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Iris
"What are you looking at?" I say to Beast as he lays still, in front of me, on my bed. "Yeah, yeah. I know I look really obsessed with these pictures. Sue me."
Damn, something's wrong with me.
The last five hours were nothing but a mess for me after Noah dropped me home and the actual reality kicked in its cage. All I have been doing these hours is sleep (a nap since Noah has to enter my dreams, now), dance (the only thing that keeps me sane), eat (a lot than usual), but mostly, I am sulking in my room and getting moodier by every ticking second.
Again, like every hour - actually, every minute in my room, I see the pictures we had clicked. In total, there were sixteen and each one of us took eight pictures. But here's the thing, I don't know what pictures he has taken.
In almost half of my set, he is being a non-smiling Grumpy McPants but still looking so good while I am 'oh look there is a puppy' smiling and being goofy as I hug Beast, though I still find two pictures that will qualify as my favorites.
In the first one, we got free from the camera lady, we are looking at each other with smiles as Noah hands me the cotton candy. Even though I look a bit tensed and heartbroken, this the only picture with me where Noah smiles and I like this feeling, looking at his smile.
"Goodness, woman, get a grip," I murmur to myself, shaking away my thoughts, and pick up my absolute favorite one.
In this one picture, Beast has been kept over me and I am over Noah, who I forced to sit down. I am laughing as I pulled up Noah's cheeks to make him smile, despite his protests, and he is eyes are a bit wide.
"What the-"
"Don't cuss, Noah!" I say to him, still laughing.
"Dohn phul ma chik," He says when I pull his cheeks up.
Suddenly, the door of my room opens and I realize I have been laughing. Mom looks at me, skeptically, and then, at Beast.
"What are you doing?" She asks me, narrowing her eyes a bit.
"Uh... Revising my dance steps," I say, smiling and hoping she doesn't catch my lie.
"Right..." Mom trails away, leaning on the door frame. "I thought I told you to keep Beast on the bay window."
"I... forgot," I say but it comes out like a question. I see the gears in Mom's brain turning and calculating my moves.
"It is one am."
"I know."
She looks at me for solid three seconds, before asking, "Why are you not asleep?"
"I am... watching a movie," I reply, grinning. "Spiderman: Homecoming."
"Your laptop is on your desk."
"I am watching it on my phone."
She rolls her eyes. "You have answers to everything."
"I am your daughter," I say and she laughs.
"Okay but sleep. You have school tomorrow."
"You have work tomorrow. So, you sleep too."
Finally, she groans (admitting her defeat). "You are not going to tell me?" She asks, exasperated.
"About what?" I ask her back.
"Anything that's troubling you?" She emphasizes a lot on 'troubling'.
"Nothing is troubling me," I say, waving it off.
"Oh, really. How was the friend date, Iris?" Before I know it, my face has already given away the truth as she smiles. "So, it is Noah."
"I didn't say anything about Noah-actually, I didn't say anything!" I say back, trying to hide my smile at his name.
"Please, I am your mother. I pushed your eight pounds body out of me." Then, she smirks. "So, what about Noah?"
I sigh, flopping down on my pillow and hiding my face in it. "Feelings are complicated things."
I hear Mom coming towards me and sitting beside me. "They bloody are."
"I can't like him, Mom," I say to her, looking up from the pillow.
She gives me a confused look. "Why?"
"Because... he is Noah. You never know what is going on in his mind. He has too too many secrets and... I can't like a guy who I don't know really well. Also, Caleb! He hates-yes, he hates Noah with some unfathomable energy and I don't know why as he never tells me anything now."
I look at Beast and say, "Also, because... I don't want to get my heart broken again, Mom. The last time that happened, I was miserable-I don't want to go to that place again, Mom. Not again."
She starts to caress my hair and I lean into her soothing touch as she says, "Iris, honey, feelings are complicated and messy things. When you feel them, it will bring up a lot of emotions. There will be commitment issues, complications, and lots of fights but... in the end, those bloody messy things may give you the perfect you never imagined for yourself. Just hoped for."
I look at her as she looks somewhere forward, smiling, and I see Dad leaning on the door frame, smiling at her.
"Amen," Dad says, still looking at Mom.
***
"Come on, Iris," Colt says, sighing. "Let's go. You have to go to your locker too."
We are in the school's parking lot but I haven't moved out of the car. Colt has opened my door but I am refusing to go out.
My stomach is churning with nervousness about today. I am going to meet Noah after all that friend date and even after mentally preparing myself for all this, I just know I am going to panic and going to do some things that I cannot handle.
"What's wrong, Iris?" Colt asks, looking at me and raising an eyebrow.
"I cannot do this. I wanna go home." I whine.
He squats down on the pavement and looks at me. "If you don't tell me, how can we solve it?"
Leaning back on the seat, I look at him and say, "How did you know you had feelings for Victoria?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "The usual adrenaline rush, heart beating faster, smiling every time she does - I guess it just strikes your mind and you know what you thought is right. Like in a snap." To emphasize, he snaps his fingers. "And then a certain part also reacts."
"Dude," I groan. He is making this just more hormonal than I need it to be.
He looks confused. "Why suddenly ask that question?"
"Just... like that."
Colt raises his eyebrow. "I have been asking this and I'll ask again, what's the matter?"
"I think - no, I know or I don't... ugh..." I hide my face in my hands. This is way worse than the time I directly and excitedly told him that I liked Thomas but that's the thing: Noah is not Thomas.
"This is weird. You don't usually-"
"I know!" I straighten up and he leans back in surprise. "The whole situation is weird!"
"Maybe... it is not?" Colt says, unsure.
"How do you know? I didn't even tell you yet!" I exclaim and he looks a bit taken aback at it. "Sorry, it is just... I don't think anyone understands it. I told Mom but... dude, you know how whipped she is with Dad. Then, you and Daisy - both of you are in a relationship and I know you are going to tell me some sappy advice like go for it-"
"Will you tell me what's the thing?" Colt groans, impatiently.
"Oh, sorry." I let out a breath, trying to ready myself to tell him. "I like Noah."
Silence.
That's what I am getting in reply for four minutes and five seconds till now.
Colt has been opening and closing his mouth, like a fish, and I am getting ticked off by his inability to react, right now.
"Say something, dumbo!" I say to him and he blinks, again opening his mouth but no words come out. "Are you shocked? Are you surprised? Are you - just tell me your thoughts, Colt!"
"When did you realize it?" He asks me, finally.
"Yesterday... It has not been even near twenty-four hours since the self-revelation and my emotions are all over the place," I say as I gesture around.
"Holy shit!" he says and starts to laugh.
First, no reaction but when there's a reaction, he laughs.
Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend.
"Why the hell are you laughing?" I say, loudly, and he tries to sober up.
"Sorry. Sorry. It is just I have never seen you lose so much control," He says to me. "Damn Noah to get this side of you." Again, he laughs.
"Colten Dias, shush." I look around to see if no one heard it. "I swear-"
"Okay. Okay. I am stopping." He breathes in and out, before talking. "That is why you are so nervous."
I groan. "My feelings are a lost cause, Colt!"
"Are you stupid?" He says to me and my mind drifts to Noah and I can feel my cheeks warming up.
"Can we not use that word?" I say to him and he looks at me confused for a second, before understanding.
"Stupid?" he says, grinning, and I groan. "Okay, the s-word. Wow, never thought that would be an s-word." He laughs at his own joke but stops when I am about to throw my bag at him.
"You are supposed to be concerned like 'Iris, stay away from him' or 'focus on your dance and studies'..." I tell him, glaring.
"Even your own father wouldn't say that to you."
"True," I grunt, and then, Colt's expression changes to something serious as if he remembered something.
"What are you thinking?" I ask him.
"Iris, see..." Colt looks at me. "...I am not saying Noah's a bad guy-not the way you tease him."
"Dude, I meant that you should be serious not actually-"
Colt clicks his tongue. "I am serious, Iris. I mean the actual bad type, you know."
"I know that, Colt. Noah is not like that. He doesn't have tattoos or any piercings-except one. I have never seen him smoke or-wait, what are you trying to say?"
He looks at my confused face. "Iris, there are some rumors, concerning him."
I scoff. "Really, Colt? You know you are talking to me, right? I know what a bunch of crap rumors are."
"Iris, listen to me. I am pretty sure you don't know but he was accused of arson, once, and he has gone to jail a lot of times. There are rumors like he smoked, did take cocaine, and may have sold that. It is also rumored that he was in an illegal group, too. No offense, Iris, but he has played with a lot of girls, too."
The last thing starts a rage in me but I try to shove it all down as I reply, "I don't believe that, Colt. Noah would never do something illegal. Maybe pranks, though I am pretty sure that serious poker-faced guy won't even do that, illegal is way different, okay?"
"I know that Iris, but, listen, you know Noah, the way he is with us and with you but what about when he is alone-when he is only with Adi... do you know that guy?"
I am speechless at this because he is right but there's a thing:
"Yeah, well, maybe you know a side of me that no one else sees," He had said.
Colt says to me, concerned, "I trust Noah as a friend but still, I want you to be careful. You never know what kind of situation you might get yourself into."
Noah has so many sides to him; the funny one, the adventurous one, to the charming and handsome one, then to my personal favorite, the stupid one.
He is a typical guy that doesn't like to be in a relationship. He is that amazing soccer player and the captain that sometimes, forgets to have control over his anger but does a pretty good job keeping it in.
He is the one who made me break rules since he has entered into my life. He is the one who hates superheroes but still tried to watch it with me. I know he knows every 5SOS and 1D songs, which I have caught him lip-sync to.
For importantly, he is the guy who has always been there for me, no matter what - whether being with me on Grandpa's death anniversary or defending me, in front of his own family.
I may not know a lot about Noah but whatever or however Noah is with me, he does make my heart flutter speed more than the speed of the flapping of wings of a hummingbird.
"Colt, I don't know about that but I don't think I can change my feelings in a snap, right now. I like him and I guess, I have to deal with it." I say to him, shrugging.
***
"That was good. Y'all can come back in the afternoon. Okay?" Julio says, looking at everyone, and everyone grunts, breathing out. Julio says to Kei and me, "Iris, Kei, a word?"
I don't usually come for morning practices but, since I am avoiding soccer practices and a certain soccer captain, I came here to look at the auditions. Keisuke has been giving me confused looks after I said that I wanted to come - obviously, that idiot doesn't believe and neither does Julio.
"Yeah, Julio?" I ask, looking at him, as he sits on his chair. Keisuke leans on the shelf, behind Julio, and looks at him.
Julio looks at us, intensely. "Do you both have anyone in mind to take Juliet's place?"
Kei and I share a look. I reply, "I don't know, Julio. These dancers are pretty good."
"But we don't want just pretty good," Kei says and I agree with him.
"I didn't see Stacy, around," Julio says, looking at me. "Did you do something?"
I gasp. "How can you think I stopped that?"
"You and Stacy don't like each other."
"So? I would never jeopardize our team or its reputation, unlike Josephine."
Kei says, "I agree with Iris. She would never do such a thing. It was Stacy's decision to not come."
Julio nods and stands. "Okay, so, you both are in charge of getting a replacement by the end of this week."
"I thought the audition is just today," I say to him.
"You both need to check them for a week. To see their commitment and dedication and their dance, obviously. Now, go to your classes." He waves us off.
Kei and I look at each other but don't comment much as we go out of the room.
"It will be alright, Iris. We get that person!" Keisuke says, twirling me around in the hallway as we go to our lockers.
"I know we will," I say to him, smiling. "But still in this time, how will we... Ugh, even Julio is stressed out."
"We will figure it out, girl," He says, again twirling me again and this time I let out a laugh.
"I know, Kei. We will," I say, shaking my head. As he goes off to his locker on the other side, bidding me bye, I meet Adi who leaning on my locker.
"What are you doing?" I ask him.
He perks up when he sees me. "How was the friend date?"
"Ummm..."
"Why are you so red, suddenly?" Adi asks me, confused.
"It's you, AS. You are making me blush," I say, mockingly.
Well, it is your best friend but whatever.
"Really?" Adi hugs me and I literally feel he is crying until I hear Victoria's voice.
"Oh god, leave her, Adi," She says, taking him off of me. Looking at me, she wiggles her eyebrows, grinning, and I roll my eyes.
Victoria and Alyssa are the only people who know about my crush, except my parents and Colt and had squealed when I told them on call at Colt's place. Colt gave me a 'told you this will happen' look when they kept on gushing about me and Noah.
Adi looks between Victoria and me. "What's that look like?"
"Nothing," We, both, say to him as Victoria goes to her locker.
"Anyway, Iris, you didn't answer my question. How was it?" Adi asks me, again.
I glance at him, before opening my locker. I reply, "It was okay."
"...just okay?"
"Yes, just okay."
Adi hums but then I hear him say, loudly, "You are late."
"Fuck off."
I feel it come in fast. All the adrenaline rushes through my veins while my heart just pops out of my chest. And it is warm-too warm around me.
Slowly, trying to calm my heart, I turn around.
"I am not late. Football practice got over, now," Noah says to Adi, rolling his eyes. Adi says something else and I blank out. Because I just focus on him.
The black jacket - I missed that - over his blue plain V-neck shirt, marking every curve of his abdomen, just perfectly, with black jeans and his black converses. The way his chocolate hair is moving with the rhythm of the wind, though some strands fall upon his forehead.
The way he pushes them up, laughing at whatever Adi is saying. When he laughs, his amber eyes crinkle on the sides and when he smiles, I can see all of his teeth on the display. The way his lips are moving, swiftly, with the faint accent in his voice as he speaks to Adi.
Like every time, he turns his face towards me as if he already knew I was looking at him. He smiles at me in that crooked way. Almost instinctively, I smile back at him but then, quickly, I look away.
Scowling at the scene in front of me, I yell, "GUYS!"
Colt and Victoria separate away from each other and Colt glares at me. "What?"
"It is morning and too much PDA!" I say, huffing out. Victoria lets out a laugh, shaking her head, while Colt has that look - that look that he is going to embarrass me, now.
"Well, Iris, when you have a person you like near you, you wouldn't resist kissing that person, now would you?" Colt says, glancing a bit at Noah, before looking at Victoria, to show everyone it is directed to her. Victoria, herself, has a teasing glint in her eyes as she looks at me.
I, myself, glance sideways at Noah, who is looking at us with a confused expression, and I scowl, turning to Colt. "Well, there is no person like that," I lie.
"Aw, M'lady," Adi says. "You don't wanna kiss-?"
"No, she doesn't." Alyssa smacks the back of Adi's head and he groans.
"Why, Alyssa? Why?"
Alyssa looks at him in surprise before start to laugh. "You called me Alyssa which means I just found your 'get back my senses' button."
Adi grumbles and Alyssa smirks when she looks at me and Noah.
Noah, again, looks confused and looks at me but I look down at my phone. I say, "Oh, would you look at the time?"
"We still have five minutes for the class," Noah says to me.
Ignoring the sweet twinkles in my stomach, I say, "So? We might be late to class-I hate being late...and also those who are late."
I pretend to not see when Adi turns to Noah almost as soon as I completed. But Noah just looks at me.
"You didn't come for the football practices?" He asks me, looking at me - more like looking through me with those amber eyes.
Oh, woman, get a grip.
"Yeah, I was at dance practices. We have auditions," I reply, shortly, and he looks across my face, eyebrows scrunched, as I start moving towards our homeroom.
Noah catches up with me fast. "Coach canceled today's afternoon practice - something about a district meeting."
"Oh, that's bad," I say, looking forward, but Noah stops me by the crook of my arm.
"Bella, are you okay?" He asks and, trying to form an answer, I just look at him.
Two seconds later, I remove my hand from his grip and move forward, saying, "Yeah, Noah, I am okay."
***
Since history class was canceled, I am in the library, listening to songs and completing all my assignments but it looks more like I am listening to my thoughts.
I remember Noah calling me out when we got to know the class was canceled.
"Bella," He says when I get out of the class.
"Yeah, Noah?" I say, keeping my books closer to my chest and plugging my earphones in my ears. Noah just stands, in front of me, analyzing my every move and when I give him a questioning look, he snaps out of his gaze.
"Let's go to Coral's."
Coral's. Nope. Sitting across each other in a limited space - nope.
"Have you gone nuts? I am not going anywhere during school hours," I say to him, moving towards the library.
"Well, then. Where are you going?" Noah asks me, keeping up the pace with me, and I sigh, turning towards him.
"I am going somewhere I want to be alone," I answer, bluntly.
He looks a bit shocked at my reply but conceals it, quickly, as it turns into concern. "Bella, I am asking again. Are you okay?"
Instead, I reply, "Noah, I just want to be alone, right now."
Shaking my head, I just move away from him and I know he is not following me.
Suddenly, I am snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of something dropping, near me. Looking in the direction, I see a sophomore student gaping and blinking in surprise in the same direction as the book has fallen down. I take out one of my earphones and pick up the book, breaking the student's concentration from somewhere.
"Here," I say to him, smiling a bit.
He looks down at the book. "Oh. Shit. Thank you," He says, taking the book out of my hands, exactly when I hear the librarian speak out.
"Well. Well. Sure, this is some occasion, isn't it?"
"Come on, Frisch. Don't you have your own business to mind?" This is when I look up, surprised, and see Noah, scowling at the librarian and looking around the library.
The reason everyone - including me - is surprised because Noah never enters the library. As far as Adi told me, once, in freshman year, Noah did something to piss off Frisch and Frisch never let him enter here again. Though this is believable, I think it was the other way around.
When Noah meets my surprised eyes, he starts to walk towards me, a bit angrily.
"I literally went everywhere to find you but you had to be here," He says, standing in front of me, crossing his arms. I almost want to laugh at him but decide not to.
"It was obvious," I state, shrugging my shoulder.
"No, the obvious would have been dance class. Anyway, the lunch has started," He says, closing all of my open books.
I give him a look. "It has...? I didn't-"
"That would be because the whole day, till now, you have been going through your phone or listening to music," He says to me, gesturing me to get up, but I don't get up - I am ready to have an argument.
"Oh, why would that be?" I say, crossing my hands over my chest. He raises his eyebrows, looking at me.
"I don't know, Bella, you haven't exactly been a 'sharing your feelings' person." He points out, before sighing. "Let's go."
"Don't be a hypocrite, Noah. Even you don't share everything with me." With that I get up, taking my books, with me as I strut - yes, strut out of the library. I can feel that Noah is walking a few steps behind me.
When I am almost near my locker, I hear Noah say, loudly, "What's wrong with you? Will you please tell me?"
Turning, I say to him, "Nothing's wrong with me. I am fine, Noah. I am not a small child that you have come with me, everywhere! I wanted to be alone, that is it."
Before he can say anything, I go to my locker, opening it. In three seconds, I push all my books in and close the locker.
I turn away and say, "I am goi—"
Before I can even complete my sentence, I am pushed back to the lockers. I look up and meet Noah's determined and furious amber eyes. His hands are soft yet firm on my shoulders, keeping me placed on the lockers.
"Iris Cooper. Why the fuck," He says, very slowly, "Are you being this difficult?"
"I am not being difficult, Noah. I am a human, too, and I need space, sometimes! What is wrong with that?" I say back with my own anger on the bay.
His jaw clenches. "Because you are being fucking unreasonable."
I scoff. "Noah, really, I am not the one being unreasonable. You are being unreasonably forceful to get answers that you want to hear!"
Noah gets a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I have no idea how you are the one who can calm me down and then, again you are the one who makes me fucking furious." He opens his eyes, revealing his golden orbs.
I feel like I am the Icarus, flying towards the sun with wax-made wings. Slowly and slowly, I am closing in near to the sun, feeling its rays on my face and a slow burn in my body and I know if I get any closer to the sun, my wings will meltdown and I will fall.
"Cazzo," Noah says, sighing. "I just..."
"Noah, I am fine," I whisper. "I am just tensed about Nationals."
"I just thought you hated the friend date and that's why you are not talking to me," He says. "I am sorry I overreacted."
"Damn, sorry is in your vocabulary?"
Our eyes connect for a moment, before Noah chuckles and I smile at him. He moves away, moving the sun away from my Icarus, and smiles in that damn crooked way.
And that is enough to inspire my Icarus to go more closer to that sun. I can feel the wings are starting to melt but I don't care if I fall deep, because I like the feeling either way.
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- a u t h o r ' s n o t e -
soooooooo, that happened. sorry, i am just laughing at my characters and thinking how stupid i must have looked in front of my crush. AHHHHHH, EMBARASSMENT.
anyway, stay cool.
until next chapter,
Inerys