The next few months were particularly difficult for Lizzie. She was filled with guilt because her non action will cause many people to die. She knows that this is her only course of action if she wants Thanos to still be defeated.
She doesn't hate very easily because she thinks it's a very strong word but she hates Thanos.
Lizzie begins throwing herself harder into work. She figures she can't save the people in the future but maybe she can save the people in the present.
Bucky begins worrying about Lizzie. Well, he always worries about Lizzie but at least this time he has a reason. She leaves for work before dawn and isn't back until it's dark. Even when she is home, she's up late sketching designs.
He knows that it hurt her a lot to know she couldn't save anyone because that's always been her life's goal. She wasn't a super hero but that didn't make her any less of a hero.
He always admired his wife for that, he still does. It's just that now she is going to extremes. She has done this in the past, unhealthily throwing herself into work. He wants to stop it but every time he brings it up, she completely avoids the conversation.
Finally he's had enough and forces the conversation.
He nails down the window in their bedroom. He's had enough confrontations with her in the past that he knows she will always threaten to go out the window and he's not giving her the opportunity this time.
They are about to head to bed when Bucky walks up to the bedroom door and locks it. He stands in front of it, blocking the exit. She notices his strange behavior and turn to look at him.
"We need to talk about your job. You're overworking yourself," he says.
"I don't want to talk about it," she says.
"Yeah? Well, I do so you are going to listen," he says.
She stands up with an angry expression.
"I swear, if you don't drop it I'll leave through the window," she says.
He's glad he knows his wife well enough to know her patterns.
"Try it," he challenges.
She grits her teeth and goes over to the window. If he thinks she's bluffing, she'll show him.
However, when she gets to the window, she realizes opening it is going to be an impossibility. She spins around and glares at him.
"You nailed down the window?" She spits out.
"Come on, Ellie. I've been around you for over fifteen years. We were engaged for eight of those years and married for two. Id like to think I know you pretty well at this point. When I try to force a conversation you almost always threaten to climb out the window," Bucky says.
She never realized that she threatened that all that much but apparently she did in order for Bucky to pick up on it. She knew that she had no escape so all she could do was listen. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks up at him.
"You bury yourself in your work whenever you're having a problem. You need to talk to me instead of working yourself to death. Did you know the boys ask for you all the time? You always are home for their bedtime but just barely. They are lucky if they get to see you for an hour," Bucky says.
She does miss her boys but they are too young to remember this. She'll cut back when they are a little older.
"They're too young to really understand what's going on," Lizzie says.
"Well what about me?" He asks.
"What about you?" She responds.
He throws his hands in exasperation.
"You died, Elizabeth. In my eyes you were dead and gone. When I got you back, I thought that that was the end of us being separated. Now I never see you and it's tearing me apart," he says.
She hates seeing him like this but she knows that she has responsibilities that fall outside the family.
"Jaime, I'm saving people. You want me to just stop?" She asks.
He sighs and leans his back against the door.
"I don't want you to stop, you know I've never wanted that. You're saving people and I think that's great, but not at the expense of you. You have to know you are everything to me and I miss my wife so much," he says.
She gets up and starts walking towards him. She could never stand him being in pain and she wants to comfort him.
He holds out his hand to halt her movement and she stops a few feet away from him. He knows if he lets her touch him then he will let everything go and he refuses to do that.
"No, we are finishing this conversation," he says firmly.
She looks at him regretfully and he knows he already has his answer.
"You're not going to stop?" Bucky asks.
"You know I can't," she says.
He gives her one last sad look before opening the door and storming out.
She feels horrible but some things are bigger than the two of them. She waits up for him to come back to bed but she soon realizes that that isn't going to happen.
The next few months, he is so distant from her. They eat dinner together and take care of the kids together but they are done in almost silence. They are together, but they might as well be miles apart. He hasn't returned to their bed since their fight.
They both miss each other but are at an impasse. Lizzie can't stop working and Bucky can't stop resenting her for it.
They celebrate Bucky's birthday on March 10th, Peggy's birthday on April 9th, the twins' first birthday on May 12th followed shortly by Sarah's first birthday on June 16th.
Peggy and Steve both know that something is going on between the two. They are civil in front of them and the kids but they never touch or make anything more than polite small talk. Steve and Peggy try to talk to them but they deny that anything is wrong.
Lizzie cries herself to sleep every night and Bucky truthfully isn't doing much better.
His stuff has slowly been added to the guest room but he still needed to get things from their bedroom from time to time. This is one of those times. He knows Lizzie is currently in the bedroom and he knows he's being a coward but he doesn't want to be around her alone. He decides to suck it up because it's his room too and they can't avoid each other forever.
He walks up to the room and knocks on the door. He hates that they are in a position where he needs to knock on the door but they are.
"Come in," she says.
He walks into the room and sees her sitting on the edge of the bed. She's already in her night clothes so he assumes she was getting ready to go to sleep. When he gets a closer look at her attire, he realizes she's sleeping in one of his shirts. He knows she is wearing it because it smells like him. He can't blame her because some days when she's at work, he'll lay in their bed just so he can smell her scent.
He is aware he has been staring for a little too long but he couldn't help it. He forgot how beautiful she was and it was like he was caught in some invisible current. It's been so long since he's been alone with her. They are always around either their kids or Steve and Peggy.
Being alone with her is dangerous because he knows she tests all of his resolve.
He walks over to the dresser and quickly grabs what he needs before heading back to the door.
"Wait," Lizzie says.
He turns around to face her and she stands up.
"Stay," she says.
He knows he needs to leave the room this second but each step she takes towards him the harder it gets to leave.
He looks at the ceiling so he can't see her. Maybe if he doesn't respond to her, he can resist.
However, when her skin touches his, he knows it's an impossibility. She places her hand on his cheek and gently angles his face so he is looking at her. She steps forward and wraps her arms around his neck. Everything in him is begging him to hold her, feel her. Just having her body pressed against his after so long apart feels exhilarating.
He closes his eyes and he can feel his breathing speeding up. She places a kiss on his neck and he lets out a shaky breathe at the sensation. Next, he feels her lips make contact with his jaw line.
He knows he's too tall for her to go any farther without his assistance but his traitor body allows her to pull him down so her lips can touch his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, and then finally his lips.
He doesn't kiss her back at first so she begins pulling away. As soon as her lips leave his, he is already craving her again. He can feel the moment his will power snaps.
He surges forward and wraps one arm around her body, pulling her against him. While the other hand buries deep in her long blond curls.
He has always been addicted to her. He's gone so long without her touch, that he was going through withdrawals. Kissing and holding her like this has him in ecstasy.
He doesn't even realize he's picked her up until he is throwing her down on the bed and crawling up her body.
She wraps her legs around his waist and slips her small hands up his shirt. He quickly takes off his shirt and immediately brings their lips back together. It feels like a sin to be parted from her lips any longer than he has to.
He can feel the love she is radiating back to him and it makes him want to break down and cry. They are fighting and he worried that they may lose that love but being here with her now, he knows that's an impossibility.
There wouldn't be a reason to fight if he didn't love her as much as he does.
He knows he shouldn't be doing this because he doesn't want her to think this is a quick fix to their very serious problem. He should push her away and they should talk things out. However, he thinks it is physically impossible to pull away from her at this point.
He tries to pull away several times but instead, his body only escalates things further. Eventually, he stops trying to fight it and allows his body to fulfill his need for her.
Later that night Bucky stares at the ceiling as Lizzie sleeps on his chest. He absentmindedly strokes the bare skin on her back and relishes it's silky feel beneath his fingers.
He shouldn't have been with her when they were still fighting. He knows it was wrong no matter how good it felt to be with her again.
Bucky doesn't know what to do. He knows that they need to make some kind of compromise but neither of them are able to concede. He needs her to stop working herself to death but she can't escape the guilt that's eating her alive.
He wants to forget their argument so badly. He wishes he could be okay with what she is doing but he can't. He loves her too much to watch her destroy herself.
He doesn't know what to do but he knows if he spends the night, he will relent. She already broke his willpower once and he can't let it happen again. He doesn't know where he finds the strength but he manages to climb out of bed without waking her. He gathers his clothes from the floor and goes back to the guest bedroom, hating himself the entire time.
He decides that tomorrow he will sit down with her and have a long talk until they come to an agreement. He can't go much longer without her. He is actually proud of himself that he went as long as he did without caving.
When Lizzie wakes up in the morning, she has one moment of absolute bliss until she realizes that she is in bed alone. She wonders if maybe he got up to check on the boys but when she looks in the nursery, he isn't there. She walks towards the guest room praying that he won't be in there.
If he's in there, it means nothing has changed. It means that their marriage is still crumbling.
When she peeks into the bedroom and sees him sleeping on the bed, a little part of her breaks.
She thought that last night would have at least started to fill the gap between them. She figured they would wake up in the morning and talk things out but apparently she was wrong.
She wants to fix them so much but it's quite obvious that he doesn't want the same. Why should she fight for them when he doesn't want to do the same?
She makes a decision that she has been holding off on doing because she still had hope that things would work out.
When she heads into work, she goes into Howard's office and negotiates a leave of absence. He doesn't want to grant her request but as her friend, he understands.
After work, she calls Peggy at her office and asks her to meet her at a nearby restaurant. She explains what she wants to do to Peggy.
Peggy is adamantly against it as Lizzie figured she would be.
"You know your brother will be furious and don't even get me started on what Bucky will do," Peggy says.
She thinks about the feeling of waking up in a cold bed alone.
"I don't think it matters much to Bucky what I do anymore," Lizzie says.
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you?" Peggy asks.
Lizzie wants to confide in Peggy but she feels like it's wrong to talk about their issues behind his back.
"A disagreement," is all she says.
"Must be quite the disagreement to drive you to do this," Peggy says.
"I've wanted to do this for awhile but I've only recently got the push to do so," Lizzie says.
Peggy knows she would be a hypocrite to stop Lizzie. Peggy was always challenged at every turn and she adamantly believes that every person should get to choose their path.
"I want you to know that I don't like this," Peggy says.
"I know, I just need you to take care of them," Lizzie responds.
"They are my family too and I'll always look after them. I just need you to be safe," Peggy says.
"I will, I'll be back before you know it," she says.
They sit in silence for a moment thinking about how the next few months will play out.
"What are you going to say to him?" Peggy asks.
"I don't know. We have been so distant recently that I'll have no idea how he'll handle it," she says.
"What about your brother?" Peggy asks.
Lizzie plans on writing her brother a letter. She knows he will try to stop her so she will leave a letter so she is long gone by the time he finds out. However, she doesn't think that Peggy will be fond of that plan.
"I'll tell him after I tell Jaime," Lizzie says.
It's not the truth, but it's also not a lie.
They soon finish eating and drive home. Peggy gives Lizzie a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before heading into her house.
Lizzie walks into the house and expects to hear the boys but all she hears is silence.
She looks outside and sees the boys running around with Sarah as Steve and Bucky chase them around.
Her biggest concern with this decision was leaving the boys but seeing this scene only strengthens her resolve more. The boys will be fine with Bucky, Steve, and Peggy. Also, they are so young that they won't even remember her being gone. She'll most likely be back sooner rather than later so they will be fine.
She goes upstairs and packs a bag, making sure to only pack the essentials. After she finishes packing, she heads downstairs and starts dinner.
Bucky comes in with both twins slung across his shoulders. He is laughing but when he sees Lizzie at the stove, his smile falters.
His face used to light up when he saw her and now it dims in her presence.
The kids keep wiggling in his arms and yelling 'down' so Bucky lowers them to the floor. As soon as their feet touch the ground, they run off.
He looks up at Lizzie and he notices the tears in her eyes. He steps forward to comfort her and set the foundations for the conversation he knows they need to have.
As he reaches out she snaps her head down to the stove.
"Dinner will be ready soon if you wouldn't mind washing the boys up for dinner," is all she says.
He nods even though she can't see. He hates leaving her upset but they still haven't talked yet and now wasn't the time. However, he presses his lips to the top of her head tenderly before leaving the room.
A couple sobs wrack her body before she composes herself. She knows she has a long evening ahead of her and she can't break down yet.
The one year olds carry the conversation that night, oblivious to the palpable tension between their parents. They sneak glances as each other when the other isn't looking but they both can't read the other.
When dinner is finished, Bucky cleans the dishes while Lizzie gets the boys ready for bed. She gets them in their PJs and sits with them in the rocker.
She sings them to sleep and places them into their cribs. She kisses them both on their foreheads, before leaning back and studying their little faces. She is going to miss them so much but she most likely won't be gone for too long.
She leaves their room and walks down to the kitchen where Bucky is just placing the last dish in the cupboard.
He looks over at her with a sad expression. He is about to open his mouth when she speaks.
"We need to talk," Lizzie says.