Thursday
Dear me,
Yesterday I had lunch with Dom. If you remember, the last time I talked about Dom was around two years ago. I remember saying that if I ever saw him again, I will never forgive him for the damage he caused me. That I will make him feel just as bad as I did when he left me. But that all changed three days ago when he suddenly showed up at my school. When I saw him I felt nothing I thought I was going to feel when I saw him again. I wanted to throw up, not because I was disgusted or anything, but because I felt angry. Angry at the fact that I thought he would be starting a career, getting engaged with some beautiful woman- a woman his age- I hoped for so much to be able to forget about him. Anyway, turns out he didn't even know I live in Wattford, he happens to have a cousin attending there. I gave Dom a second chance, after all, everyone deserves one no matter how bad the things they did were. He didn't do anything bad, just the fact that he left without saying goodbye. I'm soon planning on telling him how I really feel about this whole relationship because be honest, it doesn't feel like before: fourteen-year-old me would be more than happy to take him back- would even start planning a whole wedding, but that kid died three years ago for many reasons. It's not that I don't want to be with Dom- I do, but not like this. What's the difference? We are still together, we are friends, we are in a relationship. Truth is, it changes the dynamic of our relationship. If we were just friends it would be a lot more easier. I would be able to tell him stuff I wouldn't tell my boyfriend- and sometimes, I wouldn't tell my friend about the things I talk about with my boyfriend. But Dom is basically both of them, I'm not completely open up about everything. The worst thing is that I feel guilty and I have no idea where that is coming from. Well, I do, but I just think I don't want to accept it. Chase is the reason why I feel guilty because if I remember correctly, I talked about him five days ago. I wrote down that he was a hot, arrogant asshole with no life because he's always invested in mine. Whatever, the point is that Chase is making me feel things I haven't experience before, things I don't feel for Dom-which is slightly weird- after all, he is my boyfriend and the only one I should be feeling that kind of connection towards, but I don't, and that's the problem. Part of me wishes that Dom had never entered my life again, but who I'm kidding? I've been dying to talk to him ever since he last sent me that email. Hell, that email. It's been three years ever, and it never fails to feel like it was sent yesterday.
Flashback:
"I'll be in my room." I stand from the couch where mom is grieving from my father's death.
"I'll get started on dinner," she nods and stands up as well. "I will let you know when it's ready, honey."
It's been three weeks since Dad died and the thought of it makes me go back to the night it happened. It's almost as if it's telling me that it was my fault for calling him to pick me up, punishing me if I'm being precise.
The worst part is that my best friend, Cassie, also passed away not even a month ago due to leukemia. I just lost three of the most important people in my life in less than a month.
I say three because just two days ago I found out that my boyfriend moved away, not with his parents, though. He left just like that.
No goodbye, no reason, he just suddenly disappeared.
I'd be lying if I say we had the perfect relationship, but Cassie, his sister died, he became a little more aggressive towards anything that annoyed him.
While grieving my father's death, he started saying things like; You aren't the same girl as before or They're dead get over it
I haven't talked to him since we had an argument. All of the sudden, when I went to his house to talk over it, his mother answered the door and told me that he went to boarding school, and he wasn't coming home anytime soon because he was going to finish his studies there.
As you can imagine, that was devastating thing to hear for a fourteen-year old, and well, I went home and started crying. I just had lost two of my best friends and now I lost one more.
"I miss you so much, daddy." I whisper into the pillow I'm clutching. I'm in my room with my father's journals, trailing with my fingertips over the cover.
I can't believe this is where my life is at now.
I'm alone completely, the only person I have now is my mother and even though she hasn't said anything, I know she feels alone too. Her parents are dead and my father's parents are too, she's completely alone raising a kid by herself.
The sound of my computer goes off: I got an email. Weird, I don't have many friends at school so I don't know who it is.
Maybe is one of the many teachers sending me their pity apologies, who knows? That's all I've gotten ever since my dad died.
I get up from my bed walking towards my desk where I take a seat. I'm right. I see eight new emails from people I haven't even talked to in years, saying how deeply sorry they are for my loss and that they hope I'm doing okay.
But one of the many emails catch my attention
It's not from someone's personal email but a school email- a London school.
Could it be Dom?
What if it is him? What if he's trying to reach out to me because his parents didn't let him say goodbye? Right now, all I'm feeling is a little excitement running through my body. I open the mail and scroll down to read the message.
Dear Nina,
If you're getting this email is because I'm gone. I wasn't planning on telling you because the last thing I want is for you to be crying over me. I don't want to do that to you, you have so much going on already. I rather you continue on with your life and as much as I hate saying this, forget we were once something. I'm not planning on coming back. This is the last time you'll be hearing from me again, let's just say I'm now giving you a proper goodbye. One last thing, Nina... I love you. I love you how I've never loved someone the way that I love you.
I will always do.
Have a good life, Nina.
- Dom Reid.
He left. He isn't coming back. He doesn't want me in his life. He's gone. I lost him forever.
After reading this all I feel is the wetness from my cheeks, tears still streaming down.
This is the worst day ever- hell, why am I still living?! I should be dead. Nobody wants me that's why they are all gone. It's only a matter of time till my mom is gone as well.
I drop myself from the chair and grab a teddy bear that's on the floor, clutching hard while sobs and muffled screams are coming out from my mouth.
I've never felt so alone before.
End of flashback.
Anyways, he did and here we are. Did I mention that my birthday is coming up soon? Well, it is. As you know by now, I hate celebrating it, not only because the people I wish could be here, singing me happy birthday and seeing me grow into a new chapter of my life, can't. They can't because they are dead. October third, the day I'll be turning seventeen. The day I would've gotten my first car because my father promised to buy me one. The day Cassie and I would have started our debutant experience. Well, I don't think I should look forward to that anymore, and either way, what would I do with a car anyway? My dad promised he would teach me how to drive but he's gone. It's not like I can crash a million cars to learn how to drive, can I? I'll let you know how everything goes.
Nina Morgan: 08:45
Thursday/September 29.
I release a long breath and wipe away the few tears that had fallen at the memory from a while back. God, I'm pathetic, why can't I just accept the fact that the people I used to care about are gone? One of them is back, that should be enough right?
I look up from the floor to my door, there is a knock. It's probably my mother, she did say she will be home soon enough.
"Come in," The door opens and I see a very dead Jacob standing in my doorframe.
I haven't seen him in almost two days and here he is, looking like he just got run over by a truck.
"Nina, can we talk?" He asks in a low voice, but loud enough for me to hear.
I nod and he starts walking towards my bed, taking a seat at the edge of it.
Jacob has never spoken to me in such a serious voice, and the fact that he looks like he hasn't sleep it's making me think the worst.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
Crawling his way towards me, I hug him. He looks likes he's about to burst out crying. His blue eyes flickered up to meet mine and they hold...panic?
What the heck did he do now?
"I-I swear, I don't know how it happened! I-i used it I swear-" I cut him off.
"Jacob! Would you quit using riddles with me and tell me what the fuck is going on? You are scaring me, seriously." I say, rather impatient and nervous at whatever is he has to say.
Something tells me it's isn't good though. His left leg starts shaking and he finally meets my eyes saying; "I got a girl pregnant."
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A/N: Jacob is in big trouble. What did you guys think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments and don't forget to vote!!!🤍✨