Chapter 36
Tyler was waiting, sitting on the porch like an obedient child when we drove up to his friend's house.
Josh honked twice and he ran up to the car, trying to escape from the rain and slid in the backseat.
"Hellooo booooys," Tyler said a little too creepily.
Josh laughed and started to drive away.
"I'm going to have to call the sister, tell her she won't need to pick me up," Tyler said.
"Tell her you're doing a slumber party, I have no idea when we'll be done," I told him. Maybe one day I would have to apologize to his sister for being a bad influence. I was kinda taking him to vandalize public properties after all.
"Sexy, I like it. Should I tell her I'm with you, or keep this sensual outing to myself?" Tyler asked.
"This child is unhinged Blake, watch him," Josh said, chuckling.
"Yeah, this is going to get weird pretty fast, I can fell it," I replied.
Josh laughed again, while Tyler just ignored me, his phone against his ear, "Yo, no need to come pick me up, I'll be staying at Landon's. I cannot leave this Assassin's Creed game, absolutely cannot." He waited for a second for her answer. "Yeah, thanks, have fun being useless at home."
"That wasn't nice," I told him after he had hung up.
Tyler was unfazed. "She's probably in sweat pants listening to vinyls, eating something with way too much sugar, instead of doing anything productive. She's being useless at home. I'm just stating facts."
"You heard the man insult your gurlfriiiiend, shouldn't you argue with him now?" Josh asked grinning evilly.
"Well, I can't technically argue with anything he just said," I unfortunately admitted. Because with what I knew of her, that definitely made sense.
"So, what's the plan? Are we eloping?" Tyler asked, excitedly.
"If anyone is eloping with Blake, it's going to be me," Josh replied, glaring at him through the rear-view mirror.
Tyler made a judgy face. "I don't you, you kinda smell like the obsessive first girlfriend in romantic comedies, and I'm like the new clueless girl, that just gets the male lead, but like gets him. Also, magic vay-jay-jay."
Yeah, maybe it had been a bad idea to put these two in the same car...
"One more word out of your filthy mouth and I kick you to the curb," Josh shot back, while I just tried not to laugh.
"BLAKINAAAA SAVE ME," Tyler yelled in the most high-pitch voice I had ever heard, while he clung to the back of my seat.
Josh abruptly stepped on the break, the car coming to a screeching stop. "What the fuuuuuuuuck?"
"BLAKINAAAAAAAA," Tyler screeched again, like some kind of feral bird-dinosaur.
I just kind of curled up on my seat, protecting my ears. "Y'ALL NEED TO CHILL!"
"Fiiiiiine," Tyler said, "But honestly, what are we doing?"
"We're going to do graffiti on a billboard," I told him.
Tyler scoffed. "Are you serious? You want us to go paint on a billboard while it's raining outside? Just so y'all know, my artistic talents stop at drawing stick figures with big dongs in bathroom stalls."
"You're the one that draw those?" I asked. There were dozens of stick figures with dongs in the boy's bathrooms, all with talk bubbles with ridiculous things written in them. I shouldn't be surprised he was the one doing them.
"Yep, my little dong family."
"Not bad."
"Anyway, point is, no. I'm not painting on a billboard," Tyler categorically stated.
"You've got a better idea?" Josh asked.
"Oh, absolutely. Do you guys know how to get to Northpeak High?"
I frowned, probably knowing where this was going. "You mean, our school's soccer team rivals?"
Tyler grinned. "Precisely."
"Oh, rivalry shenanigans, love it," Josh said, kinda jumping up and down in his seat.
Well, it was raining, and we could always do graffiti later. "What do you want to do?"
"Cut their nets. And potentially tie them somewhere random," Tyler said.
"Doable," Josh automatically answered.
I gave Josh a look. "Seriously?"
Maybe I should have thought about it more before putting these two together.
Josh ignored it and said, "What your boyfriend asks, your boyfriend gets."
"HE CALLED ME YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU HEARD THAT?" Tyler shrieked again.
"I'm the husband though," Josh added, waving his hand behind him, trying to hit Tyler without taking his eyes off the road. "You're just his side piece when he's bored."
And now Tyler was trying to bite his arm away.
"You both need to chiiiiiiiill," I groaned.
My ridiculous, ridiculous friends.
"No, you need to love us more," Josh corrected me.
"Yep, hundred percent agreeing with your husband," Tyler agreed.
I shook my head, looking outside, not seeing much because of the dark and the rain. "I'm not going to hang out with you two again."
Josh completely ignored me and said, "Lover rivals to lovers, slow burn, 200K?"
I fought off the sudden urge to laugh.
"And the title is No Lube, Just Spit," Tyler added.
"I've puke a little in my mouth," I said, making a gagging face.
Josh shook his hand at me, "No, no, this is not three guys one cup."
I grabbed the door handle, reading to open it. "Byyyyyyye."
Josh grabbed me by the shirt. "We're still driving, you shouldn't jump out."
"No, no, this is perfect, I just need to jump out and I might get a head injury and lose all my memories of this conversation," I whined.
I should have seen this coming though. I only had myself to blame.
Josh glared at me. "Don't fuck around with your head, you dumbass."
We kept joking around, while driving in the dark. It was rare that someone could keep up and even slightly disturb Josh. Tyler was quite talented.
Once we got close enough to the school, we parked on the side of the road, so we wouldn't get caught and like, made our way, stealthily to the soccer field.
Tyler and Josh were carrying a ladder, so obviously, stealth was an epic fail.
After making sure that there were no security guards around, we ran to the first goal and started to tie off the net from the goal posts.
"This is a lot more complicated than I had anticipated," Tyler hissed from one side.
"You say that now?" Josh hissed back.
After a lot of cursing and a couple of trips back to the car to get more gear, we managed to tie the soccer nets to the football posts, which was like, seriously ridiculous.
And Tyler added a poster with For a good time, call Chad with the number to a phone sex line. Chad was one of their douche bag players apparently.
"You did good young Padawan. This is excellent work for our first outing," Josh said as we walked back to the car.
"You think this is the first time I fuck shit up? Honey, I was born bad," Tyler told him, and mimicked flipping his hair if it were longer.
Josh wiggled his eyebrows, biting his lip. "Sexy."
Tyler wiggled his eyebrows too. "You know it."
I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Why don't you two just kiss already?"
"I'm not against it," Josh shrugged.
"I mean, I wouldn't be angry," Tyler replied.
I stopped walking. "What the fuck? I was joking."
But Josh and Tyler had stopped walking towards the car, and were now heading for each other. "Come here, bro," Tyler said.
"You come here, bro," Josh added.
Tyler was reaching for the back of Josh's head and Josh was reaching his face and before I could do or say anything, they were kissing. "Whatthefuuuuuuck?"
The kiss didn't last long, and once they backed away from each other, they both sort of shrugged.
I was just gapping at them like a fish out of the water. What the fuuuuck had I just witnessed?
"Meh," Tyler said, shaking his hand.
Josh nodded. "Right?"
"I mean, don't get me wrong, it was fine," Tyler added.
"But no spark," Josh finished for him.
"Yeah, nothing," the youngest Grayson agreed.
What the fuuuuuuck. No seriously, what the fuuuuuuck?
"But totally fine," Josh added, like he was trying to reassure him.
Tyler just nodded. "Right?"
I shook my head that them. "You both need counselling," I said, my voice weak.
Tyler turned and grinned at me, an evil grin. "Nah, you need to kiss us both now."
"Byyyyyye," I yelled, running away.
Josh and Tyler just ran after me making kissing sounds.
Once we were back in the car, Josh was hungry so we grabbed food from the fast-food joint where Fred worked.
He found our little trio quite amusing.
Tyler and Josh were acting like the best of friends. I guess it made sense, they were both batshit crazy. I shouldn't be surprised they got along this well.
Josh drove us back to his place to sleep.
I headed for my usual guestroom, but both boys followed me.
"Josh, you literally have a room here. Tyler, there's another guestroom," I told them off, but they just walked faster to keep up with me.
"I think he tried to say something. Did you hear something?" Josh asked Tyler.
"I think that was the wind," Tyler replied.
I threw myself on my bed. They sat on both side of me.
Ohmygod, those annoying idiots.
"Can I just sleep now? I just want to sleep," I grumbled my voice half muffled by the pillow.
"He never sleeps. So obviously, he just hates us," Josh stated.
"Hates us," Tyler agreed. "He just loves my gross gross sister."
"Your gross mean sister," Josh corrected.
"She's not mean, she's just a little dumb," Tyler defended Lexi.
Josh wasn't agreeing. "I'm dumb, that doesn't make me mean."
"Okay, so like an overreacting dumb person," Tyler corrected.
"Still doesn't excuse it."
I lifted my face off my pillow to glare at them. "Excuse me, you two assholes, Lexi isn't gross, or dumb or overreacting. I'm the imbecile who never did or said anything. Whatever she did to hurt me is all on me."
"She could have been nicer to you, like in general," Josh said.
"She could have been nicer to him, I agree," Tyler added.
"This conversation is ridiculous," I whined and let myself fall back on my pillow.
"Yeah, especially now that she wants to pet his anaconda," Tyler said and slapped my butt, and then Josh did too giggling.
"I will smother you both with a pillow," I threatened.
"I'm not sure where I stand on erotic asphyxiation, but I guess we'll find out toniiiiight," Tyler said, singing the last word.
"As long as you do it naked, I'm on board," Josh said.
"Good lord," I groaned in my pillow.
"CHOKE US BLAKINA!"
I sat up. "I'm leaving."
"Noooooo, don't go, you're so sexyyyy," Tyler said, grabbing my shirt.
I slapped his hand. "I'll kiss you both, that ought to shut you up."
"At the same time?" Tyler said, while Josh said, "With tongue?"
"Can we please just go to sleep," I whined.
Tyler pouted, shaking his head. "He's no fun."
Josh scrunched his nose. "No fun."
"It's a shame I feel nothing when I kiss you, otherwise you'd definitely be a better option," Tyler told Josh, making a sad face.
"Oh, totally. But like, nothing," Josh agreed.
"Like kissing my hand for practice, but with a tongue," Tyler added.
Josh was nodding, and said, "Like kissing my pillow for practice, if my pillow was a bit more responsive."
I climbed out of bed. "I'm leaving."
"Nooooo, please don't go, you're so sexy," they both said together, in the same tone, which was like majorly creepy.
I still kinda laughed alone.
They were creepy, but also amusing.
Years of being friends with Josh had made me ready for this crazy night.
I headed to the living room and checked my phone. It was almost two in the morning.
Without really thinking about it, I opened the conversation between me and Lexi and texted her, You happy now? Because of all the sugar you gave me I can't sleep.
Go run around your house or something, Lexi replied a few seconds later.
I hadn't expected a reply from her, and certainly not as fast. I'll run all the way up to your house and knock three times under your window naked, woman!
I'll put a restraining order on you if you do that, she texted back.
I closed my eyes and chuckled soundlessly, feeling all giddy that I was texting her in the middle of the night, yet again, and she was answering me, yet again. Please! You'd love it!
Go to sleep Blakey-Boy
I smiled at the lazy nickname. Fine! As long as you share all the sexy details about those naughty dreams you have about me!
I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you
I laughed at her answer and smile at my phone. I went back in the guestroom.
Tyler and Josh had fallen asleep at both extremities of the bed.
I rolled my eyes at them and let myself fall between them, feeling like I got pretty lucky in the friend lottery.
____________________
Happy Monday my little Pumpkins!
So. How did you like this? mouhahahaha
I wanted a chapter with the tree boys together, but I hadn't expected at first to put this scene so early. It fits really well for me though. I really hope you guys enjoyed it.
But the way, if you want to read three Smirking Jerk chapter in advance right away, you can subscribe to my Patreon at patreon.com/kariannegiard and pick the Early Acess tiers. We're already the Jayden big reveal chapter now. :D
Alright! I shall leave you alone now. Time for grandma Kay to go to bed.
See you all next week! <3