed for him. Lucius made his home on the bed pulling Harry into his arms. Lucius had no intention of having sex with Harry, not so soon after Harry was injured, but he enjoyed just spending time with his lover in a way he had never before done with any of his dalliances.
‘Has Draco left?’ asked Harry.
Lucius nodded, ‘yes.’
‘Did you … what did you mean that I am loved …’ Harry said gently. ‘Did you … never mind … I’m just being silly …’
Lucius sighed, ‘no … it’s true … I love you …’
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Harry blinked no clue on how to handle this. Harry didn’t know what he felt to Lucius! He knew he cared for him and wanted him in his life, but he didn’t know was what he felt love? What was even love?
‘It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,’ Lucius said softly. ‘I’m not expecting anything. I just know that I love you.’
‘I don’t know what I feel for you,’ Harry admitted. ‘I know I care for you. I know I want you in my life and not having you in it would hurt! But I don’t know if that’s love.’
Lucius smiled, ‘only you can answer that and I’m happy to wait, forever if needs be – as long as you will have me.’
‘Thank you,’ Harry said softly. ‘What do you think Dumbledore is planning now he knows?’
‘Either he will be more desperate to kill you than ever, or kidnap our child,’ Lucius said darkly. ‘Especially if it comes out that Weasley is not carrying your child.’
‘Do you think they will find out?’ asked Harry.
Lucius nodded, ‘I think they already have – Miss Weasley has had a medical scan done by the DoMC.’
Harry nodded, ‘what do you think the rest of the Wizarding World is saying?’
Lucius sighed, ‘I think most of them are angry at me, viewing you as a victim … if the Howlers are anything to go by.’
‘You’ve been getting Howlers?’ asked Harry concerned.
Lucius nodded, ‘yes. Don’t worry too much about it.’
‘I’m not a victim!’ Harry said angrily. ‘I went into this willingly and happily! Although, the Morants, and my old team have written to me. They seem worried about me and you should be careful of anything you open – I wouldn’t be surprised if Fred and George begin to prank you.’
It was at that point the Dark Lord entered seemingly resigned to see Lucius there but didn’t say anything. Lucius made to leave but then because as much as the Dark Lord was trying to be more accepting for Harry Lucius should also make it easier for him. But the Dark Lord waved him off.
‘Stay, Lucius, this concerns the baby so you should be here too,’ the Dark Lord said.
‘Dumbledore?’ asked Harry.
The Dark Lord nodded, ‘prior to Severus’s arrest Dumbledore called a meeting; at the time Severus convinced Dumbledore that he knows nothing about the baby.’
‘Good,’ Lucius said.
‘Snape’s been arrested?’ demanded Harry.
‘We have a plan to fake his death,’ assured the Dark Lord. ‘But back to Dumbledore, currently he is planning to induce the birth to ensure that Ginny’s child is oldest. Of course, that will probably change in the next few months now when it comes out that Marcus is the sire. Unfortunately, he was also planning on making your child a backup option – killing you, then cutting your child out of you – claiming they are both Weasley’s!’
Lucius looked enraged and disgusted, but Harry was not surprised that Dumbledore had done not after everything else that Dumbledore and his people had done to him and his family. Harry tensed feeling fear for his baby – he wanted his child safe and never to experience anything like Harry had. Harry instinctively leant into his lover who tightened his arm around him as though reminding himself and Harry that Harry was there and safe. Both Harry and Lucius placed hands over Harry’s stomach.
‘When it comes out that Marcus is the true father it will surely be the top of the list to get to you,’ Harry’s father said darkly.
‘Do you think he’ll wait until I am due, or do you think he’ll kidnap me like dad and keep me under watch until I give birth?’ asked Harry.
‘That will not be happening,’ the Dark Lord said red eyes glinting. ‘Harry, if you are to leave either Malfoy Manor or ours you will have two fully trained wizards with you at all times.’
Harry nodded, ‘okay.’
It was a testament to how scared Harry was that Harry did not argue the restrictions. Harry was more surprised that Lucius hadn’t just kept him locked up in his Manor until after Dumbledore was caught. Harry was pleased he hadn’t because Harry had spent most of his childhood being locked up, he did not want to live like that again, but he did agree until Dumbledore was caught he should be cautious about where he went given what had just happened.
‘Secondly, the Death Eaters now all know that you are pregnant,’ the Dark Lord said. ‘Naturally, they will want to celebrate but I wish to wait until you are a little more settled. I thought perhaps in two weeks when you reach the end of your first trimester, should Healer Whitehead agree.’
‘Alright,’ Harry agreed but not totally happily. ‘My friends are concerned they would like to see me. Would it be alright if they came to the Manor on Sunday?’
‘That would be the Morants?’ questioned the Dark Lord.
‘And the guys – and girls – from the Quidditch Team,’ Harry said.
‘Okay, but if you get tired or stressed call it a day,’ the Dark Lord said.
‘Your friends will understand given the circumstances,’ Lucius added.
‘You should be there too,’ Harry said.
‘If that’s what you want,’ Lucius said.
‘I do,’ Harry agreed.
- - -
Sirius made his way to the edge of Ilfracombe to find the small one bedroom flat that Remus Lupin stayed in. From the outside it looked tiny and rundown. Sirius knew that Remus couldn’t find employment in the Wizarding World and given that he didn’t have any Muggle qualifications he couldn’t get anything but a minimum wage, especially as he needed a few days off every week and when he returned, he always came black with scars that he couldn’t explain.
Sirius remembered that Remus had been working on his paper correspondent Defence Mastery that Sirius had been sponsoring. The plan then had to become a writer once had the necessary qualifications. But then everything had gone so wrong and Remus had believed everything that the Ministry painted him as.
‘Are you alright?’
Barty Crouch … well now Balthazar Crouch was stood beside him looking handsome in a black suit. The original plan had been to do this about a week ago after the Quidditch match but after the attack they had to delay. But now both Harry and Sirius were back to their normal selves the Dark Lord had requested that he reach out to Lupin.
‘Fine,’
Of course, he was very far from alright. Sirius needed to know how much Remus had known. Had he known that James was being controlled? Had he known that Dumbledore had killed James? Did he know what had happened to Harry?
‘Its alright if you are not you know,’ Crouch said. ‘He is your ex-‘
‘We never officially broke up,’ muttered Sirius.
Barty gave him a look that reminded him painfully of his little brother, ‘-and he broke your heart.’
Sirius didn’t answer spent what seemed like an age just staring at the door not wanting the answers behind the door but needing them. In the end it was Barty who rang the doorbell. Two minutes later Remus Lupin appeared at the door. He looked older than Sirius had ever seen him. Sirius knew it was three days before the full moon – even after all these years Sirius still instinctively kept an eye on the phases of the moon – and Remus would be feeling its affects.
‘Hello, Moony,’
‘Sirius,’
There was a silence as both old boyfriends just stared at each other. Sirius wondered if like him their entire history was running through their heads. From their innocent carefree days at Hogwarts. To their stolen kisses when they were fifteen. To leaving Hogwarts and fighting in a hopeless war … to growing apart even when they lived together. To believing the other to be a traitor and condemning each other. To finding each other again and losing each other in the same breath. And finally to finding themselves on opposite sides.
‘Well,’ drawled Barty. ‘Are you going to invite us in? I hardly think this is the kind of conversation to be held on the doorway.’
And indeed, Remus’ Muggle neighbour was watching them suspiciously from the crack behind her door (which shut quickly when the three men turned to look at her).
‘Come in,’ Remus said standing aside.
Inside the flat looked bigger than it had from outside although that was because Sirius was sure he could see evidence of extendable charms. Remus must be making up for lack of funds with superior skill in magic. Everything from the mismatched floral chairs to the pile of dogeared books on a table with burn marks looked second-hand.
His mother would have sneered at the look. Sirius just found himself feeling very sad – it wasn’t supposed to be like that. Their flat in London had been small but it had been decorated with care. It was clear to him that Remus hadn’t cared enough to charm/transfigure things to be a bit more presentable.
‘Would you like tea?’
Almost without helping himself Sirius’ lips quirked – same old Remus.
‘Yes, thank you,’ Barty said.
Remus nodded, ‘I have earl grey or chamomile.’
‘Earl grey is fine for me,’ Barty said.
‘Do you have any coffee?’ asked Sirius.
‘You are not having coffee, Sirius,’ Remus said flatly.
Sirius pouted, ‘ah, you’re no fun.’
Barty cleared his throat pointedly. Sirius blushed – this was the reason he needed someone with him. It was too easy to become distracted and fall into familiar patterns with Remus Lupin because it was comfortable, because after all these years, after all the hurts Sirius’ heart still belonged to Remus. It was far easier to ignore the bad than confront it. Sirius now wondered why they had drifted so far because they had not spoken to another enough. Sirius couldn’t remember ever actually discussing talking about James’ loyalties.
‘I think I’ll be fine with just water,’ Sirius admitted.
Remus left and returned two minutes later with three mismatched cups. Sirius was sure his cup would be full of Remus’ favourite hot chocolate. Sirius couldn’t help but smile that despite his words Remus had given him a steaming cup of coffee topped with cream and cinnamon – exactly like how he liked it.
‘You remembered,’ Sirius smiled.
‘Of course, I did,’ Remus said voice thick.
There was an awkward silence between the three of them. Neither Sirius nor Remus wanted to poke the dragon in the room. But Barty cleared his throat and Sirius tried to remind himself he was a Gryffindor, but this was different, this was Remus!
‘I think we need to talk,’ Sirius said.
Sirius winced trying not to think how that sounded.
‘I think we do,’ Remus said seriously. ‘I heard you joined the Dark side.’
‘I have,’ agreed Sirius.
Sirius wasn’t worried about confessing that to the werewolf. Nobody believed there was a Dark side anymore. And even if they did, however unfair it may be, a werewolf’s word was worth less than a stinking rag.
‘So, it’s true,’ Remus said sounding resigned. ‘Why? You hate-ed the Dark side.’
‘Honestly, I think it was just my parents I hated,’ admitted Sirius. ‘And they were Dark, so I was going to be the opposite. And after everything Dumbledore did to me, to Harry, to James, to you, what did you think was going to happen?’
Remus gaped, ‘after everything the Dark side, did, will do, how could you think to join them? Dumbledore is a good man-‘
‘HE KILLED JAMES!’ bellowed Sirius.
‘Voldemort killed James and Lily,’ Remus rebutted.
Sirius shook his head like Padfoot shaking off water, ‘Voldemort … I think James is one of two people that he would never hurt! Moony, I’ve seen the memories.’
Remus shook his head, ‘no … he wouldn’t … Dumbledore is not a murderer! Whatever memories you’ve seen must be fake.’
‘THEY’RE HARRY’S!’ Sirius shouted angrily. ‘He spent years kidnapping, drugging and controlling James!’
‘To protect Harry,’ argued Remus. ‘He gives chances to even the least deserving.’
‘You deserved an education,’ Sirius said softly. ‘And you shouldn’t have to feel indebted for being given your basic rights!’
Remus shook his head, ‘he’s a good man!’
Sirius snorted, ‘his followers just killed four innocents on his orders.’
‘Dumbledore doesn’t have followers,’ retorted Remus.
‘What else would you call the Order?’ spat Sirius. ‘Diggle and Podmore attempted to murder a fifteen-year-old because of his parentage on Dumbledore’s orders – how are they not his loyal followers?’
‘Whatever, they did, Dumbledore had no idea!’ Remus declared.
‘Then why did the Ministry attempt to arrest him?’ demanded Sirius. ‘Do you really think they would go after Albus Dumbledore unless they had water-tight evidence against him?’
‘Because Voldemort is influence of Fudge!’ Remus snapped back.
‘We were loyal to him and what did we get?’ Sirius snapped back. ‘I was sentenced to Azkaban for a crime he knew I didn’t commit, and the plight of the werewolves is no better than before.’
‘He didn’t know – he would have protected you,’ Remus said desperately.
‘HE PERFORMED THE FIDELIS CHARM!’ shouted Sirius. ‘Because he knew unlike you, I would never abandon James’ son!’
Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times, ‘he’s better than the Dark side.’
‘He’s a murderer, a liar, an abuser of children!’ Barty said sharply. ‘The Dark Lord at least protects his own and does not harm children!’
‘Oh, apart from allowing one of his followers to impregnate his own son!’ Remus said sharply.
Sirius snorted, ‘trust me Remus Voldemort had nothing to do with that. Harry was already pregnant before they had even met! And he likes it less than I do. I’m sure if Harry hadn’t stepped in Lucius Malfoy would not be here … but he listens to Harry even if he does not like what he says.
‘Remus look I felt exactly the same as you did at first – that the Dark side and Voldemort were evil and wrong on all counts. I just wanted Harry to survive and I knew the Light would never let the son of the Dark Lord live freely – and I wanted to protect Harry from being indoctrinated to the Dark side like Reg was. But after everything I have seen, everything that Dumbledore is capable of I know that’s not true – Dumbledore is worse than Voldemort.’
‘You can’t mean that!’ whispered Remus eyes wide in horror.
‘HE KILLED JAMES, abused Harry, tried to have Harry raped – raped for money, and then killed, killed innocents and has indoctrinated Merlin knows how many others,’ Sirius said sharply. ‘Including us!’
Remus shook his head looking like he wanted to run, ‘no.’
‘I have the memories,’ Sirius said. ‘You should see them … and how could you doubt it? You must have known, must have smelt that there was something wrong with James, that Harry wasn’t Lily’s.’
‘That was different!’ Remus said sharply. ‘If things had been left as they were Voldemort would have ruined Harry like Greyback did me! We had to protect Harry!’
‘So, you knew, and did nothing,’ Sirius said drained. ‘Knew that James was being hurt. JAMES WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU AND YOU STOOD BY AND LET HIM BE ABUSED!’
‘James may have been our friend at school,’ Remus said sharply. ‘But when he joined Voldemort, how many people do you think he killed! He was a threat to innocent lives, should he remain free – he should have been in Azkaban.’
Sirius shuddered, ‘no one deserves Azkaban – death is kinder.’
‘And James Potter didn’t kill anyone,’ Barty interjected. ‘The Dark Lord couldn’t risk one of his best placed spies and political activists being caught in battle.’
‘And look at the consequences – how many people died in Voldemort’s rampage when Dumbledore took the person he loved most,’ Sirius said a tad hysterically.
‘VOLDEMORT DOESN’T LOVE!’ Remus shouted.
Sirius snorted, ‘they say the same about werewolves and we both know that is far from true. And quite frankly anyone who had seen Voldemort anywhere near Harry knows that it’s not true. And I have heard Voldemort talk to Harry about James … even after almost fifteen years he still loves him – maybe he always will.’
‘Anyway, kidnapping James had nothing to do with James,’ Barty said sharply.
Sirius nodded empathetically, ‘he just wanted Harry – who was an innocent no matter who his parents may be. Yet, Dumbledore hurt him and was planning to kill for being born. My godson did not deserve that! You can’t believe that was right, and you did nothing to help – James was our friend, and you abandoned his son.’
Remus looked down, ‘Dumbledore was just trying to protect him from being corrupted-‘
‘No, he was using him,’ Sirius said sharply. ‘You have to see that – he drugged, Obliviated and manipulated him so he would do what he wanted.’
‘He wanted Harry safe and away from Voldemort’s poisonous influence,’ Remus bleated.
‘He did the same to you – do you really think he just gave you a place at Hogwarts because he was kind?’ Sirius sneered looking very like Bellatrix in that moment.
‘He didn’t buy into the bias against werewolves-‘Remus said.
‘Then why are you the only werewolf to go to Hogwarts in fifty years?’ demanded Barty.
Remus open and shut his mouth a few times, ‘the board wasn’t happy.’
‘If that was true then you wouldn’t have gone,’ Sirius said sharply.
‘Do you really think that a couple years after Greyback joined up with the Dark Lord the kidnapped child of the Fenrir Greyback just happened to be accepted into Hogwarts?’ asked Barty.
‘Barty,’ Sirius said sharply. ‘I’m sorry, Remus I was going to ease into that.’
‘That’s a lie!’ spat Remus. ‘He was just trying to confuse me!’
‘Is that what Dumbledore told you?’ asked Barty. ‘Look at what he did to the Dark Prince – is it really a surprise that he was involved into doing to another one of his enemies’ children? In fact, if it hadn’t worked so successfully with you, he might not have tried to the same with the Dark Prince.’
Remus gaped at him, ‘it can’t be true, it just can’t be. Greyback is a monster.’
Sirius frowned, ‘I don’t think he is. I’ve spoken to him – he is nothing like what we have been made to believe. And he loves you which makes him a winner in my book.’
Remus was still shaking his head desperately, ‘my parents were Lyall and Hope Lupin – they loved me despite the fact I am a monster.’
‘You are not a monster,’ Sirius said sharply. ‘And they made you hate yourself so much that to this day you see yourself as a monster. I SAW YOUR BEDROOM – THEY LOCKED YOU INTO A CELLAR!’
‘I WAS DANGEROUS!’ Remus shouted back.
‘A COUPLE NIGHTS A MONTH!’ shouted Sirius.
Remus shook his head, ‘GET OUT! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE FROM A DEATH EATER!’
Sirius flinched.
‘Sirius isn’t a Death Eater,’ said Barty sounding amused.
Sirius nodded, ‘okay, you’re not ready to hear the truth, but I’ll leave you a parentage potion – take it if you want to know the truth. And I’ll leave you the memories – it’s got … James’ death and memories of your real mother and her death. If you want to contact me you’ve still got your mirror.’
/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0
Remus sat in his main room just staring at the two vials with some trepidation as though they would explode which they probably wouldn’t (although it was Sirius Black so you never could guess). His ex-lover’s sudden and unexpected reappearance in his life had brought up so many mixed feelings.
The feeling of being wrong. Then the contentment and acceptance he had found at Hogwarts and afterwards with the Marauders and most importantly Sirius. The fear of being evil … of being everything he had been told was wrong … of being Greyback’s son. And the relief that it was a lie.
Then the grief and betrayal as his whole world fell apart – first James had been revealed to be a Death Eater, to being Voldemort’s lover, to be a traitor to the Light. He had hated watching James in those days of his pregnancy, days that should have been filled with light, but instead was filled with James begging in the name of their once friendship to let him go.
But Remus hadn’t been able to turn his back on Dumbledore. He had tried to explain to James that Voldemort would ruin his son the way that Greyback did to all those kids like Remus who he turned. Tried to convince James that his lover was an evil murderer. Then had to go back to the flat he shared with Sirius and pretend everything was alright; pretend he wasn’t involved in holding James prisoner; pretend he didn’t once again hate himself with every fibre of his being.
Remus had thought that after Harry was born that things would go back to normal. That they could release or arrest James. But Professor Dumbledore convinced Remus that if he did that Voldemort would know the truth about Harry Potter and all their work to protect him from his influence would be for nought, so he had turned a blind eye as James was made a prisoner of his own mind. And still he told Sirius nothing. Maybe that was why Sirius began to suspect him because he knew he was keeping secrets – he just didn’t know why.
And then James and Lily were killed by Voldemort, betrayed by Sirius, and Remus was left once again feeling betrayed by the people he loved the most in the world. But this was so much worse than James. Remus barely got out of bed for the first month after Voldemort’s fall.
It wasn’t until Christmas did Remus think to ask after Harry. He was told that Harry was safe with Lily Evans’ Muggle family but that they wouldn’t want someone like him around Harry. Remus admitted that he hadn’t questioned Albus as much as perhaps he should, but after everything he felt that the best thing for Harry was for him to be as far away as possible from him – everything Remus Lupin touched was destroyed.
Then Sirius escaped and Remus met Harry again for the first time in almost twelve years. Of course, he could see he was wearing a glamour and could smell strange potions on him. Dumbledore assured him it was just to change his looks and suppress his dark magic – just like the wolfsbane potion. Again, Remus hadn’t questioned it because Dumbledore had told him and so it must be true.
And then the revelation that had come that it was Peter was the traitor, that all this time Sirius had been innocent. And then the guilt came – he had believed Sirius to be guilty. Why hadn’t he questioned it more? But with it came the relief – they could prove Sirius was innocent and then maybe they could make things better.But Peter escaped and that short-lived hope was gone!
Then barely a year later Voldemort was back, and they were facing the Dark times once again. But Sirius was nowhere to be found. A few days later it came out that Harry had been taken in by the Dark Lord. Remus knew where Harry was Sirius would not be far away. All that they had suffered at the Dark side’s hand and Sirius really had betrayed him them, but deep-down Remus knew that they had betrayed Sirius first.
And now Sirius and a man that Remus strongly suspected was Barty Crouch Junior (how was he still alive?) had entered his home and left him feeling untethered. Greyback was not his father. Dumbledore was good! Anything else was unfathomable. But if it was all a lie why did he feel so lost? Like he was still a small child crying in the cellar for Mummy to let him out, promising to be good, wishing that he was not a monster.
Remus slowly approached the table and picked up the small red bottle that contained the red parentage potion. He had to know once and for all – he had spent so many years running from the truth. Now for once he had to be a Gryffindor, like Sirius, and face all that terrified him.