Baddies of the BAU
Derek: now hypothetically if I were to lets say, crash my car again, in a deserted area that I'm barely getting service in, what would one do? 👨🏾🦯
Hotch: Hypothetically? Morgan are you alright? Call 911?
Emily: Why is he allowed to drive?? Seriously third time isn't a charm?😧
Derek: My head is bleeding a lot😫 💀💀 r.i.p that cranium ayyeeee🙌🙌😋
Y/n: What the fuck is wrong with you😭😭
Reid: Head wounds tend to bleed more than anywhere else on the body, even if it's not a serious wound. Apply pressure to it and call for an ambulance.
Derek: w-what if I'm a shy sussy baka and don't want to? 🥺
Rossi: derek...kiddo..
Emily: Then bleed out we don't care you sussy bleeding baka🥺💋
JJ: my god..💀
Garcia: DEREK HONEY PLEASE CALL FOR HELP IM WORRIED ILL TRACK YOIR PHONE RIGHT NOW TO SEE WHERE YOU ARE:(((
Derek: I called guys lol what if my brain just falls out of my head rn that'd be so crazy 🥶🥶🤯
Hotch: Oh don't worry, nothing will fall out, I'm sure of it
Emily: PERIODT HOOLA HOOP YOU TELL HIM 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻
Rossi: Hoola hoop..?
Hotch: You know what, you guys have called me worse
Y/n: crotchy hotchy
Hotch: ^ ding ding ding
Derek: Damn i miss when you were reactive anytime we insulted you now you're just numb
Reid: Thats literally a sign of trauma.
Emily: ...
Emily: Reid respectfully, shut up
Derek: aarggghhh 🧟♂️, killed the mood
Hotch: As right as he is, I don't react because that's what you want. I'm not traumatized
Y/n: yeahhhhhh sure🤨🤨
Hotch: ..well not traumatized by THAT specifically 👍
Derek: Good thing i didn't total this car so I don't have to buy a new one!
Emily: You scare me, genuinely 😳
Rossi: Kiddo, I'm not helping you this time, you crashed that thing too many times you can't be so reckless we need you alive you know
JJ: Hes literally our dad i cannot that was such a dad thing to say mama rossi
Y/n: We corrupted hotch he has two roles to fill now😭
Derek: nah hotch still is daddy af no worries
Emily: KICK HIM OUT RN 😧😧😧
Derek: AYO AYO..?
Derek: nvm I did mean it like that actually AH 😝💘💘
Y/n: at least he's taking accountability..? Morgan plz💀
JJ: Derek😷 stop it
Hotch: if we all collectively ignore him he'll cave and stop probably
Derek: NEGLECT AND ABUSE THAT IS MANIPULATION AND NOT FAIR 😖😖👹
Hotch: AND YOU SEXUALLY HARASS ME???YOU NEED TO BE MANIPULATED MORGAN 🙄
Derek: Oh do I now😏😏
Emily: lost cause literally i cannot😭
Y/n: Scotchie Hotchie using the eye rolling emoji? Damn okayyyyy
Hotch: I do prefer scotch thats fitting actually
Emily: Scotch is nasty as fuck 😋🙌💃🏻💃🏻
Hotch: So is your attitude yet here we are
Derek: YOO HES NOT PLAYING😭
Hotch: Do not get me started on you
Rossi: Wine is superior
Emily: ^
Hotch: I like wine too, it's good
Reid: Scotch is such a straight mans drink.
Y/n: YOOO😭😭 SPENCE??
Reid: What?! It is!
Derek: No he's literally not wrong mans has been in the closet so long he's adapted straight ways 🥶🥶😵 tough out here 🤯🤯
Hotch: That is the only thing you've ever said that is actually correct, I can't believe I'm agreeing with you rn but its true
Emily: enemies to lovers 👀👀
Hotch: I rather crash MY car 👍
Emily: Please don't you have a wife and kids... wait....
Derek: OUT OFNPOCKTE BUT HEBEHEBE HAHAH PLEASE 😭😭
Emily: WAIT SIR IM GENUINWLY SORRY I WAS TWISTING A QUOTE OF SOMETHING AND THEN I REALIZED WHAT I SAID I WASNT BEING A MENANCE FOR ONCE KSVEJDJEJ
Hotch: I actually believe you so I accept your apology
Y/n: how's Jack in the box doing nowadays anyways 📦 👦
Emily: JACK IN YHE BOX Y/N OH MY GOD EJEBEJJEK NOO😭💀
Derek: Still working the case🥺🥺
JJ: DEREK
Hotch: No, just traumatized 🥺
JJ: YOOO💀💀 NAHH YALL FUCKED THIS MAN UP
Rossi: All that kid does is get himself hurt stg working the case gave him brain damage or smth
Emily: ROSSI???💀
Rossi: I am not wrong 🍝
Hotch: ..no you're right.. theres smth off about him tbh
Derek: HOTCH😭😭
Y/n: BRUTAL ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL THAT IS YOUR SON
Hotch: I say it out of love, I love him but.. he's not bright sometimes, he runs into walls constantly
Reid: Sometimes kids do stuff like that to seek attention they may not be getting from their parents.
Emily: i-... spencer💀💀
Derek: ..damn kid uh the mood.. STOP KILLING IT.
Hotch: Reid, you're my favorite, I don't wanna have to fist fight you
Reid: That sounded like a threat..?
Hotch: I'm joking, damn am I really that dry when I text?
Derek: yes
Emily: yes
Y/n: yes
JJ: yes
Garcia: yes
Reid: Yes.
Rossi: Yeah