Sitting on one of the grandstands Joanna had pulled her knees against her chest while she read the text message again. It was strange for her to receive a message from her father. Niki always preferred to threaten her over the phone, so she didn't have any proof he did it in the first place, but this wasn't really a threat. Not per se. Not for any other human being who would read this text, but for Joanna it was.
"See you next race. Looking forward to a talk." Well, she was fucked. He was coming back next race and he surely knew that it was her doing. But was there really a reason for him to be pissed off? What are two races? Nothing.
He should thank her for the little vacation and not threaten her. Joanna had no intention to talk with her father, but Niki knew that. So why would he mention that he wanted to talk to her, Joanna would avoid him like the plague now that she knew he wanted to talk to her, so what was the point of telling her? Most likely it was just part of his game, making her uneasy and causing her to feel unsafe until she would run to him and beg for forgiveness and protection, but she would do that. Another thing Niki surely knew.
So, what was the point?
Joanna was deep in her confusion when a terrible thought crossed her mind. What if Niki knew she was pregnant? Well, should that be the case, they were royally fucked.
Turning her head at hearing some footsteps indicating that someone approached, Joanna was glad to see that it was only Mark. She never thought she would ever think that. God, what happened to her? Since when was she glad upon seeing Mark Webber of all people. She had had a few very nice weeks in which she didn't see him.
"Do you know that it's terribly hard to get a hold of you when you decide to hide?" Mark's asked her as he finally found the woman. To be true the grandstands were his last idea to look for her, after trying her driver room, visiting the Ferrari garage and facilities, where he met Sebastian, who told him that she was most likely here. Sometimes he wondered why Joanna even owned a phone when she never picked it up anyways.
"That's the idea of hiding, isn't it?" Joanna questioned with an unimpressed expression, which Mark ignored as he flopped down next to her, causing Joanna to pull away from him while rolling her eyes.
"We're alone," Mark promised her, the urge to roll his eyes at Joanna's mistrust was massive, but he was, fortunately, able to suppress it.
"Doesn't mean I want you close." Joanna shot back. Why on earth was everybody so keen on talking to her on this god-awful weekend. She had already a talk with Fernando which followed a few memories she would have rather left buried and now Mark was next in line.
"You are even more rejecting and cold than usual." Mark huffed out in annoyance.
"I just don't get why everybody thinks they can just come up to me and question me about things they have no right of knowing. I can take care of myself. I don't need you or Seb to mother hen me. Oh, and tell Jenson to fuck off. I know what he's trying to do." Joanna said before getting up and leaving the grandstand. She was so done with fucking everyone. But Mark wouldn't be Mark would he let her go like that.
"It actually was Fernando, who caused me to look for you." He said, not moving but he got what he wanted. Joanna stopped dead in her tracks to look up at Mark, who was leaning over a barrier and looking down at her.
"What the fuck are you on about?" Joanna questioned despite knowing what Mark was on about. She shouldn't have said Mark's name as she spoke with Fernando on Wednesdays. Sometimes, the young Austrian wondered why she couldn't stop string shit, knowing damn well that it came back to bite her in the ass more often than not when she said something unprepared. When there wasn't a plan or a bigger picture.
"Not quite sure actually. I said hey Fernando and he said fuck you. As I ask what his problem was, he kindly told me to go and ask you. So, now I ask you, Joanna, why did Fernando tell me to go and fuck myself?" Mark told Joanna, while calmly walking down the stairs to meet her on the lower level of the grandstand.
"Are we in nursery school? The fuck I know what his problem is." She spat, her arms crossed over her chest. The Austrian was sick of people questioning her. They wanted to know something, they should work to get their info straight just as she did as well. It was hard to maintain a network of spies in the paddock, so why should she share her information and help everyone else?
"You normally know what everybody's problem is." Mark started calmly. "You know, as the cause of most of them." He added, which caused Joanna's expression to change before turning away from him to overlook the track, or rather the part which was visible from their position.
"Sometimes I want to strangle you," Joanna muttered darkly, not in the mood to deal with Mark's bullshit, even though it was always straightforward, it was bullshit nevertheless.
"Can you even reach my neck?" He challenged while resting his elbows on the barrier on which Joanna was already leaning. Right now, she would reach his neck.
"Don't be so snappy, just tell me what that was about, so I know who of you I want to strangle," Mark ordered her after a few more moments of silence between them and that was never a good sign. A quiet Joanna was a planning Joanna and he really wasn't ready to meet the aftermath of her latest plan to take over the world. The Austrian was so exhausting in his opinion.
"Okay, so I lied. Happy now?" There was still this aggressive tone in her voice, something he hasn't heard in a while. Back then, he was the only one, who was able to really make her angry but now someone else seemed to have learned how to push her buttons. No matter how long she claimed this was about Fernando and him, or Sebastian, he knew she was lying. There was someone else, who did something which bothered her so much that she unintentionally let go of her masks. She wasn't even aware of it, but someone was tearing down the walls she had built over the last two decades.
"I don't see how this should make me happy." Upon hearing that Joanna simply shrugged.
"Just tell me already." He pushed her, but Joanna wasn't in the mood to talk to Mark.
"Really, Mark. Fuck off." She said before she left the grandstands and this time, the Aussie let her go. Knowing that if they would talk to each other any longer, one of them would throw a fit and it wouldn't be Mark.
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Walking down the halls of the FIA main building in Japan Max frowned. Neither his trainer Brad nor his PR assistant Vicky was with him and his stupid phone had died a few minutes ago. Turning around again, Max rolled his eyes. He got lost, like a little child in a building full of people, but the last time he had seen someone was ages ago, and back then he had thought he would find his way back on his own. He wasn't an idiot and was way too vain to ask for help. Now he cursed himself and his decision to rather run around in circles before simply asking for help.
Every time he took a turn the hallways seemed to get darker and darker, which gave Max a queasy feeling in his stomach. All of this was weird but he brushed it off. The team most likely knew exactly where he was and they simply wanted to play a prank on him. Some bullshit for a promotion video.
Probably Daniel is going to jump out from the next corner to scare Max. This thought made the Dutchman groan. He bet they had been filming him since he went into the building. Ever since he took his first wrong turn. But he wasn't in the mood to play these stupid games today, not with the race later today and the drivers' parade he probably just missed.
"Fuck that," Max muttered under his breath and tried to open the next door he saw, but it was locked. Turning back towards the alley Max saw a man standing at the end of the hallway, which caused him to exhale in relief, before walking towards him.
"Hey, sorry. Can you tell me where the main hallway is?" The Dutch called, but the man simply turned away from him to walk away, which caused Max to frown, before walking towards him faster. The hallway was totally dark as he followed the man, but Max couldn't understand why. He had been on the ground floor and it was sunny outside. He wondered why this building had no windows. He could swear that there were still windows there yesterday.
He nearly reached the man, as the lights flicked and Max stumbled back, only to land on his ass as he recognized the man's face, but that couldn't be. Jules was dead, Max knew that, but at that moment he stood right in front of him. Eyes hollow and sticky with blood, but a smile was so sincere.
"Jules?" He asked horrified, but the light flicked again and Jules was gone. Pressing a hand over his fast-beating heart Max got up from the floor as fast as he could before he raced through the hallways of the building. He didn't care if his mind played a trick on him and he was acting like a scared child, he wanted to leave this building right now. His heart was pounding in his chest and his lungs begged him to stop, but he couldn't not after what he had just seen.
Finally finding the exit. Max waited no time to make his way over to the Red Bull facility, ignoring all the people around him, who were giving him weird glances. Max knew he must have looked like he had lost his mind, surely a scared expression on his face. He sprinted down the corridor towards his driver's room but stopped as he heard the familiar voice of Daniel talking to someone in his room. Most likely Mike.
Max didn't know why, but he opened the door only to find Joanna sitting on Daniel's lap. The Aussie was about to kiss her but looked up as he noticed Max standing in the doorway with an evil grin on his face, Daniel leaned down to kiss Joanna right in front of him. The Austrian couldn't see him from the position she was in, but Max's heart broke into a thousand pieces. She didn't love him, it was all just a game. He meant nothing to her.
"You're mine," Daniel whispered to Joanna, ignoring Max who simply couldn't move. He was frozen, but the anger climbed its way up from his belly to his throat.
"Say that you're mine," Daniel asked Joanna, who kissed him again before she nodded gently.
"Yours. Only yours, Daniel. Forever, I swear." Joanna promised, which caused Daniel to lean back into his seat, while Joanna turned around to face Max. Her expression was as shocked as his before she jumped up from Daniel's lap and ran over to Max.
"Maxy. It's not what it looks like." She started, but Daniel was fast to stand up as well. The Aussie pulled her back, his hand fisted in her hair before he pushed Joanna against the wall right in front of Max, who still was frozen.
"I'm not one to share." Daniel hissed at Joanna, pressing her harshly against the wall with his own body, which caused the Austrian to groan in pain. Successfully pulling Max from his frozen state, he moved to pull Daniel away from the Austrian while telling him sternly to step away from her. Joanna might have played him, but he still loved her. That's why he wouldn't allow Daniel to hurt her like that.
"You don't deserve her," Daniel yelled, angrily at Max. "I've loved her since we were eighteen. You don't get to take her away from me." Daniel added, the anger still very clear in his voice.
"I don't care. I won't allow you to treat her like that. I will never allow anyone to treat a woman like that." Max screamed back, the fury burning in his eyes, but Daniel just snorted.
"What's about your dad?" Daniel challenged, which caused Max to shove him hard in the chest.
"Oh, yeah. I forgot. You're scared shitless of your own father." Dan said, which caused Max to tumble a few steps back. No one has ever addressed it so directly.
"Fuck you." Max spat at Daniel, which caused the Aussie to smirk at him.
"Now you're fighting back?" The older Red Bull driver said. Max could clearly hear in his voice that the Aussie was looking down at him and he would never ever let someone do that.
"Better than hiding behind Joanna my whole life," Max said, causing Dan's smirk to drop.
The Aussie was the first to throw a punch at Max, who punched him back. As Daniel swung to hit Max once more he underestimated the distance and punched Joanna in the face, who had just moved to separate them from each other.
The Austrian tumbled back a few steps, and everything seemed to freeze. All Max saw was Joanna, Daniel was long forgotten. The blood was freely flooding from her nose, as Max got a hold of her arm before she tumbled over into a heap on the floor.
"Joanna," Max called, as Joanna let her head fall back against the hard surface of the ground. Max's hands were still on her upper arms. The Austrian watched him closely, before she leaned forward, her eyes never leaving Max.
"I think you should wake up now." She muttered and the next thing the Dutchman knew was, that he was sitting up in bed.
Max flinched as he realized that it was just a dream, all of it. He was alone in his hotel room in Japan. Bathed in sweat and tears, he felt disgusting and ready for a shower. The race was tomorrow and he sure as hell wouldn't go even near the FIA main building or Daniel for that matter.
The Dutchman simply let himself fall back into bed while resting his hand right over his heart. Normally it was Joanna who rested her hand over his heart after a nightmare to calm him down and make sure he knew that he wasn't alone, but that wouldn't happen now. Not with her in another lone hotel room somewhere around the circus.
"It was just a dream." He muttered to himself, closing his eyes, but as soon as he did so, he saw Joanna again, laying on the floor, blood flowing from her nose and eyes wide. He couldn't sleep like that, he would never manage.
"Get a grip, Verstappen." He mumbled to himself as he opened his eyes again, Max decided to try and get comfortable. That wasn't Max's first nightmare. Since after the accident, there was not one night he could sleep peacefully.
Max always had a tendency for nightmares. He was used to them, but not since he had Joanna. When she was with him, sleeping peacefully next to him, he had no nightmares, until the accident, and now they were more bearable with the beautiful Austrian at his side, caring for him but Joanna wasn't sleeping next to him for quite a while now. They were fighting most of the time and when they didn't it was still hard to be at home at the same time. Mostly the team kept them apart, the different schedules. Max hated it.
The Dutchman closed his eyes again and tried his best to forget the image of Daniel and Joanna together. He had no idea why it was always them together which robbed him of a goodnight's sleep but his teammate was always involved. Kissing Joanna, hurting her, or on the worst nights fucking her right in front of his eyes, which caused Max to question his sanity.
The part about Jules was freaking him out even more. What the fuck did his brain think it would tell Max with that. It was just creepy and confusing?
The worst nightmare by far he recently had, was the one where Daniel took on the role of the baby's father. He had hated the image of Daniel holding his son and playing with him while Joanna had watched with a fond expression. That wasn't great but what really threw him off was that Joanna had referred to Daniel as the father of the child despite it was clear that the boy was all Max. He looked like a copy of the Dutchman as he was younger, the only things he had from his mother were the lips and the smile. It took Max days to get rid of the picture of them together like this.
Joanna and Daniel were never involved with each other, Max was sure of that, but something was going on between them his subconscious must have noticed. All these fucking secrets they shared. He hated it.
Max exhaled softly, he was tired and still didn't feel fit enough to get back into the car after what had happened in Malaysia, to be honest, but nobody cared if he wanted to race or not. He had signed a contract after all. Wouldn't be the car such a fucking bitch, well that was a lie. The car wasn't the problem, but Daniel was.
Rolling over onto his stomach Max got his phone, before opening his chat with Joanna.
"I can't take it anymore." He typed the message without really knowing what he was trying to tell Joanna. Did he want her back, or did he want to leave her? Max was confusing himself at three in the morning because of a fucking nightmare. He was so screwed.
He never sent the text message.
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Waiting for the Japanese anthem, Joanna shared a warry look with Daniel, who looked as uneasy as she felt, but Joanna didn't say anything. She needed to get into her zone, but every time she tried to focus and empty her head like she normally did, memories fought themself to the surface. Max's accident was fresh in her mind and the memories of Jules's seemed like it happened just yesterday. Mark and Fernando patronizing her and asking stupid questions and Seb mother henning her. She was so done, so angry. She needed to race to get rid of all these negative emotions.
"It will be alright," Daniel muttered in her ear as he walked past her after the anthem, his hand gently squeezing her shoulder, but Joanna knew that this little gesture of support was only throwing her off more, just like the look Max was giving her every time she even came close to Daniel. She really didn't know what that was about, but she wouldn't ask him either. They weren't on speaking terms, which Daniel must have noticed by now as well.
"We're good at surviving." Joanna had muttered back, which caused Daniel to search her eyes shortly, but he couldn't think about her right now, they all needed to get into the car.
"Let's just do that." She added.
Slowly walking back to her car on P2, on the other side behind her Max. Joanna allowed Kiwi to assist her with her helmet before she told the Aussie and Andrew to get back to the garage. She was able to get into the car without help.
Making sure again that her hair was where it belonged within the helmet, Joanna was about to climb into the car but was stopped by a hand around her elbow.
Turning around she was faced with Max, who was wearing his helmet as well as a pained expression. Raising an eyebrow, Joanna didn't understand what he was doing here so shortly before the race. The staff of the team was already running to the sides, just one Red Bull employee was waiting to buckle Max in and one Ferrari to do the same with Joanna.
"What are you doing? The race is about to start!" She called over the loud noise a confused expression on her porcelain features.
"I can't get into the car like this. I'm so fucking furious with you and it's not even your fault." Max said and Joanna was glad that nobody could hear them talk over the loud noises. Joanna was about to reply, as she heard the Red Bull team and the Ferrari team scream at their drivers to get into their cars from the sides. She was sure the FIA would punish them for doing this.
"I feel like I don't have a clue. I don't know what I want." The Dutch admitted.
"Now is really not the time to talk about this. Why haven't you called me yesterday when it's that bad?" Joanna asked Max an urgent look on her face.
"Because it wasn't that bad yesterday!" He argued, his arms crossed over his chest. Putting her hands on both sides of his helmet, Joanna forced Max to look into her eyes.
"God damn it, Max!" She cursed.
Max was reckless, arrogant, and hotheaded. A teenager, who had no idea where to put all his nervous energy and who had problems accepting that despite all his flaws, despite all his negative characteristics Joanna loved him.
He was vain but intelligent. Selfless but inconsiderate. He was brave and so honest it was cruel sometimes but how could Joanna not be totally in love with all these characteristics. These qualities, whether considered good or bad, made Max who he was.
"I'm with you. For better or for worse. Tell me you at least know that!"
"Do I know that?" He questioned her with a pained expression, breaking Joanna's heart in the process. She thought he knew. She thought there wasn't a question to it. How could Joanna expect him to have a baby with her, to co-parent a little human being when he wasn't even sure if Joanna truly loved him?
A terrible thought crossed her mind. Did Max even love her? Did the young Dutchman even know what love was? Not that Joanna was an expert in that field but she knew the moment she laid eyes on Max after their first time. The blissed-out expression, the feeling of home, and a deep sense of comfort. She knew she loved Max that very moment.
"Let's talk about that at home, okay? Come home to me and we will figure it out together." She said, which caused Max to nod at her before she told him to go, what he finally did.
Both of them were fast to climb into their cars and as soon as they were buckled in and the last people were gone from the track, they started with the formation lap.
Joanna did her best to concentrate on the start but she failed, which resulted in a overtake, due to the slipstream Max was unintentionally offering Daniel, but both of them managed to get past Daniel again after a few laps, so it was alright. Seeing Max in her mirrors, both of them knew that this was just a momentary truce. They were still angry with each other, but they couldn't be in a car. Max was right to try and talk with her even though the timing was awful. They didn't know what could happen in a race and that's why they should never get into the car angry with each other.
The truce was part of their private life, so Max didn't waste any time and tried to overtake Joanna, but the Ferrari driver was fighting back.