Maya's POV
Tuesday, February 16th
12:45 pm
I scribbled down a few notes as Professor Harman droned on and on about some assignment that was due in a couple of days.
So far Rhetoric and Composition was my least favorite class this semester. We had to write two essays a week and given everything going on, I needed some time off.
And I was already stressing about my senior thesis. I had a rough outline of it already written but I was not ready.
I hadn't been able to sleep or focus or do anything for that matter. Not without thinking of Will anyways.
Every time I thought I was feeling somewhat calm, I'd break down into tears.
And to make matters worse, everyone found out that Will and I were dating.... I mean dated.
Rumors spread left and right and it was out before I even knew it.
But it wasn't like there was much to tell anyway. We were over.
I didn't know if Will would take me back and I honestly wouldn't want him to.
I was damaged goods and it was like I said all along, relationships weren't something I knew how to do.
And now that my business was out there. Everyone looked at me differently and wanted answers like I owed it to them or something.
Professor Harman stopped talking and people started to get up and pack their things.
I must have been so distracted I didn't hear him end class.
The sounds of zippers and moving chairs flooded the classroom as I slammed my notebook close, picking up my backpack.
I trailed behind a few students and made my way to the hallway, heading downstairs.
My next class wasn't for another hour and Casey asked me to meet her in one of the art rooms.
I moved down the steps and made my way around a corner, heading past a few vending machines.
I stopped once I reached a few windows outside a classroom. I could see through the windows, Casey with dirty hands.
I opened the door and the smell of pencil shavings and paint began to fill my nose.
"Hey. What's up?" I said unenthusiastically. I dropped my bag by the door and sat down at one of the stools.
Large square desks were all placed in a circle and one stool sat in the middle. The windows poured in sunlight behind her.
It must've been the figure drawing room.
She looked up from the canvas on the easel in front of her and sighed.
"We seriously need to talk. You haven't said a word about anything since yesterday."
I shrugged and crossed my arms. "That's because there isn't anything to say. What's done is done."
She dropped her paint brush in a dirty cup of water and shook her head. "It's not like you to just give up like this."
"Actually it is...I screwed up and I don't deserve his forgiveness. It's not even worth trying." I slumped off the stool and made my way over to her. "Plus he's never going to trust me again."
She brushed a strand of her black hair out of her face and placed her hands on her hips, dirtying her jeans with charcoal.
"Stop it with the self-loathing." She snapped at me. "I don't want to hear it anymore."
I groaned and moved around the table staring at her artwork.
My lips parted as I tried to form words. It was a woman in anguish surrounded by darkness.
"Wow that's——" I furrowed my brows and stared intently at the painting. "...really good Case."
"Stop avoiding the issue here." She leaned her thigh against the table behind her and looked up at me.
I sighed.
"Maya, you're letting what happened to you a long time ago control your life now." She stared down at her dirty hands and twisted her lips. "You and Will might not get back together, but there will be other guys who will want to be in your life. You can't shut all of them out."
She was right as usual.
I was my biggest enemy. It was never Monica and her jealousy or people finding out about us. I was the biggest threat to my own relationship.
And maybe that's what I could take away from all of this. That I wasn't supposed to be with anyone.
"Do you love him?" She asked in her no nonsense voice.
I responded with a dry laugh and ran my fingers along my baby hairs.
"We were only together for a month and some. Love——is a very strong word to use."
"Well I think you do. If you love Darcy, you love Will."
My stomach lurched. I'd never thought of it that way.
"You're just too afraid to say it aloud because then it would be real." She glued her eyes onto mine. "And it would mean something and then you'd be afraid to lose it."
I sucked my teeth and crossed my arms defensively.
"I've already lost it so your point is invalid." I retorted.
"You and I both know that's not true. The real reason you aren't fighting for him and trying to get him back is because you want things to be over."
I didn't answer. I simply stared out the window and let out a small breath through my nose.
"You don't want things to go well just for it not to last forever. And that's understandable. Everyone feels that way at some point."
I didn't want her to be right. Was I actually in love with Will? I still didn't know what love was supposed to feel like.
"That's the thing about relationships, real or fairytale. It's all a risk that you take. You don't know if it'll end in happily ever after but it might. It's like uhh...." she stopped, looking for a word. "....a big fat maybe."
I scoffed raising my eyebrows at her.
"A maybe?" I teased.
She nodded her head. "Yes, a big fat maybe happily ev-"
My phone rang in my pocket and I pulled it out seeing Gen's face pop up on the screen.
I answered and put it on speaker.
"You're on speaker Gen. Casey's here. What's up?"
"My mom called."
I placed my phone on the table and my brows furrowed together.
"What'd she say?" I said worriedly.
"She said that I was a horrible daughter and I needed to come home to see her." I could hear the pain in her voice. "Sh-She cut me off."
Casey and I both shared a look of concern.
"What?" Casey said.
"She cut off all of my money and now I can't even afford my lunch for today. My accounts are frozen."
"I don't know what we're gonna do Maya. Worrying about where we're going to live in a couple of months is one thing, but I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired of it." Her voice broke. "I've got enough on my plate with school and cheer."
I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes.
Dammit. I needed to call Christine.
"Don't worry. I'll come to get you for lunch." Casey said.
"We'll figure out our next move. I just need to do something first."
She sniffled and sighed. "Okay." Her voice was small and she hung up the phone.
Casey shook her head and smacked her hand on the table in anger. "That bitch is relentless."
I rubbed my temple and winced at the sudden pounding of my head. I grabbed my phone from the table and stuffed it in my pocket. "I just wish things would slow down for like 5 seconds."
"If you ever decide to talk to Will, I think you should tell him everything." Her eyebrows raised and she turned her head to the side.
"I did already." Reminding her.
"No, I mean everything." She said a bit more intensely. "It might help if he had more context for the reason why you keep things hidden."
My stomach sank as I understood what she meant.
"N-No I can't." My voice faltered. "I never fully recovered from what happened. I'm not ready to talk about that."
There was one thing I never told anyone except Casey. It was a personal experience I had a long time ago and still mentally dealt with. It was something that ate me up inside and no one could ever know.
"Okay." She nodded with a sympathetic look on her face. "Forget I said anything. You don't have to do anything you're not ready to do."
I sighed and looked up at the clock. I had to go.
"I'll see you later."
I moved around the table and grabbed my bag from the floor.
"I'll see you."
I rushed out of the classroom and hurried my way down the hall.
***************************************
Will's POV
7:48 pm
I rubbed my shoulder while twisting it back and forth.
My practices were killing me and my body was beat.
It wasn't helping that I got no sleep last night. My bed was empty and I kept rolling over reaching out to touch someone that wasn't there.
My mind wasn't the best place to be right now. I was fucked up in the head after yesterday.
I needed to talk to her but I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know what I was doing anymore and I'd never felt so out of control of my own life. Not in a long time anyway.
My door banged open and the light turned on.
"Dude, why are you in the dark?" Sean asked walking over to my bed.
I yawned and shrugged. "Cause it's late and I'm exhausted."
He was dressed in a black puffy jacket and dark wash jeans.
"Well, we're going out tonight, so find something to wear." He pulled open my closet and rifled through my clothes.
I scoffed. "I'm not going anywhere. My ass is beat and I need some sleep."
He tossed a jacket at me and I caught it.
"You're not getting sleep anyway so you may as well go out. The guys are going to Antonio's and you need to get out of this room. Stop moping and crying."
Antonio's was a bar just outside campus. I hadn't been there in over a year.
He tossed me my jeans and pulled out a pair of sneakers.
"Bro, I'm not going out." I mumbled dropping my jeans on the bed.
He gave me a sideways look and moved across the room, grabbing my desk chair.
He threw himself in it and rolled it towards where I sat at the edge of my bed.
Crossing his arms and leaning forward he said, "Okay, then. Let's talk about what happened."
I grumbled. "I don't want to talk about it."
He threw his hands outwardly in frustration. "Then if there's nothing talk about, let's go."
He got up, pushing my chair back towards the desk.
"Meet me in the car in 5 minutes." He walked out, leaving my door open. I groaned to myself.
***************************************
8:36 pm
Loud music and conversation filled the leather and dark interior of Antonio's. The room smelled of booze and cologne with a mix of perfume.
I tapped at the clear shot glass that sat in front of me, keeping my head low.
"Do you want anything else?" The bartender asked me.
I shook my head no and threw back my drink.
The burning taste of vodka made me cough lightly.
I rubbed my eyes and leaned my elbows on the table.
"You okay?" I turned to my right and Spencer sat down on the stool next to me.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
He took a sip of his drink. "Yeah, well you just seem off I guess."
He gave me a genuine look of concern.
"You should be happy Maya and I aren't together anymore. Now's your chance to swoop in and be her shoulder to cry on." I said bitterly.
He chuckled.
It was stupid because he was just trying to be nice but I was being an ass.
"That would be a major waste of time. Maya's in love with you and she has been for a long time now."
I paused slightly and cleared my throat.
"What?"
He laughed this time, shaking his head. "Are you that blind?"
I rolled my eyes and twisted in my seat facing him. "Did she tell you this?"
"Yeah...I mean she practically screamed it at New Years Eve. I'd finally made it past the friend zone and she said she had feelings for someone else."
I ran a hand over my mouth in frustration. "That doesn't mean much." Looking up at the clock across the room, the time read 8:15 pm.
I needed to get out of here.
"She's never said those words to me..." I said being vulnerable. I picked the edges of my fingernails, looking away from him.
"Well some people express how they feel in different ways." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver chain.
"This is for you." He handed me the necklace and I recognized it as Maya's.
The glass pendant felt cold in my fingers and I stuffed it in my back pocket.
Payton interrupted us by standing into between our bar stools.
He wore a sloppy smirk and asked the bar tender for another drink.
"You know Ashby, now I hear your girl is free..." He sported a devious smile on his lips and winked at me. "You mind if I....you know."
I swallowed and one of my hands balled into a fist. I stood up from my stool and leaned against the wall behind me.
He chuckled. "I mean she's a pretty hot babe." He made two c shapes with his hands. "I mean her ass is like—-"
"Shut up." Spencer remarked.
Payton simply ignored him and I clenched my jaw feeling the anger boiling within me.
"Could you not talk with your dick for 5 seconds?" I snipped.
He gave me a once over and rolled his eyes. "You two aren't even together anymore. What'd you expect bringing her fine ass around our house every week?"
I took a small breath through my nose.
I knew he was slightly drunk but Payton was the type to say the same things when he was sober, just without as much vulgarity.
"So tell me." He placed a hand on my arm smiling deviously. "Is she a good fuck?"
I felt the anger spread throughout my body like a bomb going off.
I roughly shoved him off me and sneered at him. "Say that shit one more time." I said through gritted teeth.
His eyes widened and he placed his hands up innocently.
"What? I just wanted to know if—"
My fist lifted up to hit him, when Sean appeared from nowhere grabbing my hand.
He placed a hand on my shoulder and dragged me through the crowd of people.
People around us, looked at me with concern. We made it to the front door when he pulled me outside.
The wind chill hit my face immediately and I crossed my arms trying to keep warm.
He finally let go of my arm and I sat down on the metal bench that was nailed to the sidewalk. I was breathing through my nose trying to calm down.
"Dude, what is going on? Since when did we throw punches at people?" He asked with open arms.
The bars sign above us casted a red light on the sidewalk while the trees on each street illuminated white with twinkling lights.
I blinked a few times noticing that across the street was a coffee shop: Stumptow Coffee Shop.
It was the coffee shop where Maya and I first met. That was almost 5 months ago.
Gosh, did time really move that fast?
I rubbed my neck lightly feeling the tension in my muscles.
"Earth to Will." Sean said, snapping his fingers in front of my face.
"What?" I grumbled. "I told you I didn't want to come out. I should be laying in my bed right now instead of at some stupid bar listening to stupid Payton say stupid shit that pisses me off." My voice rose as I spoke and I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache forming.
"Dude stop avoiding the issue." He said slapping his hands together. "This isn't about Payton and his lack of a filter."
He sat down beside me on the bench and let out a defeated sigh. "Just talk to me about what's going on."
I ran a hand over my face and stared at the twinkling lights across the street.
"I just....I don't know. Everything's just so screwed up." I let out a exhausted groan and held my head in my hands. "There were just so many lies and things that were kept from me. I don't what was real and what wasn't."
"So she didn't tell you that she was getting threats and about her situation with her aunt." He said in a reflective tone. "That doesn't mean she didn't care about you."
"And I mean maybe she didn't tell you about the threats because she was afraid you'd act out."
I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at him. "Act out?"
"Yeah, dingus." He snapped at me. "Does fighting Cooper at a game not ring a bell to you?"
My face fell and I rubbed my jaw.
"Okay, so maybe I was reactive in that situation but...I promised her that I wouldn't fight again after that."
He shrugged. "Sometimes people lie as a form of coping. Like if they ignore the problem, it won't exist."
Maya had a way of sifting everything under the rug until it boiled over. She didn't want to talk about the trial or what was going on in her life. Every time I tried to unlock a door of her life, another one was there to keep me out.
"For instance, Gen is currently lying to me."
"About what?" I leaned back against the bench feeling a breeze blow.
"She says she's happy about me going to law school but I know she's scared about where our relationship is going from here."
I nodded in understanding.
Maya and I never really had the chance to talk about our future plans.
"Has Gen ever lied to you about secretly knowing that you're the guy she's been talking to online anonymously?" I said bitterly.
He snorted. "So you're telling me you never thought for a second that Maya might be Cinderella?"
I shook my head.
Our school was huge. I never thought I'd meet Cinderella in person, let alone date her.
"She knew and she didn't say anything. I don't feel like I can even trust her anymore."
"Okay." He agreed. "But why did you never tell Maya about Cinderella while you were together? You kept that from her for what reason?"
I rubbed the back of my neck and sighed.
"I-I don't know." I didn't realize how it sounded until now.
I met Cinderella with pants last summer and we confided each other for a while. I didn't tell her who I was because I was afraid she'd treat me differently.
Plus she actively complained about the privilege male athletes receive on campus and how they were 'pompous brainless pleebs' that acted like they owned the place.
I smirked to myself.
That sounded exactly like something Maya would say.
"I didn't want her to think I had some connection with another girl that wasn't her."
"Because you were unsure of how she would react. It's almost like..." He raised his shoulders. "..maybe you didn't want the two different worlds to collide. Sound familiar?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "That's not the same thing as what she did."
"Maybe, maybe not." He stood up and crossed his arms. "It's your choice if you want to make it a reason not to forgive her."
He moved around the bench and walked back into Antonio's.
I wasn't sure about what I was going to say but I needed to talk to Maya. I wanted to know the truth from her.
A/N: We've surpassed 20k! This is crazy and I'm so thankful for the love and support. I know last chapter was alottttt. There is more crazy things ahead. Xoxo.