Hello. So, I'm not sure where this is going at all and I'm tired as fuck but I wanted to update, so here it is. Just let me know what you think and in which direction you would like things to go. I'm open for suggestions.
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A jangly melody started up and a phone buzzed against the nightstand.
"Tell her to fuck off!" The soft but grumpy voice of Lewis grumbled from the side of the bed. The owner of the phone sat up, in order to answer but he didn't. He was with Lewis so his will to talk with his wife was very little. The German took a few seconds to sit on the bed and savor the heat behind him. He didn't have it in him. Leaving the bed and Lewis's warm embrace to probably fight with his wife over the phone wasn't something he wanted to do under any circumstances.
The Brit wiggled free from the blanket to through his arms around Nico's neck from behind. His legs tangled off the bed left and right from his lover's hip as he closed his arms around Nico's middle.
"You're all mine." He whispered against his neck, causing Nico to smile softly, as he felt Lewis's lips tracking wet kisses down from his ear, over his neck towards his shoulder. How much he wished he would be all his. Nico exhaled, before he brushed Lewis's hair behind his ear, to see his beautiful warm brown eyes.
"I can't ignore her. We're married." Nico told him promptly and silent, but the Brit felt somewhat offended. Lewis let go of him, before he laid down on the bed again, looking up to him exceptionally, like he waited for the German to say something else, but as he didn't Lewis rolled his eyes while turning away from him, before snuggling into Nico's pillow.
"Lew, come on you know that's how it is." Lewis did know, but he hated it. At first, it was okay or at least that what Lewis told himself. They always went out together with their friends, hanging around each other in general and they liked to crash parties together most likely a Ferrari or Red Bull party.
Back then they spent more and more time with each other, even their holiday in Kenia, while Vivi was waiting for Nico at home in Monaco. He had told her that it would be a holiday with the boys. Well, in the end, it was 10 days of romantic safari with Lewis. Lewis didn't care that much, he loved watching all these majestic animals in their natural environment and pointing them out like a little excited kid, which caused Nico to smile at him every now and then so gentle and soft. It felt like they were having a real relationship until Nico's wife called. Telling him that she was pregnant. Not even one holiday just for them. Sometimes Lewis wondered if they never were meant to be, but did it feel so good then?
"I wish you didn't have to go," Lewis mumbled into the pillow like a little kid which caused Nico to recall how young Lewis has remained in certain ways. The German sighed gently. This sentimental act was joined by a hand stroking down Lewis's back. Sighing again, as Lewis refused to react to the German's touch, Nico stood up and pulled his pants on. Before he'd gotten all his clothes on, some shifting on the bed could be heard from the other end of the bedroom and drew his attention to their bed. Slowly he walked over to join Lewis on the bed again.
"I won't stay," he said, turning back to squeeze the hand of the man behind him. Lewis looked up at him, nearly tearing him apart with the look in his soft brown eyes. Nico knew he was hurting Lewis every time he left the Brit in order to be with Vivi, a woman he no longer felt love for.
Sometimes he wondered if it would change anything if he would tell Lewis about his divorce. If he would tell him, that he will only fly home to finalize the end of his marriage. Maybe he should tell him, but in the end, he couldn't forget Joanna's expression as he told her and Lewis that he would marry Vivi. The young Austrian was a child back then, but she made him understand that when he would marry Vivi, he would never again be worth of Lewis. There was no going back, even though the Austrian had clearly told him to just go for it when he was divorced merely a few months back but Lewis deserved better.
Nico kissed his temple without so much of a word, before gathering his phone and wallet from the nightstand. He quietly opened the door and turned around, giving the room one last look as Lewis spoke up quietly, the Brits face still covered by the pillow. "Promise me you won't sleep with her."
Lewis wasn't asking. He told him too, but Lewis knew that Nico would sleep with Vivi when she wanted him. And Nico was aware that Lewis thought that he knew him that good, but it still hurt him because it wasn't true any longer. The only one he slept with in the last three months was Lewis Hamilton. Even when Vivi had wanted him, before they decided to break up, he was fast to find a reason why they shouldn't or even couldn't.
"You know that I don't promise things." He said without looking at the Brit. The only thing he ever promised was that he would never lie to Lewis and he failed terribly. Breaking this promise yet again would mean breaking the last crumble of trust they hold for each other and he would never risk that. Not again.
"Yeah. I know, but don't expect me to greet you when I meet you in Monaco." He smiled cheekily, before remembering that Nico might not be able to see him and the Brit was right. It was still so dark he could barely make out the shape of the man he loved but it was easier to see him in the middle of the bed as soon as Lewis looked back at him, his gentle brown eyes were reflecting the light from the hall.
He loved that side of Lewis. The cheeky, carefree man, who was always looking for his next adventure. "Stop that or I will have to join you again!" The Mercedes driver ordered him, which caused the other man to laugh before he threw her pillow at him. "God damn it, Nico. Leave."
And Nico did leave, but not without leaving a message on the bedside table. He couldn't tell Lewis himself that he would get a divorce, but he could leave back the piece of paper, with the confirmation of the appointment. If Lewis cared, he would be able to figure it out. It was a shit thing to do a few hours before a race, but Nico couldn't leave Austria without Lewis knowing. Maybe he broke his promise to himself to finally set Lewis free. Maybe he tried to cheat on fate itself, but in war and love, everything is permitted.
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Max never believed himself to be a good person, not really. He had spent a lot of time in his life doing stupid, reckless things and saying words before he thought about them thoroughly. He was hot-headed, immature, and an overall menace. That's what he'd been told, at least.
He lived 19-or-so years of his life with that in mind, the vision of himself created by the regret of acting before thinking. He couldn't help himself, though, as his tongue seemed to work faster than his brain, and often would he say things he did not mean in the heat of the moment.
Leaving his room at the Red Bull facility, Joanna was still on his mind. For the first time in so long, he felt unsure. Not knowing how to speak with Joanna, how to make things right again. Normally, his path was set. If he unintentionally upset a sponsor, he was told exactly what to say to apologize, but now he was on his own. No one could help him. Max would never ask for help either.
Maybe he really had overreacted. He should just try to talk to Joanna, explain to her how he saw things. How things felt to him and how he understood them. You could talk to Joanna, she was a reasonable woman, he just didn't know if she ever wanted to hear his apology. Maybe he was just a toyboy for her and she simply was no longer interested in him.
Not looking where he went, Max ran right into his ever smiley teammate, but today the Aussie wasn't smiling. Maybe a week ago, Max would have asked Daniel what the problem was, but now he couldn't care any less.
"Watch where you're going," Max growled at Daniel, before brushing past him, but Daniel was fast to get a hold of his arm. Pulling Max back, the Dutch protested, but Daniel wasn't having any of it. He tracked Max back to the facility and into a room, which happened to be Christian's office.
"What's your problem, princess?" The Aussie wanted to know, which caused Max to give his teammate a hateful glance before snatching his arm away.
"You. Haven't you been paying attention lately?" Max replied, ready to go, but Daniel moved to block the door.
"Hey I don't know what you think I've done to you but you haven't really been my priority the last few weeks so tell me if we have a problem with each other or deal with it." Watching Max closely, Daniel could see that the Dutch wasn't happy.
"What's going on between you and Joanna?" Max said, not looking Daniel in the eye. He didn't want to see the Aussie's reaction to the question. All he wanted was a simple answer.
"Joanna?" Daniel questioned confused until realization struck him.
"Oh God, you poor fool. You fell in love with her. You made the rookie mistake par excellence." The older Red Bull driver laughed, which caused Max to sharply look up. Face red with anger. He wouldn't allow Daniel to mock him, not over his feelings.
"You're an asshole, Daniel," Max told him, ready to storm away, but the Aussie stopped him again.
"Wait, wait. I won't laugh again. I promise. It's just so bizarre." He tried to explain himself, which only got Max to tense more. He wasn't used to other people knowing what he felt.
"Joanna is so ... well Joanna. If she returns your feelings, that's great, but if she doesn't .... All I'm trying to say is, take care of yourself, Max, okay? I know Joanna and I know what she can do to people if she wants to." Daniel told Max while brushing his fingers through his unruly curls.
"Then why do you go against her?" To be true, Max didn't really understand what this all was about.
"Sometimes you have to die a little bit to be alive. You're too young to understand that. Joanna and I, we know each other for so long by now, there are so many battle scars. It brings some familiarity to this ever-changing world. That's why Fernando is still around and that's why Joanna can't let Mark go yet." The Aussie tried to explain with a nostalgic smile on his face and Max was very close to simply call him insane.
"I don't get it. Aren't you friends?"
"We are. She's one of my best friends. That's our way to show that we love each other."
Max had promised himself he wouldn't get involved in the fight between Joanna and Daniel. He was sleeping with her and Daniel was his teammate, he wasn't objective. That's why he didn't want to get involved, didn't want to pass judgment, but he couldn't let Joanna steal Daniel's seat from under his ass without Daniel realizing it. He wanted to give Daniel the opportunity to fight, maybe because he didn't want Joanna on his team but also because he wanted Daniel to be his teammate a little bit longer. He was learning a lot from him and despite everything, he liked the Aussie.
"I don't know what fucked up games you like to play, but this one is getting out of hand. Christian is ready to offer Joanna your seat at Red Bull. Whatever this is about, you need to stop before it's too late." Max said, hoping Daniel got the message, but the Aussie didn't react like Max would have, hearing such news.
"That's the shit part of this game. There is no stopping. Not until there is a winner and a loser."
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One drop after the other until it sounded like the greatest concert nature could deliver. The rhythm of falling raindrops. Even as the Austrian was still a toddler, she loved the smell and the sounds of rain. It's like wildlife recovers from a long time without a drop of water. Like nature breaths back in life.
Joanna watched how the rain got stronger and stronger and she knew she should at least be concerned about it, driving in the wet was far more dangerous but she wasn't. The rain didn't scare her, Joanna could handle herself, even in the pouring rain. She felt at ease like she always did when it was raining. It was like a boost. Out of the last ten rain races, Joanna had won eight. It was like her superpower. The rain scared the other, but never Joanna, she loved it.
The Austrian driver believed that sleep requires peace in mind and body. She only felt truly at peace when it was raining. The falling drops so loud she couldn't hear her own confusing mind any longer. Nothing in this world was better than the sound of heavy rain while falling asleep. It freed her. So she had a pleasant night full of sleep, which caused the good mood she was currently in. A rain race in Austrian. Things were about to get real.
"I love the sound of heavy rain and thunder on a dark night, I find it so peaceful," Joanna told Sebastian a little bit dreamy, as she was leaning against the wall of the garage, her arms crossed in front of her chest and her eyes closed in bliss.
The younger driver seemed to be completely satisfied in her own world, which is why the team let her be. She needed to relax, especially before a race that was as difficult and required as much concentration as Austria in the wet did.
"I ran into Christian this morning. After some small talk, he finally admitted that he actually wanted to talk to you. He asked me if I knew when you would be leaving for Monaco." Seb told her, as he took the place next to his younger teammate, standing at the entrance of the Ferrari garage. He was wearing one of the Ferrari rain jackets, which he has pulled over his face to make sure not to get wet while standing so close to the open paddock.
"I thought rumors would spread faster," Joanna muttered to herself. Seb watched Joanna from the side until he looked back up at the sky. The German wasn't that much a fan of the rain, it made just everything at least ten times harder.
"What did you say?" The younger Ferrari driver wondered, which caused Sebastian to shrug.
"That Kiwi manages your life, not I. He wasn't happy with that answer." Sebastian admitted with a small smile on his lips.
"Can imagine. But thanks. I barely escaped dinner plans with Claire and Frank Williams this morning. Everybody wants me but I have way too much fun playing hard to get."
The Austrian told him, looking up to her teammate, which caused Seb to lay his hand down on her shoulder while scanning her face for anything, but he wasn't sure what, until his eyes met hers. They were always stormy grey with this charming hint of mischievous green but today all he could see was a fierce rainstorm brewing.
"So it's true? Toto offered you a seat yesterday?" Sebastian wanted to know, which caused Joanna to look at him, before shrugging her shoulders and accepting an umbrella from one of the mechanics. It was nearly time, so they should walk over to meet the other drivers for the parade.
"Many people try to promise you things, Seb, but very few keep their promises," Joanna said, a strangely nostalgic look on her face.
"Christian will make promises to get you as well," Sebastian noted which caused Joanna to nod. She knew that. She wasn't new to the game after all. And she had been counting on it.
"He will offer a seat, yes. But not Max's." Joanna added which caused Sebastian's eyes to widen in realization.
"You're moving to Red Bull just to punish Daniel?" He asked her in disbelieve. Knowing that Joanna didn't know when to stop when she was playing games. The Aussie had managed to hurt her in the first place, but Joanna would pay him back.
"Well yes, but actually no." She told him before they walked done the track together for the anthem.
"What are you trying to say." The German wanted to know as he followed her, which caused Joanna to smirk.
Daniel has played all his cards. He was too sure of victory. He had not seen the ace up Joanna's sleeve. There was nothing more to say. No more ace to play. The game was over. The dust would soon settle and the winner would stand strong while the loser would have to fall.
"That fear is a powerful weapon and that a well-aimed lie can make things a lot more interesting."
Grinning at Sebastian Joanna nearly ran into Lewis, who looked at her like his dog just died, which caused the Austrian to lift an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" She wanted to know, while Sebastian left them to have a chat with Jenson, who was waving him over instead.
"Nico?" Joanna asked, not looking up from her phone to see the man next to her leaning at the railing of the driver's parade truck. The Brit wasn't with the people, who usually kept him company. Normally he was somewhere at the front, fooling around with Nico or even Valtteri, but now he was somewhere in the middle but alone at the same time. His phone the only way to stop people from talking to him.
"He's getting divorced. Left me a note so I would know." He explained shooting her a mocking glance, but the woman didn't react as she would normally do. There was no cheeky comment about what an asshole the German was, only an exhausted sigh. Joanna moved, so her chin could rest on his shoulder.
"He's such an asshole." She finally answered as Lewis already has turned back to his phone and waved at the fan occasionally, not expecting her anymore to speak up. Thinking Joanna would only offer him silent comfort.
He lowered his phone to look at the Austrian woman. Joanna never truly felt human to him, not until this moment. She was always the carrying daughter, the perfect driver.
"What would you do?" Lewis asked out of pure curiosity. They had known one another for a very long time and never really had a problem with each other, even though he often found the Austrian and her theatrical nature, she hid from the media exhausting, but he guessed with her family, or rather her father she needed such characteristic to not suffocate, he respected her for her talent and her ability to work harder for her goals than anyone else and somewhere along the way, they've become friends. He secretly admired Joanna for making real friends among the other racers. Sebastian, Jenson, Dan, Nico, him. Sometimes their relationship with each other was complicated but they were always friends. At the end of the day, they understood each other.
"I was in a similar situation once," Joanna admitted, which caused Lewis to look up at her.
"Mark." He whispered, it wasn't a question, they both knew that she was speaking about him. Still, Joanna nodded shortly.
"What did you do back then?" Lewis wanted to know, which caused Joanna to exhale. The situation had been similar but not the same.
"He hated me and I hated him, but with the time I guess we grew on each other. He promised he would leave his wife, so we could start a life together. No more hiding. He retired and we were over. I tried to forget everything and move on." She whispered more to herself than answering Lewis's question, but it was enough of an answer for him. Joanna left out the part about the pregnancy and the miscarriage, no one needed to know that.
Lewis felt he could relate to her so well, he felt pain when he thought of Nico and their lost friendship. Joanna thought about something she could say, a sort of advice or warning to not make the same mistakes as she did, but in the end, it was his life. And life doesn't come with instructions, for any of them. So telling him would be considered cheating.
"I don't know what to do, Josie." Lewis quietly admitted, which caused Joanna to put her hand on his shoulder.
The Austrian felt like nothing she could say now would help Lewis anyway because Lewis Hamilton never learned how to accept help. He's gonna forever say "I got this" even with tears in his eyes and a shattered heart. Lewis will rather drown himself in pain and bitterness in silence before asking for help because that is what he thought a strong person did.
"The only question you have to answer is can you live without him or not?" Joanna told Lewis while waving at her home crowd. Thinking about it, Lewis looked over his shoulder to where Nico was talking to Jenson and Sebastian.
"I can live without him." Lewis finally admitted, not looking at Joanna. Rather starring at Nico, who caught his eye and smiled, before looking back at Daniel, who joined them, pulling Max along, despite the Dutch's insistence that he was fine where he was before.
"But I don't want to." The Brit added, which caused Joanna to nod softly. She knew that they would crash and burn. Joanna was part of this business for long enough, but who was she to say losing without a fight was better than crashing and burning together was.