"And she didn't even try to stop me!" I pace, accidentally catching a glimpse of my mussed-up curls in the mirror. Now that I'm aware of my actions, I slip my hands into my pockets to keep them from tearing my hair out by the roots in frustration.
"And have you stopped to think that maybe you didn't give her a chance to?" I glare at Alexander but he doesn't flinch, still just sitting there, unbothered, with the cutest damn dog in the world sleeping peacefully on his lap.
"Go to hell." I snap, but there's no real heat behind my words. Alexander knows better than anyone that I'm all bark, well, mostly bark and little bite. If I bite, I bite pretty damn hard. The door swings open and my glare is now directed at the tattooed vixen who let herself in. "Did you invite her here? Whose side are you on?" I turn back to my roommate.
"I'm not on a side. And no." He turns to Maddison. "What's up? You don't really want to be here right now. Ferret's throwing a tantrum."
"Oh, fuck you very much," I say, my temper rising with his condescending tone and nickname.
"What else would you call this? She doesn't owe you a damn thing. I haven't even heard her side of the story yet but I'd love to see you try to say any of this shit to her face." He glares right back, standing up and looming over me. Our two-inch height difference has never made me feel so small. "Go on."
"Retract the claws, kitties." Maddison cuts in, looking at her chipped black nail polish like it's the most interesting thing in the room. "I came here to see how dickhead is doing, but I see he shoved his own head up his ass."
"Don't you fucking start—"
"Stop me then." She squares up, tilting her chin up so that she can look down her nose at me despite being shorter. Her chest presses against mine, but it doesn't make my heart beat fast because she's pretty, it's the look in her eyes that has me breaking eye contact. "She didn't go." Her voice is softer than I've ever heard it and I know that my eyes betray me when I look back at her.
"She didn't?" I will my voice not to crack but it sounds broken even to my own ears.
"No. Not that she owes you anything. You shook her up..." She sighs, patting my chest with one hand which is about the closest thing to a hug I'll ever receive from her. "I know why you're hurt right now...and I think you know too." She says, but continues, knowing that I won't reply. "Maybe you might know why she's been pushing you away now..." She trails off, her voice back to her normal uninterested one and I move away to sit on the couch, my head feeling foggy.
"I feel like I'm going through withdrawal," I mutter but I don't think either of them hears me.
"If he doesn't..." Maddison says to Xander before lowering her voice and continuing a conversation, one that is obviously about me, right in front of me but I couldn't care less. Reaching for the remote, I switch the tv on and start a mindless show, unable to focus on anything.
Maddison's last words to me don't register in my brain until much later, but when they do I stand up like my ass is on fire. "Xan!" I call out before I enter his room. The empty bed and chair at the desk make me confused. Did I not even realize that I had been alone all this time?
I close the door behind me and slide my phone out of my pocket, pulling up our text conversation but my thumbs hesitate on the keyboard. What do I even want to ask him?
Massaging the space between my eyebrows at the formation of a new headache, I gulp down my nerves before pressing the call button.
"What's up?" Reed's voice sounds through the phone and I sigh inwardly in relief. Although, I wasn't expecting her to pick up so now I have no idea what to say. "Farris?" I deflate a bit at the sound of my name; each time she calls me anything other than 'Fare' it chips away at my sanity.
"Let me take you for dinner." The long pause makes me pull the phone away from my ear to check if she's still there, but then I hear her breathing. "Gotta talk to you, buttercup," I say softly, all the anger and hurt from earlier gone like it never existed.
"I don't want to." She says, sounding a bit like a petulant child but she's still on the phone, so small victories. "But fine. Meet me at the caf." She says and before I can suggest someplace nicer, she hangs up.
"Guess we're eatin' at the caf," I say aloud, staring at the screen of my phone in disbelief as to how we got to this point. How did I let it get this bad, to where Reed is avoiding me like the plague and I'm ranting to our friends about her and the decisions she makes that have absolutely nothing to do with me?
My eyes soften the moment they land on her as she walks into the door of the cafeteria. She finds me almost immediately, and I can't help but feel thankful for the fact that I'm not alone in that.
Despite her initial reluctance to join me, she doesn't hesitate to come and pull the chair out in front of me, intertwining her hands atop the table and leaning forward, putting herself in a position to listen to me, despite her expression looking like she'd rather be anywhere else. She waits for me to say something first, but I can't think of anything that covers it.
"What's up?" I ask lamely and she raises an eyebrow and nods, leaning back in her chair.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you and making assumptions earlier." She starts off by saying, and my shoulders deflate with relief, just enough that I didn't know I even needed to hear those words.
"I'm sorry for continuing to budge into your life without prompting and being a protective asshole."
"Protective?" She laughs a bit and though it sounds more like a scoff, her eyes are lighter and help me to relax a bit more.
"Defensive?" I try and she tilts her head to either side.
" I didn't go to lunch with him you know, not that it's any of your business. Aaaand now I'm backtracking." She mutters the last part under her breath and fiddles with a ring on her finger before looking back up at me and slouching. "Farris, this is all really hard, and you're making it worse. Stop being hot and cold."
"You're asking me to be okay with being abandoned by my best friend. After spending most of our free time together for a year. I know we talked about this already, but I want to renegotiate."
"Farris..."
"I don't want to hear it anymore, Reed." I sound like I'm whining, but I would get down on the floor to beg this girl not to leave me. "Not unless you're going to say okay, scrap this whole idea, and..."
"I've been in love with you since I met you, Farris! That a good enough reason to want some space? To get the fuck over you after for-fucking-ever?" She stands up, pushing her chair out behind her with her legs while I stare, awestruck up at her. "I didn't want things to change when we go back to normal. And I knew..." A tear slides down her cheek and my eyes widen when she makes eye contact. "I knew you'd want to let me down easy but we wouldn't be as close and...I can't Farris. I didn't want you to look at me like this."
"I..."
"Don't worry about it," She spins around quickly and goes to leave but I'm faster, running around her to block her path.
"Too late. I'm worried about it. The fact that you thought having...feelings for me would make me want to leave you? We're fine if you want to be fine." I hold onto her biceps but she doesn't look up, wiping her face on her shoulder.
"It's going to change everything." She sobs, moving closer to me for a second until she seems to snap out of wanting me for comfort and stays where she is, but doesn't push my hands off her arms which I take as a good sign.
"Everything changes eventually. You said it yourself the first time. You've been sitting with this information for a lot longer than I have though Reed, okay? Let me think about it all and process. But you're not alone. We've always been...a little bit more." Her head snaps up and she looks back and forth between my eyes, trying to read my sincerity.
My heart is beating like a drum against my chest and I wouldn't be able to calm it down with all the deep breaths in the world. Reed is in love with me. Reed is in love with me and she doesn't want space. She doesn't want to date someone else. She just wanted to be with me and thought I didn't want the same.
Now that I have all the information, I need to figure my shit out ASAP before I break her heart. Knowingly this time.