The years have been both kind and cruel to Lizzie, it seems she blinks her eyes and it's 1948.
She is thriving at Stark Industries and has managed to head her own Biotech department. She finds it incredibly ironic that a weapons company also has a department that focuses on medical technology but she isn't complaining.
One of the best things about the last few years is her relationship with Peggy.
Peggy is the reason that Lizzie has survived all these years. She literally saved Lizzie from falling in a pit of depression. There are still days that Lizzie just doesn't want to get out of bed but Peggy is always there to help her out of her slumps.
Peggy is a sister to Lizzie and vice versa. She would have loved to have her as a sister-in-law but it seems that the universe has stopped listening to Lizzie's wishes years ago.
She also has Stan. Stan is a great friend and she values his company greatly. They have been friends for over two years now and he has been with her through many highs and lows.
She just wishes she didn't see that look in his eyes when he looked at her. She knows that look because Riley and Bucky used to look at her that way. She first noticed it about half a year ago and has been praying that it goes away.
She loves him but she's not in love with him. She can't be in love with anyone because her heart will always always belong to someone else.
She tries her best to discourage him but she knows it's a losing battle. She knows one day they will most likely have to address it but she sincerely hopes that day doesn't come.
The day Lizzie fears every year finally comes around, March 1st. Exactly three years ago today, the love of her life died.
In three days on March 4th, Peggy and Lizzie will mourn Steve's death together but today, Lizzie needed to be alone.
She drives up to the old lookout where she has so many memories of Bucky. It took her three years to make it to this spot but she feels like she finally can face it.
She gets out of the car and walks to the outcropping of rock that they sat on after her mother died.
For years, she's avoided thinking of him. She buried him in a box deep in her mind and never touched it.
Today, she finally opens that box.
"Hi, Jaime. It's your Ellie. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you till now but I hope you understand. I hope you've been able to see me through the years wherever you are and I hope you're proud of me because I'm proud of me. I know we planned on me getting my doctorate but one thing I learned over the years is that plans change," she says.
She lets one tear slip out but refuses to let the floodgates open. She knows if she starts crying, she won't be able to stop and she needs to get this out.
"I miss you. I miss you so damn much and when I think about you I can still feel the gaping hole that you left. I'm still so mad that you left me. I know you didn't want to but you still did. People fear their death but I fear living. It's only been three years and I feel as if I can't go on. How am I supposed to do this for the rest of my life?"
She looks down at her engagement ring that she still hasn't taken off and briefly remembers what she felt when he first slid it on her finger.
"You'll be happy to know that I've had people to help me get by. Stan from your bootcamp has been very caring," she says.
She leaves her description of Stan at that because she already feels guilty about his feelings without bringing them up to Jaime.
"I know you knew Peggy but I wish you had a chance to really know her. She's absolutely incredible and I know that if Steve and you lived, we would have been a great family together. She perfectly fits the description of how I imagined Steve's wife would be. The one perfect thing that came out of this horrible situation is her," she says.
She does something that she never does. She closes her eyes and imagines him. The only time she sees him now is in her dreams. It's always perfect until she wakes up and then she's in pain for days. She used to wish for dreams of him, now she dreads them. She pushed him away for so long but I'm this moment, she hold on to him.
She remembers his laugh and his eyes. She remembers how they were perfectly matched like puzzle pieces.
She remembers his loyalty and his protectiveness.
She remembers the way he would kiss her on the forehead, letting his lips linger.
She remembers how he was abysmal in the kitchen except for tomato soup.
She remembers his tomato soup and how it never failed to cheer her up.
The last thing she remembers is the way he would say her name.
'I love you, Ellie,'
"I love you Jaime, I'm always going to love you. I'll love you till the end of my days and probably even after that. I've said it a billion times but I'll say it again, I don't know if I believe in soulmates but if I did, you'd be mine," she concludes.
She sits on the outlook until the sun is low in the horizon and heads home.
For once, Peggy decides not to disturb her when she goes to her room and locks her door without a word.
She needs this day to mourn Barnes alone.
Three days later, Peggy and Lizzie get up early to celebrate Steve.
They make his favorite breakfast in the morning and in the afternoon they tell story after story about him. They laugh and they cry but most of all they remember the phenomenal man they both loved.
"I feel like I don't deserve to miss him as much as you do. I only knew him for a couple of years but you knew him for 27 years," Peggy confides in Lizzie.
Lizzie didn't know that Peggy felt this way. She never thought Peggy wasn't allowed to mourn as much as her.
"Steve was to you what Jaime was to me. He was the love of your life and no matter the time you knew each other, losing that is a deep pain I know all to well," Lizzie admits.
"Was it harder to lose Bucky than Steve?" Peggy asks.
"When Stevie died, I honestly think a very literal piece of me died. I've learned to tune it out but when I focus on it, I can still feel the ice that is trapped in my body," Lizzie says.
She takes a deep breathe because she never talks about Jaime with other people but it's Peggy. She trusts Peggy with her life and she can trust her with Jaime.
"When Jaime died, my happiness died. I can be content but I don't know if I'll ever be truly joyfully again. I don't know if there's an answer to who was harder to lose because they were the two halves of my heart. I loved them both to the point where I'll never ever recover," Lizzie says.
Peggy has been considering bringing up a topic for some time. She doesn't want Lizzie to backslide but she needs to talk about this.
"You don't think any other man could make you happy?" Peggy starts.
Lizzie instantly knows where Peggy is going with the conversation and she doesn't want to have it.
"Peggy," she warns.
"He's a good man, Beth" Peggy says.
"I'm not having this conversation," Lizzie says.
She gets up but Peggy follows her.
"No, Elizabeth. You need to have the discussion!" Peggy says.
She knows she needs to push Lizzie or she's never going to move on.
"I can't love him. I can't love anyone but Jaime," Lizzie says.
"Have you tried? I know you will never love like you loved Barnes but surely you still have some of your heart to give," Peggy insists.
Lizzie spins around and faces her.
"What about you? If it's so easy, why don't you move on from my brother?" Lizzie demands.
"Because I don't have a man looking at me the way he does you," Peggy says.
Peggy tries to continue the conversation but Lizzie has completely shut down. They stare each other down until they both decide just to go to bed.
In the morning, Peggy brings breakfast to Lizzie in bed to apologize.
"I shouldn't have pushed the topic. I just want you to be happy," Peggy admits.
"You help me be happy enough by just being you, Peggy. I do appreciate how much you care about me. I love you, Peg," Lizzie says.
"I love you too, Beth," Peggy says.
Lizzie is in no way ready to move on from Bucky and Steve but maybe a small step.
"Do you think you could call me Lizzie?" She asks.
Peggy is shocked. She never thought she'd be able to hear her old nickname again.
"Okay, Lizzie," Peggy says with a smile.
So many years ago, the universe took her boys but at least it gave her Peggy.
A few months later Peggy was away on a mission and Lizzie was enjoying some time sitting in the backyard. The sun was out and it was quite beautiful.
She is reading The Catcher And The Rye. She has read it before but she finds Holden Caulfield is a complex character that she always enjoys reading about.
Her reading is disrupted by Stan opening the side gate.
"Oh, hi Stan," Lizzie says in surprise.
She closes her book and sets it down next to her.
"Hi, Beth," he says quietly.
She instantly picks up on his solemn tone and knows this is going to be a serious discussion. It's most likely going to be a discussion that she's been avoiding for a long time.
He doesn't sit down and he doesn't beat around the bush either.
"I got a job offer in Chicago," Stan says.
That is definitely not what she was expecting.
"Oh, congratulations," she says though her voice doesn't sound very congratulatory.
"I haven't accepted yet," he says.
She doesn't want to ask the question but she knows she must.
"Why not?" Lizzie asks.
He gives her a sad and longing look.
"You know why," he whispers.
She didn't want to lose Stan but she couldn't ask for him to stay.
"I don't," Lizzie lies.
"Beth, you are the smartest person I ever met. I know you've worked all this out a long time ago," he says.
"Please, don't say it. You'll ruin everything," Lizzie begs.
"I love you," Stan says.
Those of the words she never wanted to hear come out of his mouth but they could never be taken back.
"Stan..."
"I know you can't love me like you loved him. I've accepted that you will always love him more but I think that I could make you happy," Stan says.
Maybe with time he could make her happy but she can't waste his time with maybes.
She reaches forward and grabs his hands in hers. He looks down at her but he can see her decision in her eyes.
"I can't love you the way you want me to. I wish I could but I can't. I am so sorry," she says.
He lets one tear roll down his face and gives her a watery smile.
"Don't be. I knew it was a long shot but I didn't want to have any regrets. I saw the way you two looked at each other and knew I never really stood a chance," he says.
Lizzie's voice is caught in her throat and she can't find a way to respond.
He picks up her hand and presses a long kiss to the back of it.
"Goodbye, Elizabeth," he says.
He drops her hands and slips out the side gate, never looking back.
Lizzie cries because she just broke the heart of a man she truly cares about but she knew in the end, she did them both a favor.
She could never love anyone but a ghost she can't let go.