Sincere 'Sin' Jones || November 1998
I had just pulled up to the crib and as soon as I did, I instantly recognized the all black Bentley that was parked on the curb.
What the fuck was Roscoe doin' here?
Confused, I parked and popped the trunk open before I hopped out to retrieve the groceries I'd just purchased.
"Ayo! What's good, Dun?" I turned around and saw Roscoe walking towards me in all black, eyes full of mischief. "Yo? Where the fuck you been at, G?"
He shrugged and reached up to rub his nose, which led me to my suspicions about where he's actually been, and it also made me remember what Ant told me.
"Shit. Wit' all that shit happenin' wit' Ant, I been tryna lay low. 'Know what I mean?" I nodded and proceeded to grab the few bags I had before closing the trunk. "Word. So, wassup man? How you livin' though? You straight?"
I locked my car doors and he followed me into the crib.
"I just been chillin' dawg. I moved my shorty in the crib wit' me and we just been ducked off. I been makin' my moves but other than that, I been chillin'," We went into the kitchen and took a seat at a barstool while I put away my groceries.
"Oh okay. You all domesticated and shit now," I teased and he chuckled. "Something like that. Wassup wit' you and Slim?"
I shrugged, "You want something to drink?" He nodded and I grabbed a Heineken for him before sliding it over the counter in his direction.
I sighed and leaned up against the counter, "I mean, we cool. I'm tryna get back on track wit' her, but she ain't makin' it easy on a nigga," He shook my head, running my hand over my waves as I sighed heavily.
I missed this girl like hell, man.
We were a lot closer than we were, but with her talkin' about she don't wanna be exclusive right now and shit, I didn't know what the hell was goin' on between us. And besides, she was so wishy-washy these days, ain't no tellin' where her mind was at.
"Damn, son. You must've fucked up pretty bad,"
I chuckled, "Man, you don't even know the half,"
He shook his head, "Damn, kid. That's crazy cause I saw her at Webster's this past Friday,"
My eyebrows furrowed and my face scrunched up in confusion, "Who? Zo?"
He nodded, "Yeah. She was there wit' some tall, light bright ass nigga. Kissin' on him and grindin' on him and shit,"
I really couldn't believe what the fuck I was hearin' right now. I already didn't like the fact he had her name in his mouth and was relaying information about her; but to hear that she was out wit' another nigga didn't sit right wit' me.
That definitely wasn't some news I was expectin' to hear. I didn't think she would move on so quick. We just saw each other this past weekend— I was just at her crib feelin' her up and that same fuckin' day, she was out wit' a new nigga? Out wit' a new nigga like we wasn't tryna build something.
What the fuck was she out here doin'?
"Word?" He nodded in confirmation and I did the same. "You know who the nigga was?"
He shook his head, "Nah. He some regular ass nigga," He shrugged and drank his beer casually like he ain't just come over here and drop this huge ass bomb on me.
What the fuck was this nigga here for anyways? It's been weeks since I last saw this nigga, and now he dropping info about my girl? That shit didnt sit right wit' me.
The nigga wanted something. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but he was here for something.
"Don't even sweat it, kid."
I'm sure the look on my face was a dead giveaway of how bothered I was. I really didn't even know how to process that information because who would've ever thought Zola would be the one to do me like that.
It felt like I was all apart of her game. What was the point of us trying to rebuild if she out here seeing other people?
I shook my head, "What you here for, Ro? Ain't nobody seen or heard from you in weeks and now you just poppin' up outta nowhere,"
He nodded, "Yeah, I know. I need a favor from you, dawg,"
I fuckin' knew it.
"Wassup?"
He took a sip of his drink again before sighing and setting it back on the counter. He sat back in his seat and rubbed his hands together. "I need a connect for some hard shit,"
I scrunched up my face in confusion and chuckled, "Hard shit? What you mean? Like, Heron or some shit?"
He nodded. "Exactly. I mean, movin' the white girl— that shit is coo' and all, but I feel like if we expanded our product, we'll be killin' shit, forreal."
I sighed. It was always Roscoe presenting these crazy ass ideas. They were good ideas. He was on the right track when it came to expanding and gettin' more dough, but I wanted no parts in the risks associated wit' that.
It's bad enough shit in Connecticut didn't play out the way it was supposed to. The money was good, but with Ant bein' locked up, we couldn't finish the mission so we had to transfer everything back to the city— including new workers—- and we had to work twice as hard to get this shit off and also work twice as hard to recoup from Ant and Roscoe's absence.
I had to make sure shit was operating smoothly. Ant was usually in charge of all this shit, but with him bein' locked up and our distrust in Roscoe, I was the only one reliable enough to keep this shit movin' and make sure niggas was eatin'.
It was already a lot to deal with. The shit was stressful and it was getting riskier and riskier by the day. There was only a matter of time before I would wash my hands with all of this shit and be done. Just like I've been wanting to do, and just like I promised Zo.
But, I couldn't shake the weary feeling of all this shit eventually crashing and burning. There would be no positive outcome.
I shook my head, "Man, I don't know. I've been tryna keep shit lowkey, you know wit' Ant already being in jail and shit, so I don't think that's a risk I'm willin' to take right now,"
He chuckled, "What risk? I just need you to help me get the shit and you'll get your cut solely bein' the middle man,"
I tapped my finger tips against my white countertop as I contemplated.
I mean, shit. It was easy money and the way he made it seem, I wouldn't have to do much so I was definitely considering it. However, I just couldn't grasp onto the fact I haven't talked to this nigga, and all of a sudden, he needed solids and shit.
"I mean, shit... it sound good. But, I don't know the plug directly," I shrugged and he smacked his lips. "Yeah, but you know someone who does."
Anthony.
"I know we all boys, but you and Ant close so I know you know something. I know he'll look out for you," He stared at me intensely while tapping his fingers against the neck of his beer bottle.
"Aight. I-I'll ask him and see what he says. I can't make any promises, though."
He nodded, "That's coo'. But, if this shit work out, we eatin', dawg," I nodded and he extended his hand for me to shake it and I did.
"Man, you tryna hit up Sherri's?" He asked and I looked down at my watch to check the time. Once I saw that it was going on 7, I shrugged.
Sherri's was a strip club over on 125th street in Harlem. I hadn't been there in months, and I could use a reliever. Especially with the news I received.
When we got to Sherri's, we got ourselves a table right in front of the main stage and watched the three exotic dancers dance along to We be clubbin' by Ice Cube as thirsty ass niggas hounded them. Howling and yelling as they threw single bills onto the stage or slip money in the women's garter or thong.
I couldn't do that. The dances were nice to look at from afar, but I preferred private dances and table dances.
I liked the temporary intimacy and I liked to get to know who's bills I'd be paying for the night. I definitely wasn't a cheap spender.
I felt like if you were gonna throw money in the strip club, then spend the fucking money. I appreciated the grind and the hustle these women had, and the least I could do was accommodate them the best way I could. Especially since they were exposing all of their pride and glory for my entertainment.
"It's some bad ones in here tonight," Roscoe says and I nodded in agreement as I scoped the place.
Moments later, a bartender came up and took our order. I went ahead and ordered a double shot of Hennessy and a Cuba Libre to maintain my buzz.
While I sipped my drink, Roscoe was having a good time gettin' a lap dance from some honey. Meanwhile, I was just peepin' the scene, tryna find someone I wanted to spend my time and money on.
Temptations by Tupac mused throughout the establishment, and ironically enough, my biggest temptation was in the same vicinity.
I felt two hands cover my eyes and that familiar perfume lingered in my nose, and it did something to me just that quick. It was intoxicating.
"Guess who?" The voice rang in my ear and I chuckled before grabbing her hand and staring at her while she made her way around the chair so she could stand in front of me.
Damn.
Her red lingerie and the pleasers on her manicured feet had me ready to fall right back into her trap. Shit, I was single and since Zola was out here doin' her, doin' me shouldn't be an issue.
"What are you doing here?" She grabbed onto the arms of my chair before leaning closer to me, puttin' her titties right in my face. I shrugged, sipping my drink. "I'm chillin' wit my mans. I ain't know you worked here now,"
She nodded, "Yeah. I just started a few weeks ago."
I stared at her brown nipples that poked through her red lace bra before averting my eyes back up to her lips, which held the same cocky smirk it always did whenever I was around, then up to her eyes. Her excited brown eyes held glimmer in them as she stared me down. Like she was the hunter and I was her prey.
Not only could I see the lust in her eyes, but I could feel it radiating from her. Her energy could be felt and with this liquor in my system, I was ready to match it tenfold.
"So... where ya' lil' girlfriend at?"
I set my glass down and rubbed my damp hands on my jeans before reaching to grab her hips. "She where she need to be," I said in her ear and I could hear her laugh.
"You just don't learn do you?" She asked as I started to kiss her neck and I chuckled, "I guess not,"
She pulled away from me and sat up straight before extending her hand with a smirk. I grabbed her hand and stood up. I looked over at Ro and he laughed at me while he shook his head.
I informed him that I'd return shortly and that's when I allowed Karmen to lead me to a private room. Security unlocked one of the doors and let us in.
The room was adorned in red lights with a plush sofa and a table in the center of the room with a pole, as well.
I sat down in the plush seat before watching as she locked the door and she went over to the stereo that was in the room and turned it on.
Janet Jackson's Rope Burn started to play and she sauntered over to me. Once she was close enough, I pulled her closer to me and she straddled me.
"I missed you, baby," She started to kiss on me, making her way to the spot on my neck and I felt her hands reach under my shirt and they traveled up my stomach to my chest.
"What you miss?" My eyes fluttered shut and she moaned in my ear, taking my earlobe into her mouth before she pulled away. She knew exactly what to do to get me up and I knew she had no problem takin' me there so I let it rock.
I can't lie and say I didn't feel a bit of guilt for fuckin' wit' Karmen. She was the reason why I lost my girl in the first place; but, I was single and Zo was out here wit' other niggas— no tellin' if she was gettin' her swerve on so I was gon' do me.
"Let me show you."
From there, I let her use her mouth to exemplify her words.
She took her time down there; licking and teasing before finally getting down to business while using both hands to help her finish her mission.
I laid my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes. I was in pure bliss, and the pleasure I was feeling was long overdue.
I'd been holdin' out for Zo, in hopes of being able to gain the same type of pleasure, but with the love and the passion that came with it. Karmen was good— she was great but the love I shared wit' Zo made it even better.
Damn. I wish this was her right now..
Visions of her mimicking the same actions of Karmen got me deeper in the groove. The way she would stare up at me while she gently massaged me while taking me in little by little at a time— it was so vivid it my mind.
I could feel the room getting hotter. My face flushed as I felt that familiar build up at the pit of my stomach.
With my eyes squeezed shut and a drowned out moan, the fantasy of Zo pleasing me took me to my limits quicker than I intended. I didn't even get a chance to let Karmen know before I let off into her warm mouth.
I watched as she took it all, watching as some of it dribbled from the sides of her mouth and down her chin. She didn't let that go to waste though.
This girl was the fuckin' devil.
She pulled away from me and looked at me with a smirk before standing up.
"We can finish this here or we can go back to your crib. Your choice,"
And that was all it took. I paged Ro just to inform him that I'd be leaving; and as soon as Karmen cleaned herself up and put on some clothes, we dipped.
When we made it back to my crib, I took her straight to the bedroom and handled my business. I let out all of my frustrations, but there was the frustration of one situation I just couldn't shake.
No matter how much I tried to drown myself in Karmen and pound away those frustrations, Zo wouldn't leave from my mind. Whether it was thoughts of fuckin' her or thoughts of her runnin' around wit' some other nigga— she was engrained in my mental.
Once Karmen and I peaked, she expressed her gratitude for the work I'd put in by pressing a few kisses against my lips before standing up and going to the bathroom.
While she was in the bathroom, I reached over to grab my phone from the nightstand and I dialed Zo's number, just for my call to go unanswered.
I called again and got the same resul. That shit had me frustrated.
What was she doin'? Was she ignorin' me cause I wasn't that other nigga? Was she with him?
I had so many questions and hypotheticals running through my mind, and I knew I wouldn't be relived until I gained some clarity.
And that's what I did.
The next day, after Karmen left and collected her compensation for missed hours, I got myself together and drove to Kori's so I could see Zo.
Just as I pulled up, I noticed Kori's car wasn't in its usual spot and I peeped Zo hopping out of a taxi with her backpack, which means she had just gotten out of school. She'll probably be headed to work in a minute so I wanted to make this quick.
It wasn't any of my business, but I wondered where the fuck Kori had been? Every time I came by, she always headin' out or returning from somewhere. And when I was at the crib, she would lock herself in the bedroom or bathroom. Her behavior was confusing to me, so I would definitely be lettin' Ant know wassup.
She noticed me parking on the curb, so she stood and waited for me to get out. As soon as I got out, I went over to the other side of the car and leaned up against it.
I stared at her, instantly taking notice of her lustrous hair that was trimmed and dyed a chestnut brown color with blonde streaks.
It was completely different from her usual styles, but I loved the way it looked. It almost made me forget what I came for, but I quickly remembered once I heard Ant's voice in my head and what he said about changed appearances after a breakup.
That shit flustered me even more.
"Wassup?"
"Hey. I seen that you called last night but I wasn't home so I paged you," She says, stepping closer to me and I could smell her perfume radiating.
She looked real good, too. The colder season allowed her to showcase her styling abilities even more with the pieces she layered and mixed and matched. She had a lot of flavor and appeal. That's what drew me to her in the first place.
Focus, Sincere...
"What's wrong with you?"
"What you mean?" No matter how much I tried to front, my face was a dead giveaway of my feelings right now. I was less than happy with the topic that was bound to be presented in due time.
"You look mad— irritated. What's wrong? You mad cause I didn't answer?" She stepped closer to me and started to poke my stomach, which I noticed was one of her many odd ways of displaying affection.
Hell yeah I'm mad you didn't answer! Of course because I was being blown off for another nigga.
"Nah. Where was you at, though?" I questioned, intensifying my gaze as I braced myself for the truth— thats if she'd tell it. She never had a problem being honest before, as far as I knew so she shouldn't have a problem now.
"My co-worker Zealand is learning to do hair so he asked me if he could experiment and I let him. You like?" She smiled proudly of her new appearance and that smile caused butterflies to form in my stomach.
It's crazy how she was able to excite me, even through these negative emotions I was feeling. I didn't know what the outcome of this conversation was gonna be, and it made me anxious.
"Oh okay. This nigga that does your hair— that ain't the same nigga you been seein' is it?" I crossed my arms as I stared at her, waiting for any sign of bluffing or guilt, but she didn't break.
All she did was look at me confused and she sighed heavily.
"No."
"Oh— so, you are seeing someone else? Hm," I chuckled and nodded my head, and that caused her to look at me in confusion. "Why is this any concern of yours, Sincere?"
"What you mean? You don't think I should know about you seein' another nigga?"
She crossed her arms, "I thought about telling you, but it's none of your business! I'm just as single as you are, Sincere,"
I looked at her in confusion, "What's the point of us even startin' over or doin' any of that bullshit if you seein' other niggas? Or is that why you didn't wanna get back wit' me?"
"I told you why I wanted to start over, Sincere and it had nothing to do with anybody else. I wasn't even seeing him like that when I made that decision about us," The fact that she was bein' so nonchalant about this shit is what was really pissin' me off.
She was acting like I was just supposed to be cool with this shit, and she should know way better than that.
"Nah, forreal? Word to my moms, I feel played,"
She looked at me with wide eyes, "Tuh! You feel played? Are you serious?" She pointed in my direction with that long ass nail of hers with a smile, but she was anything but joyful. I could just sense that from her tone.
"Yeah, I am! I mean, here I am, going out of my way to treat you to expensive dates and gifts, money, flowers and all this other shit but you out here seeing other niggas! I thought we were making some type of progress?"
She scoffed, "Sincere, you know I appreciate the shit you do for me, but don't throw that shit back up like I asked that of you. I never prioritized money and materialism. I never required you to make that a form of devotion,"
Now she was pissed off at me like I was wrong for feeling the way I felt. She was playing with my emotions and had the nerve to be mad? Wowz
"This is exactly why I never wanted you spending money on me. Obviously, it's given you a sense of entitlement and I'm not cool with that. I don't owe you shit, Sincere and if it's that serious, you can have it all back—"
"Chill out, Zo, cause I didn't even mean it like that,"
"Well, there was no other way for me to take that so let me know now if you want it back, cause I could give less of a fuck about that and you know it."
I sighed, running my hands over my face. "Look— I didn't mean it like that. I'm not a petty ass nigga. I wouldn't try to throw nothin' back up in ya face and I don't take gifts back. Relax wit' all that. I'm pissed off because I'm trying my hardest to get you back, and it's like you takin' advantage."
"Taking advantage? Do I need to backpedal and remind you of why I'm single in the first place?"
"Here we go,"
"Yeah, nigga, here we go. You acting like this shit wasn't preventable when all you had to do was stay faithful in the first place,"
"Why do you always have to throw that shit back up? I swear, that's your automatic defense to everything, yo," I shook my head and I could tell by her facial expressions that she was getting even more pissed off. At this point, her crazy ass was a tickin' time bomb ready to go the off.
"Because you keep forgetting who led us down this road! You wouldn't have to worry about me doing the shit that single people do if you wouldn't have given me a reason to become single! What the fuck?" She expressed, using her hands to emphasize her words while she pointed at me to emphasize my role in all of this.
I threw my head back, releasing a heavy breath as my cheeks puffed out. "I've been honest about my intentions since day one, Sincere. I'm not out here leading you on," She says and I scoffed.
"You know how I feel about you. I care about you and just because I'm seeing someone else— that doesn't change how I feel about you,"
Those last eight words were all too familiar; but to hear it coming out of her mouth instead of my own had a major difference in shock value.
Is this how I'd made her feel all that time I was seeing Karmen before I made us exclusive?
Is this how she felt when she found out about me and Karmen even after that?
If that was the case, then I would be able to empathize with her in all those times I'd made her feel how I did. Was she confused the way I am? Did she feel this unwanted?
Was she this jealous?
I didn't like this feeling, especially coming from her. The last person to make me feel this way was Karmen, and I told myself I'd never go down that road again, but obviously I had a hard time keeping my word.
But, just because I could empathize with Zo and the way I'd made her felt didn't mean I was okay with it.
"So, what? You gon' keep seeing him?"
She sighed and pushed some hair behind her ear before she nodded, "Yeah, Sincere, I am. What am I supposed to do? Wait around for you because that's what you want?"
"Shit, that's what I've been doin' for you!"
"What? You've been waiting around now? You couldn't even wait around and stay devoted to me when it was needed— when it counted the most, and now it counts because you lost me and want me back?"
I couldn't even say shit because she was right. This was all my fault. Had I kept her when I had her, I wouldn't have to worry about this. But, at the end of the day, what's done is done and I was ready to move forward.
As much as I wanted her and as much as I loved her, I refused to play second fiddle to any other nigga. If that's what she wanted to do, I didn't wanna be apart of it.
"Well, if you gon' be seein' him... then we're done."
She furrowed her eyebrows, "So, what? You're done with me because you can't handle the same shit you dish out?"
I shook my head, "It's not about that—"
"Nah, it is, Sincere. You want me all to yourself, despite what you've done. You lost me and now you can't deal with the consequences,"
I sighed and shrugged, "Call it what you want, Zo. I don't understand why you're mad at me because I don't wanna stick around while you play these games,"
She scoffed and that's when she started to raise her voice, "Sincere, is your head that far up your own ass that you think I'm upset about not being able to have you and whoever else? Are you serious?"
"Yo— lower ya' voice,"
"Nah, fuck that! My problem with you is you're a fucking a hypocrite! You can't have your way and have me all to yourself like you once did, and now you wanna flip it all on me..." She paused for a second before sighing.
"You know what, Sincere? If cutting me off is what you wanna do, then go ahead. I'm not gonna beg you to stick around, so I guess this is it. I'll see you around,"
With that, she adjusted her backpack and climbed the concrete steps to the brownstone she resided in before unlocking the doors and going inside, slamming it shut in the process.
Fuck... what am I doing?
*******
Note:
Brining this back because it's very necessary 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾
N E WAZE,
At this point, I need y'all thoughts on all this craziness:
*Is Zola wrong for seeing Silas while trying to rebuild with Sincere? Are Sincere's feelings valid?
*Thoughts about Kori— what y'all think she up to?
*Roscoe! What y'all think about messy ass Roscoe?