Eva
It's been six months since it happened, I was still yet to come to terms with it. Everyone else seemed to have moved on around me, while I was yet to gather my thoughts,
Carlos shared his final tasks with everyone, mine was somewhere in the Caribbean, I just had to go out and find it. I was hoping it would give me the closure I needed.
"You ready?" Someone injected,
I turned around to see Luis.
"Yeah." I quickly finished packing my things. He came in and helped me with the bags, "Thanks."
I took one last glance around the room Carlos and I shared before walking out, "What do you think is out there?"
"I'm about to find out." We walked outside, where Miles was waiting beside the car, "Well.." I turned and pulled Luis into a hug, he hugged me back.
"Take care of yourself, Eva. And I wish you all the happiness in the world." He whispered in my ear. I broke away, and then one more teary smile towards him, I hurried and got in the car with Miles.
The drive to the airport was slow and quiet, we both didn't know what to say, or how to comfort each other in a moment like this, I guess we were both still in denial, "I bet you're happy?"
"Do I look happy?"
I snickered,
"You've wanted me gone for so long, and now you're getting your wish, regardless of the circumstance you should be celebrating."
"You're talking a whole lot for a woman in mourning."
"At least one of us is thinking of him." I let out, "Do you even remember him?"
"And, what's that supposed to mean?"
"You heard me," I said.
He doesn't retort my statement,
"I always thought you loved him." I muttered under my breath, "I guess I was wrong."
"Not that it matters anymore, but I was never in love with Carlos, not in the crooked way you Americans think."
"I'm not gonna argue with that, you haven't even shared a tear since it happened."
"You know, you can say the word, dead. People die all the time, it's not that big of a deal. ..." I drew my eyes to him, I couldn't believe the words out of his mouth, this was the same Miles who couldn't live a day without him, and now he was just fine with what happened,
"How can you say that about him?" I raised my voice at him.
"I'm just being real honest with you."
"You know what, just stop talking. I don't want to hear anything else you have to say. Let's just go back to hating each other from now on." I averted away from him, counting trees seemed more pleasing.
Silence.
"Can I say something?"
"Shut up, Miles." for one who is not much of a talker, he sure has a lot to say today,
"Eva, I don't hate you, not specifically, I just hate what you represent. I hate Americans..." I returned my eyes and waited for him to continue, that came out nowhere, "My mother was a very foolish American, my father was another drunk bastard, he used to hit her all the time, and she just let him do it, then one day, she lost her mind and took her own life right in front of me, I was only eight at the time. My father being the bastard he was blamed me, and then one night he pulled out a loaded gun and shot me, afterward he went on to shoot himself, I survived, but he didn't..."
My mouth was gaped open the whole time,
"Miles...Wh..why would you tell me something like that?"
"Thought you asked."
I really didn't know what to say,
"That's so sad, I'm sorry." And I thought I had the worst childhood.
"I don't need your pity...."
I shook my head at him and scoffed at his inability to accept sympathy. We arrived at the airport soon after. I got down quickly, another second with Miles and I would lose my damn mind,
I reached to the back and grabbed my bag,
"Here, take this." Miles handed me another postcard, for the past six months I've been getting postcards from Carlos, "He said you would know what to do with it."
I took a look at it, It's an island.
"Well, I'll be on my way." I said and turned to leave, but then I remembered something , "Miles?"
He turned to look at me,
"You told me your story. Does this mean you trust me?"
He shrugged,
"I guess you're not that bad after all." He started the car again.
I beamed at his words,
"Cut the attitude, and you won't be half bad yourself."
"I better not see you back here." He yelled out and then drove off, leaving me still grinning, when I finally pulled through it, I turned around and began my journey.
I got to the Caribbean and booked the nearest hotel, I still didn't know what I was doing here or what I was expected to find, Carlos didn't leave any clues for this journey.
I took a walk out the balcony of my hotel room and stared out the waves, it was beautiful. Suddenly, I remembered why I loved it the first time I got a glimpse of it in a magazine.
I went in when it started pouring and then while I waited so densely for sunrise, I took a closer look at the postcards,
They were all of different kinds every time they came in, Mountains, festivals, islands, rivers, trees, shorelines.
"What are you trying to say, Carlos? I don't understand any of this." I pushed the cards away and went to take a shower, reminiscing on the best moments of my life with him--
That's when it hit me.
I quickly hopped out of the shower, and into the room. I turned the cards around and took another look at the dotted lines.
I placed them together,
"It's a map... A fucking map."
I gasped and took out my phone to scan where it led,
"Palawan!"
The next morning I set on the journey using the trail Carlos left for me, he put in a whole deal into planning this surprise, I can't wait to see what it is.
The map led me to Coron, an old province in Palawan. I made my way through the busy, rowdy village, walking my way through with the map,
"Sorry, do you know where this is?" I asked a bike rider, referring to a point on the map,
He took a close look at it,
"Yes, that's la vudalla. I'll take you, come." He said.
I nodded,
I got on the bike with him, but kept my knife close.
He led us up the hill and stopped, "Now you walk, it's not far."
"Thank you.." I watched him head off before continuing my mission, the journey almost seemed endless, but I was finally where had to be.
I walked a little further and spotted a lonely building beside the ocean.
I took another glance at the map, and it was the same,
I made it.
I hurried towards it, and figured my way in, it was an empty building, not sure what I was supposed to find here,
"Hello?" My voice echoed through the building, "Anyone here!?"
I was clearly alone.
I took a look around and somehow stumbled on a dress, a white dress hung on the wall, it had a note on it.
'Wear me.'
I smiled and wore it on,
The dress felt light against my body, I swirled in awe and made it out on the beach, my feet immediately seeking its way in the sand.
With legs curled under, dusted with sand like flour on bread, I walked closer to the lapping waves.
They felt warm and cool, like tea that's been forgotten and returned to.
My fingers wiggle in the water, and I felt at peace. I lean in scooping the sand, it ran like cold lava through my fingers and onto the dry beach.
With each handful I twisted my body as if dancing in a chair, gazing at the falling sand.
I turned around swiftly and I was startled. A man wearing all white came in view, he was in the light and so I couldn't quite make out who he was,
I raised my hand to my face trying to block off the sunlight,
"Who are you?!"
He came into view, and my heart just stopped.
"Carlos?"
His lips blossomed into a smile,
I faltered backward in shook,
"You knew you would figure it.." He spoke.
Still in shock, I reached and touched him, "wh..what, H.. How?!" I was so confused but yet, I had no words to say, "This whole time--"
"Hey." He says as he pulled me into his arms, it was almost unbelievable. I made this journey hoping to find closure from his passing and here he was, in my arms,
"You are alive?!" I finally let it out, and then pulled away to look at him, "They said you died! They wouldn't let me see you, and I--" I choked.
He nodded,
"Wh-Why?"
"I didn't want to die as Carlos knight. .. I didn't want to live each day knowing that I was simply whiling away the days until my very own death. I wanted to make it matter."
"Does anyone else know you're alive?"
"Just my most trusted people." The whole time Miles knew Carlos was faking his death, that asshole.
I scoffed, and then started hitting him.
"Do you have any idea how horrified I was, for six whole months I was a complete zombie, I couldn't find a reason to live—" I stopped and then looked up at him in tears, "How could you do that to me?"
"I'm sorry, I put you through that...But it had to happen this way, so no one else suffers in the end..." he said, bringing my hands to his lips and kissing them tenderly.
"You, really do suck at goodbyes," I added
He laughed shortly,
"I wanted to be a man who spent his unnumbered days with the woman that scored his heart. Just for a few minutes more." He held my hand in his, as we stopped and stared out the ocean.
"I have something for you." Carlos finally said.
I turned to look at him,
He dug his hand in his pocket and pulled out a ring, he showed it to me. "This used to belong to my mother. Now it's yours."
My eyes glistened,
"You're not, that's not--" I stuttered.
"I know it's not how you would have chosen I asked for the first time." Am I dreaming or something, is this real? "But, for these unnumbered days I want to spend it making you as happy as you've made me for a very long time. . Without even realizing it, you turned me into a person I couldn't even imagine I could be, you made me happy, Eva, even when I was very awful to you."
"You've been nothing short of amazing."
"I want to spend my last moment alone with you than anyone else in the world. .. And, I ask you marry me, not Carlos knight, just an ordinary man."
I was stilled with tears.
"I can't promise we would grow old together, or that I'll be here forever, but I can promise everything I own from this moment on, is yours. I made plans for your future, You would feel a little uncomfortable in your new world for a bit, but the boys are there to help you through it--"
"Stop, you think I care about all that." I hit him slightly, "I don't care about any of those things, I just care about you, what's all that money without you in it." My tears began to spill out of control.
"Do you still want to be with this ordinary man?"
"You're not an ordinary man, you're Carlos Knight. The most amazing creature on Earth. And do you even have to ask? My answer would always be yes, a thousand yesses." He beamed graciously and inserted the ring on my finger,
I grinned and placed my arms around him, weeping into his neck. Cooing softly into my hair, he gently strokes me.
"Thank you, Eva," he whispers, and that made me cry harder and hug him tighter. We stood like that forever. Eventually, when I was all cried out, Carlos captures my face and kisses me.
Nothing could ever beat this moment, I felt overwhelmed and fulfilled. I swear I never thought I could get a second chance to be with Carlos, or another shot at happiness.
I pray it lasts.
End
Two years later...
Time slowed, and stilled as we lived on the island. It was just the two of us for a very long time. I was murmuring into his ears. Carlos didn't say much, while we laid on the beach.
He didn't answer back, or add to my dry comments. He nodded occasionally, his head pressed against mine,
"I wish we could just lay here forever."
He smiled and shut his eyes. And then, just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, my composure went and I held him tightly and I stopped caring that he could feel the shudder of my sobbing body because grief swamped me. It overwhelmed me and tore at my heart and my stomach and my head and it pulled me under, and I couldn't bear it.
He was already withdrawing to somewhere I couldn't catch up with him.
I kissed him, trying to bring him back to me. I kissed him and let my lips rest against his so that our breath mingled and the tears from my eyes became life, I wanted to give him every bit of my life and force him to live another day, but none of my efforts mattered, he was leaving.
I just held him close and said nothing, all the while telling him silently that he was loved as I wept.