Echoing. Everything was echoing all around me. The cries from friends and family over their dead loved ones rattled around in my brain like rocks in a jar. I couldn't unhear it.
"Lizzie." A quiet voice said behind me, and I finally registered that whoever stopped me from ripping my heart out was still holding my wrists.
I turned over my shoulder, looking into Astoria's warm eyes.
"Lizzie, you're going to be okay. Do you hear me? You're going to be just fine." Astoria was repeating, her words echoing in my head.
I stared blankly at her.
"Who else?" I asked, my voice hoarse. Astoria looked at me, puzzled.
"Who else is dead?" I asked, and Astoria looked down.
"Bonnie. One of those Weasley twins. A bunch of students. That's it—-for right now." Astoria said, uncertainly.
"Death Eaters?" I asked, my eyes glancing around.
"A bunch. Someone said they saw a Death Eater killing other Death Eaters. It's just a rumor right now." Astoria said, a knowing glint in her eyes.
"I—Astoria, I can't lose him. I—I won't survive it." I said, my voice low and breaking.
It was the first time I uttered the words out loud, though they had been true for a long time. I knew them to be true. Draco was the love of my existence. The thought of him, dead, somewhere in the castle was unfathomable.
"I know, Lizzie, I know. When this is all over, we'll look for him, alright? You can't just run through the castle right now. It's not safe, not with You-Know-Who and his army just outside. This fight could pick back up at any moment, and it's you I can't lose, Lizzie." she said, gripping my arms in her hands. She looked at me imploringly, and tears welled up in my eyes.
Astoria was my family. She was all I felt I had left. I gripped her arms back, nodding. She breathed a sigh of relief. She opened her mouth to say something again, but was cut off completely. Commotion by the front door stole our attention. Waves of people were looking out into the dark courtyard just beyond the doors. There were murmurs of confusion, gasps and all-around disbelief.
I staggered to my feet, dragging myself toward the door. There, just beyond the light of the castle, a wave of Death Eaters were moving. It was hard to make out who all was among them, but the shiny scales of a large snake in the center told me that Voldemort was leading the pack.
The first voice broke the silence, screaming into the night.
"NO!" McGonagall cried, her fist coming to her mouth to stifle her screams.
Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville were next. The chorus of "Harry!" and "No!" and "Not him!" were deafening.
Finally, my eyes adjusted as I watched Hagrid stumble into view, cricket ball sized tears falling onto the body of Harry Potter.
My stomach gave a great lurch. I felt sick rising in my throat, which threatened to close on me.
Harry was dead. Voldemort had won. Everyone here was in grave danger. My friends—my family—was doomed. Sheer dread filled my chest.
"Harry Potter is dead. He died a coward's death, trying to run away from you all. As you can see, he was just a stupid boy. Average, who only succeeded because his friends were willing to sacrifice for him. From now on, you will put your allegiance in me." Voldemort's high, cold voice rang across the square. Hagrid had been ordered to place Harry at Voldemort's feet, and the boy who lived lay still and dead on the grass.
"No!" A voice cried, as Neville broke away from the group. He charged across the courtyard, despite the protests from those behind him. With a loud bang, he was thrown on his side, skidding to a halt on the pavement.
"So brave. So foolish. Who may this be?" Voldemort asked, beginning his slow circling around Neville.
"My Lord—Neville Longbottom. Son of Aurors Alice and Frank. Gave the Carrows lots of trouble this year." Bellatrix's raspy voice came from behind a few Death Eaters. Realization dawned on Voldemort's cold face.
"Yes, yes. Brave. Foolish, but lion-hearted. A pure blood, I believe. Yes, you are devoted to your friends, Neville Longbottom. You will make a fine Death Eater." Voldemort retorted, smiling sickly at him.
"I'll join you when hell freezes over!" Neville yelled, and an answering yell from his friends was silenced by Bellatrix.
"A shame, Neville, truly. You could have been of great use to me. On your head, as the saying goes." Voldemort said, a faint mocking sound in his voice. Before I could blink, something came flying out of the castle, like a large brown bird. It landed on Neville's head, and I realized it was the sorting hat. As soon as Neville realized it too, and to my horror, it burst into flames upon his head. My scream of terror and horror mixed in with many others, but we were all bound to immobility.
Suddenly, there was another uproar from the Death Eater's side. I scanned them quickly, looking for the familiar tall, lean figure, but found nothing. Death Eaters down the lines looked behind them in shock, and began to run toward the castle in fright. Centaurs, from the depths of the woods, came charging after them, shooting them with bows and throwing rocks. People on all sides were retreating to the castle: the Death Eaters from the centaurs and us from the Death Eaters.
A flash of silver caught my eye. My heart swelled as I saw Neville, unharmed, rip the burning hat from his head and reach inside of it. To my shock, he yanked out a long, ornate silver sword that I knew to be the sword of Godric Gryffindor. In one fluid motion, I watched as Neville swung the sword, hard, and sliced the head of Voldemort's snake clean off of its body.
Voldemort screamed in rage. My fear for Neville spiked. Astoria was grabbing my arm, almost sobbing, yanking me backwards into the castle.
"Harry? HARRY? WHERE'S HARRY?!" Hagrid's deep voice boomed above the screams and yells all around. A quick look at the grass near Voldemort revealed that Harry's body had vanished.
"Where the fuck is Potter's body? Someone took it?" Astoria demanded, her eyes wild. I shrugged, struggling to get her and myself back into the Great Hall. I tried desperately not to cast my eyes in the direction of Remus and Tonks' bodies. I couldn't think about them right now.
"C'mon, this way!" Astoria said, pulling my arm. Together we ran, quickly, toward the doors of the Great Hall. All around us, spells began to ring out. They were bouncing off of walls, flying past heads. I looked around the room wildly, desperate to catch any flash of blonde hair. Where in Merlin's name was Draco?
Ginny, however, caught my eye. She, Hermione and Luna were all locked in a duel with Bellatrix Lestrange. Hatred flooded my veins when I saw her face. She had taken everything from me. My parents, Bonnie...she may have even killed Remus and Tonks. I knew I couldn't let her live another minute. Every breath she took cut me like a knife. Her existence sickened me.
I broke away from Astoria, despite her pleas toward me. I walked toward them, then finally broke into a run. I ended up behind Bellatrix a little, raising my wand. Before I could cast anything, she spun and locked her eyes on mine.
"Oh looky looky! Wee little baby Clarke coming to kill me? Crybaby is sad I killed her stupid little friend?" She cackled, and I saw red. I cast a stunning spell without even saying it, surprising even myself. She blocked it easily, along with a curse from Hermione. I shot another, watching as it rolled off of her like water. She raised her wand again, and I watched as her lips began to form the words.
"Crucio!" cried a voice, and Bellatrix dropped to the ground like stone. She screamed and writhed in pain, not being able to focus.
As soon as the curse lifted, Bellatrix and I both looked in the direction of the caster.
Like a white angel, Draco was there. He was pointing his wand directly at Bellatrix, a look of complete serenity on his face. He looked at her coldly, as if he had no idea in the world who she was.
"D-Draco. Draco! No, not for her. No! Your allegiance is to the Dark Lord—Draco, please!" Bellatrix screamed, a begging sound to her voice.
Draco stepped up next to me, looking down at Bellatrix. He flicked his wand casually, as if he were swatting an insect.
"Avada Kedavra." He murmured, and the jet of green light hit Bellatrix squarely in the chest. The shock on her face became permanent as she fell toward the ground again, this time lifeless. Her head hit the ground with a crack, and cold, dead blood spilled from it. She moved no more.
I let out a breath I was holding, turning to look at Draco, stunned. He was still looking at Bellatrix's body with disgust, before turning to look at me.
"I told you I would kill anyone who tried to hurt you. I promised you I'd spill guts for you. No one, no one, comes before you." He said, solemnly.
Before I could reply, he had pressed his lips to my temple, and it took everything I had not to collapse into him. I wanted to grab him and run, far away from all of this. Bellatrix dead was just a drop in the bucket.
"HARRY!" I heard Hermione gasp, and suddenly I was shaken out of my trance. Draco and I both spun, and my jaw dropped in shock.
Harry Potter, completely alive, was standing in the center of the Great Hall. He was facing Voldemort, a dark black wand in his right hand. I blinked at it, looking down at Draco's, realizing it wasn't his. Before I could process this, Harry's voice rang out around the Great Hall.
"No one help! No one intercede. It has to be like this—it has to be me." Harry said, and Voldemort began to prowl around him in a circle.
"You think you can defeat me? The most powerful wizard of all time, who possesses the most powerful wand of all time? You?" Voldemort sneered, jeering at Harry.
"That wand doesn't belong to you. It has never belonged to you." Harry said, simply.
"Lies! I killed Severus Snape. The wand is mine!" Voldemort cried.
"The wand never belonged to Snape, Tom. It belonged to Dumbledore." Harry said again, watching Voldemort's eyes darken.
"Snape killed Dumbledore, you stupid boy!" Voldemort cried again, and Harry just shook his head.
"The wand is not passed to the next owner by killing, Tom. It's allegiance changes based on who has the upper hand. Snape killed Dumbledore, but another disarmed him that night. The rightful owner of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy." Harry said, and time stopped.
I felt Draco stiffen behind me. All around us, eyes were cast upon him. I turned to look over my shoulder, meeting his eyes which were already on mine. They mirrored my shock. He had no idea of this.
"Even if that were true, Potter, I will kill Draco after I finish you. Then the wand will truly be mine!" Voldemort jeered. I instinctively raised my wand, stepping in front of Draco. Anyone trying to kill him would have to go through me. He put a reassuring hand on the small of my back, pushing my wand down with his other hand.
"That's just it, Riddle. The wand was Draco's, until I took his wand from him at Malfoy Manor. He probably didn't notice it, he was otherwise occupied, but I took it from him. I disarmed Draco, so the master of the Elder Wand...is me." Harry explained, and there was a collective gasp around the room.
As soon as he had said it, a glow of light flooded into the room. Dawn had broken on this fateful day, the day that so many had died. The light in the room seemed to spur action.
All at once, it came to a head. Voldemort looked at Harry with murder in his eyes, and Harry stared back.
At the same time, they both raised their wands and shouted.
"Avada Kedavra!"
"Expelliarmus!"
Jets of red and green light flooded out of each wand, and met in the center. For a moment, the spells battled back and forth as if trying to decide which was stronger. Then, with a loud crack, the green light vanished. Voldemort's wand flew high in the air, so high that everyone had to turn their faces up to see it, and fell into Harry's waiting hand.
Voldemort's eyes were red, but lifeless, as he collapsed to the ground in a heap.
For a moment, no one dared to breathe. I half expected Voldemort to leap up in a sneak attack on Harry.
Voldemort was dead. He had fallen, and Harry had won.
All around us, people were screaming. Cries and cheers echoed the hall. I turned, stunned, toward Draco. He looked petrified and gleeful, all at the same time. I tried to smile, but couldn't. All I could think about was Remus.
Remus, my everything.
Draco knew. He swallowed thickly, looking down at me. I looked back at him, tears in my eyes.
"N-Now what?" I asked, my voice trembling. Draco opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. He repeated this motion a few times, before finally giving up. He didn't know what to say to me. I didn't know what to say to him.
I moved slowly, my body dragging itself toward Remus again. As soon as I neared him, I fell to my knees again. So badly I wanted to celebrate the death of the tyrant with all of the other happy people around, but I felt cold and empty.
I felt Draco's presence sink to the floor behind me. He was sitting down, quietly, his presence more calming than I can explain.
"What's going to happen to you?" I asked, my voice low and emotionless. The idea of losing Draco was too much to even think about.
"Azkaban, most likely." Draco said, his voice both hard and soft at the same time. I tore my eyes away from Remus' body to look at Draco, horror stricken.
"Azkaban? Certainly not. No, I won't allow it. No!" I yelled, causing some very happy 5th years to look at me in confusion.
Draco smiled at me, sadly.
"I don't know, Lizzie. Maybe. I mean, my Dad's surely going there. Mum, maybe not. I've done bad things too, you know." he reminded me, as if I was suddenly going to agree that he deserved Azkaban.
"I'll testify for you. Over my dead body will they-!"
But Draco had pressed his hand to my mouth, silencing me. He was studying me, his eyes hard.
"Lizzie, you're—-you're about to break down. I can see it." He said, as if he were speaking to a wounded animal.
"Me?! Me? Break down? Draco, believe me, I'm not going to break down." I assured him, fighting back the hysteria threatening to swallow me. He was intensely right, but I couldn't admit to it. I was losing my grip on sanity.
He watched me carefully, not saying a word.
"W-Where are your parents?" I asked, desperate to change the subject.
"I don't know. I don't care." Draco said simply, and something inside of me stirred.
Draco was throwing in the metaphorical towel. Most Death Eaters were disapparating, running away from the wrath of the ministry. Draco's father would no doubt be part of that crowd. Here was Draco, Death Eater mask discarded next to him, black robes looking like a neon sign alerting all around him that he was a Death Eater. He knew he was going to Azkaban. He had come to grips with it, he accepted his fate. He wasn't interested in self preservation. He was here, crouched on the ground next to me, his hand rubbing my back as I grieved the only parents I had known. Parents that didn't approve of him. Parents that would have helped lock him up, had they survived.
He didn't care about himself anymore. His only focus was on me.
My heart began to tear slowly in half. My blood felt painful, ripping through me with every beat. I knew what I had to do, but I knew I needed to be strong enough. I was about to ruin my own life, and Draco's, in order to keep him safe.
I needed him. I needed him more than I needed anyone. I needed him alive.
"Draco...I can't...I can't be with you, anymore. You...I can't." I said, feeling the sobs trying to rip their way up my throat. My eyes had fallen back on Remus, who was becoming more and more cold by the second. Tears blurred my vision, and I felt like I was dying. This is exactly what dying would feel like, I was sure of it.
Draco was silent for a moment.
"What? What did you just say to me, Clarke?" He asked, his voice low and menacing. I knew he had no idea what I was saying, but I had to press on. I felt like someone was Crucioing me.
"Draco, you have to go. You—they'll try to arrest you. Just go, now, while you can. I'll tell them...I'll tell them that you were on our side. I'll tell them everything, but you have to go. We can't be together." I answered, finally tearing my eyes from Remus. I looked toward Draco, who's eyes were tortured. He was looking at me like I was betraying him, and I knew I was. I couldn't lose him, too.
"No, Elizabeth. Fuck no! I'm not fucking leaving you. Not when fucking Roy Clarke could kill you and himself—!"
"Roy's dead, Draco. I stepped over his body already." I admitted, not knowing if it were true or not. I had to get him to leave. He needed to go.
"Don't fucking lie, Clarke, please. Don't do this. Elizabeth, I'm fucking begging you." Draco said, and he was grabbing my face. Tears were spilling down my cheeks now, a stark contrast to the celebrations still surrounding us both.
"Please, Elizabeth. I'll do anything you want. I'll fucking give up Malfoy Manor. We'll live at your house. I'll sleep on the fucking floor. You want me to turn myself in, give them all my memories? I'll do it. I'll do anything. Whatever you ask. Please." He begged, and the pain was so acute it took my breath away. I knew this was the moment I needed to be strong.
"Anything I ask?" I cleared, watching him nod forcefully.
"Anything." he repeated, and I closed my eyes.
"Go. A year, Draco. Let me have a year. I have to clear your name—don't cut me off, please— I have to clear your name with the ministry. I have to figure out...figure out how to fucking live again. My godson—Merlin, my godson—-is an orphan now, like me. I have to be there for him. Draco...I can't be with you. Please, please, you have to go. We'll find each other in a year, I swear it. The world will be different, then. It will be for us. Remember how we kept saying that everything was against us? I'll make it for us, and when we can be together again, it'll be glorious. Please, Draco." I begged, sobs breaking apart my words. Draco was squeezing my face now, as if he was trying to get me to stop talking. He probably was.
He was looking at me like a man at the gallows. I was holding the rope.
Finally, he had searched my face long enough. His grip on my cheeks began to slacken.
Suddenly, he surged forward. His lips caught mine at an almost bruising pressure.
He kissed me, like it would be the last time. I knew it would. Draco and I kneeled on the ground of the Great Hall, kissing each other, our tears mixing into our lips. Each time one of us began to pull away, the other was not ready.
Time ticked by so painfully quickly. I wasn't ready when Draco finally pulled away. His eyes were rimmed red, but his face was determined. He rose from the floor, looking down at me.
"A year, Clarke. I'm finding you in a year." He promised, his voice hoarse. I nodded, unable to speak around my tears.
My heart was bleeding. It was being ripped out of my chest and being thrown on the floor and I was bleeding. Everything was gone. Remus, Tonks, Bonnie...Draco. Gone.
Draco took one fleeting look at me, and turned to walk away. Each footstep brought him further and further away from him. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't move.
"Draco!" I screamed, pushing myself up off of the ground. I ran—no, sprinted—toward him, colliding with his body. He was ready for me, his strong arms catching me around my middle. I pressed my lips to his, savoring his scent and his taste. I squeezed my eyes closed, trying desperately to memorize him.
"One year. Then come back to me." I whispered against his lips.
"Your wish, my command." he breathed back, and I blinked away tears. I let him go, begrudgingly, and stepped back from him.
"I love you, Clarke." He said, solemnly.
"I love you." I repeated, and he shot me a half smile that made my heart seize.
He backed away from me, not dropping my gaze until he had to. I watched as he ducked around people, who barely took notice of him, and left the front doors. I hesitated, keeping myself from calling out to him and taking it all back. I wanted him to hold me, and tell me he wouldn't leave. I couldn't be selfish, however. Not with Draco.
I needed him more than I wanted him, and I needed him whole. Alive. Free.
I watched, tears streaming down my face. His dark figure walked quickly out of the castle bounds, and apparated out of sight.