A/N: TRIGGER WARNING (mentions of assault)
The next day I woke up at 9 like I was supposed to and went to the infirmary. A man was standing in the room and I froze in the doorway. I knew it wasn't the same man who assaulted me, but in that moment I swore it could've been.
"Good morning Miss. Mr. Stark told me you needed a cast could I take a look?" The doctor asks and I look back down the hallway to find somebody, anybody.
"Uh. Where's Tony right now?" I ask and don't get close to the doctor.
"He didn't say. A blonde man let me in and checked all of my belongings then let me through. Are you alright? Maybe I could help you sit down." The man said and steps toward me.
I freak out and push him against the wall. I pin his arm behind him and slam his head.
"Help! Somebody!" I shout and keep him restrained.
Bucky ran down the hallway and saw me with the man.
"It's the man, Bucky! How did he get in here?" I shout not letting go of the doctor.
Bucky took one look at us and pulled me back. I looked at him with fear in my eyes, then it hits me. The man who hurt me is dead this is just a random doctor.
"Don't tell anyone." I whisper and back away from Bucky.
"Okay." He says and we look at the doctor who is very confused. "She was attacked a while ago by a doctor, she didn't mean to hurt you."
"It's alright. No harm done. Sounds to me like you have post traumatic stress disorder." The doctor said and walks back into the infirmary.
"Stay with me please." I say to Bucky and he nods then walks into the infirmary and sits down.
"I'm Dr. Hodges. I'm just going to fix up your arm." He says as I sit on the bed.
I look at Bucky who nods at me so I turn back to the doctor and nod. I don't think I have PTSD, but before Bucky came this man looked the same as the one who assaulted me, but now, he looks nothing like him.
Dr. Hodges gently takes my brace off and starts to cast my arm. The whole time I'm watching him to make sure he's not doing anything bad and every now and then I glance at Bucky, who looks worried for me.
"I'm really sorry, Dr. Hodges." I say while he's working on my arm.
"It's alright. Would you like some advice?" He asks and I nod. "You need to talk about what happened to you, to anyone you want. It's better to let it out."
I look away and realize that I haven't really talked about what happened to me. I cried but I didn't explain how much it hurt me.
"If you're seeing this man in other people, that means you should probably find somebody soon, so it doesn't get worse." He adds and I look at him.
"What does it mean if I can feel hands on me when no one is around?" I ask and Bucky looks at me with that sad face he makes.
"That's a part of PTSD as well. I'm not that kind of doctor, so I can't give you professional advice, but all I know is you need to find someone." The doctor says and I look down with tears in my eyes.
When Dr. Hodges finished up, he began to clean the area of his things. I can't help but stare at the floor and think about how often I see that man. When I lay in bed I can feel his hands on me.
"I'll come back in a few weeks to take the cast off and do more X-rays. If it's better you will wear a brace again, but if not we will cast it again." The doctor says and smiles at me.
Bucky stands up and shakes the doctors hand then leaves to show him out. We don't want anyone wandering the building, so Bucky took him to the exit. I just sat in the infirmary for a while.
When Bucky came back, he saw that I was crying, so he walked up to me and hugged me.
"It's going to be okay. We're all here for you." He says quietly. I lean into him and try to feel safe, but it's one thing to think somethings wrong, but now I know I have PTSD.
He kept me in his arms and someone walks in behind him.
"Hey guys! Oh, sorry." We hear and Bucky let's go of me and turns around.
It's Peter.
"Why are you crying?" Peter asks and looks at me and Bucky.
Bucky looks at me to see if I'm going to say the truth. I'm not ready to admit to that yet.
"It's nothing." I say and Peter scrunches his face.
I get down off the bed and walk out, with Peter and Bucky close behind me. I can hear them whispering as they walk but I don't care. Bucky can tell him if he wants, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to talk about anything.
I turn to the kitchen, to head back to my room, and see everyone in there, laughing and smiling. Nat turns when she sees me and as soon as I make eye contact with her I break down.
I start sobbing and fall to my knees. Everyone stops what they're doing and looks at me on the ground. Nat runs to me and wraps her arms around me.
"I just want to be normal again." I say and everyone looks sad. Peter had tears in his eyes.
"I'm disgusted with myself. I can't even look in the mirror without seeing that man. I can't sleep without feeling his hands on me, Nat." I let it all out now, not caring that everyone is around, all I see is Nat.
"Everywhere I go I see him. Any man on the street looks like him. I'm broken..." I say and trail off at the end.
No body expected this from me. Everyone assumed I was better, because I was hiding how I felt from them.
"I haven't slept in days, Nat. I'm not just seeing him anymore, I'm seeing people from the academy, everywhere." I say and she starts to cry.
Finally, I'm just crying and letting everything out. All the screams I held back, all the tears I fought to resist, and the feelings that I've locked away. Everything is coming out.
Peter is looking at me with tears running down his face. For once, he's actually speechless. He must be wondering how he didn't notice.
Bucky put his arm around Peter's shoulder to comfort him. I can tell Bucky wants to cry, but he hides things too, like me.
After what seems like hours of crying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, I start to calm down. Now, I'm laying on the floor just staring ahead.
"Can someone help me get her to her room please." Nat says and continues to rub my head.
Bucky looks at Peter who is still devastated. So, he pats Peter on the back and leans down to grab me.
When his hands touch me I close my eyes. I have to think so hard that his hands are Bucky's and not the doctor who assaulted me.
Bucky took me to my room and Nat stood up and looked at everyone just staring. Some were crying, some looked in shock.
Nat stays silent and followed Bucky to my room. He gently puts me on the bed and puts the blanket over me. I look up at him and he smiles. After everything, he still wants me to know he's there for me.
"I'll always look after you. You know that right?" He whispers. Nat sees us having a moment so she waits by the door.
I nod in response. I don't have the strength to speak or maybe I do but I just can't.
"I know you're scared and I know you don't understand this. I've been there too. I used to see things from hydra. Just know, it gets better." He says and places a hand on my head, rubbing it gently.
I close my eyes and he keeps rubbing my hair.
"Don't feel like you're alone when there's a house full of people who would fight for you." Bucky says then kisses my head.
I open my eyes and he walks to the door and leaves. Nat walks over and pulls the chair over next to the bed to sit with me.
We look at each other and I can tell she's really upset. I shouldn't have kept all of that in, but I felt like it would break me to say it out loud. Now that I said it, I think it did, I think it did break me.