Hellooooo Guysssssssss....
Hope you and your family all are Safe and Sound amidst the rising Covid Tsunami in India. Stay in and Stay Safe - Guysss!!🙏🙏🙏🙏
So Yup here I am on Friday(a day prior thanschedule)with the next update off HW3.0.😉😉😉🤗🤗❤❤ And guys - yes - originally - as per my update outline - this Update again on the theme of Flamed was supposed to be Longer.But then by the time I finished writing this bit I wanted it to stand out as a stand alone update for it's emotional significance. You will know what I mean when you finish reading this.
So Yup Seatbelts On - My Dear Readers. This one is Intense in its own way - emotionally.
Word Count - Short- Medium- 4.5K Words.✍✍👩💻👩💻
Taking some hours off to just Write this Out finally has truly been my Respite in taking my Mind Off - Everything Covid! And I truly hope - that you are able to experience some distraction and entertainment through the Story Too🤗❤🙏
Will be Eager to know your feedback on the Same!
Thank you so very much guys* Infinity for all your Support to my Work till now! It truly means so much to me!🤗🤗🤗🤗✍✍✍👩💻👩💻👩💻👩💻
Also, yes this is the First Draft. Please definitely ignore editing/common repition of words errors etc - since I have not proofread.
And I shall now let you all dive in without Further Delay.
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TAKE 13 - Flamed
The Next Day - 22nd March, 2019
Hilton, Ageas Bowl - Southampton - UK
11:30 PM in the Night
Khushi's POV
I pick out my change for the night simultaneously, smiling to myself like an Idiot as my eyes read through Arnav's text up on my phone - from a second ago.
Him : Khushi..our plan is on right? please tell me it is. It's been such a long day and you know that now - all I need is some time with You.Soon.Scratch that soon will you? Make that Super-Soon. It's anyway such a pity that we couldn't catch up last night after the mixer - given that it also went on so late into the night. Yeah, I know - we'v been chatting and texting as usual plus - yes, we have been stealing glances at one another all day as much we could in our usual pretend mode. But - that's just not what I want to end my day with today. I need to be with You.
Oops.Guys. The fact that we couldn't catch up last night after is actually kind off my fault. So,' we hatched out this plan on text during the rest of the Mixture. After Mum goes to sleep - I'd just sneak out to be with him for the couple of hours and then sneak back into the room before Dawn. Mum's a deep sleeper, so it would totally work in our favour. However last night - while I was waiting for her to fall off to sleep next to me so that I could sneak out once she was sound asleep - I ended up falling off to sleep too. It was probably because the evening had been such a roller-coaster - emotionally. And I only woke up in the morning when Mum woke me up! I did get on text immediately with Arnav to apologize for dozing off. He was such a darling about it.Like all cool and calm and he asked me not to worry about it at all and take my apology back the very next second.
So yup - after that - as you'v figured from Arnav's text - we'v just been in our usual chatting-stealing glances at each other mode as much as we could throughout the rest of the day. He's had a long intense training session in between Noon - 5PM (five hours)just like our players unit did too. Given that both the teams had only three days of practice time on hand to shift training gear for the limited overs white ball leg of the fixtures.The first ODI is in two days from now.On 25th March.
I text him back quickly biting back my grin.
Me : Yes Arnav...our plan is on. Mum's is deep asleep and yes, I did not fall off to sleep beside her like I did last night.I am so sorry for that once again though. I am just about to step in to freshen up and change for the night. K? I'll see you in twenty minutes.
Him : Khushi - please know I did not point out the bit about us not being able to catch up after last night - to hear you apologize about it to me again? Ok? Take the freaking apology back. I don't want it. This is just about me being my impatient self now - when it comes to you...you know that right?
I bite back my chuckle.
Me : yes...yes..I know that alright? okay..okay...I take back my apology again.
Him : on that note - don't take it back. I'm going to get back at you for it - the minute I see you.
I smile.
Me : ahaan? and how do you plan to do that?
Him : I'll show you once you are here.
I shiver.Literally shiver.
Me : okay...twenty minutes cool? Really need to freshen up. It's been a long day work wise too. I just need the Hot Water to work up it's wonder.
Him : you are about to step into the shower? Khushi?
I chuckle.
Me : yeah...
Him : Dammm.Lucky Shower.
I chuckle.
Me : haha...okay..listen...let me go off text now..so that I can come see you faster?
Him : yeah..okay...come soon - alright? I am waiting.
Me : So am I..
And with that I finally walk into the washroom and place my night change and phone up on the slab first. Slide the door shut. Get set to step into the shower. Once I am in and finish adjusting the shower cap on my hair - I switch on the head shower and step under it - sit on the floor and feel the Hot Water work up its wonder - almost immediately.
So.
I needed this not only because I wanted to freshen up and relax but also because I just needed these couple of minutes to finally acknowledge and cement (once again)- in all my mindfulness - the magnitude off what I have been feeling after last night+ all day today - within my being.
So.... This Man. My Arnav.
He should have come with a label warning/disclaimer - that read - I am fated to be a highly Inflammable substance to your being. I hold the potential/power to not only invade your head and heart like no one ever has. I also hold the potential power to Combust you.To Consume You. All of You.
Why? Do I say that he should have come with this Disclaimer warning? Because in some ways then - I wouldn't have been prepared to feel this Flamed - right?
Yup.
You read that Right.
I am Flamed.
He's got me Flamed. Everything inside of me is Flamed with his thoughts. Freaking Flamed like never before. And no - I am not just talking about the electric intensity of our attraction. I am talking about the bit that he's also had me - Flamed in Emotion - like never before. My emotions for him within - are Flaming and Raging and Steaming - all at the same time. It's Iike I am the Electric Kettle on the Stove. And all my emotions within me for him - are like that state of Boiling Water. And the heat regulator to this stove - seems to have malfunctioned too. For I seem to have no control over the temperature and pressure of these Flames of Emotion.
But I do know one thing for sure - now that I have felt these flames of emotion burn and rage through my being - I know that there is no undoing it. There is no looking back. All I know is that - I am Combusting and drowning in an emotion that is so freaking deep, highly inflammable(yes) and yet very beautiful - all at the same time.
All I know is that even though I have spent all my life prior until I met Arnav believing that I was probably immune to this emotion, that I would never experience it myself because I was emotionally dysfunctional when it came to emotions and romanticism? - here I am just about 37 days after meeting Him - Being Flamed by that very same emotion in super intense ways.
What is this Emotion that's Flaming me Bad?
It's that Notoriously Gorgeous Emotion of Love.Ofcourse.
There I said it. Acknowledged it and cemented it within my head- in all my Mindfulness.Again.
I am being Consumed and Flamed by Love.
Yeah.
You read that right - Guys.
I am in Love.
I am in love with Arnav. And there's no doubt about that in my being - anymore. I just know it that I am.
Yup.
Love has finally come to consume me, flame me, burn me - in the hardest of ways. Probably because - off the ways I had been running away from allowing myself from feeling much emotion on these lines prior to meeting Arnav??Maybe there really is something true about the bit - that those who think are Immune to Love - probably end up falling in it - in the hardest of ways?
Either ways - It is what it is. I just know that this is what it is.That its Deep Love - I have flaming and raging in my being for him.
So.
How did I know that I am in Love with him? How I am so sure about this?
Because - just for a freaking nanosecond yesterday when he was all silent on me and I presumed in my head that he probably didn't want to be with me until we talked about my other stuff - I had realised that my very potential presumption of feeling like an empty cold fridge if he ever walked away from me was wrong. For I didn't just feel like an empty cold fridge in that moment of a nanosecond. I freaking felt like a freaking Warehouse dedicated to Cold Storage. All frozen and cold within at the temperature of the freezing potential off Liquid Bloody Nitrogen. ( A reason why I was trying to run out of his reach in that nanosecond of the moment because I was so shaken within by this realisation)
And then - when he said everything that he did and finally - everything within me - came alive all at once. I freaking - defreezed/thawed in a nanosecond. I was back to feeling all Fuzzy, Hot and Warm. The intensity of such an intense fluctuation in my being and state of emotions told me - that he had now become that source of current that was my answer to Love.
And then when he finally kissed me - touched me in the intense ways that he did - I knew it that even if he walked away from me in the future - I would just stay frozen in love with him forever. Nonetheless. I knew it because - when he kissed me - I realised that I do not want to be kissed by any other man ever again. When he touched me - I realised that I do not want to be touched by any other man ever again. And the intensity of the flame in my emotions only deepened more when this realisation struck in those moments with him for never in my Life had I ever felt this before.
And so I just knew then and there that this was it. That I was in love with him. I realised then that now - It's Only Him. I want to be with Him.Only Him.If Not him - then its just going to be no one else - ever. I don't think I have it in me to erase the feel of his kisses or his touches off my being ever - be it physical or emotional.
And all of those sparks of intense emotions together led me to come to a conclusion that - the Flames of Love within me for him are never going to simmer down. The knobs malfunctioned - for good. I ain't interested to call for the electrician to fix it. Ever.Why? Because I like what I feel. I love what I feel. I love the fact that I feel - all Flamed this way - in Love - for Him.
You know another thing that's Crazy though Guys? It's the bit that we often don't realise the true magnitude of a specific moment/context while looking at it from the outside with regards to others even if it is our close ones. That we often only realise the true magnitude of a specific moment/emotion - only when one is in it yourself - when one is living in that freaking emotion of the moment.
For now - that I am experiencing the feel of everything that I am - I feel like - I finally understand Mum. All these years - ever since I got to know about Dad - I'v always wondered right? why didn't she move on? Was it because of me etc etc? and I think now - I finally have my answer. (Arnav was probably right about it all by the Bridge the other day. It's probably her personal choice because of the way she Loved.)
She was probably flamed in Love in similar ways? That even after her break up with Dad - she couldn't just get herself to forget/or erase what she had felt? And had taken respite and refuge in the Memories. Because memories have that power, right? It's the only thing that remains! No matter what changes in Life around you - The Memory remains captured in your heart as you want it to be - as is. The power to reminisces/revisit a memory in your being - is still in your control.
Yeah.
I think - I understand it all now. Very Clearly. Also because - this is exactly what I feel like I am after now given that I still am unsure about what the fate of my Love is going to be when my secret is out in front off him.
I just feel like I want Memories. With Him. With Arnav. Off Us.As many as I can store in the treasure box of my heart while he is here in the present and until the time I finally tell him about my secret. Because just incase - even if there is a 0.0001 percent possibility in the future of him walking away - and I do end up feeling like a freaking Cold Storage frozen at the temperature of liquid bloody nitrogen - the only thing that could keep me going nonetheless - will be these Memories.
See guys - now you know what I meant that this man should have come with that disclaimer warning right? I mean - who knew when I first met him that day at the Thorpe Park in the Fast Track Lane - that he'd be the one - to flame and consume me in these Intense freaking ways.Who knew then - that I was going to fall in love with him all hard, intense and fast - too - ofcourse !
Oh wait - now that I think off it - is that why we were destined to meet each other in the ways we did? At the Theme Park? In the Fast Track Lane? Because everything within the developments off my emotional being for him - was fated to happen all Fast Track???????
I bite back my chuckle at that. And I also wipe out an emotional tear that's welled up in my eyes.
Godammit Arnav.
I don't know where is this Love for you going to take me - but all I know is that even though I do not know the future - I am going to let the flow of what I feel - take its course. And if it burns me to ashes in the process. Then so be It. You might walk away from me in the future. But in my being - you'd still always be My Arnav - the one and only love of my life.
And - just like that - in this very second - I also realise that there's probably something really true about that another popular saying I 'v often read about in books and novels. The bit that says. It's better to have Loved and Lost than to have never loved at all.
Yeah. I think just like Mum - I probably now know - where the person who came up with this exact saying - was probably coming from.
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Seven minutes later - as I finally finish dressing up into my tee and tracks for the night. I quickly pick up my phone to text Arnav.
Me : Arnav...see you in four minutes. Its going to take me two minutes to step outta the room. Another two to get into the elevator to come to your floor.k?
My phone beeps with his reply.
Him : ohh great...but yea still gotta say...longest four minutes ever...Khushi...
Me : Copy that...for sure...
It is right then my phone also beeps with Sarah's text on our Whtsapp group.
Sarah : Babe..we all wana connect with you. It's important. Ten minutes. Is it possible? Are you with Arnav??
Ok. I am worried.
Me : S..is everything alright? are you all still chilling together's at your's right? I mean everything was all chill and cool about 45 minutes ago when we last talked.Why do you sound so serious right now??And no I am not with Arnav yet. I was just heading to meet him. In my room. Mum's asleep though.
Maya's text pops into the chat.
Maya : It's a good thing that Mrs J is sleeping. Plug in those earpods still? Just come on call for five minutes - K. We have something important to discuss. It can't wait.
Brian's text pops into chat.
Brian : yeah khushi..its good that we chat this up with you before you meet Arnav.
Jack : I think you might wana talk to him about it cryptically. I mean I am sure he will be able to make you see through what we are about to say further.
Ok Okay.
I am so confused as to what are they getting at right now.
Me : okay..guys...give me a second..i'll just tell Arnav that you guys wana connect urgently first? He's been waiting.
I quickly call up Arnav first through the voice call on Instagram. And its also crazy that I just realise that we don't have each other's official number's yet. That we'v just been using Instagram.
He picks up in an instant and says happily - " it's crazy that I just realised I don't have your official number yet - Khushi..can we exchange the same tonight..for sure??"
I can't help but chuckle at that as I answer - " yeah...I know...let's do that...okay..listen...these guys just texted me on our group...they say they have something super important to talk about...can you give me another ten minutes or so?? I am sorry to keep you waiting...again.."
He answers all warmly his tone wrapped up in affection - "apologizing again? are we Khushi? Ok..no worries...I will just get back at you for this apology too once you here..."
I bite back a happy chuckle at that. You are such a Darling. Mi Amor.Ohkay I am going Nuts. I can't believe I just also called him Mi Amor in my head which is Spanish for - My Love.
He asks - "Khushi?? You there??"
I pull outta my thoughts - " yeah..Arnav..I am here...okay...ill hang up now..so that I can get on that call with them - k? and I will see you soon..k??"
"soon..or super soon - Khushi??"
I chuckle - " super soon..alright??"
And we hang up. And I quickly rush to the room to get my ear-pods and plug them in on my walk back to the washroom and plonk myself over the ledge of the basin and ring these guys up on our group video call on Whtsapp.
Sarah picks up the video call and she stations her gadget up on a table as she asks grinning - " Babe - you can see us all right? I told these guys theres no point in us picking up our calls separately while we are all together. It will just mess with the signal.."
I can't help but feel relieved at that - the sight of her grin and everyone's relaxed demeanour in the background as they settle around the round table and sofa in Sarah's room - eases me.
I say now smiling - " yup I can see you all...but guys...you all got me so worried over text...but thank god you are all smiling right now...so come on...quick tell me..what is it??"
Maya grins and winks - " okay..so this is totally about the bit we were talking earlier in the day Khushi..about just the five of us going on a little holiday trip for a week or so after you are done with India's tour - given that we all haven't gone on a little vacation together in a while...we all deserve a little a break given that we'v all been working non-stop.."
I smile - " okay...seriously..M...this is like a happy bit right? then why were you all being so cryptic about it? also wait...but didn't we just talk earlier today that - our little vacation will only be possible - if Sarah is free as in - remember she applied for that job - if she hears from them and makes it - we will just have to postpone it...for we are surely not going without her...it has to be either all of us - or we don't go at all..as always..."
Maya smiles at that.
Sarah does too and she winks - " babe - that's what just happened. I just checked my mail. I got that job with that production house. They are starting to shoot for a Netflix original and the first leg off the shooting schedule begins on the 10th of April...I am going to be busy with that job until 24th April for the first leg of the shoot.."
I grin at that - " ohh my god - S - this is great..I am so so so happy for you - this is huge..."
Brian kisses Sarah's head lovingly wrapping his arms around her shoulders - " I know...thank god for you two - for tapping enter on that email - or this one would have never sent in the mail on time..."
We all share a warm laugh at that and Jack settles comfortably next to Maya and he says - " so that bit got all of us thinking - that what if we all just join Sarah where she is in her shooting destination in the middle - I mean yeah she'll have work during the working hours but we'll be free after...how does this sound??"
I grin - " okay..this is interesting for sure...and you guys were super keen to talk about this now - because we need to get on with our travel reservations etc?? I guess??"
Maya says now shaking her head - "yeah...that's also a part off it - but no...we called to talk to you now because of the location of her shooting destination..."
I ask puzzled - " wait..isn't it the Middle East? Because that's where this production house is based from right??"
Sarah nods and she says - " yeah - but no - they begin the shooting in the Middle East for the second leg of the plan. We are supposed to be in...,"and she pauses and says as everyone's face gets all serious - " be in...Lahore...Pakistan..for the first leg of the shooting..."
Did she just say Lahore???? Pakistan?? For real????
I pale.
That's where Dad lives. They know I can't go there. Mum's never gone - too.
I ask my eyes welling up on their own accord - " you all know that's where Dad is right?? I can't go there...guys...I can't...I just can't..."
Maya sighs - "Why not?? K?? why not??"
Sarah - "babe - hear us out please??"
Jack and Brian - "Wipe that tear off..first.."
I do. And I nod at them in silence which is a gesture enough to them that I am listening and Maya goes on - " K - we know alright? that you'v been fighting this ache for years of never knowing him. Look all we are suggesting is that come with us to Lahore. We are all with you on this. You are not alone - K. We think it might bring you a little peace to probably atleast visit the place your Dad's lived all his life mostly? He's a public figure right? there are details about where he studied, played etc - you can just visit those places maybe?? It will help you feel better - K - atleast in some ways...for sure??"
The idea of atleast visiting and seeing the city where Dad's spent most of his life does feel overwhelming but I can't deny that what Maya's just said does make sense too. As in - maybe this is the only way in my life - I can feel some what closer to him in my head? By visiting the places that were a part of his Life?? But at the same time - I cannot take this step without talking to Mum.
I shake my head in conflict - " guys - I don't know..about this...I can't do this without talking to Mum..."
Brian nods - " We know...which is why we suggest you think it over? Khushi?"
Jack - " the Pakistan super league final is on the 15th of april at the Gadaffi Stadium in Lahore - Khushi. We could get the tickets. Your Dad would be there.Your half -brother too. You could atleast see them from afar???????"
I gulp down an emotion super intense. Just the sight of Dad up on TV is enough to overwhelm my heart in vulnerability. I admit my eyes welling up again on their own accord - " I don't know..what will I feel..if I actually see him in reality?? As in around me?? even if it's from afar?? I just don't know.."
Brian asks softly - " don't you want to know Khushi?? Do you want to never know what will it like to see your very own father in front of your eyes??"
I sigh wiping my tears - "he has no idea about my existence...he has no idea...even if he saw me up close he'd look at me as a stranger...he would never know..."
Maya's eyes well up - "but you would know..right??we are concerned about your ache..K..."
Sarah wipes a tear outta her eye too - " look babe - the minute I spotted the details of the shooting location - it just felt like to us all that this was probably meant to pan out this way. It was you who forced me to send in my portfolio for this job along with Maya. This was surely an hidden opportunity for you to feel closer to your Dad.It's like you - yourself pressed enter too it too..."
I fight back another sigh. Jack insists warmly - "think it through Khushi. Sleep it over. Like I said maybe you want to talk this through with Arnav too - cryptically even though he doesn't know the complete truth yet, I am sure he will agree that - it could help lessen the ache you'v been harbouring for all these years...??"
Brian chips in warmly - "Sarah's anyway processing with her formalities... she will be going - we all just need a week to get that E-Visa to land into Lahore by the 14th of april if we wana go see that final - we can just plan to stay there for a week - roam around - explore Lahore - think of this as a holiday??"
I nod fighting back a sigh - "give me time guys - I do need to think this through..and yes...I think I do wana talk this out with Arnav too - I mean cryptically of course....,"Because I am so scared of telling him the complete truth so soon. What if he walks away? I still need to stock up on my Memories. - I add to myself silently.
And with that they finally change the topic to pull my leg with regards to Arnav - making me chuckle happily amidst my vulnerability and after a couple of minutes of chatter we finally hang up.
I take deep breathes and walk out the washroom and move over to Mum's bedside as I lean forward to kiss her head gently as she is deep asleep in her slumber. I don't know what to do Mum. I don't know - if taking a step closer towards Dad is going to take me a step further away from You. How do I Choose what to do??
God - Why? Just Why do I just feel so lost in the centre of this Crossroad yet again?
I hold onto my tears with great difficulty as I kiss her head again before I finally pick up the keycard to our room and sneak my way out to meet Arnav.
His warm comforting arms are exactly what I need around me - right now.
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TADAAAAAA!!
How was That Guysssssssss?? Did you all enjoy reading this update - Flamed? Whats your take on the Title? Also were any of you expecting these developments in your Head???Do you all feel that the title of this Chapter was Apt for its development?(Winks)
So yes - let's talk about this like we talked about last couple of updates given that I am loving to hear each of yours take on it (a Big thanks to everyone whose been letting me know the same. Makes me grin - a Lot as I read your comments.)- So yup - What were your fav moments from this Update? I did not ask just for top three this time around - you know just incase there are more favourites moments? (winks)
Next Update: Ok So - given my writing spree - this has turned out to be the Fourth Update this week! But given that I split this otherwise one long chapter again - there is some more that I had planned to finish writing by the end of this week in my Head - as planned prior in my Story Notes. So Yup - which means - that I might just give another Medium Length Update : Tomorrow Night! (Yup - which will make it Five Updates in this week - haha..the last I gave so many in one week was a long time ago!! But please consider this as an exceptional enthusiastic case of writing spree this week -only - K? I do not promise the same frequency next week onwards - 😉 Online school for my elder daughter is starting again next week. School Holidays Khatam..hehe..
Anyways I will see you soon guys - Tomorrow night with the second bit off these Moments because I do want to give the continuinty from this moment this week before we shift to next week - for we will be moving a couple of days forward in the story then!
Take 13.1 - Steam
Until Then - Please take care and Stay Indoors and Safe guys!!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thanks, Guys, for all the Support and your Precious Time to my Work!
Much Love
Always
❤
Prachi
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