Half an hour later they were winding their way through some of the more obscure corridors in the huge warren that was Palace Royal, and Sabrina was still shaking her head. She'd always thought of Mukryilla as a straightforward person, and to discover this streak of deviousness was not entirely reassuring. Darice had been entertained by Sabrina's expression as she put on the uniform of a lieutenant in the Queen's Guard—the same uniform Darice herself wore, but with more modest rank tabs—and they tucked the strikingly lifelike dummy into Sabrina's bed. Using decoys was a time-honored military tradition here as well as on Earth, but Sabrina found it distressing to hide among the ranks of her own guards.
Still, it would probably work, at least for a while. In the severe uniform, with her hair pulled back into a tight French roll and no makeup on her face, she didn't look at all like the woman who had been on stage in front of the entire solar system and more earlier in the day. The Reissian assassins would have a good description of her, but they would be looking for the Regent, not for a mere lieutenant.
Sabrina supposed she should be glad that it was only a dummy taking her place, not a real person. She could imagine a loyal Praxatillian with a passing resemblance bravely volunteering, and she knew she could not have lived with it. Whether Mukryilla would have given her the opportunity to object was a whole other question, though, she knew. She had a feeling that Mukryilla and Darice—and probably Tassan and even Scotty—would ruthlessly deceive her at every turn if they felt it was necessary to her safety to do so.
She had a depressing feeling that this was a ruse King Baldaran and his predecessors would have scorned, but she wondered whether Rayland might have approved. She was not Miahn, however entangled with their culture she was; she must face the fact that she was more fragile and therefore could not afford to be quite as scrupulous. But she hated it.
Darice was pretending to treat it all as an amusing adventure, but Sabrina knew her bodyguard better than that. She couldn't figure out if Darice were secretly ashamed of this strategy and feigning confidence to hide it, or if she thought the situation hopeless and merely wanted to keep Sabrina's spirits up until the end. Or maybe this was just the fey behavior of the doomed.
You do not have the luxury of dying, Tirqwin had said, and she knew it was true—but then she didn't have the ultimate control over that, did she? I must just do my best to live, she thought. I'll go down fighting, if I have to go.
She remembered Haaron's training, meant to be a remote contingency since Mara's dangers were almost always from things Sabrina could not affect. Neither of them had ever envisioned that someday the target would be Sabrina. She wondered fleetingly if Mara had glimpsed this part of their future. Mara had spoken of a separation and a reunion amid terrible circumstances, but Sabrina thought with a shudder that the vision could be interpreted to apply to the regency and their reunion during the Battle for Dansestari. So she couldn't even hold on to that as her one bright hope.
It occurred to her, though, that Tirqwin didn't think she was going to die. If Mara had foreseen her death, Tirqwin would have known about it, and their last conversation would have been very different. So would Mara's good-bye, she realized with a lifting of her spirits. So her death wasn't inevitable.
Darice, perhaps sensing Sabrina's anxiety, kept up a steady stream of chat about various unimportant topics as if she were really addressing a colleague. If anyone were around at this hour, they must think they had seen a couple of off-duty guards. No one must know that the Regent was not in her own bed, so that no one would suspect she was in the conservatory suite. Sabrina made an effort to reply coherently and was rather distractedly amused to find that complaints about the food were evidently another thing the Praxatillian military had in common with Earth forces—at least American ones, she amended conscientiously.
At last they were safely in the conservatory suite. The bedrooms were beneath the skylit conservatory itself. No light shone down the stairs; Sabrina wondered if Tassan had been forbidden to work there at night for fear of giving away the fact that it was occasionally inhabited.
He was waiting for them in the smallest bedroom, looking grimly amused when he saw Sabrina. He stood and bowed with a flourish, and she saw that he was wearing a plainly cut black tunic and trousers. "So she didn't talk you into a uniform after all," Sabrina said by way of greeting.
"No. On reflection, I think she hoped that the three of us might be mistaken for a spoiled princeling and his two attractive bodyguards," Tassan grimaced.
Darice choked, and Sabrina smiled a little. "Does that mean you're sleeping in the master bedroom?"
"Oh no, I've put her ladyship to bed in there already."
Sabrina looked questioningly at him, and Darice said, "There are three dummies, all giving off fake lifesigns. If they get into your rooms and find that one, then come here and find another, most likely they won't bother to search the rest of this suite. They'll think you're somewhere else entirely. This bedroom is masked to sensors, by the way."
"The shell game," Sabrina murmured. "Remind me not to play poker with Mukryilla. Or, God forbid, chess!"
Neither of the Praxatillians had the faintest idea what she was talking about, so she continued, "So, O Masters of Deception, what next?"
"Next," Darice said, "I'm going into the tunnels to scout a few likely places to bivouac. I'll be back in a few hours at most, and then I'll occupy my cot in the dressing room. Citizen Nikolar will stay in here with you at all times and shoot anybody who comes through the door."
"Except you, I trust," Sabrina said.
"We have our signals worked out," Tassan assured her. "Good night, Major."
"Safe watching, Citizen. Good night, ma'am."
"Good night, Darice," Sabrina said.
Tassan grinned at Darice. "I don't think you should be addressing her as ma'am when you clearly outrank her."
Darice grimaced. "Right. Make that good night, Lieutenant, then."
"Good night, ma'am," Sabrina responded promptly.
Darice sighed and left through the main bedroom door. Sabrina said, "Is there a tunnel entrance in this room?"
Tassan nodded. "In the back of that armoire. But we won't use it unless we have to, so we don't accidentally call attention to it."
Sabrina nodded in understanding and began restlessly walking around the room, examining the faded furnishings. She wondered who had last slept here. These apartments had last belonged to Mara's grandmother, the Guardian Lilonwy, so probably one of her attendants had occupied this room. Perhaps a young Imari, or one of Selémahs' ancestors, Sabrina thought idly. It was a sober room, more functional than anything else, but perhaps it had once been decorated to the taste of its occupant.
Tassan had seated himself near the door and was watching her. "You should get some sleep," he said.
"I know. I'm dead tired, but somehow I doubt I can sleep."
"You've been keyed up all day," he said. "You need to relax before you can sleep. And don't tell me you can't. A good soldier learns how to sleep even before the biggest battles."
"I never said I was a good soldier," Sabrina replied.
"But you are," Tassan told her. "I thought so, watching you this morning. It took a great deal of courage and discipline. It made me proud to know you."
"I don't want to think about this morning," Sabrina sighed. "I'm sorry. Please, can we talk about something else? How did you like Bathir? Someone told me you were irritated at being recalled."
Tassan grinned. "Not precisely irritated, no."
"But you must have been reluctant to leave your new friend," Sabrina said.
"Bryncaris? I hesitate to characterize our relations as friendly," he replied. "What she sees in me I have no idea, but her chief attraction for me is merely that she's an attractive woman, not completely ignorant about art, who doesn't happen to be my sovereign."
Sabrina frowned at him. "I am not your sovereign."
"Yes, you are. After this morning, more than ever."
"Tassan, please." She held out a hand to him in supplication. "You know that I'm not. I can't get through the rest of this without at least one person—other than my reckless brother—who treats me like a normal human being instead of this—this construct identity I've been stuck with."
He sat back in his chair, his arms folded. "It's not your identity that commands my loyalty, Sabrina. It's you. I thought you knew that."
"I don't know what I know anymore," she sighed. She hugged herself to disguise a small shiver. "Except that, one way or another, this will be over soon. The meeting has been set. The details are on their way to me. I don't know anything about it except that Haaron doesn't like it, and that means I won't either."
Tassan got to his feet and came over to her. "We didn't think we would be able to like it," he said softly. "It's a miracle if it's even something we can live with. Whatever it is, we'll get through." He hesitated. "Are you still set on going?"
"I have to go. Mara can't. And while she's here, I'm free to go. Tassan, I have to. I set this up. If anything goes wrong I have to be there to try to put it right. I can't send Tirqwin and Khediva into this alone. I have to take the consequences too, or I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't."
He frowned. After what seemed like a long time, he said, "Don't you think you have a higher duty than that? Say it's a trap. Say the Tirqwin and Wayship Khediva are destroyed. Don't you have a duty to the Queen in that case, to try to help her through it?"
Sabrina shivered. "How could I be of any help to her when it would be my fault? She would blame me. She didn't like this idea when we came up with it. Haaron seems sure she won't like the venue. If this fails, it will be my fault, and Mara won't be able to forget that. No...I'll leave Scotty here for her. If Tirqwin and Khediva die, it's better if I die with them, and Scotty and Mara can comfort each other."
Tassan shook his head. "If you really feel that way, then take me with you."
"You have a duty to the Citizens Council—"
"Damn my duty to the Citizens Council. I could name you six other people who could represent Zarn better than I do, without even thinking about it. You say you can't be left behind, Sabrina. I feel the same way. I went with you to make this deal; I want to see it through."
"But I want to know that you're safe," she argued.
He was silent for a moment. "As your subject, who has spilled blood in your service, I ask that you grant me a boon."
"Oh God, Tassan, please don't."
"Do you refuse me? Do you scorn my service?"
"No, of course I don't." She put her face in her hands. Then she took a deep breath and forced her hands down to her sides. She didn't look at him though. "Ask."
"Let me go with you to meet with Homeworld."
"Ask me for anything else."
"This is what I want."
She closed her eyes. "Would you really demand something that causes me pain?"
"The boon should equal the service."
"My blood is not on your hands. Would you force me to have yours on mine?"
"The choice is mine; the risk is mine. I'm sorry if this causes you pain, but I ask in hopes of sparing you more. Sabrina, be reasonable." He suddenly dropped his formal attitude. "You'll leave everyone behind that you care about, for the reasons you've just told me, and left to yourself you'll walk into it without any sort of support at all. But think hard about what this is going to put you through, even if it turns out as we all hope. There is too much at stake for me to let you take this on without someone you can trust at your side. You must stand calmly before the Wayfarers while you watch the Tirqwin and Wayship Khediva go through an examination that, aside from the risk, must be unpleasant for them both. Can you do that without someone to stand beside you and remind you that they wanted this, that it's the best for us all, that you did the right thing? I don't ask this boon just for myself, or for you. I ask it as part of my service to Praxatillus and to the Queen."
"You make it impossible for me to refuse."
"Only because you know I am right."
"You're a very ungracious winner."
"And you are evading a straight answer. Do you grant me my boon, my lady?" he demanded formally.
Sabrina looked away and held out her right hand, the signet ring glinting on it. "I grant you your boon, Citizen."
Tassan bent over the ring, then turned her hand over and pressed a kiss into her palm. She looked at him in surprise, and he said, "I'll never ask you for anything else, Sabrina. Not while you're Regent."
His pale gray eyes were warm with the unspoken things he would like to ask her; as she looked, she felt something powerful move inside. "And...if I should ask?"
"I would gladly give you anything," he breathed. Then he seemed to think better of it, and added, "Anything that was not harmful."
"To me, or to the regency?"
He shook his head ruefully. "Sabrina, I cannot separate you from the Lady Regent. Not that completely. Anything that was harmful to the regency would be harmful to you—if not now, then later, when you have time to think and regret."
"You put me in the wrong again. That's twice tonight."
"It's not a contest, Sabrina. I don't compete with you; I serve you."
"It's strange," she sighed. "I tried so hard to make Mara understand the difference between service and obedience. I thought Praxatillians didn't make the distinction. But you do it very well, don't you?"
"I try to combine them when possible," Tassan said, with a faint smile. "But at least you know that you merit my obedience when you get it."
"But do I really merit your service?" Sabrina wondered.
"Certainly. Otherwise I would not be here."
"I thought this was part of your duty to the crown."
"Not really. The crown has no need of me to guard it; it has thousands of trained warriors to do so. I would have refused this request had I not realized that I am here for reasons other than your physical safety."
Sabrina looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "If not as a bodyguard, why do you think are you here?"
He returned her look soberly. "Because you are lonely," he said. "Because you are unhappy and afraid, and you need someone to care about you and make you feel safe."
"You make it sound as though I need a nanny."
He gave a short laugh. "Hardly. At any rate, you must understand that this is not service that could be compelled by duty."
"Then I must thank you for your kindness," Sabrina said, bitterness creeping into her voice despite her best efforts.
"Kindness!" Tassan echoed in angry astonishment. Then he caught himself. "I suppose, considering the disparity in our ranks, it may be best to call it that."
Sabrina responded to his flash of anger with one of her own. "I hate the way you do that."
"Do what?"
"Talk to the Regent but look at me!"
He looked away. "What else can I do? I can't help the way I look at you—I've tried, and obviously I've failed. To speak that way as well would be to offer you further offense."
"In public, maybe. In private, not at all. Oh, can't we stop talking in circles? You're important to me." She blushed a little but hurried on. "If you care about me, then stop pretending not to. If you don't, then stop pretending you do."
He lifted a hand to touch her cheek and whispered, "Can you doubt it, Sabrina? I haven't been pretending...only trying to restrain myself—"
She put a finger to his lips to still them, and then pressed her own against them. Instantly she was lost in a hungry kiss and an ardent embrace that left her shaken even as it reassured her. When she emerged from it long moments later, she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of security that his strong arms gave her.
"Sabrina, my darling—" Tassan began softly. He broke off when she looked up at him, and they shared a brief, hard kiss. After that, he tried again. "Sabrina, I really am supposed to guard you. This is altogether too distracting."
He looked as shaken as she felt, so she forgave him for returning so quickly to reality. With a sigh, she nodded and stepped away. "I should get some sleep," she agreed.
"I'll watch over you."
"I know," she said, smiling briefly at him.