Author's Note:
Hey. I'm so bored and uninspired at the moment, you won't believe it. Nevertheless, here is a new chapter for you to enjoy. This is also a little warning, I won't have much time in the next week or so to write, so there won't be many chapters, but I'm not stopping. It's just a warning. Two weeks max. I promise. Have a nice day. And maybe let me know if you have any ideas. Would be fun!
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Closing the door behind Daniel after they've spoken a little bit longer about other things than her father or Jules, it was nice to have Daniel back. There was a reason she considered him her annoying little, but older brother after all.
Joanna got her phone, only to text Max that Daniel had left and that they were cool again. His reply was a thumbs up and a little text, telling her that he would come over in about half an hour, which caused Joanna to send a thumbs-up back this time. Before carelessly throwing her phone on the bed and making her way over to the bathroom. Max had a keycard to her room after all.
Leaving the shower, Joanna wrapped herself tightly in a fluffy white hotel towel. Before reaching out to wipe over the fogged mirror. She watched her own reflection for a moment. A few marks from kart crashes were adoring her skin, but they've healed a long time ago. Sometimes she wondered if all the scratches and scars she had on her soul would ever show on her body, but her skin was unmarked except for the freckles around her nose.
Putting her hand on her still flat belly, Joanna wondered if people were able to see a change in her just yet. Maybe it was obvious for all around them but Max and Joanna. God, she hoped Max had no idea, but then again she didn't know if she wanted Max to know or not to know. Both seemed to be difficult.
The other flaws she couldn't stop herself from seeing are the dark circles under the eyes. Mindlessly, she touched the soft skin under her eyes while holding the towel tightly wrapped around her body with the other hand. Pinching the skin on her cheekbones for a moment, Joanna watched the movement of the door in the mirror only to show Max leaning against the doorframe, looking at Joanna with a found expression. The Austrian couldn't stop herself from smiling as Max took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her middle. Which made Joanna's breath catch in her throat.
"Oh, wow. A present for me to unwrap?" He questioned. Brushing her hair from one side to the other to have better access to her neck. Pressing soft kisses all over her throat.
"Eager much today?" Joanna replied trying her best to relax into his touch. There was no way for Max to know but her eyes were still on their reflection in the mirror.
"When not?" Max said an amused grin on his face.
They looked good together. Max wrapped around her back and looking over her shoulder. It was so fitting, it felt uncomfortable. She couldn't stop herself from wondering. Daniel barely survived Jules's death. What would happen to them? And with a baby. She couldn't do that. Joanna never really had something to fight for in her private life and now there would be two human beings she belonged to, it fucking scared her.
"I met Daniel. He seemed tired but relieved. Was your talk okay?" Max said after a moment in which he watched Joanna reaching out for her toothbrush, causing Max to let go of Joanna.
"We're good again. I might need to murder my father though." She said, watching Max undress from the corner of her eye while starting to brush her teeth. The Dutch stopped in his movements, only to laugh and shake his head, which caused Joanna to turn around to him.
"What?" She wanted to know.
"You and committing murder. I was going to say you're not made for prison, but you'll probably run the place by the time you can leave." Max said, which caused Joanna to turn around and box his shoulder. Not hard enough to actually hurt him, but it was to get a message across.
"No, I'm not that bad," Joanna exclaimed while moving her nose in this absolutely adorable way she always did when she tried to look angry rather than glance lovingly at Max.
"You hate it when you're not in control." Max pointed out, before stepping into the shower, while Joanna turned around to the sink again, brushing her teeth.
"Well, yeah. I rather do things myself." She muttered to herself but could hear Max laughed behind her.
The Dutch didn't waste much time getting ready for bed after his shower while Joanna went on with her skincare routine.
"There's something I wanted to ask you." Max started which caused Joanna to turn around to face Max, who smiled at her tenderly while wrapping a towel around his hips, the green skin mask on her face.
"My friends are planning to take me away for my birthday. I don't know where yet, St. Tropez or Ibiza, but in any case, I wanted to ask if you would like to come?" Max said while getting his own toothbrush, which caused Joanna to stand on tiptoes in order to kiss Max's cheek.
"So it's a booze holiday?" She questioned, while Max pulled her in his arms.
"It most definitely is." He truthfully answered which caused Joanna to laugh, not very tempted to come with him.
"But my sister would love to meet my girlfriend." He added, after letting go of Joanna in order to brush his teeth as well. Joanna had left it at this in favor to move to the bedroom and change into one of Max's t-shirts and her own sweatpants.
"All dressed today? Did I say something to upset you?" Max joked as he joined Joanna a little bit later on the bed. The Austrian had put her phone away as soon as she heard the door to the bathroom close behind Max. The younger Dutch didn't have to see his girlfriend google how many G-forces were all right for a baby in which month.
"To lazy to undress me again?" Joanna questioned which caused Max to smile at her, before climbing over her legs, to hover over her.
"Never." Max breathed out after diving down for a passionate kiss, which caused Joanna to tangle her fingers in her hair, pulling him back down again as soon as he had enough air.
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That night, long after Daniel had left her room with the promise to never again turn his back on her, and with Max fast asleep right next to her Joanna couldn't stop herself from review the last conversation with Jules in her head over and over again. She hadn't lied as she told Daniel that she felt responsible for Jules's death, because, in the end, it was the truth. One of the ugly things she will bury with herself.
Joanna should have known the moment Jules had called her in the middle of the night. She should have known the moment he allowed her into his hotel room, she should have known the moment she had seen all the pain medication and sleeping pills on the bed. she should have known the moment she had seen the raiser blades in the bathroom sink, but to Joanna Jules never seemed sick. He never seemed to need help. She simply thought he was going through a hard time.
"Why am I here? The race is tomorrow." She had asked a little bit impatient. Her arms crossed over her shoulders, while Jules sat down on the floor.
"Why does that matter? Why does anything matter?" Jules wanted to know, grinning lopsidedly at her, which caused Joanna to take in, in which state his hotel room was in. The many pills laying around scared the Austrian Ferrari driver, so she kneeled down next to Jules, a hand in his neck to force him to look up into her stormy grey eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong with you? Have you taken something?" Joanna asked, but Jules simply laughed while brushing her hands off. He didn't need Joanna to mother-hen him.
"That would be a boring way to go." He finally said, not moving while Joanna stared at him in shock. Daniel had said that Jules wasn't himself lately, but this was another level of crazy even for him. She played with the thought to call an ambulance, but in the end, she decided that she couldn't. The press would have a field day and Jules's carrier would be over forever. They were loyal to each other, she couldn't do that to him. Joanna didn't see back then that this would have been the only way to help him.
"Like writing a suicidal note, that's why you're here." Jules finally said, which caused Joanna to reach for her phone. Having troubles was one thing, but that was another thing. She was about to dial a number as Jules snatched her phone away.
"Hey! Give that back." She protested.
"No! I need you to listen. Call someone and I will end it before they're here." He threatened, which caused Joanna to stop fighting him. Maybe she should listen to him?
Now Joanna understood that she should have never listened to Jules's suicidal note, that she should have never promised him to tell all the people what he wanted them to know.
"The end has come and I'm not afraid." Jules had said, looking at Joanna, who didn't know what to do.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" Joanna wanted to know.
"You really don't know. Dan's not like us and he will never be. That's why I tell you. He wouldn't understand." He realized. Smiling at Joanna as if she was nothing more than a stupid kid.
"To the kids, who were never the first choice."
She should have never been stupid enough to believe the next day that he was fine, that he was doing better, that he had simply been fooling around. Jules fooled her, yes but, only to end his life the most dramatic way he could imagine.
The moment Joanna heard what happened, the moment Matteo had told her over the team radio she couldn't breathe. All she could think about was that she had the life of a human being on her conscience. It was her fault. She should have said something, she should have asked for help, but she didn't and now she was refusing to acknowledge her fault. Until today nobody had heard Jules's suicide note. Joanna was too scared to talk about the night before he died and now it was too late.
Getting out of bed, Joanna quietly opened the balcony door and stepped outside. She wanted to curse Jules and what he had done to them. She wanted to hate him for causing all this guilt but in the end, Joanna knew that it was her own fault and she will have to live with it.
Talking about Jules and the secret he burdened her with would only reopen old wounds. She couldn't bring herself to do that to Daniel. Telling him now would only be cruel. There was no need for that. Joanna was cruel enough to other people. All the mind games she played, all the people she hurt in order to come out on top.
"I do very bad things, and I'm doing them very well," Joanna whispered into the night, her hand resting on her belly. "I hope that will never hurt you."
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It was unusual that Nico Rosberg got involved in political games so openly. Yes, he liked to stir some shit and he was involved in a lot of things, but he never left his cover. This time, on the other hand, he was standing right in the open, waiting for his trap to end the victim.
After all these years, he was a seasoned player and he knew when the time was right to talk and when it was better to shut up, play dumb and watch the world burn, but today, he was about to set the world on fire himself.
"He's waiting for you now." The sweet-looking girl told him, which caused Nico to present her with a charming smile, thanking her shortly before getting up from his seat in the waiting area and walking over to the office door.
"Nico." He was simply greeted with a handshake before Jean Todt offered him a seat, which the German took.
"What can I do for you today?" The smaller man asked, shortly gazing at some documents, which were laying on his desk, before folding his hands and looking at Nico expectantly.
He still could simply chicken out. Tell the FIA president that it was a pressing matter, but he knew that he needed to do that. For Lewis when not for the rest of them.
He divorced her for Lewis, but it didn't work out in the end. They were too damaged. Too much blood has been spilled in their fights, too many tears have been shed, too much pain has been caused, but Nico would be damned if he couldn't give Lewis one last parting gift. A little more tolerance and protection from the FIA should there ever be problems because of his sexuality. Nico knew it wasn't much, but it was something and maybe Lewis would thank him for it one day.
"It's about Niki Lauda. I would like you to make sure he understands that outing a driver is a terrible idea. For that person and for the sport."
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Thirty minutes later, Nico left the FIA HQ again. The race was over, the teams were packing away their supplies and cars, ready to ship everything off to the next country, which would host them. It was ridiculous. Treating the world as if they had a second one laying around somewhere in the storage. Another reason why it was time to go, Nico realized bitterly.
Walking around the corner, where I was a little bit darker, Nico got his phone from his pocket carelessly flipping through his massages.
"It's done. Jean makes sure that nobody gets outed. Ever." Nico said as unbothered as humanly possible, which caused Joanna to push herself away from the wall and step into the light next to Nico.
"Thank you. I own you one." The Austrian said, a hand on Nico's shoulder, which caused the German to look up from his phone to face her.
"Nah, your father is an asshole threatening to out Dan. The one time it was even a pleasure for me." Nico told her, his eyes honest for once.
"But hold up your end of the bargain, Lauda." The German said after a moment of silence, causing Joanna to nod.
"I will look out for Lewis like I promised," Joanna replied with a soft smile on her lips. She always knew that Nico loved Lewis in his own fucked up way, but when it mattered most, Nico wanted to know Lewis is protected and has his army on people to take his side.
"You know, it's never too late to apologize and rekindle a relationship." Joanna tried, which caused Nico to snort.
"Don't tell me you want to get on your father's good side." The German frowned, which caused Joanna to watch him sadly. Lewis and Nico could have been such a power couple, should they ever make it work.
"Although you're annoying and hurt my friend's feelings for years, I will miss you," Joanna told him, getting on her tiptoes to press a kiss against Nico's cheek, which caused the German to blush a little bit.
"Once there was a time when we all were friends. I regret pulling away so much from you guys." The German said, his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans.
"It's never too late to come back though," Joanna said, before smiling at him once more and walking away. Leaving the older German with his thoughts.
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Nursing a cup of coffee while waiting for her private jet, Joanna groaned as Kiwi told her that it would take a little bit longer due to the terrible weather outside. The waiting area wasn't that bad, but it wasn't really private, which displeased Joanna.
Andrew was sitting next to her with their hand luggage, joking that they could fit a workout in while they waited, which got him an unimpressed look from the younger Austrian as Kiwi returned with some weird-ass tea, which supposedly helped with nausea. Just smelling the strange brew was enough to make Joanna feel irritated again.
"It will help and as soon as we're at home we'll get you checked out by a doctor." The older Aussie said, her expression still worried, while she shoved the tea under Joanna's nose, causing the Austrian to swat her hand away before getting up.
"I just need some fresh air." She said, gesturing at Andrew to sit down again as the Canadian stood up to follow her. Sharing a glance with Kiwi he wanted to protest, but Joanna had already left the room.
Stepping outside onto the balcony, the Austrian was thankful for a moment of peace and the sunroof, which protected her from the tropic monsoon. Watching a thunderstorm and smelling the heavy rain claimed Joanna's nervous stomach down, causing her to close her eye for a moment, her hand subconsciously moving over her belly while she took a deep breath.
"The little pieces of information you lost intentionally, did you achieve the desired result?" A familiar voice asked from behind Joanna which caused the Austrian to slowly remove her hand from her belly. Jenson didn't need to know.
"Quite. Why?" She replied, not turning around to face him. Jenson tended to observe and watch body language like nobody else. He was good at ready people, the best Joanna knew.
"I was wondering. Was your speculated move to Mercedes also part of your little game?" He asked which caused Joanna to shrug.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Lewis and Nico are the Mercedes drivers. A lot would have to happen to change that, don't you think?"
Watching Joanna's back for a moment, her body language told him nothing, but Jenson was used to it. With Joanna, it wasn't her body but her face which told him what he needed to know and they both knew that.
"I think that there is a possibility on the driver's market. A very good one, but no one takes it because they think you're out to get it." Turning around to face Jenson, Joanna smiled at him shortly.
"I don't intend to sign with another team." She told him and Jenson could read in her eyes that Joanna wasn't lying which confused him. It didn't fit. Everyone knew Joanna was unhappy at Ferrari and Jenson would have bet his left arm that Joanna would find a new team for next year. But now she was standing right before him, telling Jenson that she wouldn't sign another contract.
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Walking back inside, Joanna realized that the room was buzzing with people. About half of the Red Bull team was sitting in one corner, Daniel and Max in the middle of them, with other drivers like Lewis, Nico, Jenson, Fernando, and a few more shattered all around the room.
Kiwi was the first one to see her, which caused the Aussie to almost run over to her in the most dramatic way, which caused Joanna to snort, while all eyes were on them. They were all bored and some entertainment was always interesting.
"Where were you for so long? I was worried." Was the first thing the Aussie said, before trusting a cup of the weird tea into her hand and gesturing for Andrew to come over as well. The Candian performance coach was holding various different sandwiches and other snacks.
"I was out in the fresh air like I said," Joanna muttered weakly, not in the mood to argue with Kiwi right now.
"God, what you always make me go through with you. You are soaking wet, darling. That won't help you recover. I should have sent you to a doctor the moment you first threw up." The Aussie complained while Joanna watched unbothered, but she did allow Kiwi to wrap her into her jacket and rub over her shoulder to help her warm up. Joanna wasn't soaking wet, her clothes were damp if any.
Andrew offered her the snacks to choose from but Joanna just shook her head. She was not hungry.
"You need to eat something," Andrew said this time, normally it was kiwi, who fussed over the 25-year-old Ferrari driver, but if even Andrew saw reason to order her to do something, people knew that shit was about to get real.
"I'm not hungry. Still." Joanna said before flopping down on the couch, where they were sitting before. All she wanted to do was sleep, which caused Kiwi to nod after the Austrian promised to drink the tea.
In the end, Joanna had fallen asleep before she had even taken one sip from the tea, which caused Kiwi to groan in frustration. Normally, she would trust Joanna with how much and what she wanted to eat, but as of lately, Kiwi wasn't sure her younger friend managed to hold anything longer than a few minutes in her stomach. Reaching out to feel her forehead, the Aussie shared a worried look with Andrew, who was sitting on Joanna's other side.
"She's burning up," Kiwi told him, which caused Andrew to organize some ice cubes and a towel, so they would be at least able to cool her down from the outside a little bit.
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Waking up again, Joanna squinted her eyes at the strange lighting in the room until she realized that they were still at the airport, most of the people were now asleep or busy with their phones. It must have been the middle of the night.
"Want a bite?" Rubbing her eyes, Joanna gazed to her left, where someone offered her a sandwich, which caused Joanna to look over at Max, who was unbothered eating his sandwich right next to her.
"No," Joanna muttered still a little bit sleepy. Gazing around Joanna saw Andrew and Kiwi cuddled together on the other side of Max, which caused her to smile softly.
"Why are you over here and not with your team?" Joanna asked, sitting up a little bit more. She would have loved to just snuggle into Max's arms, but there were far too many people from the paddock here too so openly show their affection for each other.
"I felt bad for Kiwi. She could barely keep her eyes open but didn't want to fall asleep if it meant no one could keep an eye on you and I just woke up from my nap. Well, and Daniel's snoring is terrible." Nodding at that, Joanna gave in to her instincts and leaned her head against Max's shoulder. She was so tired and drained.
"We're not going home anytime soon, are we?" Joanna asked, while Max happily chewed on his sandwich. Shrugging the shoulders once, he handed Joanna the sandwich, which caused her cautiously to take a bite. Chewing longer than necessarily Joanna swallowed the bite of the sandwich down, while Max opened a bag of chips right next to her, trying his best not to show how proud he was that it was him, who managed to get Joanna to eat something.
"The lady said the thunderstorm will be over by tomorrow morning. Then maybe we can fly home." Groaning softly, Joanna finished the half sandwich Max hand forced into her hands before she fell asleep again, this time cuddled up against Max's side, who was sitting next to her totally unbothered with all the other people seeing them like that, but Joanna knew that he felt better like that as well. Watching Joanna suffer from across the room with no way to help was Max's worst nightmare.
The only other time she woke up was as Daniel flopped down next to them after tugging them under a blanket. "Don't want you to get cold." He muttered as he saw that Joanna was awake and looking at him. Smiling softly, Joanna was so glad that things were getting better between the two of them again. Moving up to press a messy kiss against his temple Joanna thanked him, which caused Daniel to snicker.
"Wow, woman! Your man is right next to you." Daniel laughed, which caused Joanna to shake her head fondly, before cuddling back into Max's side and allowing Daniel to rest his head in her lap.
"I've dealt with him. Nobody will ever even breathe a word about Jules or you." Joanna told Daniel, which caused the Aussie to nod, knowing that she could feel him move in her lap, but he didn't say anything. Most likely deep in thoughts about Jules.
"It will get better. I'm here for you. We're here for each other." Joanna muttered while brushing her hand over his shoulder before she fell asleep again as well.