Remington POV
The wireless Bluetooth speaker Lissy loaned me was already fully charged and apparently set to full blast when I synced my Spotify app to the device. I laughed and instantly hit the minus symbol, shaking my head while the breeze flowed into Dad's shed. Spotify was set to a random playlist I enjoyed listening to but I had something else in mind for today's project.
"I'm glad you decided to try this out, son." Dad rolled closer and handed me a fresh roll of paper towel along with a gallon of water and box of trash bags from his lap. I did a quick run to the grocery store after stopping by the lumberyard for some scrap wood to practice with this morning. Dad and I were able to enjoy fresh donuts and perfectly iced cold brew from Starbucks when I got home before ten. It was the perfect balance of time to get errands run and time with him.
I even made time to stop by the pet store where I was able to find a stuffed lamb for Peach. It was Benji's idea after I started calling Lissy my lamb as a way to tease her while referring to "Someone to Watch Over Me." Of course I laughed and had to try and find a stuffed sheep that had a squeaker inside, even texting a photo to Benji so he could see our plan was in place.
The song meant more to me than I let on.
Of course I recognized the old tune but had to think hard to remember lyrics. When I had a chance I googled them, smiling as I read along to the song that apparently made Lissy think of me. I've been compared to worse. This was a blessing so knowing I can both appreciate parts of her memory as well as make it fresh for us.
My next step was definitely to get something personalized with AML... her new monogram once she marries me. Alice Maryanne Lowe has a nice ring to it.
Ring... wow. There's another item to start considering.
I looked around the dusty shed while thinking about what a great time we had the previous day and felt a sense of purpose light inside me. "Me, too, Dad. Lissy mentioned wanting a really big porch swing when she moves..."
"She wants to move?" Dad's voice was strained and I looked up to see a furrowed brow and clenched jaw while he rolled his chair around a bit as though he was pacing.
"Yeah, the house they have now was always temporary. Lissy said she wanted something with a big porch and more space that she could purchase but with finishing college and timing the best choice was to go for a rental to start." I smiled as I spoke, swiping through my phone to text LIssy a moment before I began tidying the shed. Today's plan was just to clean this place our and air the space so I could use the scrap wood I purchased for some easy projects to relearn all the tricks Dad taught me.
He hummed a moment as Kenny approached with a glass of water, catching his breath. "Did you want to stay out here, Greg? We can wait a little bit before doing your IV treatment."
"No, I'll come inside in a few." Dad offered a reassuring smiled while Kenny leaned into the shed with wide eyes.
"This place is terrifying."
I burst into laughter and filled them in on bringing Benji out here at one in the morning when he stayed over. Dad looked horrified while Kenny just chuckled along, clapping a hand on my shoulder and stepping closer to lift an axe from one of the tables.
Kenny looked at me and shook his head, laughing harder a moment before raising the axe, "Should I wait outside Benji's window with this tonight then start softly tapping at 1 am?"
I cracked up laughing as he set the weapon down, mental picture of the prank running through my mind and causing me to wheeze. "We have to tell Lissy at dinner tonight. She'll lose it when you explain."
He made his way back to the house while Dad watched me begin unpacking my gear. I grabbed a trash bag and opened it, tying one of the handles to a hook on the wall for easy access. The water was mainly for washing my hands or anything else that needed a quick rinse, as well as drinking. I knew the hose was also an option but having a jug of fresh water nearby just seemed smart. I also grabbed a fresh box of utility towels when I was out, the mental plan for where each new item would go for optimal efficiency.
"You've already changed."
Dad's voice was almost wistful and I looked up from my work, smiling. "What do you mean?"
He chuckled, "I remember watching Clara work and seeing Lissy in the kitchen reminds me of how she was. Now this... even seeing how you're organizing paper towels and where the power strip should be settled shows that you're considering the big picture." I noticed a quiver in his lip before he continued, "Remington, I'm so proud of the man you are. Not just the one you're becoming and who you're going to be one day, but who you are right now. I'm just so proud of you."
The words hung around me and I felt something inside switch. A sob escaped and I rushed to hug my Father, whispering, "I love you, Dad," over and over as we spent a long moment embracing.
A loud ringing clanged through the shed and I laughed, "Phone!"
The strain was already settling into my ribs when I stepped back toward the table and saw a text from Lissy on my screen.
LISSY: The band is called Boyce Avenue and they do incredible covers. Just put them on your Spotify and see where it leads you. It's literally all good.
Her message was accompanied by a photo clearly showing her perspective with her long legs in the foreground stretched on a towel in the grass while Peach runs toward the phone. There was a mason jar next to her that appeared to have cold brew with cream based on knowing what was in her fridge. I was aware that Daisy was spending some time with them today and planned to do some baking, so Benji had already texted to let me know they were ganging up on him. I was never surprised to get photos of Alice or Benji outside, especially knowing her entire career path is in forest management and environmental science. It was also not a shock that Daisy would join Liss to tease Benji. We had a cookout planned for that evening so I was excited for how much fun it would be to see those three after an entire day of this dynamic.
REMINGTON: Just switched them on and the first song that came up was "Mirrors," so I'm definitely a fan so far. Enjoying the sunshine?
I attached a photo of my surroundings, the dusty shed including a wooden table with a hodge podge of materials including a number of paper bags from my lumberyard trip. Next I warned my Dad before taking a selfie with him, our smiling faces captured by the photograph in a moment of sunshine now frozen in time. That photo was sent with the caption, "Dad warned me there is no ventilation in the shed, so it's a good thing I have all the time in the world to get this done!"
"I will leave you to it, son. Let me know if you need the box fan from the office and I can have Kenny bring it out. There is no window in there so you won't get a breeze." Dad waved as he rolled his wheelchair away, chuckling at my preoccupation with texting Lissy.
I had to laugh at his reaction and looked around the shed, finally realizing how stuffy it would be on a humid day. Dad would typically pull out the saw horses and do most of his big work in the yard to limit his time stuck in this hot box. Even the thought of how bad that could get made me start to sweat, even though it was barely 80 on this day so far. I grabbed a new hand towel and doused it with water, wiping my face then using the same towel on some of the equipment stashed away.
Spotify continued to shuffle and I was impressed at every song played by the band Lissy recommended. She had a sense about things I would enjoy and never hesitated to say something about those instincts. In the past I've known people who would retroactively make those comments, like "Oh, I love them and would have said something but never thought you'd like that group!" Not Lissy. Her heart jumps at the chance to share anything that could bring another dimension of light into someone's life.
Last night we ran out to grab burgers and shakes then had a picnic on the deck with Peach nearby, waiting for a dropped French fry or more watermelon after Lissy broke into a fresh one later in the afternoon. Jesse was finally available and had been in touch with us so we were able to grab him dinner as well.
In the midst of catching up with Jesse after his busy time working, Lissy and Benji shared their story about a memory of eating burgers on their front porch as kids after painting Lissy's room lavender. Flashes of the moments I spent soothing Liss in her bedroom came to mind as they retold the story and I felt so lucky to be someone she trusts this deeply. We laughed at Benji's reenactment of their Dad lip-syncing "Uptown Girl," with an absolute lack of any filters or boundaries. I had to watch Lissy as she watched our brother, just to see the sheer joy in her eyes as he mimicked the man who was her entire world for most of her life.
I remember so many vivid mental pictures of Reese. Those are not just shared with anyone, and it's clear Alice and Benji are the same way. Jesse mentioned later in the evening when we had a moment alone how grateful he was to be considered someone they trust. I reminded him that being there every single day is not an indicator of closeness. You can speak to someone constantly and never reach a level of trust with them like you do with a friend you see once a month if you're lucky. He was reassured by my words but I could tell their actions were all the proof he needed that I was right.
My phone buzzed with another photo but this one was from Benji. My heart melted at the picture he sent showing Peach as she cuddled with Liss, who was not aware she was being photographed. Lissy was in some kind of tank top outfit of sorts with tan arms wrapped around the affectionate dog, her dark waves completely tied back in a top knot. All I could see was a bright grin and eyes full of love for their pup while she cradled the pup in her lap.
It was a pure moment of joy.
REMINGTON: Thanks, bro. Cleaning the shed now. It's not that bad in here. Grabbed some scrap wood for us to start messing with, too. Got a couple of those dumb birdhouse kits so we can make those for the girls as a surprise, too.
I chuckled and sent a photograph of the children's craft kits with enamel paint that I picked up at the store as a joke, knowing they would make him laugh. To be fair, I planned to insist on making these for Alice and Daisy since we could also agree it would be a hilarious gift that would completely catch them off guard. I knew Benji would be game to take on this silly task and that they would absolutely adore our efforts.
He texted back almost instantly with a series of laughing face emojis before an actual response came through.
BENJI: REMI! That is so great! I can't wait. You know they're going to laugh but deadass love them. Awww, man, I wanna come over and make mine now!
REMINGTON: Sorry, dude. Gotta clean this place out and get it rearranged. Once that is done we can put these together to christen the newly settled shed. Our Fortress of Solitude.
It took a moment for a response but I had a feeling he was laughing at my reference to Superman's special safe space. I knew this nickname was funnier because of the lack of air conditioning, since the Fortress is made of ice so usually would be much colder than the sweat inducing sauna this shed . My Spotify shuffled to a cover of "Thinking Out Loud" which made me smile. I wiped another set of drawers, fingers carefully digging into crevices with my towel while I worked as I listened and appreciated hearing familiar songs with a fresh color. The acoustic guitar version by Boyce Avenue had a much different vibe than what I was used to from Ed Sheeran. The more I heard, the more I wanted to hear.
BENJI: Bro... I was gonna call it the Bat Cave since I was sure something would fly out of there, but Fortress of Solitude works perfectly.
I laughed at his response but the lyrics of the current song caught me off guard. I stopped wiping equipment and braced myself against the table, facing outside so I could get some fresh air into my lungs while I listened.
"When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mmm...
I know you will still love me the same..."
This line made my brain short circuit.
This is why Dana never worked out.
Why no other relationship ever clicked, but Lissy does.
Even in high school she had no respect for me as a person or the fact that maybe I would change my mind or ability based on life circumstances. I broke my hand at the end of baseball season my junior year and Dana dumped me, insisting it was so she could keep her "options open."
With her it was always about how she could benefit from our connection. What conditions could she place on me so everything made her appear better?
Just recalling the look in Lissy's eyes as she saw my abs... she relishes my imperfections. Everything about me is important. Each mistake I've made gives us the chance to grow, even the ones that could hurt her. Alice never fears anything being different or causing a problem since she knows we are adults who can talk it out, regardless of how difficult life may seem. She embraces however everything comes her way, adding her own prisms of color and light
As if she read my mind, a text came over from Alice and I laughed out loud just seeing her name on my phone screen.
ALICE: Omg. Remi. Daisy is going to make caramel flan. Help.
I groaned at the message and held my stomach, a gurgle bubbling up at the thought of chilled flan on the porch with a cup of coffee later this evening when it cools off. The house has extremely comfortable cushions on the patio chairs so our dinner chats are always a peaceful time.
I had a feeling this would be no exception.
REMINGTON: I'll be over tonight and plan to have a slice with you after dinner. I'll make pour over. Deal? She might need to make 2 flan, come to think of it.... just to make sure there's enough.
My feet moved me to the front of the shed and I stepped out, inhaling fresh air and a cool breeze right as it blew through the yard. I wasn't fully aware of the action but just let myself relax and zone out a bit while thoughts of Lissy in
ALICE: She's making 2. Kenny and Leah are coming over for dinner. So are Rebecca and Taylor and their family and so is Jesse so it's gonna be a party. Kenny can drive you guys over later.
Her willingness to host a large group of relative strangers while still healing from major internal injuries and caring for her... our... little brother who is also injured floors me. Lissy jumps at the chance to grow our community and loves knowing this will help Benji in the future. Her focus is never on the work or effort. It's on the benefits we will gain from that work.
REMINGTON: What can I bring? We can stop at the store- or I can at least, even when we get there later. Also, what time should we be there? Kenny is always happy to come by before he is technically off the clock since he's still "working" while with us at that point.
I let out a sigh and walked back into the shed, scrubbing more tools then hanging them on an adjustable pegboard Dad previously set up. I made changes to the set up as needed based on my height and which tools I knew I liked best. My previous work helping Dad gave me plenty of knowledge so being back here reminded me of a few tricks as well as flashes of old projects we did for Mom at the farm house. An awl chisel reminded me of the banister Dad designed and crafted for the front porch, while I audibly gasped when I found the Painter's MultiTool that I used to keep on hand constantly. That little tool was such a handy thing to have around, even for stuff like handling flathead screws or prying apart items as you work on a project.
ALICE: Thank you for offering and being so willing. Be here at 3 or so if you can? That will give us tons of time so we can run to the store for stuff like ice if we need to. Taylor and Rebecca wanted to bring chicken to grill so she is making kebabs with veggies and will have those prepped and ready to throw on when they get here. I told her you can have the grill ready and we can handle sides and drinks. Jesse will be bartender and Daisy has dessert. Leah will be helping with sides so she is bringing a bunch of fruit from the Farmer's Market.
When the text came through I had my phone in front of me and chuckled at the length before I could read the entire message.
She is so thorough... Every detail is figured out and each person is able to contribute something that everyone will enjoy. Kebabs are a perfect meal since you can take off what you don't like. Lissy is able to control the variables in these cases perfectly, her Type A tendencies working their magic as she finds ways to make sure each person is part of the process without anyone being forced to shoulder all the burden.
Dad mentioned earlier how I'm a lot like Clara. Seeing that perspective was an important reminder of how much that woman influenced Alice, even though they are not blood related.
ALICE: Okay, and now the flan is just for us. You can thank Benji later. Daisy is gonna do Red Velvet cupcakes that we figured Trent could help us decorate. Trisha the Bitch can help also but if she has an attitude in my house I won't be afraid of saying something. If she so much as looks at Daisy or Benji the wrong way I will throw verbal hands.
Now I laughed out loud, setting down the phone and shaking my head at Lissy's sass and how they even found a way to get Trent involved.
REMINGTON: You're incredible, Lissy. Just incredible. I'll let Dad and Kenny know that I plan to be there before 3 and see if they can make that work also. Dad needs to get the IV fluids and meds going here soon so not sure how the day will go for them but at least I can be there by that time.
The morning flew past and by noon my stomach was growling even louder. Naturally I ran in and out of the house for bathroom stops and some snacks throughout the morning, I was ready for a real break. I took a look around the space and was proud of my work. It wasn't perfect, but everything had been wiped down and organized plus I had done one sweep of the floor so far.
"What sounds good for lunch?"
I jumped at the voice, grabbing my chest exactly as Liss had done the day before when I startled her a couple times, then laughed as I turned around and saw Kenny laughing at me.
He continued explaining as I tried to catch my breath, "Greg had one of his frozen approved meals so he's good to go but I didn't want to finish off leftovers without asking you first."
"Hey, man. Wow. Uhh... I don't even know. Let me come see what we have..." My hand clapped his shoulder and we chatted about how Dad was doing. The IV fluids always gave him a bit of energy once they get going so the usual routine was to do fluids then allow him the chance to get work done in the office. Today he wanted to rifle through the baseball cards for a bit as well as handle a meeting with his lawyer so Kenny mentioned Dad was in the office alone for awhile, which gave him free time to just relax.
"So now he's napping?" I asked, sliding the back door open and allowing Kenny to walk through first.
He nodded slowly, "Yeah, but it's getting worse. Based on just the number I saw today, he needs to go in for another blood transfusion tomorrow, Remi."
The news was a blow but I just let out a sigh and shook my head, moving into the kitchen and just spinning in a slow circle before looking back at him. "Takeout?"
We ordered Thai food that I picked up about twenty minutes later after watching most of an episode of The Office with Kenny while scrolling my phone absent mindedly. I had forgotten the restaurant was right next door to a florist shop and decided to duck in and get a gift for Lissy. Fifteen minutes later I carried a bouquet of white roses and lilacs into the restaurant while grabbing our lunches. The workers made comments, asking. "Who is the lucky girl?"
I just shook my head and blushed, "I will deliver them later today!"
Kenny laughed when he opened the door and saw I was carrying a bouquet along with the bag holding our meals. "I was wondering if you'd stop there."
"Forgot it existed," I quipped, handing him the food bag while I retrieved a large pitcher and filled it with water.
"They have Leah's favorite Gerber Daisies there usually so if I can find the bright ones she likes best I'll grab those once in while." Kenny began unpacking our food containers at the dining room table, "Nothing is labeled so I'll just set it all out and we can figure it out from there. So, have you said the word love yet?"
I laughed and grabbed plates and silverware, "Need a drink? And no, I have not told Lissy that I love her. I know I do and she knows I do but it hasn't been said. Actions speak louder, ya know?"
"Yeah, just a Coke is good," Kenny answered before sitting down after I handed him the cutlery then went back into the kitchen and grabbed Coke's for each of us along with plates and bowls. "It's good you both at least know it. That's a nice pocket to rest in."
I paused a moment before grabbing the first container and opening, taking a long sniff of the soup and letting out a groan, "Ohhh, man. I don't know which soup this is but I want to try some." I poured a bit into my bowl, "Want to just split stuff?"
"I would love that, man. Have you ever tried chicken satay before? You're welcome to what I ordered, too..."
Kenny slid a tray of curry marinated chicken toward me and I grinned, "Okay, so Lissy and Daisy may be onto something with sharing food all the time."
We chuckled and began to taste the meal, commenting on which items we liked best while agreeing everything was good. Kenny chose more exciting seasonings than I usually went for which made for a much different experience this time. I stuck to the classics like Pad Thai while he went slightly off the beaten path with his order of Bangkok chicken.
"I mean, it looks like chicken parmesan but with Thai fixin's..." I said as I portioned some of the fried chicken and broccoli with sauce onto my plate then took a bite.
He stared at me expectantly and grinned when I let out a happy sigh. "Told you. The sauce is where they get you. Thai food has such great sauces."
We continued chatting about our meal but after a long moment of silence I grabbed another bite with my chopsticks and asked, "So, what does Leah like to order?"
"Grilled cheese."
Kenny's deadpan response made me burst into laughter, food dropping back to my plate while he joined in. "You're shitting me."
He let out a groan, "The problem with my wife is that her stomach has problems often so she has to be careful... but she also has the palette of a toddler."
I continued laughing and picked up my bite of food again, eating it and trying to imagine how different things would be for my life now is Lissy was that way. When I was done chewing I commented, "I just realized I would get sick of grilled cheese if that's how Liss was. She has such a desire for variety, even in the simple stuff."
"I'm so excited for dinner at your place tonight," Kenny leaned in and sighed happily, "It's gonna be a great meal. Do you know what's on the menu?"
"Yeah, do you know Taylor and Rebecca?" I asked. He nodded while grabbing another spring roll as I continued, "They are bringing chicken and veggie kebabs that I'll grill when they arrive. She plans to prep those at home so they'll be ready to go."
"Nice! And I get to see Jesse again! His hospital schedule got thrown off with some night shifts he picked up to help out when one of the ER guys was sick, so I know he texted that he'll be playing bartender."
I nodded, grinning, "Dude, he is amazing at barkeep. Never really did it properly like this until now but it happened by accident a bit ago and Jess just fell in love with the role. I know he sent me a couple Insta posts with drink ideas so he was talking about creating a theme drink for the evening."
Kenny started to laugh as I spoke and shook his head, sliding a hand across the table toward me, "Remington, can you imagine how Alice would react if Jesse arrives with a full drink he created named the Lovely Lissy or something that he's recipe tested?"
"She would...." I was laughing as I spoke since Kenny made an amazing point. "She would just flip out. Maybe for the engagement party and wedding I can ask him to do that."
I knew the statement was a mistake as soon as it left my mouth, as evidenced by the way Kenny's eyes lit up. "So it's definite? She's your person? Your lobster?"
"Not a doubt in my mind."
"Good. Now is a hard time for you, and with Benji entering your life that adds even more uncertainty in some ways." The way he looked in my eyes reminded me of the way Jesse was when we spoke. We don't have years of memories to bind our friendship, but I trust Kenny and know he's someone that has my best interests at heart. He continued, "Remington, Alice is wonderful. She truly is. Leah has raved about how amazing it is to have met someone like her ever since she saw you stand up against Dana outside the pizza place downtown."
The memory made me chuckle but I rubbed the back of my neck, "This is just a lot to balance, man. I feel like I'm constantly pulled in a million directions. I know I need to stay the course and like you told me before have been trying to allow Dad to see me in those moments of joy with Lissy..." I raised my eyes and looked into his, shrugging as I remarked, "It's just really hard."
"You are feeling your deepest pain alongside your greatest joy, Remington. Of course this is really hard."
I froze at that statement and stared at Kenny, blinking slowly.
He chuckled, "Leah said that last night. She was washing dishes and our kitchen window faces Alice's house so she saw you leave for the night. I know it's been on her mind, since it's come up other times, but she's right. You deserve to enjoy those moments of love with Alice, though, Remi. Greg needs to watch those. He needs to see your love story unfold so he can pass on knowing your heart has met its match." Kenny paused again, staring at the table a long moment before he looked back at me and smiled, "Leah and I are here for you. I can at least promise you that no matter what happens here, you've got us in your corner."
All I could do was smile and say, "Thank you. And you're both right. I'll keep thinking of that when I see my Lissy. I need to remember each snapshot so I can let myself fall into those when the sadness is at its worst."
"Just over on that table, but keep the lid snapped on top. We have citronella candles out but want to keep all the bugs out as much as we can. Thanks, Leah!" Lissy's bright smile flashed at Leah while they worked, portioning salads and fruit into matching containers. "Peach can stay in the backyard if she wants since everyone will be coming in through the front door. We have the gate locked from the inside so there should be no accidental escapes."
I leaned against the kitchen table and sipped my iced coffee, grinning as I watched them buzz around and put finishing touches on all they prepared.
Kenny, Dad, and I got here by 2:30. The Thai meal was incredible and we got so much that there were leftovers. After we ate I was able to get more done in the shed for a bit while Kenny attended to Dad's IV treatment and made sure he was ready to be away from the house for the night. Leah came by shortly after which meant the ladies had time to chat before Lissy and I took a quick break so we could run to the grocery store while Kenny and Leah let their dogs out.
Dad was excited to hang out at the house with Daisy and Benji since the red velvet cupcakes were still baking. They were still slowly re-introducing him to the original Mario Brothers game so it was the perfect break time for the kids as well. Benji was so busy running around as a helper that he needed to stop himself once in awhile as well. I noticed him prop his boot covered leg on the couch before we left and reminded myself to check on him more often, just to make sure the pain is under control on a day when he's been so active.
We made a run to the grocery store and I captured mental flashes of Lissy's mass of dark waves blowing in the wind thanks to having the windows down. After my conversation with Kenny, I even noticed the way she hugged her arms when we walked through the frozen foods department. Each small quirk or trait became worth cataloguing for future replay, each moment worth embracing.
It was only a fast run to the store for a couple essentials including tequila and limes which Jesse needed for the bar. Daisy also realized they were low on powdered sugar plus Liss knew she needed to get more drinks so our cart was quickly full of everything on the list as well as a few bags of tortilla chips and containers of fresh salsa. I was thankful for the time alone that we somehow found a way to prioritize.
The best part was how she also made the most out of these moments. Lissy groped the avocados slowly while staring in my eyes at one point which made me extremely uncomfortable in the middle of a grocery store. I laughed at her and loudly whispered to stop it or I'll punish her later.
The way those green eyes lit up when her eyebrow raised made my heart stop.
It was her idea to do an iced coffee run through McDonalds on the way to the house, grabbing Sweet Tea for Benji and Daisy after calling to find out what they want. To Alice, this was an opportunity to serve the people she loves. A chance to turn off her perfectionism and just relax into giving a gift. She texted Leah for their order as well, making sure to include them in our equation since she was aware the pair would be joining us for prep work by the time we got home.
"Remi?" I shook from memories of her fingers sliding into mine while we waited in line at the grocery store and smiled as Lissy continued, "Rebecca said they're on the way and warned me Trent is hangry."
I saluted and grabbed my drink, heading out to the deck so I could get the grill started.
Lissy made sure to grab a propane refill earlier on our trip since this tank was getting low and she wanted to be positive we were good to go tonight. Peach immediately ran up to me along with one of her frisbees and dropped the toy, allowing me the chance to throw. I started working my instinct, getting the grill uncovered and beginning to turn everything on to the correct settings.
The sliding door behind me opened and I turned to see Lissy walking toward me with a clean half sheet pan and some utensils. "Figured you may as well have these now, eh?"
"Thanks, Lissy," I smiled, accepting the gear and setting it on the built in table on the side of the grill.
Peach came back up the deck stairs and to Lissy this time, receiving a scratch to the ears and some soft encouragement before her toy was once again tossed across the lawn. "How do you feel about tonight?"
"It's like a marathon," I sighed, clasping my hands on top of my head as I stared out in the distance.
Her arms circled my body from the side and I felt those dark waves rustle against my chest when Lissy let out a long breath and relaxed against my chest. It brought back a memory from listening to Spotify this morning and hearing, "Thinking Out Loud," covered by Boyce Avenue.
I found arms drift back down to rub her back, swaying and humming the song. After a moment the lyrics softly came out while we just watched Peach chase a butterfly that decided to visit the yard.
"So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are..."
"What made you think of that song?" Lissy pushed against me and leaned back slightly, my arm bracing her so she could look up in my eyes.
Her question made me chuckle, "Well, I had Spotify going with Boyce Avenue this morning..."
"Ahhhh, and their version of this song came up?"
I could see the lightbulb go off in her head and nodded, ruffling her wild waves a moment as I replied, "You've got it. Also, thank you for telling me about them. I was floored!"
Lissy's mouth hung open and eyes were wide with approval at my reaction, "I know, right? Just incredible. Great for studying or anything else where you need to focus but want something going in the back." She paused, head tilting before continuing, "How do you feel after cleaning the shed a bit? I know you were worried it would trigger memories of Reese or your Mom."
"I didn't have any feelings about it, which was a surprise." The admission happened as I stepped away and let go of Lissy, moving back to the grill to scrub the grates a bit.
Lissy stepped to the side, hands rested on the sheet tray she brought me minutes before, "Remington? You don't have to feel everything at once."
Her statement confused me but we both looked toward the house as it was clear more people just arrived. She ducked inside after a look of apology, allowing me to continue scrubbing while I thought about what she said.
Maybe she means I don't have to keep forcing myself to do stuff when I should be relaxing, but I do a lot of that anyway. Being idle drives me crazy. I'm not trying to force my body to heal or push myself past the point of no return here.
Shit.
My kaleidoscope was more like a fortune cookie this time.
The door slid back open as I was taking a long drink from my iced coffee,. I turned and smiled as Trent tentatively came outside while Lissy carried a glass of water for him.
"Alright, Trent, the only rule we have is do not open the gate. That's it." Liss crouched and rubbed his back as she spoke while Peach ran toward them, clearly eager to see her new buddy. "Peach has water over there," she pointed toward our shady spot with an outdoor dog bed and fresh bowl of water set up, "and likes to bring toys to you, so what you can do is just sit down and relax. She'll bring you what she wants and you just get to throw it for her! You can chase her around if you want, but that's up to you."
I couldn't stop myself from imagining Lissy with our children, how she would be as the mother to our family one day.
My mind gave me flashes of Lissy pregnant, swiping her finger through a batch of icing like she did not fifteen minutes ago when we were in the kitchen with Daisy. The thought of having a daughter with wild dark waves and bright green eyes made my heart ache with love and devotion for this woman.
She'll do the same thing with our kids, won't she? Even when they know the rules and have been to someone/s house, she'll be the mom that gets on their level and shows compassion over criticism.
"Remi?"
Her voice snapped me out of this beautiful dream and I laughed, "Sorry. You're just a natural."
Lissy's smile turned even warmer, eyes sparkling as she turned around so her back was almost directly against my chest. We watched Peach bring a tennis ball to Trent and after looks of reassurance from us he tossed it across the yard. She chased her toy with tail flying while Trent's giggle caused that same part of my heart to feel something I've never felt before.
"Lissy?"
"Hmm?" She tilted her head up to make quick eye contact before settling back into my arms, the happy noise that escaped her mouth like the click of another snapshot that caused my heart to ache with love.
My breath caught with how to say what I was thinking. Trent continued playing with Peach and Lissy stayed put, her hands tracing my forearms while I tried to process how to speak what was in my heart. I felt her weight against me. She was allowing me to hold her and knowing she trusted me so deeply after all she's experienced is a feeling I'm not sure I can ever truly comprehend.
Finally she turned, arms circling my neck, and met my eyes with a twinkle of contentment in her expression. "You don't have to say a word, Remington. Just know you aren't required to feel any one thing or any ten things at any given moment." Her hand cupped my cheek, eyes focused on mine as she continued, "My heart is so full from all these little moments with you so just know if you're having those feelings... same."
I leaned down and kissed her softly, a brief brush of our lips, before hearing, "Ewwwww! Gross!" from Trent nearby.
We laughed and I rested a hand on the back of Lissy's head as she nuzzled into my chest. "Yep. We're gross, buddy. Get used to it." I attempted an apology to Trent which sent Alice into a fresh round of giggles.
Trent shrugged and gave us a big smile, "I like that you're gross. So are Mommy and Daddy. That means you love each other!"
Peach started barking for his attention so Trent was instantly distracted again. The kid needs to learn not to drop a bomb like that and then just run off like that.
Lissy stared up at me while laughing, "I mean, kid's got a good point." She slapped my chest playfully before slipping out of my arms and heading back to the house. "Need anything?"
"Another towel would be great!" I hollered back, watching her walk back into the house.
Trent started chasing Peach and would stop to sip his water pretty much every time he was near the deck. I watched them and had to laugh to myself when I realized how obvious this is to the rest of the world.
Even an 8 year old stranger can tell she is my soulmate.
I went back to scrubbing the grill grates with a smile on my face, knowing it's time to let go of my defenses and allow things to happen naturally. Lissy is right, of course. We're on the same page and can just let this relationship happen the way it happens. This is organic and natural, in spite of the completely insane circumstances like Dad dying and finding out her adopted little brother is my half brother.
I guess none of this is normal, but we can do our best to capture as many beautiful moments as we can each day.
Maybe that's the way to find love right where we are.