Lilith opens her eyes, her vision adjusting to the dim light of the castle's drapes. The dark clouded around her head as she spun towards an open window. A candlelight flickered softly at nothing in particular. Sitting at her vanity, it indulged in conversation with the reflective glass across it.
Wait...
She takes in her surroundings again, and something isn't right. For one, she's in her old bedroom. Where the bed was wide and long, with velvet blankets and cushions lined out neatly around the mattress. The bed she used to sleep in back when she was married.
The curtains are still intact. And she specifically remembers ripping them out. Across from her are her changing room panels, with dresses hanging at the sides. It's not the dresses she's taken to wearing the last few weeks. Those had become less eye catching and more comfortable to say the least.
She's... in the castle.
Why is she in the castle?
Lilith was in the hospital. She and the others had ended up there. She's nearly certain she had. Or, at least, that was the last thing she remembered.
Whatever the case was, she should not be back in the castle. Much less her old bedroom. Where she no longer slept. And where everything was back to where it was.
...
Everything...
Was back...
To where it was...
That didn't make sense.
She searches the contents of the room, trying to make as much sense as she could from the resources she had.
There are... declarations. Demand for certain items, price changes, wait. She's written these before. And they're all dating back to.... no. No, that didn't make sense. None of this made sense!
She can't have gone back this far. Or even back at all!
She's dreaming. She had to be. Why else would she end up here?
Surely she was only dreaming.
The missing posters on her desk made her stomach churn and she immediately felt sick. She squeezed the fabric of her dress tightly. Breathing hammering in her chest as she took a step back from her desk.
No. No, that didn't make sense. Her daughter is safe. Her daughter was in the castle, in her room with her siblings. She's safe and protected and not dead.
She's not missing. She... she found her. She's not dead. She isn't in danger. She's safe. She's safe. She's safe. She's safe.
She needs to remember that.
"You're a mess." a cold voice calls from behind her.
She's most definitely dreaming.
You're dreaming, she promised herself. You're dreaming. He's not here, you know that. He's under the boiling sea. He's under there rotting away with the same curse he placed on your sister. You cursed him. He's underneath the ground far away from you and He's. Not. Here.
Belos is not here. Her ex-husband is not here. He is not here. That is not possible.
"You're not here. You cannot hurt me."
"What in heaven's name are you talking about?"
Breathe. She has to breathe. She has to remember that he's not there. That this is all a dream and her memories are taunting her. None of this is real and she's going to wake up soon.
She's going to wake up soon.
"I tore you apart. I cut off your hands, your tongue and buried you in the depths of the Boiling Sea. I also cursed you with the very curse you placed on my sister. You have no power over me."
He rolls his eyes, the silhouette of his figure looming over her. Casting a great shadow that she tries not to think about.
He scoffs at her, and she bites her tongue. She tries her best not to cower, or shake or tremble in front of him.
He's not here. He's not here. He's not here.
"You're clearly delusional. Has our daughter's disappearance affected you greatly?" he insulted her.
"What?" was all she could stammer out.
"Well you've been falling apart for the last few months over this... child."
He held out one of the missing posters sprawled out on her desk. Dangling it in her face as if to mock her.
She held her urges in check. Making sure she did not behave violently or out of turn.
She's dreaming. But that was okay. She's going to wake up soon.
"You seem to have lost yourself."
"You can't hurt me," she breathed out, trying to convince herself that all of it was a dream.
It's all a dream. It's a dream. Amity is safe. She's safe and she's no longer with the Blights. She's no longer in danger and she's safe.
Her daughter is safe. She's not dead. She's not a Blight and she's back in the castle.
She's safe.
"You're delusional, dear. Grief has made you lose your sense. Wake up from whatever fantasy you have created and accept the fate the titan has given to us."
Do not fall for his words. She is not delusional. She knows that the last few months were real. The last few years were real. The grief, the pain, the love was all real. It was real and she isn't delusional! She's not!
...Right?
...right?
She's not delusional.
Taking a step back, she tries to create more space between them. But he gets closer, and her breath hitches in her throat and her heart hammers. Like a war drum it dances and violently echoes.
This is a dream. She has to remember that this is a dream.
Or is it?
Lilith... isn't sure anymore.
What if this wasn't a dream? What if she had indeed created this narrative in her mind? What if all of this was in her head? What if her daughter was dead, and Amity was a Blight and her sister was still cursed and she was still here?
What if grief had indeed made her delusional?
A hand grasps her shoulder. They're sharp, cold, and they tightly coil there. Digging into the fabric of her dress and they hold onto her too tight.
Maybe she was delusional.
No. Amity can't be dead. She can't be gone. She was in the castle. She was home. Her daughter was safe and tucked so safely in bed. Her daughter shouldn't be dead.
It could not do this to her again.
The hand on her shoulder is holding onto her too tight. He's looking down at her so evilly and so upset it makes her stomach twist and turn. The missing posters make her feel sick and suddenly, she can't breathe.
A part of her wonders if he'll go for her neck. Or if his gloves will stab her neck again. The anticipation of waiting for him to hurt her was enough to strangle her alone.
"No. No- no! No, that's not right. She's not gone! She's here, sh-she's safe! She's away from you and... and..."
Lilith hates that uncertainty sinks into her voice like honey. She hates that he frowns at her, silently degrading her. And the longer his hand lingers on her the more and more she wants to scream.
Her daughter is not dead. Her daughter is not dead. Her daughter is not dead. Her daughter is not dead. Her daughter is not dead. Her daughter is not dead. Her daughter is not dead-
She has to remember that.
She has to hold onto that.
"She is gone, Lilith. You must accept the Titan's will."
"SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP." she bellowed at the top of her lungs, hands flying to the sides of her heads as she covered her ears.
His voice rings in her. She's gone. She's gone.
That wasn't right. It wasn't! This wasn't supposed to happen.
"She's gone, Lilith. It is a sacrifice the titan gladly accepts."
"MY DAUGHTER'S DISAPPEARANCE WAS NOT A SACRIFICE! SHE DID NOT DESERVE WHAT HAPPENED TO HER."
Tears roll down her cheeks and she falls to the ground. Bringing her hands to her ears, she tried to drown out the man's words.
It's too loud, there's too many familiar horrible memories. There are too many words. There's too much pain. There's not enough air and too much pain and Lilith doesn't know what to do.
He speaks again, and Lilith presses her hands closer to her body.
"You need to accept that she is gone."
"STOP IT. I DEMAND YOU TO STOP."
He doesn't, Belos has never listened to her. Consent wasn't exactly a thing in their marriage. If you could even call it that. Those words have meant nothing to him and always would. Belos has always used her. And today was no different.
His words keep ringing in her ears. Her daughter is gone, her daughter is dead and the titan accepts a sacrifice she was never meant to give and she hates him. She hates the titan, she hates the world, she hates everyone!
Her vision blurs, tears staining the vision of her eyes. She can't see the sun. She needs to see the sun. It's too dark, too loud, too suffocating and how is she supposed to be the moon without her sun?
She screams.
Something is filling her lungs, and she cannot breathe. The air is quite thin, and her chest aches. It's all too much. There's too much going on and not enough time to process.
She can't stop screaming. Her throat strains, aches, and begs her to stop. But the cries slip past her lips like wisps of dandelion petals. The sensation of falling overcame her body and Lilith cannot help but feel like she is plummeting into the sea.
She can still hear his voice.
"All this fuss over one, insignificant child..."
His hand tilts her chin, silencing her cries. His hands are cold, they're always cold. The metal of his gloves rested too familiarly at her face. Lightly stabbing the sides of her jaw, she trembled when he drew closer.
"How pathetic."
Her eyes flutter open and she screams.
Something glares into her eyes, her surroundings covered in a strange sort of light. Squinting, she tried to make sense of her surroundings. A strange beeping noise rapidly sped up, making her head spin even more.
"Empress!" a voice called out.
It was a dream.
It was a dream...
Right?
"Where is my daughter?" she croaked. Titan her throat is dry.
Too dry. Too painful.
"Please calm down, your grace-" There's a ringing in her head, it's awful and too loud.
Too dry. Too painful. Too bright. Too loud.
"Is she alright? Is she safe? I need to see-"
A healer laid a hand on their shoulder, and Lilith immediately yanked it away. Hissing at the contact of her bandaged shoulder. The healer sighed, pressing her chest down back to the bed.
Too dry. Too painful. Too bright. Too loud. Too close.
They sighed, "Your daughter is okay. There is no news of the princess being hurt. Now please calm down! Your heart rate is speeding up!"
Too dry. Too painful. Too bright. Too loud. Too close. Too much.
Lilith lay her head back onto the bed, taking in slow breaths to calm her heart. Everything was whirling around in one speedy motion and she did not like that in the slightest. Anger and worry whirled inside of her, and she bites back a snarl.
"Your daughter is safe."
"You don't know that," she snapped, hissing at the pain that suddenly arose in her chest.
The healer had none of it, forcing her back down before she made another attempt to get up.
"I do. I've received letters from Kikimora. She's sent daily reports on the princess and she is entirely alright. You need to rest if you wish to recover from your wounds."
"My wounds are fine."
"You have internal bleeding."
"That's where the blood's supposed to be."
"Empress-"
Lilith let out a stubborn growl, baring her teeth. Gaining another glare from the already tired witch. Reluctantly giving in, she lay her head back on her pillow.
Everything is too dry. Too painful. Too bright. Too loud. Too close. Too much.
The lights blared too closely to her eyes. Static invades her skin but she does her damn best to suck it up and not say anything.
Besides, the mental pain was far worse.
"I will be back. I need to get your medication and some water. Is there anything you would like to request?"
Her throat is too dry. Her head is too loud. She wants to cry and she wants to go back home to make sure her daughter is sleeping on her bed. Not to mention to check that she was still alive.
But she can't ask for that, could she?
"No. That will be all."
"Right. Of course."
Waiting for the sounds of a door clicking, and the chime of disappearing footsteps, she began to soothe the sides of her face. Running her hands through her cheeks and forehead. Cold fingertips grazed over her wet cheeks.
She hadn't realized that she had been crying.
"Just great," she grumbled.
Lilith wished she was home. She wished to hold Amity again. She wished to see if Edalyn was okay. Whether Ed and Em were taking their talk therapies with Amity. Making sure to create clear and constant boundaries with one another. Whether they were trying to be better siblings or not.
Lilith had been very clear about that.
Yet another part of her thought that as soon as Edalyn realized what she did, she was going to get hit to the Knee and back.
In retrospect, she sort of deserved that.
How long had she even been out? Surely if it was enough time to contact Kikimora of all people, it would be for a while.
She grumbled at the thought. She was going to get an earful from Edalyn when she returned. She was not looking forward to that.
But she was looking forward to seeing Amity again. And she looked forward to seeing Edric and Emira as well.
She looked forward to seeing her children again.
These thoughts were able to ward off her nightmares easily. Though she can say these were one of her mild nightmares. The ones that didn't involve his more... violent approaches.
...It was best not to think about it.
It's better to not remember how she got her scars in the first place.
She grasped at where the spell had hit her heart, and she wondered if her magic was still somewhat intact. Whether she even had magic left at all.
Sighing, a hand fell to the roots of her hair. Lightly tugging and massaging it to release any unwanted tension. Lilith supposed she should focus on recovering soon. Ugh.
The thought of taking care of herself felt annoying. No matter, it was fine. She'll get better soon, and then she can go home.
And maybe sort out some living arrangements.
Looking up, she let the mellow sadness crawl up to her features. The ache of everything settled as everything continued to be too loud for comfort. Too bright, too buzzing and too much.
Amity was okay.
She was in her room, under a bundle of weighted blankets and an Otabin plush. Wearing the sunflower pendant and dresses she had left her. She was smiling with Luz and joking with Willow. She and Gus were discussing literature by William Snakespeare.
She was okay. Amity was just fine.
She's probably planning therapy appointments and studying for her tests. Perhaps contacting Bump and her teachers to catch up on schoolwork. She was probably staring up at her ceiling, counting the stars. Trying to remember the memories taken from her. And...
Amity was okay.
She had to be okay.
Because Lilith doesn't know what she'd do if she wasn't.
--x--
Kikimora remembers many things.
She remembers seeing a young girl walk through the doors of the castle, excited for her training. She remembers praying for her soul when she started climbing that ranks. For when she would eventually unveil the horrors that were to come.
She can recall a lot of memories about Lilith. She often remembers these instead of her own, because she finds them easier to manage.
She remembers her coronation. The dresses, the etiquette classes, the history lessons and all the exhausting nights filled explaining things like trades, affairs and declarations. Kiki remembers nights filled with teaching her the art of hosting balls, greeting guests, attending meetings and everything in between.
The tears, the passing out, the frowning, the crying, all of it.
Kikimora had witnessed everything for the creation of the perfect empress. And it was not a fond one to witness.
The more... easier things to witness had been seeing her become a mother.
When Kikimora had a first row seat to the entire journey of the first empress, she had taken her time to process the details. She had seen her enter the coven for the first time, she had witnessed her dancing, her singing and her engagement. She had witnessed her trying to juggle all her new found responsibilities of being empress and head coveness all at once. She's seen the ugly and the beautiful, and the journey was somewhat interesting.
She witnessed much of her pain, much of her depression and much of her crying. Lilith was not a happy woman, and Kikimora knew this well.
When it had been first announced that the empress bore a child, she expected her to be frightened. To be stressed and terrified or even upset. It was his child, and her child would become a princess. She expected her to resent the child, just as she resented her husband.
So you can imagine her surprise when she was elated of all things.
"What do you think she'll look like?" she asked her, practically jumping in her seat.
Kikimora rolled her eyes, she was not fond of children. And she's always been honest with Lilith, so she finds no need to sugarcoat it.
"She's a child. She's going to be loud, fussy, messy and a handful. Not to mention annoying," she complained.
There is truth to this. She knows this well.
Her sarcasm did not seem to put her down in the slightest. Instead she beamed, looking out the window in glee. The tips of her eyes creased as she grinned widely. Laying her hands on her stomach yet again.
Kikimora has not seen her smile in a very long time. It looked so foregin on her lips.
"Do you think she'll have curly hair?" she asked instead.
"...You seem excited."
The empress answered her quickly, "I'm elated."
"Empress, are you not terrified?" she inquired.
She pondered the thoughts, holding onto the bump that formed on her stomach. Her face relaxed as she sunk into the cushions of the chair. Staring at it in great joy, she soon turned to the smaller woman.
"Not really, why do you ask?"
"Most noble women are often terrified to have children. And those who had bad relationships with their mothers are even less thrilled when learning they are to become one."
Things like this made it increasingly clear Lilith was not of high society. She was learning, and was quick, but it was still so terribly obvious. Her constant worry about the general public was one of them. The other was her constant worrying in general.
Another thing was that she never truly thought before taking action. And unlike her criminal sister, she wasn't as experienced in getting out of the messes she got in. Noble women were always calculating, always analytical and they knew to clean up the messes they made.
But she's learning. Kikimora assumes that's better than no progress at all.
"I am terrified, yes," she admits, "but I'm more excited than anything else. I'm going to be a mother! The thought is wonderful on it's own."
Her face frowns, and Kikimora wonders if she's done something wrong.
The monarch shakes her head, "I am terrified that I may screw up. And I just know I'm going to fall short in a thousand different ways. But... I'm going to try. And that's already more than she ever did."
The way she referred to Gwendolyn was filled with poison and venom. And rightfully so.
"I'll be damned if I turn out like my mother. I'd rather die than end up like her."
A kindling fire rises in her eyes, one with determination and resilience. Kikimora disliked Lilith greatly, just as much as she despised her. But one thing she did admire about the empress was her ambition.
"My daughter is going to have a good life. She's going to be loved, she's going to have all the opportunities in the world and I'm going to love her regardless of what she chooses or what she becomes. I'll be there for everything, and I'm going to try my absolute best to be a good mother."
The empress looked youthful again, no longer bearing the ridiculous maturity in her soul.
Lilith was far too young when she had entered their ranks. Far too young to be married. Far too young to take the responsibilities of an empress. Far too young to become a head coveness.
She had never truly lived. And a part of her pitied the younger woman.
It was supposed to be her chance of living. Of loving and to keep grounded.
It was supposed to be good.
It wasn't supposed to be so painful to watch.
But then she had lost her, and she knew full well that even with her return, it was something she would never recover from.
There were moments, of course. Moments she would cry. Moments she was terrified and lonely and far too worried for her own good.
"What if he hurts her?"
Kikimora is much older than she'd like to admit, and she has seen many things. This was undoubtedly one of the more painful ones.
Some idiot had slipped up. Some fool had run his mouth and said "If he has no remorse for hurting his wife, he'll have no remorse for his daughter." And it had ended in crying and Kikimora personally had the pleasure of ripping him from his humility.
The empress was in tears, and now she's terrified that her child is going to be hurt, and Kiki really didn't feel like dealing with her at the moment.
"He's not going to hurt her."
"What if he does?"
"He isn't-"
"He was a fool for telling me, yes, but he had a point. If he has no remorse for hurting his wife, what kind of sick thing would he do to my daughter?"
...
Kikimora doesn't know.
She does not answer her, she ponders the thought because she knows Belos well. She knows that he is bitter, broken, and looking for comfort. He's looking for someone to take it out on and Lilith isn't enough. Lilith isn't enough to take all of his hits, all of his anger, and he will go for the princess. The fact that it was his own child would only excuse his actions further.
It's a horrible thought, but an honest one no less.
"...I'm not sure. Empress."
"What if I can't protect her?"
"...I think you should get some sleep, Empress. You look quite tired."
Kikimora did not like Lilith. Lilith was not an easy person to get along with. Lilith was stubborn, short tempered, wore her heart on her sleeve and had both a savior and inferiority complex all at once.
But she was a woman deserving of respect, and though she liked to torment the woman, she ultimately respected the woman for getting as far as she did.
Being a head coveness, an empress, the wife of the emperor and a gooe mother all at once was unthinkable to Kikimora. If you had asked her 27 years ago if she thought it was possible, she'd laugh in your face. Explain that it was delusional and walk away. Leaving you to process your shame.
But Lilith had proved her wrong, and though it was against her will, she did a remarkable job for someone forced into that position.
Kikimora takes in another breath, inhaling the fumes in her chest. Before letting it past her lips.
Lilith is not likable. She is annoying, chatty and Kikimora disliked her greatly.
But she is a woman deserving of respect.
And she will give it to her.
—x—
15 days.
Lilith had been gone for 15 days.
That's 2 weeks, 1 day and 5 hours. Not counting the seconds and minutes. But that's besides the point. The point was that Lilith Clawthorne, Amity's mother, had been gone for 15 days.
And it is a nightmare.
No one comes when she cries. When she shrieks and runs frantically into her mother's bedroom only to find she's not there.
And bundling under her blankets on her bed just isn't the same.
The owl lady- auntie is not much help. Neither is Luz or her siblings even if she knows they're trying. And it isn't that she doesn't appreciate it! She really does! It's just....
Lilith is her safety blanket. Lilith is familiar and soft and reliable. Lilith is her mother. Lilith is the moon to her sun and the melodies of the sea. Lilith is peace and Lilith is unconditional love.
And it is not something so easily replaced or compared to.
But Lilith has left her gifts in replacement until her return. Her favourite being a sunflower pendant with the back engraved with the words "my sunshine" in clean cursive writing. It helps to run her hands through it. The cold metal soothed the burning of her skin and comforted her when she felt the engraving in the shape of her favourite flower. Not to mention it helped her stim. Keeping her hands busy so that she didn't grab her hair.
Amity shoved her face closer to the pillow of her mother's bed. Which smelt of soft lavender and lilac. Under several weighted blankets and her Otabin plush tucked under her arm, she groaned in frustration.
The nightmares kept getting worse. She kept losing Lilith over and over again. The next dream was always bloodier than the last, and Amity didn't get the luxury of reassuring her that she was still home. That if she opened the door, her mom would be there. And tell her to spend the night instead if she was scared. She didn't get to have that and it was incredibly frustrating.
Her dreams aren't even about her anymore.
It's just... losing Lilith in a million different ways. All of them involving Belos, who taunted her every time he drove his staff deeper and deeper into her heart regardless of how loud Amity screamed at him to stop.
...Perhaps this was the separation anxiety Luz was talking about.
It wasn't like she couldn't function without her mom. She could! Really! She just... felt safer, and more at peace...
And maybe she relied a little bit too much on her for comfort. But that wasn't a bad thing!
Right?
...Who's she kidding? She's way too attached to her mother.
She supposes that's what happens when you're the least favoured child for 12 years straight. So really, it's entirely the fault of Alador and Odalia Blight. Not her. Amity is not at fault for clinging onto the only adult willing to accept her for what she was.
...She should really get out of bed.
Scuffling out of the sheets, she grabbed onto her old music box and turned the handle. Humming the tune as she forced herself out of bed. The cold hit her immediately, and she shivered slightly as she stretched. Ruffling her hair, she let her feet fall onto the ground.
Quickly getting dressed, she made her way out of her room. Roaming the halls aimlessly just as she did every morning.
It helped get rid of the jitters.
Fiddling with her pendant, she made it to a particularly earthy side of the castle. A small garden blooming with mostly harmless plants.
Amity remembered this garden. This is where most of her dreams had taken place, if she's not mistaken. She doesn't remember much but... she knows this is a safe place. This was a happy place.
This was where she and Lilith spent most of their day in the past.
The sunflower field is a dead give away.
Nose itching, a hint of tobacco reached her senses. Causing her to cough in retaliation. She wasn't too fond of the smell. To be fair, not a lot of people did.
The smell was familiar, yet not something she commonly associated with her previous life.
"I remember the last time you did that. Your mother was upset with me for an entire week over it," a small voice snickered behind her.
Amity blinked in surprise, rapidly turning around to see Kikimora looking up at her. Holding a long pipe with a cigarette attached to the end. Amity fidgeted with her pendant even more as guilt rose in her chest.
Punting someone in the face is never a good idea, she reminded herself.
What did she mean by "the last time?" She didn't remember ever doing that.
...Oh. Right. She was there when she was born. A part of her scrowled at that, to think someone had more of your memories than you did. And that she must have known something to do with her disappearance. She was in parliament after all, and in the Emperor's favor.
Kikimora shrugged, "You seem awfully quiet. I'm going to assume that you had a bad dream."
Amity crossed her arms, "And why would you assume that, exactly?"
"Your mother would come here when she had nightmares. And seeing as you take after her in great numbers, I assumed you would do the same."
Amity straightened her shoulders slightly, deciding to take the comment as a compliment. It was... comforting to know she was like Lilith. And not like the other three.
No, the other three quite literally failed in every possible way when it came to parenting her. Neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, attempted assassination. The list could go on.
"I thought you'd be the first one out when Belos lost the throne," she bit back instead.
Kikimora only chucked, putting out her cigarette. She looked at her up and down before getting closer to her. Despite her small size, she carried her head up high. Amity thinks that's at least a respectable trait.
"Well," she sighs, "A lot of people assumed that. But I'm not really one to stick to something. I simply-"
"Pick the winning side?"
Kiki didn't seem as offended as she thought she'd be. Instead she smiled smugly, rolling her eyes at her. Amity found offense to this, and contemplated her rights as a princess.
...Right. She needed to remember that last bit.
"Clever child," she complimented. Amity had none of it.
"That's not okay."
"Survival for the fittest, my dear. I'm sure your family would agree with me."
"Mother wouldn't."
Kikimora smiled, humming in a strange satisfaction Amity did not understand.
"You really are Lilith's daughter."
Amity rubbed her hand, muttering under her breath, "It's better than being his."
There are signals of sympathy sent towards her, but Amity's already gotten plenty of those. Everyone seemed to pity her nowadays.
It's not something she needed. It wouldn't take back the curse. It wouldn't take back all the horrible things that happened. It wouldn't get rid of the memories, the fear or the threats.
Pity was useless. And she wasn't something to pity.
"I suppose that is true. While I'm not fond of either of your biological parents, I'll say that I did have a preference for your mother."
She raised an eyebrow, "I thought you hated my mom."
Kikimora chuckled, playfully nudging with the end of her cigarette holder. Amity flinched away from her. Glaring at the shorter woman, she huffed in annoyance.
The dwarf demon continued to not care. Only putting away her cigarette holder into thin air.
"Now, now, princess. I don't hate your mother. I enjoy bullying and invading her personal space sometimes. But I do not despise your mother. I do not despise your father either."
Amity's stomach churns at her words. Belos is not her father. He does not deserve that title. Not when he did nothing to be her father. Not when he ruined everything and nearly killed her and her family.
He deserved to die. And Amity hated him beyond words could convey.
"Besides," the woman spoke, snapping her out of her thoughts. "I don't hate the people I work for."
Amity questioned her yet again. Tension slowly morphing into curiosity.
"Didn't you work for Belos?"
The woman shrugged like it was a casual thing, "I found a way to be powerful and not be a target. Just enough to be in the emperor's favour, but not in his grasp. I was part of the Emperor's court. As well as the Empress'. And a long time ago, I was in the Princess' court. Your court, to be exact."
That was indeed clever. Amity could give her that.
The words "the Princess' Court" stuck out to her the most. The thought of having an entire court was frightening to Amity. To be responsible for an entire court of the most powerful witches in the entire Boiling Isles, was petrifying.
...This was exactly how her mom felt, wasn't it?
She had been thrown into the high power of the Emperor's Coven. Knowing nothing about how anything worked, and yet she was expected to be responsible for the entire population of the Boiling Isles in a matter of months.
She probably felt much worse. Unlike Amity, who had taken schooling in nobility, her mother did not have that luxury. She had to start from scratch, and all of her mistakes were documented and recorded. Permanently there for anyone to use against her at any moment's notice.
Lilith must have been terrified.
Amity's thoughts were cut short yet again. Dusting her uniform, Kikimora turned towards the door. Motioning towards the threshold. Almost like it was an invitation.
"Well I'm going for a short walk," she announced, "If you have any more questions regarding your mother, I wouldn't mind answering them."
Amity takes up the offer almost immediately. Curiously falling to her side, she followed the dwarf demon into the hall. She kept one of her hands at the pendant.
Leaving distance between them, she made sure to be ready to fight back. Until then, she was going to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Well, she did stick around for the most part. But for all she knew, she could be playing the long game.
So she makes sure to stand 3 steps away.
"If you think I'm still working for your father, I'll have you know I absolutely despised his work ethic."
Amity stared down blankly.
"How did you-"
"I specialized in Oracle when I was younger. I'm assuming Mrs. Blight did this as well?"
Amity recognized the spell immediately. One entering the surface of another's thoughts. While powerful, it only ever reached the loudest thoughts.
Mother had used it before. Not often, but when she wanted to punish her, it wasn't uncommon for her to use her own thoughts against her.
Her old crushed pendant was another similar way of manipulation.
Amity shuddered at the memory.
"It takes up too much energy, so not often."
"Well then she's not as advanced as she flaunts to be."
Amity smiled at the light jab. Easing her shoulders slightly. She intertwined her hands together, hanging her head low as she remembered their last encounter.
There was a little bit of guilt at the memory.
Amity bit her lip, accepting fault was... difficult. To say the least.
As far as she and the twins were concerned, it wasn't ever necessary. You just moved on, whether you liked it or not. There was no need to address it. It was an unspoken rule to forgive and forget no matter how hard it was to let go.
Blights never apologized.
But they weren't Blights anymore.
"I'm...sorry I drop kicked you across the castle." Amity cringed. Standing just as awkwardly as the apology itself.
After a short silence, Kikimora only let out a hearty laugh. Not even sparing a moment to glance at her. Bringing a hand at her face, she sent a teasing smile her way.
The found princess did not appreciate that sentiment at all.
"Oh don't you worry your pretty little royal head dear," she reassured. "I expected nothing less from Lilith Clawthorne's daughter."
"What?"
"If I had a snail for every time your mother drop kicked me across the castle, I'd be twice as rich."
"Should I be worried about that?"
"No."
Yeah, she should definitely be concerned about that.
Amity cleared her throat, thinking of possible questions she could ask the woman. Lilith told her enough, she supposed. And she knew enough from history books and newspapers. But... she never did talk about her life in the castle often.
That... was a starting point. Kikimora was there to witness it. So she could no doubt answer her questions.
Start at the beginning. Start small, and then get to the difficult stuff. Mom always says that.
Start at the beginning.
"Why did Belos want to be with my mom so desperately?"
She hummed, placing her words before displaying them for Amity to see.
"That was something he never told anyone. All he told me was that he needed her as his wife. It wasn't up for question or debate. But I suppose it was his way of filling the void in his heart."
The princess spat at the comment. Belos isn't a person, not to her at least. There was no void in his heart. Not when he didn't have one in the first place. Just because someone has been hurt does not allow them to hurt other innocent people in return.
Belos is a monster, and nothing would change her mind.
"Belos has always been drawn to elegant, beautiful things. He most likely saw your mother as just that. Some beautiful thing to possess."
Amity's mouth turned bitter at the implication. While her mother was all those things, she didn't like that it was as if she was a physical object. Rather than a person with her own beliefs and feelings.
Another reason she despised that man.
Shifting to a different question, she tried to rid her mind of him. Instead switching to a... lighter concept.
"So," she started, "Was mom ever...happy here?"
Kikimora hummed, walking past the entrance of the castle. The bridge looked familiar, and created an irking feeling in her stomach. But she swallowed it down.
Now was not the time to remember.
Now was not the time to think about the sickening feeling in her chest. Or the absolute disgust and panic in her mind.
"I don't know about before you," Kikimora stated, "But I do know that she was thrilled beyond her mind when she found out she was pregnant with you."
They make a left, turning to the side entrance of the castle. The one leading to a clearing to the woods. Amity smiled at the soft memories that came flooding back to her. No visions just yet, but...feelings, sensations were there.
It's why she wanted to tear apart some hallways and adored the others.
"Really?"
"Oh yes. She adored you from the start, nestling."
Amity's eyes widened at the all too... familiar? Was it?
What she's trying to say was, the nickname was familiar.
"Nestling?"
"Seeing as your middle name is Circe, which means bird in greek, we liked to call you nestling."
"Who's we, exactly?"
"The Princess' Court. Or the Eye of the Sun, as your mother called it."
Again, she really had to remember the princess stuff.
...So that was her middle name.
Grand Heiress Princess Amity Circe Clawthorne. That title sounded equally as terrifying as it was powerful.
A part of Amity liked it. It was what she craved when she was younger. To be strong, powerful, and respected. And this new title provided all that, just everything she wanted as a Blight.
Her ambitions still lay there, to be one of the strongest witches in the Boiling Isles. Yet Amity didn't feel so drawn to it as she did before. Instead, she craved familiarity. And awfully domestic things that were unfamiliar to her as a Blight.
Amity dreamed of never being called resilient ever again. To never be praised for how well she took a hit or came out alive from something. Amity dreamed of kindness and compassion. Of comfort and hugs. Of caring and recovery.
She did not want to be called resilient. She wanted to heal in her own time.
She hoped her mother would never be praised for her pain. That she isn't told that what happened to her made her stronger.
Amity hoped her mother was treated kindly, just as she had been.
"Did he ever hurt her? Like physically? I'm aware he was very emotionally abusive and manipulative. And tried to kill her that one time. But did he ever... go as far as to harm her?"
Amity holds her breath at her silence. Feet running cold at the expression forming on the woman's face.
The dwarf demon sighed, soothing the wrinkles on her forehead. She looked at the terrified girl above her and mentally prepared herself for some sort of emotional outburst.
She huffed, "You're not going to like what I have to say."
They sat down in one of the benches facing the rolling hills. The other climbed the seat as the other simply sat down. The princess was too mortified to make a snarky comment towards her, instead clutching hazardously at her pendant. Feeling her heart beating rapidly in her chest, she found it hard to breathe at all.
In for one, hold for two, out for three. She needed to breathe. Amity needed to calm down before intaking information.
In for one, hold for two, out for three. Just like mom said. Just like they practiced.
In for one, hold for two, out for-
"There was a time he stabbed her in the stomach and healed her after letting her bleed for an hour."
...And apparently Kikimora didn't like waiting for people to calm down before hearing the things their birth fathers did to their mothers.
"EXCUSE ME?" she bellowed, her voice cracking in a way that was unbefitting of both a Blight and a princess.
Titan have mercy and please tell her she heard that wrong.
"She failed a mission."
"SO HE STABBED HER?"
The casual tone of her voice only indicates that it was a regular occurrence, and suddenly Amity wants to throw up.
Amity felt disgusting again. To know that his blood ran in her veins and that for as long as she lived, a part of him would too.
Her mother should have despised her. Lilith should look at her and cast her aside for nothing because... Amity was an extension of him. His legacy. And if Amity were to have children... she'd only be doing him a favor.
Amity wanted to destroy herself. She doesn't get why others didn't want to do the same.
...It was best not to think about it.
Amity looked down at her feet, trampling the want to cry. The thought of her mother getting abused by him was always enough to threaten the tears to fall from her eyes.
But she won't. Kikimora is not to be trusted with her fears. To see her break down. She wasn't allowed to see her crumble.
So she sucks it in, and allows the bitter taste to reside there.
Kikimora scoffed, "Your father is a psycho, what did you expect?"
Amity snarls, she growls and bares her teeth. Body tightening as her hands balled into fists at the comment.
Amity Clawthorne does not have a father. She does not need one nor does not want one.
"He is not my father," she growls.
Kikimora gives her a look, raising her eyebrow. Almost as if she was silently putting her in line. Amity continued to glare at her, standing taller and more poised than she did.
The smaller woman gave in, and Amity is sure to remember this small victory.
"Right. Apologies."
Kikimora is right about one thing. Emperor Belos is most definitely a narcissistic sociopath.
Belos is insane. The little sense she assumed he possessed had now vanished into nothing but wishful thinking. To stab someone for simply failing a mission had to be a sign for some sort of sociopath. There was simply no other explanation.
Dear Titan, the coven she dreamed so fondly of started to sound like a cult.
...Okay maybe it was a cult. Monarchy? Dictatorship? Absolutism? Look, Amity was not in the right headspace to process that.
Great. Not only did he try to murder his own daughter, he stabbed his wife on a regular basis. Good to know she's the daughter of a literal sociopath. Just the perfect cherry on top of the mountain of trauma she was experiencing. Just great.
"Was there anything else?" she grumbled in annoyance.
"He once marked the emperor's crest on her because she spent too much time with you as a baby."
Oh yes, Titan forbid a witchling need tending to from their parent.
Amity groaned at the implications.
"...Like with a stamp or?"
"A carving tool."
"Oh my titan."
Yep. Definitely not sleeping today.
Amity planted her face in her hands, massaging the lids of her eyes as she groaned meekly. That was... an intense amount of information to intake in a matter of minutes.
Amity chokes back a sob. She does not whimper. She does not.
Even if Kikimora hands her a tissue and she buries her face in it. That does not prove anything.
It doesn't.
"Why didn't she tell me?"
"Probably didn't want to traumatize you."
"And you did?"
"No. I just enjoy infuriating your mother."
Amity sniffles and wipes the tears collected at her eyes. Exhaling heavily before staring down at her feet again. Amity felt sick and e
That... that wasn't okay. That wasn't fair. It wasn't! Lilith had done nothing wrong to deserve that. To be hurt, abused and beaten. Lilith had only ever done what she thought was right. And while that sometimes ended up being wrong, it didn't make her a bad person!
When Amity weeps, she weeps for the woman her mother could have been. She weeps for a grieving mother and a lost child. She wept for the tears her mother had shed and all the years she thought her baby had died.
She weeps for the childhood that could have been. And she weeps for everything that almost was.
It was not fair, but then again, it never was. The Titan played favorites, and his messenger's wife and daughter were not one of them.
The Titan played favorites, and she was not one of them.
Amity weeps softly because Blights don't sob or make noise. They are polite and hold in their emotions.
But Amity cries anyway because she cannot stop the tears from flowing the way they do. She cries because she remembers that she isn't a Blight anymore.
She cries for the years she had lost. And the things taken from her.
"I am sorry," the woman apologized, "Was that too much?"
"No no, it's just... I didn't... I didn't know it was that bad."
"Have another tissue, nestling."
Amity takes it from her hand and buries her face again.
The vines in her chest bloomed into full blooms, emerging through her throat in estranged whimpers and sobs. The clear tears of her own stung, causing her to press her lids shut.
So much for staying composed.
A small hand patted itself across her sleeve. Offering cold condolences she didn't quite accept. Kikimora leaned back, face empty like portraits of the halls in Blight Manor.
With this newfound information (and cluster of emotions), the more fearful her mind became.
Belos had hurt Lilith before. Belos knew her mother's weaknesses and every bit of her that was vulnerable. He knew where to strike and he knew how to win.
This made their odds even more at risk, and Amity suddenly couldn't stop the shaking of her hands.
No, no that was silly. And Amity isn't a silly person. That was absurd. Her mother wasn't going to die. Amity wasn't going to die. As long as she stayed put and her mother was careful, they should be okay.
Her mother had an entire kingdom's worth of people at her side. And armies too! She should be okay. She had to be okay.
Her mother isn't going to die, Amity had to remember that.
...She should definitely tell her therapist about these thoughts. Worrying your only loving parent was going to die couldn't be considered normal.
"You're right. Your mother isn't going to die," Kikimora responded.
Jolting in surprise, Amity caught herself. She... she needed to remember that she could do that.
"Mostly because she's coming right now."
"What?"
The dwarf demon pointed to the rolling of carriages. Feeling the ground rumbling beneath her feet, she stared up to see several coven guards return. All with helmets tucked beneath their arms and chatting away. Waiting for the rest to catch up.
Amity's heart beats again as another arrives, and Amity can tell that this one is her mother's.
Her feet planted to the ground ungracefully. She notes that it's probably unbefitting of a princess, especially in the presence of her people. But Amity doesn't quite find it in her to care. Perhaps at night, she'd scream about it.
But Amity runs towards the open gate, the view of her mother coming into sight as she emerges from a carriage. Amity runs faster and her footsteps echo unrhythmically. She could almost hear the taunting of the woman she had left behind.
Odalia's voice echoes louder, and suddenly it feels like that damned amulet was back on her neck.
It's shattered now, cast into the fire along with her (and Ed and Em's) birth certificate. The fire had devoured the last of her life as a Blight.
Yet, like the name suggested, it stuck and persisted like decay.
But Amity allows her voice to crack and smile at the sight of her mother. Because she's not dead and she's okay and the dreams are just nightmares. They aren't reality and Amity thinks she'll cry again.
"Mom!"
Her mother's arms open wide and she crashes into her. She hears soft laughter and feels an aching kiss on her forehead. The warmth traveled quickly and Amity let the smile on her face grow like dandelions and lilies.
For the first time in a while, Amity allows herself to truly breathe. To let the fumes of lavender and lilac settle in her skin.
Her mother's voice is low, but kind. Unlike the voices in her head.
"Oh how I've missed you, my heart."
"I missed you too."
The murmuring behind them fell on deaf ears. Chatters of guards and witches did not deter the empress from her daughter. Who continued to coddle her like she always did.
Amity doesn't mind it too much.
A hand lays on her hair, and she sighs at the coldness on her scalp. Leaning closer to her mother, who admired the red in her hair.
Amity senses that her hair is curling again, and that fills her with intense joy.
"He's gone," Lilith murmurs, and Amity's eyes go wide.
Her heart races, and she looks up at her.
"Did you..." she trails, head hammering in anticipation.
Her mother shakes her head, and Amity isn't sure whether she's relieved or disappointed. For one, her mother was probably less traumatized with having to deal with the thought of taking another person's life. On the other hand, having him dead would be immensely satisfying.
But Amity shakes her head, if she didn't kill him, was he dead? Was he alive? What had happened to him?
Her mother holds out a mask, chipped at its golden sides. A good chunk of one of the horns had been broken off as well. Showing off it's worn state.
It created more questions than it did answers.
"I burned off his bile sac... and cut off his tongue...and his hands."
Amity continued to stare blankly at her. Causing Lilith to clear her throat and continue.
"I also may or may not have cursed him with the same curse he used on my sister. Not to mention trapped him in a cage under the Boiling Sea."
Amity realizes the sheer irony of it all, and just how much the sound of revenge rung sweetly in her ears. It does not take long before Amity's face cracks into a smile.
Calmness and rest dance on her features. And Lilith notes that she reminds her of the sun.
Her precious child of sun.
"He can't hurt us anymore," she whispered, and Lilith nods.
"He can't hurt us anymore."
"He's...gone. He's really gone this time."
"He is. My dear. You're safe."
She's safe.
For once in her life, Amity Clawthorne is safe.
Amity holds onto her mother tighter. A weak laugh pushing past her lungs. A soft light caressed the lids of her eyes, shutting them closed. And Amity breathes in the summer air and it tastes of lemon drops and honey.
Her mother is alive. Emperor Belos is gone. Amity is safe.
Another merry laughter follows as Lilith, her mother, her kind, beautiful mother, presses another kiss on her cheek.
For once, it feels as though there is too much air to breathe. How long has she lived like this? Salvaging for air? Searching for the relief of being able to sigh? To not hold your breath? Anticipating the horror of those who would kill her?
The air in her lungs sting in the most beautiful way possible. Tears fall and Amity holds onto her mother because dear Titan it's over and they can breathe.
Healing will be a long journey. Amity knows this well. That therapy and self discovery are to take time, but it's finally over and Amity can finally breathe.
The air is warm. And it settles in her lungs like a cool ache.
And Princess Amity Circe Clawthorne is safe. Empress Lilith is alive. And for once, they can finally breathe.
—x—
Short Authors note: sorry for disappearing! I got sick these last few months and recently took my exams and finally am recovering. Thank u for ur patience and please leave comments. They make my day. Y'all are hilarious and i love u.