Sabrina half-woke with an unaccustomed sense of warm security, smiling without quite knowing why. As her drowsiness slowly faded, she became more aware of her surroundings and took care not to disturb Tassan's embrace as she shifted her position slightly. He was still sleeping soundly, his hair tousled and his face relaxed so that he looked almost young.
After gazing fondly at him for a while, she wondered what time it was. She felt rested, so she gathered it wasn't the middle of the night, and it wouldn't do for them to be discovered like this. The behavior of past queens notwithstanding, she had a fragile image to uphold, at least as long as Mara needed her to play this role.
A quick glance around revealed her clothes scattered haphazardly on the floor beside her, and she slid one hand out of the warm cocoon of blankets and groped in her uniform trousers. She felt and discarded her comlink; to make any but the most emergency transmission from their hiding place would be foolish. At last her fingers found the tiny, palm-held data pad that Justek had given her to help her keep track of her appointments, notes, and agendas. She pulled it out into the dim light, looked at the built-in chronometer, and gasped, "Shit!"
Tassan sprang awake, looking around and grabbing wildly for his gun, but in vain. "It's all right!" she assured him, gathering her clothes and beginning to dress. "I'm sorry, but I just realized I'm about to be late for a meeting with the Council of Ministers."
Tassan reached for his clothes as well and said, "Next time could you please remember to leave my blaster within reach?"
Sabrina grinned at him. "Sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where things landed. You slept well, at any rate."
"The sleep of the utterly exhausted," he agreed. "You?"
"I don't remember dreaming at all." Sabrina's stomach growled, and she said, "God, I'm hungry. Of course I'd wake up ravenous on a day I don't have time to eat!"
"You'll make time. The Ministers will wait," Tassan said sternly, yanking on his boots and getting to his feet. Sabrina finished buttoning her blouse and let him help her up before struggling into her uniform jacket.
"Hah. Shows what you know," Sabrina replied. She cast one last look around to see if she'd missed anything. "Do I look passably like a lieutenant who's just come off night duty?"
"You look more like one who's been out carousing," he said. "Come on, we'd better hurry. Darice will be thinking we're lost."
They scrambled through the narrow passages out to the main corridor and began jogging toward the conservatory passage. Sabrina raked her hands through her hair as she went, trying to restore order, before remembering that Darice would expect her to look as if she'd just woken. They paused at the top of the long, winding stair that led to the conservatory armoire, and Sabrina held out her hand to stop Tassan from operating the hidden door.
"I can't tell you how much better I feel," she whispered, laying her hand on his cheek. "Thank you."
"I was just about to thank you," he replied, pressing a kiss into her palm. They exchanged a smile, and then Sabrina reached out and opened the door.
Darice was pacing grimly, but whirled as the armoire door opened, her hand going to her holster. She relaxed, but only a little, as she recognized Sabrina. "My lady!"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Sabrina said.
"I brought you a change of clothes. There are towels and soap in the washroom if you'd like to freshen up," Darice said. "I also called Princess Reauwina and told her you had an early meeting and wouldn't need her until lunchtime. She's evidently taken over for Rndara for a while."
"Good work," Sabrina said as she headed into the bathroom. "I'll just be a minute," she called from inside.
"What she chiefly needs is breakfast," Tassan said. "How late is she?"
Darice grimaced. "Late enough to warrant an explanation, I'm afraid. But I brought some rolls. Here."
Tassan looked to make sure there were enough, then took one and tore into it ravenously. "I'm sorry," he said. "I fell asleep too."
"Remind me to give you an alarm chrono," Darice said. "Did she sleep well?"
"Yes, I think so. She says she doesn't remember dreaming at all, which is a good sign."
"Good. I'm glad it worked," Darice said. "She needs somewhere to feel safe."
The sounds of splashing water emanated from the bathroom, then stopped, and a few minutes later Sabrina emerged, looking and feeling much better after a quick sponge bath and dressed in a fresh purple dress Darice had brought. She'd brushed her hair and pulled it back with a gauzy purple scarf that gave the effect of a mourning veil, a style she'd adopted recently in the interests of expediency in the mornings. She took the roll Darice handed her and glanced at the chrono the bodyguard was holding.
"I'll eat and run," she groaned. "Come on. Tassan—"
"Go," he urged. "I'll see you tonight."
She smiled, grateful for his understanding, and jogged out of the room with Darice in tow.
_____________
Four hectic days followed. Sabrina worked frenetically during the day, hurling herself from one task to the next in an effort to avoid reflection on the future. Any impulse she felt to pause and think was squelched when another Reissian tried to stab her, this time during her Petition Day. Darice, standing behind the throne, and Scotty, who'd badgered Mukryilla for the chance to stand guard and watch his sister dispense justice, charity, and general wisdom, stopped the assassin before she reached her. Because the assassin had been disguised as a heavily pregnant citizen petitioning for greater food rations for her village, Petition Day then had to be put on hold while the rest of the petitioners were rescanned more thoroughly. Horrified at what they had almost witnessed, none of them seemed to mind, and Sabrina repaid them for their patience by extending the session until every last one of them had a chance to speak to her. It earned her another scold from Tassan, who was practically bouncing off the walls by the time she reached the conservatory that night.
"But Darice called and told you the session would run late," Sabrina protested when Tassan paused for breath on their way through the tunnels.
"I thought she meant a little late, not four hours late," he retorted. "And then I had to hear the reason from servants' gossip! It drives me mad to know that you are out there practically inviting assassins to have a go at you. Sabrina, please let me stand guard at public occasions!"
"No. You're my ace in the hole, Tassan. No one knows you as a bodyguard. I want it to stay that way, so that Homeworld's intelligence will write you off as harmless. It'll give you an advantage if you need one. Besides, Darice is very good, and Scotty was there. You couldn't've flung yourself in front of me any faster than he did," she added dryly. "He's the one with no sense of self-preservation! The assassin never got within arm's length of me, but she only missed Scotty by inches! He damn near impaled himself." She shivered at the thought. "And I couldn't even scold him, because he was doing his job. But I hope Commander Mukryilla sees he gets some more training and learns some ways to stop assassins without leaping into the line of fire."
"It must run in the family," Tassan said. "I wish someone would teach you some ways of doing diplomacy without flinging yourself into the line of fire."
"Will it make you happy if I promise to get out of the diplomacy business altogether, when this is over?"
"That depends, I suppose, on what you choose to do instead," he replied. "Besides, I would never ask you for such a promise. I know you couldn't keep it."
"I always keep my promises, Tassan!" Sabrina cried angrily. "What the hell am I doing here, if not that?"
"Exactly," he said. "Someday, the Queen might need your help and call for you, and you'd go running to help her, no matter what promises you'd made to me. We both know that. So no promises, Sabrina."
They squeezed into their hiding place, and when they were settling comfortably onto the pile of cushions, Tassan said, "Sometimes I wonder if this promise, this loyalty you feel to the queen and the Tirqwin, almost precludes anything else in your life. It's so all-consuming."
"It won't always be this way."
"Won't it? Won't there always be some crisis you feel you have to help them out of?"
"I hope not. They're two very capable people, Tassan. Far more than I am. No, really. And after this," she added with a wry grin, "I doubt Tirqwin will ever bring himself to ask anything of me again. He tried so hard not to ask this of me. He tried to let me believe I had a choice."
"And the Queen?"
"Ah, well...I did swear an Oath of Service, after all. She has the right to ask for my help. She has the right to command it, if necessary."
"So," Tassan said, "as I said, you'll always be committed to them. I don't see how you could ever really commit yourself to anyone else."
Sabrina thought about it for a while, letting him rub the tension out of her neck and shoulders. "I guess," she said slowly, "it would have to be someone who understood, who knew up front that I had a prior commitment, and who wouldn't resent it."
"Sabrina," Tassan said softly, "no one who truly loved you could help resenting it. They use you, drain you, and you let them, without even thinking to ask for anything in return."
"It isn't like that," Sabrina protested. "Tassan, they've already given me so much. I wish I could make you see that. I love them. They're my family. I don't do anything for them I wouldn't do for Scotty, for instance. They just...have more powerful needs, I guess, right now. And they'd go to great lengths for me. They already have. When Malvarak kidnapped me, they both risked their lives to save me. Tirqwin even did things I know were distasteful to him, against his principles, when it was the only way to save me." She was silent for a moment, thinking of how he had used the Protian to fool Malvarak and how much he must have hated doing it.
"Sabrina, this isn't a question of your doing something that's merely distasteful to you. This is you putting your life at risk every moment of the day."
"I told you. I swore the Oath of Service. This is my duty. I accepted it freely," she said, her voice going cold and crisp as if she were arguing in the Council of Ministers. "I'm not owed thanks for it. I'm certainly not owed anything else. I'm sorry you can't understand that, but I'm tired of talking about it. And I'm particularly tired of hearing you paint my dearest friends as selfish ogres. You will kindly refrain from doing so in my hearing again."
Tassan sat back, his hands folded in his lap, and looked at her, his lips drawn into a tight line. After a long moment, he said, "I am sorry I have offended you. It was not intentional."
Sabrina relented a little and put her hand on his shoulder. "Tassan, I know that, but Mara is your Queen too, and she deserves your respect. Believe me. I know her very well. I helped raise her."
"She has my respect. She also has my service, if she wants it. But you have my heart."
"And you have mine," she assured him, sealing her promise with a light, quick kiss. "But you mustn't ask me to give up my loyalties."
He sighed. "I promised to ask you for nothing while you are Regent."
"And I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that, or your patience." Sabrina smiled gently. "And I tell you, this will be over soon, and then I won't have to make so many demands on you and can begin to repay you for your support."
"You do repay me, in everything you do," he said. "But especially in those rare moments that you let me see you happy."
She kissed him again. "You know," she said as they slipped into a close embrace, "when I first met you, I had no idea you would turn out to be such an incredible romantic."
"When I first met you," he replied, "I wasn't."