Dear me.
Today was one hell of a roller coaster. Not only did I had fun, I also had disappointment. Yeah, you can guess from who. Jacob. Well, yesterday he told me that he got a girl pregnant, and now he's going to be a father at eighteen, young age to have a baby especially if you can't even take care of yourself, but as much as I love Jacob I have to say, he hasn't matured at all. He doesn't care about his grades or even thinking of college. It hurts me seeing him like that, he means the world to me and seeing the path he's taking makes me want to help him be better, but I fail. Just like I do at everything I try to fix. I don't want to fix Jacob, I want to help him and well, maybe this baby is just what he needs. This baby is his salvation. Jacob hasn't experienced parental love, but I know that once his baby is born, he will love him or her unconditionally. The girl he got pregnant, her name is Annika; I know weird name but unique. She truly is beautiful, blue icing eyes, black straight long hair, ivory skin and taller than me, for a bit though. I don't blame Jacob, she is really pretty.
Now, I'm not the kind of girl who compares themselves to others because I don't know if they do too, but I wish I was that beautiful. Anyways, I was in the bathroom, receiving messages from Chase asking me where I was. I told him to leave me alone, but I'm sure that just got him pissed. I thought that he would look for me but I never imagined that he would go so far to enter the girl's bathroom like he did. We were there for two solid minutes before he dragged me towards the door and when he opened it, Mr.Fanes was there, standing outside. Now that I think of it it's kinda weird, it looked like he was ready to enter at any moment. He started arguing with Chase and took us to the main office to see if we had actually gotten our permissions signed, but while we waited, Chase started tugging my arm, leading me to the main door and you can guess it, we ran. We ran out of there as fast as we could and let me tell you it was the best thing ever! Well, except for the fact that we ran into a lot of people and I even bumped into an elderly woman with fruit in her hands, I couldn't even help her get them back because Mr.fanes was right behind us, yelling at us to come back. But we never did, the only thing we did do was laugh. We were laughing- I was laughing- and it felt amazing. The cold breeze hitting my face while running and the fact that I didn't even care about the consequences I will receive once my mom finds out. In that moment I was free, I was happy and I was alive. Tomorrow I'm going with Jacob and Annika to her appointment, it's weird really, but for some reason, I don't trust Jacob not to wait outside. Annika alone in that room wouldn't be fair either, whether I like it or not I have to go.
Nina Morgan:06:33
Friday/September 30
"Nina?" Jacob peeks his head through the door.
I sigh and raise and eyebrows, indicating him to walk in. I have a feeling he's going to apologize for whatever he did.
"Can we talk?" I nod and he sits on my bed. "I'm sorry I keep disappointing you. I know how hard you try to change me, I'm glad you do because without you, I don't know where I'll be right now."
I take a deep breath before answering. "I do it because I care for you, not because I want to ruin your life. I just want to help you, but you make it so damn hard that I want to give up sometimes."
His eyes twitch and I can see them getting watery. I've never seen him this vulnerable.
"I want to change-I really do! But I'm afraid. I want to be better for my kid, Nina. That baby deserves a better father, one who is stable enough to take care of it, what if I'm not enough?" A tear fell from his left eyes as he continues. "What if I end up disappointing him like I do with everyone? What kind of father would I be? One who spends the nights passed out in a bar? I want my kid to be the best version of me, but I don't know how to do that. I don't know who that is."
I don't know what to say, Jacob has always been so firm in his decisions that the fact that he doesn't know what to do in this situation is killing him- killing me. It's not his fault that his mother didn't ever look after him, or that his dad is too busy to pay attention.
All Jacob wants it's to feel loved.
How didn't I realized that? I just feel horrible right now. I crawl to his side and take him into my arms while tears welled in my eyes.
I'm crying, I'm crying with him, not for him.
"Jacob, you are going to be a great father because you'll be there for your kid. You aren't going to disappoint that baby, I promise."
This is so sad, I can't imagine not being in the right mindset and having a baby at the same time, it must be really draining, but I hate the fact that he's hating and asking himself that.
Jacob will be a good father I know he will.
"I don't want to let anyone down anymore, Nina. Not you, not Annika, not my baby, but somehow I always manage to do so. I- I don't know." He starts sobbing.
Jacob has never cried in front of me and seeing him like this is heartbreaking, the fact that he's too scared to do this scares me more, I want him to be happy because he deserves to be.
"You won't because I will help you," I say holding back a sob. I keep my arms around him as he keeps crying silently.
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A/N: Hey everyone i hope you enjoyed this chapter I know it's short but I've been busy with personal work and I'm trying to update every chance i get. So if I don't I'm sorry but don't think I've forgotten About this story.🤍