Peggy was starting to get worried because Lizzie hadn't come out of her room all day. Peggy tried to give her her space because they both needed time to grieve but Peggy was still deeply concerned about her friend.
Two days ago was the Fourth of July, Lizzie's birthday. It was also Steve's birthday and Lizzie insisted that she rather not acknowledge the day at all. Peggy wanted to protest but she knew that Lizzie was all about avoidance when it came to her grief.
Peggy debates with herself for hours on whether or not to disturb Lizzie but hers concern wins out.
She walks upstairs and knocks on Lizzie's door. There is no response so she knocks a little louder.
"Beth?" Peggy asks.
She is still met with silence and she starts to get really concerned.
"Beth, can you at least let me know you're alright?" Peggy asks.
After she doesn't get a response, Peggy begins to panic.
She takes a Bobby pin out of her hair and picks the lock to the room. It doesn't take her long and she quickly opens the door.
She finds Lizzie sitting on the floor with her comforter wrapped around her. On her lap sits a photo of Barnes.
She is gently tracing his features and is completely zoned in on the photograph.
Peggy isn't surprised that Lizzie didn't hear her knocking or her entrance. Based off of Lizzie's expression, a bomb going off wouldn't be able to pull her out of her trance.
"Beth?" Peggy asks.
She still gets no response so she kneels next to Lizzie. She places her hand on her shoulder and the physical touch finally gets her attention and she jumps and looks over at Peggy.
"Oh," Lizzie says flatly but then she just turns back to the photo.
Peggy gets a better look at the photograph. It looks like the photo was done at a studio but it doesn't look staged like a normal portrait.
For one, Barnes is not looking at the camera but slightly to the left. He is laughing genuinely and he has a wide smile on his face.
This Barnes does not look like the Barnes she knew. This Barnes looked young and carefree and happy.
"Today was supposed to be our ten year Anniversary. We got together on July 6th of 1935. Before the war happened, we decided that today was the day we'd get married," Lizzie says emotionlessly.
Peggy doesn't know how to respond so she just listens.
"I should've married him when I had the chance. I should've married him as soon as I turned 18. I should've had kids with him," Lizzie says.
"According to your brother, you chose to delay because it was your dream to become a doctor," Peggy says.
"Jaime was my dream. Being a doctor was an aspiration but Jaime was my future. He was always my future and now he's gone so where does that leave me?" Lizzie says.
"Alive, it leaves you alive. You are only 27 Beth, you still have a lot of life to live," Peggy says.
Lizzie looks up at Peggy sadly.
"He is the love of my life, I can barely breathe without him so how do you expect me to live?" Lizzie asks.
"You're going to live for Barnes and for Steve. They both died with the hope that you would be safe and happy. They loved you deeply and they only wanted the world for you. So here's what we're going to do, each day, we are going to do one thing that makes us feel alive and then we are going to share it with each other," Peggy says.
Lizzie looks at Peggy like a lost and confused child.
"You want me to move on from them?" Lizzie asks.
"No, I know neither of us will ever move on from them. Their memories will always be with us but we can choose to either let them haunt us or comfort us. It's going to be a long and difficult road but we must go on," Peggy says.
Lizzie thinks about Peggy's proposal. She knows that Steve and Bucky would want her to go on but she feels like she'd be betraying them if she doesn't allow the grief to swallow her. If she lets herself start to recover, doesn't that make it seem like she didn't love them enough to be completely destroyed?
However, Peggy isn't asking for much. She just wants one thing that makes her feel alive. She can pull herself out of her pit for one action a day.
"Okay, one thing that makes us feel alive," Lizzie says.
Peggy smiles a little bit because she knows this will help Lizzie. It will take time but she knows that it will help both of them progress.
"It's a deal. So, what are you going to do today that will make you feel alive?" Peggy asks.
Lizzie didn't think that far ahead. She doesn't even know how to find any joy in this hell she calls her life.
"I don't know," Lizzie whispers.
Peggy can tell that Lizzie needs some guidance. She can tell Lizzie is strong but she is also quite broken right now and needs someone to help her through the darkness.
"I know what I want to do, I want to watch the sunset," Peggy says.
This surprises Lizzie because Peggy doesn't exactly seem like the watch the sunset type.
"Watch the sunset?" Lizzie asks.
"Yes, watch the sunset. The sun sets everyday but how often do we get to actually see it? We are all so busy with our daily tasks that we almost always miss it. Today, I choose to enjoy it," Peggy says.
Watching the sunset doesn't seem that daunting. It's a very small thing but maybe it's the baby step that Lizzie needs.
"Okay, let's watch the sunset," Lizzie says.
Peggy helps Lizzie off the floor so they can walk outside. Peggy expects Lizzie to leave the photo but she keeps it lightly gripped in her hand.
They head to the backyard to watch the sunset but Lizzie notices that the fence is too high to see it properly.
Lizzie hands Peggy the picture.
"Will you hold onto this for me for a second?" Lizzie asks.
Peggy takes the photo in confusion. She doesn't know why Lizzie gave the photo to her to hold but it means a lot to her that she did. It means that Lizzie trusts her with something this important.
Lizzie walks to the shed on the side of the house and brings out a ladder and props it next to the roof.
"Let's go," Lizzie says.
"You want to climb on the roof?" Peggy asks in surprise.
Peggy is not to worried about going up, she's done far more dangerous things. She just never thought that Lizzie was the adventurous type.
"Yes, this is what I'm doing today to feel alive," Lizzie says.
Peggy worries a little bit that Lizzie's way of feeling alive will be through danger but for some reason she doubts it. Lizzie may be a bit depressed but she isn't suicidal.
Peggy nods and hands the picture back to Lizzie. She then walks up to the ladder and begins to climb.
Once she's at the top, Lizzie follows her up and Peggy helps her gain her footing. They both sit on the edge of the roof and wait for the sun to go down.
"Bucky would be furious with me if he saw me do this. He'd tell me I'm going to break my neck. However, I've definitely seen him do some much stupider things which is pretty hypocritical," Lizzie says.
It was a small admission but Peggy was hopeful that these little things would help heal Lizzie with time. Neither of them would be fully whole again, but they could heal.
"Barnes did seem the type to get into trouble," Peggy says.
"Oh, he was. Steve and I always had to bail him out," Lizzie says with a laugh.
Peggy gives a small smile and they lapse into silence. They watch as the sun sets from their spot on the roof.
"I miss him, Peg," Lizzie whispers.
Then she bursts into tears. Though Peggy hates to see her cry, she is glad that she is. As far as she knows, Lizzie hasn't cried since she first got told about Barnes' death. Lizzie was bottling everything up and she needed release.
Peggy scouts over and pulls Lizzie to rest her head in her lap. She doesn't know why she chooses to comfort Lizzie this way but she just does.
Peggy strokes her hair until she stops crying.
"Mom and Steve used to comfort me like this when I was sad. They would have me lay in their lap and they would stroke my hair until I stopped crying or fell asleep. Did Steve tell you that?" Lizzie asks.
"No, I don't even know why I did it," Peggy admits.
They fall into silence and stay in that position long after the sun goes down.
"Peggy?" Lizzie asks.
"Yes?" She replies.
"Thanks for helping me live," Lizzie says.